Polar Seltzer'ade Mango Limeade

Polar Seltzer'ade Mango Limeade

This may in fact be the best seltzer ever created. All other seltzers were given inferiority complexes when this was released. They all lay awake at night, looking at a 4am ceiling wondering where they went wrong in their lives. The poor things never stood a chance.

The mango smell that permeates from this is so strong that in a blind sniff test there is no way I would have guessed it was a seltzer. The flavor rivals that scent and is so strong and pleasant. The lime sits perfectly under the mango for a tropical treat. My senses are treated so well by this beverage that my mind is tricked into thinking I was drinking something that is laden with sugar. In reality there is not a speck of it.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 24th, 2017
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Gold Peak Coffee Drink Almond Toffee

Gold Peak Coffee Drink Almond Toffee

Woah. Talk about a dense drink. Have you ever considered a drink to be "dense." I feel that "thick" is boring. "Rich" is also quite used if you ask me. This drink is dense. Heavy. Dude who I let try it perfectly described it as a "non-dairy creamer." It's as if you were a college kid who had one for a split second, like you found $20 on the street and decided to shoot for the stars and buy some fancy coffee creamer, got home, realized that you should have spent it on coffee and have nothing to drink but the creamer itself.

I did add this to some cold brew coffee and it was good. This claims that it was "cold brew" and although I cannot argue as I wasn't in the room as this was being made, it kind of defeats the point when you are sacrilegiously adding almond and toffee juice to it. That's also coming from someone who can only drink coffee cold and with some form of chocolate or mocha flavoring like an idiot child. This is fine if you were a child but if you were a child you wouldn't like it because it's coffee and kids don't like coffee so who is this for? This is for people that add twelve sugars to their coffees as barely functioning adults.

Website
http://www.goldpeaktea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 23rd, 2017
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Sapp Birch Water Original

Sapp Birch Water Original

Birch beer is fantastic. Let's get this. Well this doesn't taste like birch beer. It doesn't smell like it. It doesn't taste like it. This is probably (zero research, friends) the birch equivalent of maple water but doesn't tastes like you strained it through some tasty flapjacks.

Brass tacks. This is water, bruh. It's water with a hint of something you will never know what it is. I promise. It tastes like nothing. It smells like nothing. I could have been had with this drink as far as I know. Is it bad? Well that depends. Are you one of those idiots that thinks water is gross? If so, come on, dude. Grow up. Juice is terrible for you. Learn a book you dummy. Juice is just a cheating way to get kids to drink more water. You're 32. Drink water and eat your vegetables.

Website
http://www.sapplife.co/
Country
Ukraine
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 19th, 2017
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Polar Seltzer'ade Raspberry Pink Lemonade

Polar Seltzer'ade Raspberry Pink Lemonade

Come on Polar, you obviously have the means, so why not make all of your seltzers this flavorful? Why save it for a specialized line? Has there been a new breakthrough in the sugarless flavoring world that has allowed you to up the taste? Going back to your classic flavors after drinking the Seltzer’ade line just leaves me wanting now. I mean I am still drinking a ton of the stuff, but the magic is gone. I have been shown that the world is more than I thought it was and I want it all. This is bursting with flavor, well at least as much as seltzer can be. Or, can there be more? I never would have expected it could have been before, but I was proven wrong).Give me more Polar. Give me it all.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 19th, 2017
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Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

What in the hell is this? It's been a while since I've drank something this disgusting. This is 100% medicine. The Stevia, of which I am typically fine with is wildly overpowering and sticks with you for what feels like an eternity. The acai, of which I am not a huge fan of, tastes like a poorly under-mixed syrup concentrate. There is no ginger flavor regardless of it being the second ingredient. The sugar is nauseatingly sweet and overpowers and ruins just about everything. It's been a while for me friends, but this drink gets the lowest rating we give here at Thirsty Dudes. I wish I had a toothbrush.

Website
http://www.drinkbrooklynorganics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 16th, 2017
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Upruit Sparkling Coffee Mint Grapefruit

Upruit Sparkling Coffee Mint Grapefruit

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, where do I even begin with this beverage? Is it wonderful? It is horrendous? Even though base logic show us that one thing cannot be both, this somehow is. This beverage defies logic, and perhaps other sciences. One thing that I can say for certain about this is that it is intriguing and unlike anything I have ever encountered before.

When I came across this in a Brooklyn deli, I grabbed it without a thought and put my money on the counter for it and a delicious jerk sandwich. It wasn’t until I got a couple of blocks away that I realized that what I bought actually sounded terrible. Sparkling coffee is something that can be acceptable when it is done right, so more than likely no problem there. I can totally see mint in coffee. Actually it sounds like it would be delicious and it’s probably something that exists in most coffee shops. So far, so good. Then we get to the grapefruit and everything gets thrown out the window. Grapefruit and coffee sounds like one of the strangest combinations I could think of, and it very much is in reality. It’s unlike anything I have ever tasted before. The grapefruit isn’t subtle. It’s right out in the front. I would say this is 42% coffee, 42% grapefruit, and 6% mint. It’s a wild ride in your mouth, and my taste buds are very confused. So much citrus and bitter coffee; I think I may be short circuiting.

With each sip, I hate it, yet a few seconds later I find myself taking another drink. By the end of this I think I may truly love it. I hate myself for it, but it’s kind of fantastic in the worst possible way. It’s like an ex that you know is bad for you and who you never feel good about hanging out with afterwards, but somehow in the moment things work and nothing else matters. This drink may be the best bad decision you ever make that will have zero consequences. I need to try the other flavors. Good thing Mike and I are going back to NYC in a few weeks.

Website
http://https://drinkupruit.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Maple Syrup
Categories
Coffee, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 12th, 2017
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Polar Seltzer'ade Watermelon Lemonade

Polar Seltzer'ade Watermelon Lemonade

Dear Readers,
I am a slacker and I am waaaaayyyy behind the times. This summer Polar released their Seltzer’ade line and here I sit in autumn’s grasp and I have only reviewed one of them. To be fair, the blueberry lemonade was the only one of the five flavors that I actually saw in the stores around Buffalo during the actual summer. Now that a Whole Foods finally opened here a couple of weeks ago I was able to pick up some cases of three of the remaining flavors (the tart cherry is still elusive). Summer may be behind us, but I certainly hope Polar leaves these available all year around. As much as I hate to admit it, they are superior to the classic Polar flavors that I live off of. The flavors are way more pronounced, to an extent that several times I have found myself checking to make sure there isn’t any sugar involved (there isn’t).

I would best describe the watermelon lemonade as someone dissolved a handful of Jolly Ranchers in a glass of carbonated water, and then somehow removed all the sugar. It doesn’t taste particularly like an actual watermelon, but it is uncannily similar to the pre mentioned candy without the sweetness. That blows my mind because that candy is probably 99% sugar, yet this tastes exactly like it.

This particular flavor isn’t something I would drink all of the time, but I wish I would have had it during the summer. I also think this line is the key to weening children off soda. Slowly replace their soda with cans of this and they will be off the sugar in no time, to the dismay of the Dental Association of America.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 11th, 2017
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Caribe Cana Guava

Caribe Cana Guava

It’s fairly sad that walking through the grocery store and a new fancy juice presents itself to you, and that is the highlight of your day. I guess it is understandable when the juice is guava flavored, one of the elusive fruits that doesn’t make its way into beverage form nearly enough. I personally can’t get enough of this tropical treat.

This is a cold pressed juice from the Dominican Republic. It is simply cane juice, guava puree and filtered water. I shook this bottle with all my might, but the first half of the bottle was fairly weak and was more like a guava flavored water drink rather than a juice. As I pressed on, the taste got stronger with each sip. By the end it tastes like a great guava juice. I was hoping that the entire bottle was going to be a flavorful guava puree, but I will take what I can get when it comes to the world of guava.

Website
http://www.caribejuice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Raw Cane Juice
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 11th, 2017
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X2 Performance All Natural Energy Lemon Flavored

X2 Performance All Natural Energy Lemon Flavored

Sometimes I feel like companies are taking things a bit too far with calling things energy drinks. This is just a mixture of black and green tea. Yes, I know that caffeine gives you energy, but with that logic every tea should be labeled an energy drink. The X2 name also makes it seem like it's going to be a crazy ride, when really it's just 106 mg of caffeine per can.

All of that nonsense aside it tastes like a fairly light tea that is very heavy on the lemon. The combination of the two teas is nice, but I would have liked it to be a bit stronger.

Website
http://www.x2performance.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 11th, 2017
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Polar Seltzer Jr. Unicorn Kisses

Polar Seltzer Jr. Unicorn Kisses

Here we have it, the fourth and final Seltzer Jr flavor of the season (Also the first one released last year that I couldn’t get my hands on). The season is ending the hot weather is gone and fall is rolling right in. Should I have reviewed this when the weather was still nice and you were still able to find this on the shelves? Of course I should have, but life gets hectic and the 1 minutes that it’s going to take me to write this were too much to spare between hanging out in the woods and reading comics (and work and travelling). Did I drink a bunch of these and not write about it for about a month? You can bet your kids on it. Let’s be honest here, this was a limited line and there was no way that Polar wasn’t going to sell out of it. They barely lasted a week at my grocery store in Buffalo. They didn’t need my help pushing the product. They were kind enough to send me some samples before they made their way to the Western NY market though, which was very kind of them. We have nothing but love for Polar here at Thirsty Dudes. We just tend to be lazy sometimes. We do this for fun, and that’s that.
It turns out that a unicorn’s diet mostly consists of cucumbers because that is what this slobbery kiss tastes like. I also detect a bit of melon in there. On top of that it’s all candied up, even though there is no sugar. At first I was so-so on this one, but once I realized it was cucumber my interests rose.Well done Polar. Can’t wait until next summer.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 29th, 2017
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