Zola Coconut Water Espresso

Zola Coconut Water Espresso

Look at you with your designer jeans and sunglasses that cost as much as a months rent. You are so cool, you and your fancy Italian loafers with matching tie and Spider Veloce. You're so cool. Well look at me. Sure I dress like I have for the last twenty years but I'm cool, too, right? I'm drinking two cool things; espresso and coconut water. Those are cool things, right? It's important to be cool. It's how we put ourselves on imaginary pedestals. This is good stuff, too. I might not have the finer things like those dope brown kid leather driving gloves that beautifully match your wooden steering wheel and stick shift. This drink though brother, this drink is smooth and only half tastes like coconut. The coffee isn't totally too strong like you might like it in your Italian mind with your glorious hair. Look, bro. I'll say it. I don't care. You've got great hair. Try this, dude. No, I'm'a call you "dude" right? You're talking to me and I'm going to talk to you like you're talking to me. This is a good drink. I don't know what kind of standards you are used to but seriously this is good. You know what? I'm done. No. I'm done with you. You and your beautiful tight fade and tight beard. Peace, bruh. You are an elitist. I'm trying to share with you and you're being a real jerk. Now I'm the elitist. Peace.

Website
http://zolaacai.com/
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Coconut, Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 22nd, 2014
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Zola 100% Natural Coconut Water with Espresso, 17.5 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Zola Coconut Water

Zola Coconut Water

Shane, let's take a trip. You and I have been working hard and deserve a trip. Why do we work and save if we can't enjoy our savings? What inspired this? I drank some of this coconut water and now I've got a taste for the tropics. I want the sun. I want the sand. I want it all. I know it's not going to be a cheap trip but what's the fun of saving all that money and never spending it. I know you like to be cautious but there comes a time where you have to give in a little bit. Here, try some of this see if you can see where I'm coming from.

Can't you just taste the sunshine? It's great. Look. It's coconut water but that's all it is and I'm giving credit where credit's due. No preservatives. No sugar. No...I don't know…enriched vitamins and minerals? I bet if I plucked a coconut off a tree and put it in the fridge and came back later, cracked it open and drank it, this is what it would taste like. It's a good coconut flavor with no bells and whistles.

What do you say? Should we book the trip? I think we should. No, not Florida, something sandier. More palm trees. Hawaii. Yeah. That's right. Let's go to all the scenes from Andy Sidaris movies.

Website
http://zolaacai.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coconut
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 8th, 2014
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Zola 100% Pure Coconut Water, 17.5-Ounce (Pack of 12)

Zobo Hibiscus Drink Strawberry

Zobo Hibiscus Drink Strawberry

Pete loves drink mix. It's a strange thing to love but something about the manufacturing of his own drink and turning powder into a delicious drink really made him happy. He grew up drinking Tang and Kool-Aid and has graduated to drinks that are better suited for a fully-fledged adult. He recently found a company that makes hibiscus tea with different flavors. It's a powder which was his one prerequisite but it also came in original, strawberry and ginger. He decided to give the strawberry a test to see if it was up to snuff.

He mixed it in an old water bottle, gave it a couple solid, vigorous shakes and gave it a try. It passed with flying colors. It was floral like a hibiscus should be but had some of the sweetness and fruitiness from the strawberry. It tasted like a juice made from hibiscus and strawberry. It was great. It passed the test and he bought a case; an excessive gesture for something that he had one serving of but he needed a change. Now if they only made food in powder he would be the happiest guy in the world.

Website
http://hemispherebeverages.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Mix/Concentrate
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 28th, 2014
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Zobo Hibiscus Drink Original

Zobo Hibiscus Drink Original

Why don't more hibiscus drinks exist? Sometimes you get a strange one in there but for the most part, they fill me with pleasure like a kid's first trip to a Chuck 'E Cheese or the last time I, at thirty-one, went to Chuck E' Cheese and discovered that they have French hot dogs. Oh the glee.

This is a good drink. It's teetering on the theoretical tether line of tea and juice but whatever you want to call it; it's a nice, light, floral drink. It's sweetened well and I honestly wouldn't change a thing with it. Why isn't it getting five bottles then? Hey, they can't all be golden, right? If I knew what it took to make a five bottle beverage, I would be a rich and happy man.

Back to Hibiscus Alley. It's nice in there. I only have one packet of that and it went by too fast. It's an easy mix that doesn't chunk or gross up. I really milked it, too. I have been drinking the same bottle for the last four hours and it was as if it was never a mix. The wonders of science. The wonders of hibiscus.

Website
http://hemispherebeverages.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Mix/Concentrate
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 17th, 2014
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Zobo Hibiscus Drink Ginger

Zobo Hibiscus Drink Ginger

I will say this for the hundredth time. Deep breath. Here we go:

If you are going to flavor your drink, just commit to it.

Don't say that it tastes like ginger if it's not going to taste like ginger or burn like ginger. It's just kind of annoying. This drink tasted like hibiscus which was good but only tasted very, very slightly like ginger. No burn. So sad. I saved this one for last because it should have been a treat and a half.

It's not a total loss. Like I said, it's a fine hibiscus drink but if I told anyone else that this was ginger hibiscus they would call me a liar. I can't have that on my conscience.

Website
http://hemispherebeverages.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Mix/Concentrate
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 30th, 2014
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Zingiwell Java Turmeric Original

Zingiwell Java Turmeric Original

I was legitimately frightened to drink this. We got a new intern at work and I thought it would be great to let him "blind taste test" this. The joke was on me because it's actually good. I've had other turmeric drinks but this is different. The lemon and ginger give it a slight burn that I couldn't get enough of. There is no "Indian food" feel at all. It's somehow smooth yet "hot." It's as if you had a ginger beer and calmed that son of a gun down with some honey.

This intern is going to have to pay double time next time because if someone gave this to me, they'd never get it back. I was wrong to judge it and will buy it again and again. Thanks for existing.

Website
http://zingiwell.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Juice
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 27th, 2015
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Zingiwell Java Turmeric Lemon

Zingiwell Java Turmeric Lemon

What a cool lemonade. I bet you could give this to some dumb kid and he wouldn't know what is different. Man, kids are so dumb. You could probably put anything in front of a kid and as long as it's not in between their zit covered face and phone with an inevitably broken screen and they would drink it.

This is lemonade with a nice, strong turmeric taste and a little kick. You can taste everything in here down to the final ingredient, your favorite and mine, ginger. Alright, maybe it's not your favorite, but it's good. It also goes down smooth regardless of all of the otherwise foreign ingredients. It might not be popular here in the States but unless it's pizza or bacon flavored, us idiots wouldn't know a good thing if it slapped them across their fat stomach.

Hey kid! Take your headphones off in the car with your parents. Let me in on a little secret; they don't like it.

Website
http://zingiwell.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Juice
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 25th, 2015
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Zingiwell Java Turmeric Mixed Fruits

Zingiwell Java Turmeric Mixed Fruits

"They can't all be winners" is a perfect phrase for this drink. Based off the other ones that I reviewed, this is at the bottom of the totem pole. Also, I mean no offence to anyone who may find fault in my zero knowledge of totem poles. Are the best guys on top? I mean, I guess he's the most protected but he's also the guy who has to fall the furthest and would receive the most damage from falling. I guess no one wants to be the guy on the bottom because he's kind of an open target. Everyone else is on his shoulders and can't go very fast to defend the weapons that are slicing his innards up. But I digress.

Mixed fruits? Eh, it kind of tastes like a spicy candle. It's slightly plasticy tasting. Sure, it might be good for me but I don't get a lot of cheerful fruitiness out of it. According to the all-knowing label, it's got pineapple, grape and apple juice in it. That is a mixed variety of fruit but the turmeric is strong in this one. It does not taste like a spicy fruit punch but now that I think about it, I don't know if I would have wanted it.

I would be fine skipping this one for the other ones and I do not want to be anywhere near this guy's position wherever it may be on the proverbial totem pole. I feel like there are better roles than that in war.

Website
http://zingiwell.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 23rd, 2015
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Zingerman's Coffee Company Cold Brew Coffee

Zingerman's Coffee Company Cold Brew Coffee

Many fools out there would consider us experts when it comes to the beverage world. The truth is we are just two dumb guys who like to drink a lot of drinks and write about what we think about them because we are apparently narcissistic and think the world needs to know our opinions, you know like the rest of the internet. Actually this is something that keeps us busy. It’s our version of collecting stamps, records, or comics. Whatever our reason for doing what we do, and no matter what people think of us, no one has ever mistook us for authorities when it comes to coffee. We are complete idiots when it comes to this field of beverages and we have no idea what the little things about certain coffees coffee are that make them more desirable than other coffees. Keeping that in mind this is what I have to say about Zingerman’s Cold Brew.

This tastes like…coffee. There is nothing extra added to it, just straight up brewed coffee beans. I don’t know if that is technically correct since it is cold brewed for 16-24 hours and it doesn’t get heated up (I always think of brewing as “cooking.” Am I wrong?). The reason for this is that it reduces the acid and makes the coffee smoother. I can actually acknowledge that this does seem smoother than “iced coffees” that I have had. So it’s got that going for it. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I can detect the different notes in the coffee, because my palate isn’t that refined. All I can say is that it tastes like coffee with no harshness to it. It’s not the kind of drink that is going to win me over and make me a card carrying member of the Loyal Order of Coffee Aficionados , but I do enjoy it more than I have enjoyed other straight coffees that I have tasted, so that’s something.

Website
http://www.zingermanscoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 8th, 2016
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Zille's Green Fassbrause

Zille's Green Fassbrause

My brother went to Germany for school. He's working on becoming a mechanical engineer, which seems like an awesome profession. I guess any profession is awesome if you can do what you want with it. It's almost the same thing as saying, "Hey, being a garbage man is great if you don't have to actually pick up other people's trash every day of your life."

Obviously I have to give credit where credit is due and Germany, this bottle rules. It's a Grolsch bottle and that makes even the worst drink better in my eyes. This drink is different. I feel like there is a national tongue to it because it is a taste I am unfamiliar with. It's half floral and half almost like a green apple. It's also one of the most carbonated drinks I've ever had, where the fizz seems to last a long time. The flavor itself lasts a limited time and leaves you with a pretty clean taste, much like the taste of a fresh mouth. Strange, I know, but imagine using unflavored mouthwash and then having a scientist bottle the results of that. That is kind of like how it tastes. Maybe with more apple taste. It's a quick, light flavor that I have gotten used to since I've been drinking this bottle and although it dissipates quickly, when it's there, it's pretty nice.

I am hoping that this revolutionary bottle will allow me to reseal it and put it back in the fridge because I cannot even share this much pop with other people. Here's to that.

Country
Germany
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 9th, 2011
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