Grins Naturally Flavored Water Strawberry Kiwi
There certainly are a lot of "waters" out there. There being the rough streets of Drinkburg. New ones come out every week and although we, the Thirsty Dudes, try to keep up, we're only three incredibly attractive men in our early thirties who look better naked than you could ever imagine. We cannot do it. We do our best, don't get us wrong, but between Glaceau coming out with new lines bi-daily and people trying to keep up, we simply cannot do it. What we can do, which we do do (poop) is drink more than we should to make as much as a dent as possible so that we make it easier for you to make informed decisions on things that you don't really care. You think we don't get it? We know our worth. We know that no one cares about half the stuff we drink but you keep coming back because we offer that "wow" factor...or something.
Slop drinks aside, this is not slop. Quite on the contrary, this drink is both refreshing and delicious. Yeah, you've had kiwi strawberry and you've also probably also had strawberry kiwi drinks and this, albeit not revolutionary or daring, is very good at what it does. It's lightly sweetened, quite fruity, water or, as I like to call it, a friggin' juice. I don't know the difference between this and a juice. Did the word "juice" somehow become offensive like the day I woke up and the term "Mulatto" was racist? Seriously. I was taught that term in school and, yeah, I'm progressive enough to move forward as soon as someone tells me what happened in the last twenty years that made that word and the word "juice" bad words.
Potential racism aside, this drink is pretty great and something about the word "grin" actually makes me smile. I feel like I don't hear it anymore. I need more grins, this drink, and a list of words I cannot use since I learned them in school and that's all I need. Oh, and this paddle game! And that's all I need.
- Website
- http://www.grinsbev.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Crystalline Fructose
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Celebri Tea Natural White Tea Blueberry Acai
Did you know that white tea helps to promote healthy skin? Well the internet tells me it does, and the internet never lies. Armed with this knowledge I would like to suggest that Celebritea partners up with Courtney Love for some publicity. Sure she appears to be an absolute nut job, but if this video is any indication she’ll up for promoting companies.
Oh you don’t know what Courtney Love has to do with tea? Well, her band has an album called Celebrity Skin. Get it? Celebritea Skin. The ad campaign would focus on the positive effects this drink can have on your skin, and of course we would use the same song as the NJOY commercial.
I don’t know why she wouldn’t agree. This is a tasty tea, especially for having stevia in it (as well as cane sugar) to cut down on the sugar. It’s got a classic white tea taste with mellow blueberry and acai overtones. You get a bit of stevia in the end, but it’s not too terrible. So get her on the horn and make this happen. You can send me my 10% when you get everything sorted out.
- Website
- http://www.drinkcelebritea.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Dr. Wells
What higher educational institutions do you think all of the doctors in the soda world got their degrees from? I mean there can’t be that many colleges that offer programs in the carbonated arts. I wonder if they just paid for some bogus online degree, just so they could legally get the word “Doctor” on their driver’s license. In full disclosure I have seriously thought about doing so, and went so far as to see if there were any of those “colleges” that would allow me to get a doctorate in parapsychology, so that I could be in the company of Venkman, Stantz and Spengler. If you’re thinking of doing the same, don’t waste your time; none of them would give such a degree.
While they may have gone the internet route I am willing to bet that our DR. Wells here spent a few years up in Olympia, WA at Evergreen State College. At this mysterious educational center students can name their own majors. I’m pretty sure more than a few hippies for degrees in hacky sack.
As I imagine it Dr Wells has been around since the 30s, but in 1987 the Monarch Beverage Company (the home of Dad’s root beer) purchased him. They were none too pleased that Senior Wells was going around claiming to be a doctor when in fact he had no degree. So the ole’ Monarch shipped him off to Washington and Wells was put smack dab in the middle of the whole twee/riot grrrl scene there. By day he studied flavoring and carbonation like a true scientist, but at night he hung out at K Records, and he was always at Calvin Johnson’s parties. He was a big hit in a scene that wasn’t all to huge on alcohol.
At his classes he learned that he and the other Dr sodas (you know like the Pepper and Thunder) are actually known as spicy cherry pop. He never thought that name really fit, but was he to argue with his educators. By the time he graduated he had learned a whole lot about himself and the soda pop world. He realized that he was basically just a clone of Dr Pepper, and with some help of a school counselor he came to terms with that. He also saw a ton of rad bands that no-one ever believes an old geezer like him would have watched. Damn kids!
- Website
- http://www.dadsrootbeer.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Famous House Blue Mountain Blend
This is the perfect coffee for me. I like the smell of coffee but the taste is too strong and bitter. It's just something I can't manage. I drink drinks with chunks in it without blinking and drinks hotter than the fires of hell but coffee I just can't handle. You can call me a baby. I don't give a rip. This though, this smells like a strong coffee, which worried me at first but at first taste I fell in love with it. It somehow keeps the scent but the sugar, which is pure cane I should add, smoothes out the drink to a delightful place that I could spend all day in. Oh chubby Famous House mascot. If you could come to life and sit down with me, I would treat you to a can of this. Why I'm treating you to a drink that your company makes seems dumb since you could probably manage to get free cases of the stuff but nonetheless, I am thanking you for making such a good drink. You should feel honored having your pudgy face on that can.
- Website
- http://famoushouse.com.tw
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Glaceau Fruit Water Lemon Lime
I'm sorry, sir. Did you give my son a lime with a razor blade in it for Halloween? I swear to God that if you did I am going to take the razor out of the lime and slice your throat. No, you listen to me. I thought that was just a scary thing we told kids to not take things from strangers but now that it's out in the open and people are doing it, I don't know what to do as a parent. I tried to move to a nice part of town and into a place where I my kids are safe, or at least I thought my kids would be safe. No, I'm not done talking. You come into this town thinking you can get away with this stuff. Don't you know there is a block club where we talk about stuff like this? Fine. What do you have to say for yourself, you scum?
You what? Don't you lie to me! I'm a very powerful mother with four kids and will not take any of your garbage. You gave them what? A drink? My son Danny told me you gave him a lime with a razor blade in it. Danny, you told me. No. I explicitly heard...Oh it was like a lime with a razor blade in it. Do you have any more? Jesus, you're right. It tastes like lemon lime pop but the carbonation is actually sharp. You said this is diet, too? Eh, it's not too bad and I'm always drinking diet stuff.
Mister. I'm very sorry. You have to see it from my point of view, though. If you heard that your kid had gotten something with a razor blade in it, you would freak out, too, and rightfully so. I'm sorry. Please come to our next block club meeting and I'll bake you some cookies. Have a good night and I hope I didn't scare away your trick or treaters. Then again, that's the point of Halloween, right? Ha. Could I have another bottle of that, please? It's pretty good. I'll toss in another dozen cookies. Thank you. Hey! There is a razor blade floating in this drink! Eh, I guess I deserved it. I was a real jerk to him, Danny.
- Website
- http://www.glaceau.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 4 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Monster Dub Edition Baller's Blend Punch Energy
This morning Mike and I had a meeting at the local Coke bottling facility. Our new friends there told us about what they do and about the new products coming out. Once that concluded we were taken on a tour of the warehouse/bottling section. Everything was normal and on the up and up until we came to a make shift boxing ring tucked away in a back corner. When we questioned its existence, our tour guide gave us a sly smile and tossed us a can of this new Monster Baller’s Blend. He said it was a way to promote the new SKU inside the company. Every week the warehouse employees downed a can of this fruit punch flavored energy drink and had it out in the ring to see who would take the upcoming weekend shifts.
We were in luck because the week’s fights were just about to start. We sat there as approximately two dozen employees cracked open a case of Punch Energy and used their keys to pop holes in them and shotgunned the hell out of those cans. Mike and I watched on as we sipped our can. It was surprisingly good. We were actually taken aback by how decent it was. When we think of a fruit punch energy drink the only image in my mind was an overly sweet cheap tasting syrupy mess. Luckily the liquid inside has a nice fruit punch flavor that doesn’t seem too childish. I believe that was due to the fact that it’s sweetened with sugar, so it’s not too syrupy and the slight general energy drink flavor gave it a more adult taste.
We only had time to watch the first couple fights, but let me tell you those warehouse guys were no joke. This was an all out bare-knuckle brawl, with a bunch of grown men who were all sorts of amped up on energy punch. The second forklift operator lost at least one tooth that I saw. I guess when you’re weekend is at risk and the weather finally getting nice out, you’re gonna do what you have to do for some time in the sun. The invited Mike and I to go a few rounds against each other for the titled of Duke of the Dudes of Thirst, but we politely declined. There were tacos in our future and we didn’t want to take a chance of ruining that with bloody lips and black eyes. Instead we downed the last few sips of our tasty beverages, said our goodbyes and made our way out into the wild world of taquerias.
As you may have guess by that last line, none of this is actually true, except that we did have a tour/meeting and we drank this surprisingly good beverage. There are no real taquerias in Buffalo, and that is the shame of our city.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 4 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Herbal Mist Tea made with Yerba Mate Mango
Can you guess what I’m going to say about this tea? Oh perhaps it’s that it’s so sweet with a high concentration of fruit flavor that you can’t taste the yerba mate that is supposed to be the base of the drink.
This drink is 100% natural, yet it tastes like it should be some random drink you find at a gas station. You know you go in and see a weird iced tea you’ve never tried and when you drink it you’re in disappointment city because it just tastes like a sugar drink. Okay, that was a bit harsh, this is a lot better then that, but I so badly want this to have a strong yerba mate flavor that is nowhere to be found. Instead I’m left with a whole lot of sugary mango and the slightest notion of some tea.
- Website
- http://herbalmist.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 5 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Nu South Peach Lemonade
I've been around for thirty years and I still don't remember when it gets warm. We in Western New York get spoiled once in January with a fifty-degree day and a little bit in May with near tropical temperatures then it drops back down. To psych myself out and make my dumb body feel like it's summertime, I cracked this bottle of vintage open. Vintage because it's been over a year since I've had this on me and have been, well, dreading drinking it. It gets a little more credit than I've given it though because it's not too bad. It's not too bad for a melted Popsicle, if I were twelve. I'm thirty. This takes me back to a lot of fun times as a kid and just being dumb. If you want to get dumb again, drink some of this with some friends you went to junior high with and play some street hockey, listen to Michael Jackson "Dangerous," and live it up. When this drink is done, you have to get in your sedan and get back to your desk job. The last fifteen years have sucked in hindsight, right?
- Website
- http://www.ubev.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 5 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Arizona Black Tea With Ginseng And Honey
Here we have one of the originals of the Arizona line. It’s not very common nowadays. I was actually asked if it was a new flavor when I pulled it out to parch my thirst at band practice last night. I’m pretty sure the reason this flavor never became more popular is that I don’t believe that it was ever released as a tall boy can; I’ve only ever seen it in glass and plastic bottles. It’s a shame because this is way better than you would expect. Even though it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup, you can actually taste the real brewed tea, instead of just sugar water. Sure, there is a decent amount of sugar in this drink, but it tastes like mass produced sweetened iced tea should. I’m looking at you with disappointment Brisk. That’s right, you’re getting the “dad face” while Arizona gets a proud arm around it's shoulder.
- Website
- http://drinkarizona.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 5 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Crystal Light Liquid Mango Passion Fruit
Dear Kraft, You sent us these samples months ago and I’m sorry I’m just getting around to reviewing this now. You see it somehow fell behind the giant mountain of drinks that is my kitchen, and it wasn’t until I tried to organize everything yesterday that I found it. Such a little squeeze container can easily get lost in a forest of the gluttonous large bottles of most American beverages. In this country we are taught that more is better, but most of the time that is not true. More often ends up with stomachaches, cavities and diabetes.
The more is better mentality also does not fare well with Crystal Light Liquids. When they say one squeeze for each 8oz serving, they mean a small squeeze, not a big honking one. With a small squeeze you get a nice fruity flavor that tastes more like a tea that it should for not having any tea in it. IT has a general tropical fruit flavor rather than one of specific fruit. There is also a slight diet flavor from the sucralose they use to sweeten it, but it’s more than manageable. The more you squeeze, the less pleasant the flavor become and the more the diet taste of it all jumps out at you.
When done properly this can make a nice little beverage for those weirdoes in the world that don’t like the taste of water. It’s also a nice substitute for sugar water if you’re trying to lose some weight or just consume healthier beverages, just don’t overdo it like you did those bacon triple cheeseburgers that got you into this mess in the first place.
- Website
- http://www.crystallight.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Diet, Drink Mix/Concentrate
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 6 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
