Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Sweetened

Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Sweetened

Darren, get over here. You're fired if you don't get me that Johnson report. Darren, you had two weeks to work on that report and there are jobs on the line. What do you have to say for yourself? What's this? Coffee? You think that this single can of coffee is going to make up for the eight people that might have to lose their jobs because you were too busy, what? What were you doing instead of working on that report? Chat Roulette? Darren. I don't even know what to say. I'm actually quite sure that it is all dongs, Darren. No, I'm pretty sure that it is. I've been there. All dongs. Welp, I might as well try this coffee.

This is decent. Maybe not decent enough to save all eight jobs but enough that I'm in a good mood and might give you a four hour extension if you assure me that you will get it in by eight tonight. You know what? And you have to wash my car. Yeah, I said it. Wash my car, Darren. This weekend. Come over to my estate and wash my car. I'm sticking my neck out for you because you're our most faithful employee clocking in at nine months, a pathetic stat. Let me have another sip of this here coffee. It's good, Darren. I don't typically drink coffee with just sugar but this is sweetened just enough to take the bitter edge off regular cold brew. I'm going to have no problem drinking this as a moderate coffee drinker. I can, and will drink this whole can while you get to your desk and get cracking on that report. If you have any more of this I'll take it. Let's consider it a "backroom deal" that allows you to keep your cushy job here.

Website
http://sailawaycoffee.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Natural Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 12th, 2018
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Girl Scouts Peanut Butter Cookie

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Girl Scouts Peanut Butter Cookie

More Girl Scout cookies. The dense, fat kid in me enjoys Girl Scout cookies. Keep 'em coming. If I didn't have self-respect, I could crush a whole box. I mean, there are only like twenty cookies in each box, right? No problem. Dare me. Don't dare me. I don't need all those cookies. I have liquid cookies now.

With all due respect, this didn't really taste too much like the cookies. I could not pinpoint the flavor. If you (generously) bought this and put it in front of me, I would not be able to tell you what it was. That being said, it was not bad. It was sweet but not tooth-shatteringly sweet. Since I couldn't tell you what it was, I am not married to this guy. Between this and the previously drank Thin Mint, I would take the Thin Mint. Between the Thin Mint and the standard mocha swirl that I like to get, I would get the mocha. A limited time offer? It doesn't bother me at all.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 12th, 2018
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Tiesta Tea Cold Brew Black Thai Tropical

Tiesta Tea Cold Brew Black Thai Tropical

Dear Tiesta Tea, I love you. We have a problem though. This is the same problem that I’m sure exists in many a bottled coffee drinkers relationships. You are truly delicious, but your price point is fairly high for something that I can approximate at home for a much lower cost. Sure it takes time and preparation, but at any given time I have a container of brewed tea just waiting for me in my fridge, and yes I have upgraded and I make it with loose leaf tea that has bits of fruit in it. Like you, Tiesta, it is delicious and I love to sip it on nearly any occasion for pennies on the dollar. I understand that not everyone takes the time to prepare like I do, and that you have your place. I mean even as I write this I am completely aware that I will buy more bottles of you in the future. Hell, if you were available in gas stations and mini marts that I frequent, I’m sure I would get lazy and get you on the regular, as you are a wonderful thing.

Let me say it’s me and not you. Taste-wise I don’t know what else you could do to improve. You are a high quality black tea that is brewed with pieces of apple, papaya, mango, orange, pomegranate, marigold pedals, and guava. You went as far as to add guava and that takes a special type of dedication. You truly are thinking of me and are trying to win my heart all for your own. Your unsweetened tropical fruity goodness tickles my taste buds in a way that I don’t think the majority of Americans would honestly appreciate as much as they should. You taste like tea was meant to be made, in that you taste like tea and not sweetener. Perhaps I should just shut up with my complaints and love you for what you are; a near perfect tea. Perfection comes with a price and I should be happy to pay it. I’m a fool Tiesta, please take me back.

Website
http://tiestatea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 11th, 2018
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Starbucks Doubleshot Protein Dark Chocolate

Starbucks Doubleshot Protein Dark Chocolate

Doubleshot has a double meaning apparently. It can either mean coffee and energy, or as with this product coffee and protein. I think I would have preferred the former. I was really into the idea of dark chocolate coffee. I mean I’ve had dark chocolate mocha before and it’s nearly always great. The thing is Starbucks tends to go a bit overboard for my tastes when they introduce milk into their prepackaged beverages, and the addition of protein amplifies even that. This really just tastes like a dark chocolate milk with a splash of coffee in it. The opposite would have been more appreciated. I suppose you know what you’re getting into when you are drinking a whey protein drink, but I was just hoping for something that didn’t taste like it came directly from a dark brown cows udder. The upside of this is that it is sweetened with a combo of sugar and erythritol and I drank the whole thing without realizing there was a zero calorie sweetener involved. That always gets a thumbs up from me.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Diet
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 9th, 2018
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Thin Mint

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Thin Mint

Ahh limited edition flavors. They come and go so frequently that I don't know if things came or went. When it comes time to try Girl Scout Thin Mint iced coffee, I'm in. Sure, Samosa is working its way up the chart to my heart; Thin Mint is still on top. I drink one mocha iced coffee from Dunkin' per week so to add a little mint to it is a nice little gift.

In execution it's a little strange. You "get it" but you "get it" like when you see art and you understand what they're going for but it's not something that's for you. You taste the chocolate and that's fine but the mint is a little strange. I drank it and, you know, I might drink it again but it's not my favorite. Something was just a tiny bit off and I think the mint is close to the original but there is some sort of chemical imbalance that throws it off.


Big ups to The Impulsive Buy for the tip.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 9th, 2018
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Mountain Dew Kickstart Energizing Blood Orange

Mountain Dew Kickstart Energizing Blood Orange

For some reason I decided to give Mountain Dew Kickstart another chance. Oh yeah, that reason is that it’s my job of sorts. Well, I pretty much feel exactly the same about this product as I did with the first handful of flavors when they were released; it’s pretty meh. The combination of high fructose corn syrup and sucralose leaves it too diet tasting to care about the calories it’s saving you, but also it has too many calories too deal with the chemical taste. Also, the juice content is still very minimal (5%). If this were a regular or a full fledge diet blood orange Mountain Dew I could enjoy it more, but the way it is presented now just feels like the company is trying to pull a fast one on consumers. I know they aren’t and I get where they are going, but it’s just not working out.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 8th, 2018
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Pure Leaf Tea House Collection Organic Black Tea with Strawberry & Garden Mint

Pure Leaf Tea House Collection Organic Black Tea with Strawberry & Garden Mint

The version of me from a previous time would be mighty pissed off at current me now, but I just need to come out and say As a culture why do we even bother giving “cheap” iced tea the time of day? That’s right I am reformed and this might be the most adult thought that has ever crossed my perpetually 15 year old mind. Long gone are my days of guzzling Brisk or downing can after can of Arizona tall boys. In my current world it’s quality over quantity, and to be honest the price point isn’t that drastically different. Even if it were I would happily pay a little extra for a product such as this that actually tastes like tea and my just syrupy sludge that we have convinced ourselves tastes like tea. It really doesn’t and we just need to accept that and move on.

This is exactly what I want from an iced tea. It’s brewed, and not made from a powder. That is step one in the right direction. Step two is that it is sweetened with real sugar, and it’s not overdone. I would say this is mediumly-sweetened and that is the limit of where I want my sugar level. It allows you to still be able to taste the other ingredients and not just an overt sweetness. Perhaps most importantly taste-wise is that the added flavoring isn’t a syrup or a powder. The strawberry and spearmint are brewed with the tea; you know how it is when you buy some nice fancy tea that doesn’t come in teabags. I admit I end up eating some of that tea dry because of the dried fruit, but I’m a maniac what do you expect. This is nicely lightly flavored and the mint doesn’t leave you feeling like you brushed your teeth just before consuming the beverage. Everything here is done right. Lipton has evolved and now so do we.

Website
http://theloveofleaves.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 8th, 2018
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Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Unsweetened

Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Unsweetened

I was dreading this for the following reasons. Nitro coffee murders my nerves. Other people's cold brew murders my nerves. Unsweetened coffee is unpalatable to me. Three good reasons, right? Well this is either really good coffee or I'm used to it. I'm slanting a little towards the former than the latter.

This was good. You could taste the roast of the beans and it wasn't terribly strong. I'm feeling it in my fingers as I mash these keys faster than my mind can function but I don't have so much extra energy that my body is contorting into shapes that are foreign to the limbs performing the actions.

As a coffee, it's fairly straightforward. No extra spices or flavors, just black coffee. I would say, "no frills" but to make coffee this decent takes skill in itself. Known coffee disliker me had no problem drinking a third of the can which, for no reason other I don't want to visit the moon today, is all I will be drinking. Whatever happens to the dude that drinks the other 2/3 of it, well, I'm not his dad. He can do what he wants. Maybe he'll get a million energies and go build a gazebo or something. Just be safe, man. It's slurring my keys like someone replaced the coffee with coffee-flavored alcohol. Drunk gazeboing cannot be a good idea. Speed squares and measurements will earn a better result than "the quickness."

Website
http://sailawaycoffee.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 7th, 2018
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Forager Mango & Chia

Forager Mango & Chia

Oh, a mango and chia probiotic smoothie. That sounds pleasant enough. Wait, the base of this is cashew milk? That sounds a bit odd, but I’m willing to give it a try, I mean I really like almond milk.
*one spit take later*
Okay, I was wrong that is not what I want to taste. I still think I would like cashew milk on its own. Hell, I think I would probably even like it if it were just that and mango juice. It might be a little weird, but I have a ghost vision of it on my taste buds and it’s not bad. The problem lies with one, some or all of the other ingredients. I’m looking at you orange juice, dates, lemon juice, and bacillus coagulans GB1-30 6086 whatever you are (it’s a probiotic strain). In your ranks is the think that makes this taste very vegetable juice like and not like something I want to drink at all. It tastes like it’s the gross beverage that I would have to force myself to drink on a juice cleanse. Lucky for me I’m not cleansing and I don’t have to force anything. Wait, why did I just chug the whole thing then?

Website
http://foragerproject.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Milk
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 6th, 2018
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Starbucks Frappuccino Vanilla

Starbucks Frappuccino Vanilla

I went to Target last week to get some supplies for the sudden cold that overtook my body and saw that they were having a sale on a bunch of their beverages (buy $20 worth get a $5 gift card). I decided to use this as an opportunity to fill in some Thirsty Dudes gaps. I was pretty surprised to realize that we had not reviewed this one yet. In fact, I just checked our Master List for the third time, because I swore I had written about this little one before.

Let me start by saying there are two ways that I really like coffee; a nice smooth cold brew and a dessert coffee. This falls into the later. I like to see coffee as a treat and not just a daily routine. That may be because I would fall into the large percentile of Americans who are obese if I were to drink it all the time, since I generally like it sweet. This is like someone made a nice vanilla milkshake and threw in a shot of espresso. Just as they did so the phone rang and it was their mother, whose calls that kept forgetting to return and it turned into a long conversation about how well their siblings were doing and when are they going to meet someone nice and settle down. By the end of this exhausting conversation the milkshake had gone and melted on them. Whatever, they’ll drink it anyways. Now you don’t have to go through that whole ordeal to have this treat. You can keep dodging those calls and just grab a bottle of this from the store. It’s milky, It’s sweet and it lightly tastes like coffee. It’s a dessert drink.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 4th, 2018
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