Abbott Farms Peach Soda

Abbott Farms Peach Soda

Dear soda makers of the world,
Unless your peach pop actually tastes the wonderful fruit, please do not waste our time. We have no need for your drinks
Love,
The Thirsty Dudes.

Website
http://www.abbottfarmsonline.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 22nd, 2010
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Stamina Rx Sex On The Beach

Stamina Rx Sex On The Beach

While visiting Richmond recently I wandered into a bodega across the street from a friends house. Their beverage selection was poor at best. Oh but what's this. You've got to be kidding me. Stamina Rx? I laughed for quite awhile. I was about to leave the store when my band mate expressed his disbelief that I wasn't going to pick it up for Thirsty Dudes. I gave in, turned around and purchased this can of "Extreme Sexual Experience."
This has since been sitting in my fridge for weeks. Last night I decided it was time. Cracked this baby open and took a big swig. What hit my lips was the cheapest tasting strawberry/fruit punch flavored pop that has ever visited my taste buds. Even though it says it's sugar free and naturally sweet, it still tastes like aspartame or some other artificial sweetener. Not good at all.
Oh, and for the record (and all you perverts out there) the only physical reaction I got from this drink was a pretty terrible headache. Old men everywhere will be disappointed when they run out of little blue pills and they run to their local corner stores for a quick fix.

Website
http://www.staminarx.org
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 23rd, 2010
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Buy Now
Stamina-Rx Sexual Enhancer, Sex on the Beach 6 bottles

Baron Jeera

Baron Jeera

Firstly this made my girlfriend gag and nearly throw up. Not a good start. Me personally, I didn't gag but from scent to taste it was not good. It has a familiar but unidentifiable taste. It was like a salty and sweet, spiced juice. I wish that I could be more descriptive and if anyone else can point me in the right direction please do. It was a complex flavor that I just couldn't do but is a regular drink in India and Pakistan.

I apologize to our Middle Eastern friends but I did not like this drink. I hope to redeem myself with some of the other drinks I have in my possession and Jay in his.

Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 28th, 2010
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Rajbhog Sweet Rose Lassi

Rajbhog Sweet Rose Lassi

Travel back in time, back to the romantic era. The year is 1785 and you, a lonely soap maker meet a woman you love. You spend day in and day out producing sweet smelling soaps so that others may clean their bodies. Everyone loves your soaps and you do fairly well. People know you for who you are and respect what you do.

So along comes this woman who you begin courting in hopes that one day she will become your wife. She, of course, gets complimentary soap whenever she desires. She never grows tired of the scent and the way that it makes her skin feel. The soothing scents of lavender, roses, and other native flowers fill the air as she bathes herself once a month (not a scumbag thing. They took fewer showers since it was a chore to get hot water and they typically used "dry" shampoo to wash their hair. Leave them alone. They're all dead. I don't know why I mentioned it. Ignore that part. It's in type. I cannot be erased. It is too late.) She, if anything desires more scent. "More!" she beckons from the small one bedroom house as you trot off to work.

One day you go into work, and amongst all the animal fat and flowers and powders, and such, you think that you might try something new. You take the soap and melt it down and pour it into a glass. You frighteningly take a sip and it's pretty terrible, but you don't give up. No. You are not a quitter. You put some sugar in it and use less powder and more milk from the local dairy. After a couple secretive weeks of experimentation you've got it the perfect mix of creamy, sweet, floral drink that you desired.

The next day at the market, you fill some small bottles with this creamy mixture and have people try it. They do not like it. They say to you, "Good sir, we love your soaps for our bodies, but, alas, we do not love your soap for our gullets. I'm sorry." As you bow your head down in shame, your wife walks up to you with a smile on her face. She is so happy to see you. After all, you've spent so much time at the shop experimenting that your wife has nearly gone unnoticed. In hopes that she can cheer you up, as she always does, you give her a taste of your newest creation. She takes a dainty sip and a look comes across her face like no other you've seen before. She gives you a solid, definitive look of disappointment and then walks away. You don't talk to her for weeks until you finally agree that you will no longer produce the drink. You continue to bow your head in shame as yet another venture has gone up in smoke.

Basically, this drink tastes like old people soap.

Website
http://www.rajbhog.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Smoothie, Yogurt
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 1st, 2010
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Hajoori's Kashmira

Hajoori's Kashmira

Honey, thanks for going to the grocery store and picking up the stuff for taco night. Did you get the iced tea mix while you were there? You did? You're the best. Now I will continue talking to you while I reach into the bag without looking and grab the iced tea mix to make myself a glass. I am still paying no attention to what I am doing while I pour myself a glass of water open the package and mix it in. Say, this iced tea tastes weird. Oh well, bottoms up! *chug.spit.gag* How the hell did I not realize that I used taco seasoning instead of iced tea mix!
Mix a packet of taco seasoning into a glass of sparkling water and you have the worst drink ever. I think that's what they did here. I should have been tipped off that it has both salt and black salt in it. I couldn't even swallow my first sip.
My condolences to India, I just do not understand the allure of this beverage at all. Gaaaaaaarrrooooooooosssss!

Website
http://www.sosyo-thesoftdrink.com/sosyo/brief_profile.htm
Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 1st, 2010
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Royal King Korean Ginseng Drink With Honey

Royal King Korean Ginseng Drink With Honey

You know how when you have plants in junky pots you generally put a plate underneath them. It catches the water that seeps out of the dirt after you water them. This tastes exactly like I would expect that runoff water to. I couldn't get more than one sip into me. Our friend Dan also likened it to "sweet creek water." If you're into either of those gross dirty waters, boy do I have an energy boost for you!

Country
Korea
Sweetener
Honey
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 26th, 2010
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Buy Now
Royal King Red Panax Ginseng Extract 8000mg Extra Strength(contains 13.80 alcohol)

Pakola Ice Cream Soda

Pakola Ice Cream Soda

"Pakola, more like Puke-ola" - Terrence Joseph Reihle

Do you know what ice cream soda shouldn't taste like? Getting sprayed in the mouth with a nursing home's collective perfumes.

Completely undrinkable.

Website
http://www.pakola.com.pk/product/product.html
Country
Pakistan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 1st, 2011
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Stirrings Bitter Lemon

Stirrings Bitter Lemon

Ugh. You know what? Here's what you can do...

Go to the store and buy some chocolate pudding and a bottle of pop. Then, go over to your local shopping mall, go into the bathroom, take out your pudding cup and make a mess on the floor with it. Make an anonymous call to the mall service desk letting them know that the bathroom is in disrepair and they should clean it immediately. Wait in the fake shrubs and bushes for the cleaning staff to arrive and drink your pop. You'll need the bottle. When they arrive and go into the bathroom, take a slew of their cleaning supplies and pour them into the now empty pop bottle. Make sure to get things like lemon Pledge and any sort of citrus scented disinfectant. Carbonate it with magic or something. Go to the food court, get some low quality Chinese food and prepare to wash it down with your new concoction.

Honestly, this stuff from smell to taste was bathroom-esque. It was bitter, but I don't mind bitter. It was the smell of the stuff that was a turn off from the very beginning. The taste just sealed the deal. It might be a mixer, but if it is, label it as so because it was sold as a cocktail soda and I drank it as such.

Website
http://www.Stirrings.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 3rd, 2011
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Caveman Foods Black Pepper

Caveman Foods Black Pepper

I'm straight edge. I have been for well over ten years. I went to a health food store looking for some interesting drinks when I came across this. I though that a kefir and black pepper drink would be interesting so I bought it. I opened it up, didn't waste time smelling it, and took a nice sip. Gross. I took another sip because I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Ugh. Gross. This drink tastes like beer. It could not taste more like beer. It tastes so much like beer that I feel sick because I feel like I drank beer and broke edge. I have dreams about drinking where I feel this unfixable guilt like I lost a large portion of my life and my morals and I can never get them back. Now this is real life and I want to make myself throw up. I hate Caveman Foods for doing this to me. Why couldn't this just be black peppercorn flavored yogurt like I wanted it to be? Even my girlfriend who drinks beer said that it tasted just like Miller High Life.

Website
http://www.eatcavemanfood.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 5th, 2011
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Korean Ginseng Drink With Root

Korean Ginseng Drink With Root

Jason had previously reviewed a similar drink to this one, so I had some idea what I was getting myself into. I found this at a local Asian supermarket and was simultaneously intrigued and terrified by it. So naturally, I had to try it.

I made sure to drink this over the sink in case it was so bad that it made me puke. Luckily, it wasn't as bad I expected it to be. It wasn't the worst taste in the world, but definitely something I never want to drink again. Jason said it best; it tastes like what I imagine the water run off from a potted plant to taste like.

Country
Korea
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on January 23rd, 2011
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