Polar Seltzer Jr. Unicorn Kisses

Polar Seltzer Jr. Unicorn Kisses

Here we have it, the fourth and final Seltzer Jr flavor of the season (Also the first one released last year that I couldn’t get my hands on). The season is ending the hot weather is gone and fall is rolling right in. Should I have reviewed this when the weather was still nice and you were still able to find this on the shelves? Of course I should have, but life gets hectic and the 1 minutes that it’s going to take me to write this were too much to spare between hanging out in the woods and reading comics (and work and travelling). Did I drink a bunch of these and not write about it for about a month? You can bet your kids on it. Let’s be honest here, this was a limited line and there was no way that Polar wasn’t going to sell out of it. They barely lasted a week at my grocery store in Buffalo. They didn’t need my help pushing the product. They were kind enough to send me some samples before they made their way to the Western NY market though, which was very kind of them. We have nothing but love for Polar here at Thirsty Dudes. We just tend to be lazy sometimes. We do this for fun, and that’s that.
It turns out that a unicorn’s diet mostly consists of cucumbers because that is what this slobbery kiss tastes like. I also detect a bit of melon in there. On top of that it’s all candied up, even though there is no sugar. At first I was so-so on this one, but once I realized it was cucumber my interests rose.Well done Polar. Can’t wait until next summer.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 29th, 2017
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Bruce Cost Brooklyn Crafter Ginger Beer Sugar Free Extra Spicy

Bruce Cost Brooklyn Crafter Ginger Beer Sugar Free Extra Spicy

How does one kill off the diet taste of stevia? The answer is apparently to bombard it with ginger. This is a joint effort from Bruce Cost and Brooklyn Organics to create a sugar free spicy ginger beer. Guess what? They did it and it’s pretty darn delicious. As far as I can tell the base of this soda is the plain Bruce cost ginger beer, except it is sweetened with stevia (the Brooklyn Organics way) and the amount of ginger in greatly increased. The result is a soda that only vaguely tastes like stevia with a fairly hefty burn to it. It doesn’t quite hit Goya level of painful, but it’s on its way. It is definitely at a level that makes this beverage a slow sipper. This isn’t a soda you are going to slurp down in a matter of minutes. This is something you’ll nurse over a decent amount of time, enjoying it with every sip.

As with most beverages that solely use zero calorie sweeteners, I would prefer it had real sugar in it, but I understand their reasons for not doing so. This may be the best sugar free soda I have ever tasted. It most definitely is the best diet ginger beer I’ve ever had (which has not been many). Sometimes you need to make tradeoffs in your life and I’m very happy this is out there as an option.

Website
http://www.freshgingerale.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Diet, Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 28th, 2017
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Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Classic

Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Classic

Somewhere out there, someone’s dreams have come true. The stage is set like this; there is a human out there who is a total soda fiend. I’m talking like Mike’s mother in law who keeps a glass of diet Pepsi next to her bed at night (is that a real thing, or did my mind make it up?), except there is no diet in this addicts world. We are talking full sugar. For most of their life it was high fructose corn syrup this, and high fructose corn syrup that. Then cane sugar came back into vogue and their palate evolved into appreciating fancy sodas. There were no more two-liters in our subjects life it was all craft six (four)packs. Over time they realized that they didn’t feel quite right, something was obviously up with their health so they saw a health professional and were diagnosed with diabetes. The doctor informed them that their soda days were over unless they wanted to drink sucralose or aspartame (neither of which were recommended). Years went by and the Days of Soda seem like a mere fever dream. Then stevia came into fashion and there were sodas that were available that still tasted diet, but not like chemical death. The thing is that there was nothing on the market that matched our characters beloved ginger ale. Then Brooklyn Organics came about and suddenly they could have that classic ginger taste that they missed so dearly. Sure, it tasted heavily of stevia, but it was way better than what was on the market. It was a soda that tasted like real ginger, but with only the faintest hint of a burn. A true ginger ale.

Now, since I can enjoy beverages sweetened with sugar, this is clearly not for me. I know it’s healthier than regular soda, but I don’t drink them very often these days, so I’ll take the extra calories for a better flavor. To me this would be fantastic if it had real sugar. The ginger taste that fights its way through the stevia is wonderful. Unfortunately that stevia taste is really strong, and it’s simply not for me. This is for those out there who need to rely on zero-calorie sweeteners due to health, or those who for some reason can see past their flavor. If you fall into one of those categories get out there and buy this immediately. You won’t be sorry.

Website
http://www.drinkbrooklynorganics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Diet, Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 27th, 2017
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Arizona Good Brew Unsweet Tea

Arizona  Good Brew Unsweet Tea

Shawn, what did you do to this iced tea? Did you pour me a glass of iced tea, drink half of my glass, look in the fridge, realize there was no more tea and then refill my glass with water? You didn't? This was purchased like this? This is how you bought this? Look me in my eyes and tell me that this was unaltered and went from bottle to glass. Really? Who made this? Arizona? The company that has historically made decent tea that we all grew up with? Really? Well, that disappoints me. I am disappointed. This actually sucks. Shawn, you let me down. Not as much as Arizona has but this blows and it's your fault. Do better.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2017
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Archer Farms Cold Brew Cinnamon

Archer Farms Cold Brew Cinnamon

Fall is upon us. What does that mean? Cinnamon. Ahh, cinnamon. Natures...cinnamon. I bought this because it was A: Cheap and B: Had a great selling line on the side which I will put here:

This creamy and sweet cinnamon cold brew coffee is big on taste with a warm, velvety texture.

So's I buy it, bring it in to work and have two dudes try it and the consensus is as follows: It's bad. Not even OK. It's not good. It tastes like someone made a passable cold brew and then dumped too much ground cinnamon in it, said to themselves, "Welp, no turning back now." put in one more pinch, and bottled it up.

The coffee is fine. I don't drink too much and what I do drink is cold brew and typically has some sort of disgusting chemical chocolate taste to it so I'm not one to judge but this coffee was light at best. The cinnamon was a ground cinnamon and not a candy cinnamon. After tasting it, though, I don't know which I would have preferred. Thumbs down, Archer Farms/Target. There's more to fall than cinnamon. There's more to you than bad cold brew. I feel like I just masochistically did "the cinnamon challenge" to myself. I feel like a moron.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2017
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Arizona Good Brew Green Tea

Arizona  Good Brew Green Tea

What is happening outside?! It's the last week of September and it's in the upper 80's. I'm walking with some dudes from work, maybe or maybe not playing Pokemon Go and just sweating, bro. Sweating. Neck, all pits, belly button. Sweaty.

What better way to quench the sweaty mess you have become than some classic Arizona Green Tea? Oh, you made more money than you did as a 35 year old than you did when you were twenty? Spend the extra dollar and get the "Good Brew" iced tea. It's the same flavor with none of the corn syrup or preservatives that you remember. It has more of that green tea bitterness that you have been losing the past fifteen years by dropping the corn syrup so it tastes less like lies than before. Not insultingly bitter like your crappy aunt (by marriage) but bitter like you would expect a green tea to be.

You can't pick your family. They just come with you or with whomever you're with. You can pick your teas, though and this is a wise decision over the classic tallboy. As nostalgic as it might be, this is pretty unarguably better. Children might disagree but they're dumb. Someone had to say it.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2017
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Alpha Wolf Focus & Revitalizing Beverage Watermelon/Strawberry/Coconut

Alpha Wolf Focus & Revitalizing Beverage Watermelon/Strawberry/Coconut

Back in the late 90s when Sobe came out I was in love with them. Even though almost all of the little money I made from my job went to buying records, I still found a way to get a bottle somewhat regularly. Okay, so I may have nicked a bottle or two (or 50) from my place of employment. When you're paying your employees $4.35 an hour you should probably expect them to fill in the wage gap somehow. The point of me mentioning this is that the beverage I am currently drinking reminds me of a classic Sobe from a glass bottle, before they went plastic and the recipe changed (at least I'm pretty sure it did, maybe it was just my tastes that changed). I suppose there is a reason for that because I believe those old drinks were also marketed for focus, revitalization and the like.

Specifically this brings to mind the Dragon flavor of Sobe. I believe that involved pitaya, but this combo of watermelon and strawberry tastes like my memory. It even does a great job of masking the taste of the erythritol/stevia. This tastes fruity and wonderful, and not diet and poisonous. The coconut is undetectable to me. This is an advancement of sports/recovery drinks. Goodbye garbage. Hello wonderment.

Website
http://https://www.drinkalphawolf.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 26th, 2017
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The Maple Guild Enhanced Maple Water Blueberry

The Maple Guild Enhanced Maple Water Blueberry

This tastes more like maple than any of their other products I've tasted. The thing is that as strong as the maple taste is, the blueberry flavor is there to match it. I liked another flavor in this line to Vitamin Water, but this does not bring that company's products to mind, even if they are similar in vitamin and electrolyte content. This is a new class of "sports drink” that is more suited for those from the north. It tastes less of vitamins and sugar and more of the two ingredients it is advertised as being flavored as.

Website
http://https://www.mapleguild.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Maple Syrup
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 26th, 2017
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Polar Seltzer Jr. Yeti Mischief

Polar Seltzer Jr. Yeti Mischief

Just as these were popping up on shelves around Buffalo, they were already on their way out. I was able to get these in my hometown for less than a week before they disappeared from the shelves of my local Wegmans. To be fair, that may have been for the best. While I've enjoyed all four of the Seltzer Jr flavors, I couldn't see myself continuously buying them. They are a nice fun treat, but not something that I need all the time (my vanilla and cranberry lime still reign supreme).

What does it taste like when a yeti gets itself in some troubled fun? Well, it kind of tastes like fruit punch flavored Sprite with the sugar left out, at least to me. If you read other reviews on the internet people seem to be all over the place with what they think this tastes like. It would be interesting to see what Polar had intended the flavor to be.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 26th, 2017
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Fentimans Wild English Elderflower

Fentimans Wild English Elderflower

This here was the pinnacle of the beverage experience in Iceland, and it is made by a company from the UK, whose other flavors are readily available back home. Not only was it the best thing I drank on this trip (well actually the tap water might have been, it was the cleanest and crispest I have ever tasted), it is definitely now my favorite flavor in the Fentiman’s line. It is light, floral, and wonderful. It is closer to a seltzer than a soda, and that will get no complaints from me. Actually my only complaints are that it wasn’t served to me in a bathtub sized container that I could sip on for hours and since that didn’t happen, that I can’t find it back home. This is a flavor that Americans are not used to, and that I do not know if many would enjoy. It’s not loaded with garbage sweeteners and as I said it does have a slightly floral taste. I could see a stereotypical version of my countryman saying that they “don’t want to drink a garden.” Well, they would be wrong, because this is one of the best things I have drunk in a long time.

Website
http://www.drinkfentimans.com
Country
United Kingdom
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 24th, 2017
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