Belvoir Fruit Farms Cucumber & Mint Lemonade

Belvoir Fruit Farms Cucumber & Mint Lemonade

Let’s get things sorted, shall we. First off, this is a company with a French name, which means “beautiful.” Secondly, it is not a French company, and they actually reside in the United Kingdom. Finally, this is a flavor that leads my mind to not drift to neither France, nor the UK, but instead to the American South. This is something I could imagine being sipped on the porch of a fancy plantation in a time when racism ran rampant. Wait, am I talking about the 1800s, or 2018? Garbage humans aside, this is one hell of a beverage. It’s as refreshing as anything on an oppressively hot summer day.
Something about the cucumber and mint gives it an almost pickle smell, but trust me that is nowhere to be found in the taste (as pointed out by recording engineer Jay Zubricky). This is pure luxury in a sipable format. It is mostly cucumber and mint, in a good way that does not resemble chewing gum one bit. I had thought that just being at that point would be wonderful, and the added lemon seemed like overkill, but I was wrong, it adds something wonderful to the mix. It hides around the edges and gives it the little bump it needed to become an ultimate summer beverage.

Website
http://www.belvoirfruitfarms.co.uk/
Country
United Kingdom
Sweetener
Beet Sugar
Categories
Lemonade, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 18th, 2018
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Polar Seltzer Pineapple Pomelo

Polar Seltzer Pineapple Pomelo

I think there should be an APB on the scientists over at Polar. How can one company come up with so many different flavors in such a short period of time? Surely there are unsafe work conditions and inhumane amount of hours. Flavors come out and, look; I've got my ear to the ground when it comes to new drinks, especially Polar. I can't keep up.

Pineapple pomelo. It was good. I say "was" because, much like the Hall and Oates song, she's gone. It wasn't the best. The pineapple was good and I might suggest that they have left it there. The pomelo didn't taste like much. It didn't add a whole lot of flavor. Side-by-side I might have been able to tell a different. It was not bad and I would get it again because of my love of pineapple, maybe just to pay more attention to where the pomelo lies in the mix.

This is good. Keep your jobs, wildly overworked flavor scientists.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 12th, 2018
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Coca-Cola Fiesty Cherry Diet

Coca-Cola Fiesty Cherry Diet

I'm a sucker for spice. Blame it on my Western New York upbringing. I've lost that part of me where I masochistically eat things that will burn my face off in exchange for flavor enhancement. Sue me. This tastes like a diet cherry Coke with (somehow) less "diet" taste and rewards you with a little bit of burn. I could be wrong but I burped while drinking this and it had a pretty distinct ginger beer burp flavor. I liked it. I drank the whole can. I rarely drink cola let alone diet cola but this is actually something I would revisit. I was told again and again to drink it cold. One would think that something was going to come out of the can, like a heat activated cola demon, if I let it get lukewarm. Little does he know that we Thirsty Dudes drinking warm pop all the time. There's not enough room in fridges nationwide to house the amount of drinks that we've had at one time in our heyday. Now, unfortunately, sadly, apathetically, Jay and I could probably contain our back stock in a college dorm room fridge and still have room for a cool, crisp can of Milwaukee's Best that we would never drink but you know goddamn well that Chad would drink it in a heartbeat. Chad. You're the worst. Don't even get me started on Chad. Chad sucks. We'll leave it at that.

Website
http://www.coca-cola.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Aspartame
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 11th, 2018
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Blume Honey Water Vanilla Citrus

Blume Honey Water Vanilla Citrus

Well it certainly is nice to try something new again. This was great. I'll come right out of the gate, swinging my fists like a complete idiot; ready to fight no one and everyone at the same time. Honey rules. I put it in my coffee at home. I put it on ice cream. I add it to other stuff that you mind your G.D. business about, that's what! This is sweet. It's a different sweet than "1,000,000 sugar" sweet. It just tastes like honey which tastes sweet. It's a bit of a mental thing. As far as the "citrus vanilla" goes., yeah, that's there lighter in the mix. It's certainly a honey base but it does have notes of citrus and vanilla. I don't know how they do it. It's not thick at all. It's "like water" but tastes like honey. A drinkable honey for those of you cosplayers who go to Winnie The Pooh conventions but don't want to get your $1900 costume all sticky before the inevitably sex party afterwards aptly named "The Piglet Roast."

As sweet as this is, the whole (tiny) bottle is only 70 calories. This was generously sent to us but if I saw it in the wild, I would buy it. It's nice. A+. Quick shipping. Would buy from again.

Website
http://https://www.blumehoneywater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Honey
Categories
Juice, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 7th, 2018
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Lifeway Elixir Hibiscus

Lifeway Elixir Hibiscus

I learned today that hibiscus is often used in rituals to protect against evil, invoke divination, and clairvoyance. You would think with the amount of hibiscus I consume and the fact that several people have told me that my house looks like it should be somewhere a fortune teller runs their business, that I would be in the know of that information. Well, I suppose I am now and that makes me love it even more.

This is the most “pink” tasting beverage that I’ve ever tried. You know there are flavors that you associate with blue, orange, and purple that aren’t necessarily the flavor of the fruit they pretend to be and instead have just become the flavor of the color? Well this should be the taste associated with pink, and for an added bonus it isn’t even overly sweet. It’s sweetened, but not in a mouth rot kind of way. This is not a spiced hibiscus, so if you were hoping for that you will be disappointed, but then excited once you realize that it may not be what you had wanted, but it’s pretty great in its own way. It is simultaneously both vaguely floral and vaguely fruity.

My only complaint is that it is the lightest carbonation I have ever had in a beverage. My ladyfriend says she loves it that way because more bubbles would detract from the flavor. To me it feels like it’s about to go flat. That didn’t stop me from getting a great deal of enjoyment from it though.

Website
http://lifewaykefir.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 4th, 2018
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Gold Thread Plant Based Tonics Hawaiian Ginger with Jasmine, Coriander + Vanilla

Gold Thread Plant Based Tonics Hawaiian Ginger with Jasmine, Coriander + Vanilla

If you looked up the opposite of a Trigger Warning, I’m pretty sure the returned result would simply be a picture of this beverage. I mean maybe it comes up with different results for different people, but the list of ingredients hear could very well be a secret code to break into my soul. Ginger is one of the greatest things that has ever graced this planet. I sure do like to go overboard with it. The other night I got a meal that was just shredded ginger and scallions with some fake chicken. You know when you get a bag of shredded carrots, well it was like someone dumped the full bag on my plate, but instead of carrots it was ginger, and a complaint didn’t even cross my mind because it was amazing. Jasmine may be my favorite type of tea and vanilla, well it’s vanilla and it’s delicious. The only red flag here is coriander, which is the same plant as cilantro, you know pure soapy garbage. Luckily there is not a trace of that dirty dishwater taste I associate with the plant in this drink.

I’m going to say something crazy here. I feel like my friends are going to be concerned and perhaps I will come home to an intervention later, but I could actually do with a little less ginger here. By no means does the ginger taste bad. The only reason I say this is that it is so strong of a flavor that it doesn’t really let the other flavors shine. Sure they are there, but I want them to have equal billing with the ginger. It’s slightly floral with hints of vanilla, but how great would this be if those flavors were stronger?

I love this, but there is room for improvement via my imagination. I want this to be to summer as chai is to winter.

Website
http://goldthreadherbs.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Lakonto Monkfruit
Categories
Ginger, Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 28th, 2018
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Amaz Amazon Plant-Based Elixir Floral Relax - Passion flower + Mulungu

Amaz Amazon Plant-Based Elixir Floral Relax - Passion flower + Mulungu

Go grab your stocking cap and your eye mask because when you drink this you are going to want to melt into whatever it is you are sitting/laying on. You might as well pop on those novelty pajamas you got for Xmas a few years back that have “Nemo” embroidered on them, because you are going to be taking a trip to Dreamland. Okay that may be a bit of an overstatement. It’s not like this drink is a magical potion that just knocks you right out, but it surely did make me feel relaxed and ay trouble I would have had falling asleep about an hour after I drank it were out the window. It wasn’t like I was counting down from 100 before some dental surgery, but it got the job done.

The main ingredients in here are passion flower and mulungu, both of which have been used for hundreds of years for their sedative properties. They are the type of ingredients that would have been considered magic in olden times but nowadays are just herbs. Man, the world was, and continues to be a crazy place. People were possibly murdered for witchcraft, just for knowing that these plants could be used to help someone get to sleep. Magic is science and I embrace it all. Oh yeah, and on top of this being a bottled magic that works it also tastes delicious. It’s perfectly sweet and floral tasting without any added sugar. It tastes like a more floral passionfruit mixed with apple juice, but not nearly as sweet. I could drink a gallon of this without batting an eye, but then I would probably fall into a wonderful, dream filled coma for an extended period of time. Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad way to spend next winter.

Website
http://https://liveamaz.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Relaxation
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 22nd, 2018
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CannaHemp Premium Energy Drink Original

CannaHemp Premium Energy Drink Original

Well, we have this new energy drink that we need to name that is made out of cannabis. Oh wait let’s use the word hemp instead. I feel like that won’t be so obvious for all of the suburban moms that like to complain about everything. Holy…stop the presses, I have it! What are we serving these in? That’s right, cans. It’s a can of hemp, but to go back to our original word cannabis, we can have some wacky word play and go with Cannahemp. Sure, we may have to deal with more uptight people, but that is a pun that is too good to pass up. Now it’s me, the reviewer breaking the 4th wall. Yes I made fun of the name, but honestly it’s great. It is clever in a goofy way that I love and I support it. Also, anyone who wants to complain about hemp use in a thing like this is a moron. Of course something sold in a mass market that you don’t need a prescription, or a “weed card” for is not going to contain THC and you are not going to get high from it. So you can calm down and if any of you youngsters out there have friends who drink this and they say it gets you high, let it play out so that they do some dumb stuff that they think is what being high is and then after a bit call them out and embarrass their lying asses.

This is not the first hemp/cannabis beverage that I have partaken in. Most of them tastes kind of like rope, except for the one I had from Canna Energy, which I believe is the old branding of this company, if the logo is any indication. Reading back on that review I found it to be pretty gross. If it is the same company they have either reformulated, or something was wrong with that original can I had. This does not taste spoiled, but it also does not taste like rope. It tastes like a very sweet green candy that is perhaps a mix between a green apple Jolly Rancher and some other green Wonka-esque confection. It is not my favorite, but I am also not grossed out by it. It gave me the energy I was searching for and I was easily able to get it down without complaining. That’s a win in my books. There is still some room for improvement, but it’s better than my last dalliance with the beverage.

Website
http://https://cannagetsome.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 21st, 2018
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Blume Honey Water Wild Blueberry

Blume Honey Water Wild Blueberry

This, this is not what I was expecting and it is so much better. I was expecting something akin to a Vitamin Water that had a hint of honey in it. IN reality it tastes like someone put on a kettle to make some tea, poured it into a mug, put in an extremely healthy amount of honey and then forgot to put in the tea bag. By the time they realized their folly, the water had cooled too much so they added some blueberry juice instead and magic happened. This is the most honey tasting thing I have ever ingested that wasn’t just straight honey. It really tastes like I am just licking the honey off of a spoon. It is simply wonderful. The blueberry flavor also tastes real, so I can’t imagine anyone ever complaining about that. There is also grapefruit, coriander, rosemary and peppercorn in here for reasons that I do not know, but it tastes incredible, so I’m not going to question their inclusion.

If you don’t like honey I don’t know why you would try something called honey water, but if you do you cannot go wrong with this. It’s pure bliss.

Website
http://https://www.blumehoneywater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Honey
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 19th, 2018
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Monster Mutant White Lightning

Monster Mutant White Lightning

Monster apparently decided to dip its toe into the world of caffeinated sodas and I’m pretty sure we all missed it. The only time I have ever come across this in the wild has been in discount or discontinued sections. My reasoning for this is that Monster themselves helped to make such products obsolete. Energy drinks are so common place now that I can’t even tell you the last time I heard someone say that they were getting sleepy so they needed some caffeine and then have them grab a Mountain Dew. To be fair it seems like that particular company is doing just fine, but I believe that is because they are an institution and there is an extreme culture based around it. Even they have branched out into actual energy drinks though with Amp. I’m sure there are kids out there who I really hope aren’t drinking energy drinks, which would down bottle after bottle of this on sleepovers or video game binges. The sad thing is that it’s no longer out of the ordinary to see young teens downing cans of Monster, and yes, it always seems to be Monster with children.

As for the flavor is this, White Lightning is apparently code for really diet tasting. It reminds me of a diet version of Frosh by Faygo. I haven’t had that in probably 30 years so I could be way off, but that’s what my brain is putting together. It’s kind of citrus, but really just diet.

I just looked up the Mutant website and did a product search and apparently every 711 everywhere carries these, so perhaps I was wrong and it was financially sound for them to put out this product. Fans of mini marts everywhere just may be celebrating this as they sit on the curb with their nachos and chili dogs. I may in fact be that out of touch and perhaps we should just hang out Thirsty Dudes.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 17th, 2018
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