CannaHemp Premium Energy Drink Original

CannaHemp Premium Energy Drink Original

Well, we have this new energy drink that we need to name that is made out of cannabis. Oh wait let’s use the word hemp instead. I feel like that won’t be so obvious for all of the suburban moms that like to complain about everything. Holy…stop the presses, I have it! What are we serving these in? That’s right, cans. It’s a can of hemp, but to go back to our original word cannabis, we can have some wacky word play and go with Cannahemp. Sure, we may have to deal with more uptight people, but that is a pun that is too good to pass up. Now it’s me, the reviewer breaking the 4th wall. Yes I made fun of the name, but honestly it’s great. It is clever in a goofy way that I love and I support it. Also, anyone who wants to complain about hemp use in a thing like this is a moron. Of course something sold in a mass market that you don’t need a prescription, or a “weed card” for is not going to contain THC and you are not going to get high from it. So you can calm down and if any of you youngsters out there have friends who drink this and they say it gets you high, let it play out so that they do some dumb stuff that they think is what being high is and then after a bit call them out and embarrass their lying asses.

This is not the first hemp/cannabis beverage that I have partaken in. Most of them tastes kind of like rope, except for the one I had from Canna Energy, which I believe is the old branding of this company, if the logo is any indication. Reading back on that review I found it to be pretty gross. If it is the same company they have either reformulated, or something was wrong with that original can I had. This does not taste spoiled, but it also does not taste like rope. It tastes like a very sweet green candy that is perhaps a mix between a green apple Jolly Rancher and some other green Wonka-esque confection. It is not my favorite, but I am also not grossed out by it. It gave me the energy I was searching for and I was easily able to get it down without complaining. That’s a win in my books. There is still some room for improvement, but it’s better than my last dalliance with the beverage.

Website
http://https://cannagetsome.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 21st, 2018
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Blume Honey Water Wild Blueberry

Blume Honey Water Wild Blueberry

This, this is not what I was expecting and it is so much better. I was expecting something akin to a Vitamin Water that had a hint of honey in it. IN reality it tastes like someone put on a kettle to make some tea, poured it into a mug, put in an extremely healthy amount of honey and then forgot to put in the tea bag. By the time they realized their folly, the water had cooled too much so they added some blueberry juice instead and magic happened. This is the most honey tasting thing I have ever ingested that wasn’t just straight honey. It really tastes like I am just licking the honey off of a spoon. It is simply wonderful. The blueberry flavor also tastes real, so I can’t imagine anyone ever complaining about that. There is also grapefruit, coriander, rosemary and peppercorn in here for reasons that I do not know, but it tastes incredible, so I’m not going to question their inclusion.

If you don’t like honey I don’t know why you would try something called honey water, but if you do you cannot go wrong with this. It’s pure bliss.

Website
http://https://www.blumehoneywater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Honey
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 19th, 2018
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Monster Mutant White Lightning

Monster Mutant White Lightning

Monster apparently decided to dip its toe into the world of caffeinated sodas and I’m pretty sure we all missed it. The only time I have ever come across this in the wild has been in discount or discontinued sections. My reasoning for this is that Monster themselves helped to make such products obsolete. Energy drinks are so common place now that I can’t even tell you the last time I heard someone say that they were getting sleepy so they needed some caffeine and then have them grab a Mountain Dew. To be fair it seems like that particular company is doing just fine, but I believe that is because they are an institution and there is an extreme culture based around it. Even they have branched out into actual energy drinks though with Amp. I’m sure there are kids out there who I really hope aren’t drinking energy drinks, which would down bottle after bottle of this on sleepovers or video game binges. The sad thing is that it’s no longer out of the ordinary to see young teens downing cans of Monster, and yes, it always seems to be Monster with children.

As for the flavor is this, White Lightning is apparently code for really diet tasting. It reminds me of a diet version of Frosh by Faygo. I haven’t had that in probably 30 years so I could be way off, but that’s what my brain is putting together. It’s kind of citrus, but really just diet.

I just looked up the Mutant website and did a product search and apparently every 711 everywhere carries these, so perhaps I was wrong and it was financially sound for them to put out this product. Fans of mini marts everywhere just may be celebrating this as they sit on the curb with their nachos and chili dogs. I may in fact be that out of touch and perhaps we should just hang out Thirsty Dudes.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 17th, 2018
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Amaz Amazon Plant-Based Elixir Tropical Boost - Guarana + Catuaba

Amaz Amazon Plant-Based Elixir Tropical Boost - Guarana + Catuaba

What we have here is an elixir (aka juice) that is made from herbs and such that are found in the Amazon rainforest. The end game is to put healthier, functional drinks into the hands of the public, or so I assume. What do I know though, the owners could have some secret vendetta against an old colleague and they could have built this entire company as part of some revenge plot, but let’s just say it’s for health.

There are other things in this elixir, but the two ingredients that Amaz is trying to shine a light on are guarana (a natural stimulant) and catuaba (strengthen and balances body function). Basically it’s a natural energy drink of sorts. It tastes very tropical. The guarana is the main flavor in the beverage, which is overly fruity and borderline bubble gum tasting. I do get a slight hint of banana as well. That I am not a fan of, but I know I’m in the minority with that one. Also included are cupuacu, apples, caja, suma root, beets, green coffee, marapuama and camucamu. Iwould be a liar if I told you I could accurately describe each of those ingredients. Mixed together they most certainly bring to mind something that I could envision being a customary beverage in the rain forest.

This is a different juice, and I don’t think it’s for everyone, but I enjoyed it. As a bonus the company support ethical sourcing of ingredients and 1% of their sales goes to seeding the forests in the Amazon.

Website
http://https://liveamaz.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 10th, 2018
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Amp Organic Energy Drink Grape

Amp Organic Energy Drink Grape

Let’s begin by looking past the fact that this is an energy drink and all that entails and the flavors that brings to your mind. Instead, let us concentrate on the fact that this is an organic beverage, an organic grape beverage at that, yet nowhere on the shockingly short ingredients list (five items) is grape juice, or anything grape listed. The flavor falls under the category “natural flavor.” I’m guessing that natural flavor is in fact grape juice as it tastes more like sparkling juice than grape soda, but that leaves me concerned about what other things can fall under that header and make it to market. “Natural” can entail a wide variety of things. I’m not saying there is anything nefarious going on here, but it makes me uneasy what companies can feed us without us knowing.

Anyway, as I said it tastes more like sparkling grape juice than soda and tastes nothing like a typical energy drink. It’s just sparking juice, with unnecessary sugar added and caffeine thrown into the mix. It’s not going to make you crazy, but it will give you a little boost and a whole lot of sugar (44g).

Website
http://www.ampenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 30th, 2018
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Cafe Bustelo Cafe Con Chocolate

Cafe Bustelo Cafe Con Chocolate

I've been reviewing a lot of coffee drinks lately. I haven't been reviewing much, truth be told, but I've been reviewing a lot of coffee drinks. I don't know why. Probably because I feel like all I do is work, come home, watch my dumb kids and then after they are in bed, just watch YouTube and go to sleep. It's been a repetitive couple weeks and trust me, I'm as bored of it as you are reading about it.

So how is this, you ask? Well, it's fine. It's got a decent but not great coffee taste. I'm no connoisseur but the coffee might be a bit dark or perhaps a little burnt for my liking. The chocolate is fine but it's strong. It might also be a little too sweet. I don't know if anyone who likes coffee would actually like this. I'm right in the middle so I'm fine with it but it's either "too this" or "too that" for anyone who has a solid opinion one way or the other.

I've got to get out of this rut...this coffee isn't helping. I think the next step is going to be a Buick, starched collar and a start to that suicide note I never thought I'd write.

Website
http://cafebustelo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 27th, 2018
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Polar Seltzer Mango Cherry Bliss

Polar Seltzer Mango Cherry Bliss

I’ve been putting this off. One simply does not enjoy bad mouthing Polar. They bring so much joy to my life and excitement to my taste buds. Unfortunately here I sit with one of the limited edition summer flavors for 2018, sipping away out of obligation and respect, but little enjoyment. Something about this just tastes artificial. It doesn’t even have a medicinal cherry flavoring, it just tastes like some sort of chemical flavoring. It’s not just the cherry either, the mango tastes off as well. There is just no bliss to be found in this beverage. Do yourself a favor and just grab a different flavor of Polar and enjoy. Lucky for everyone this is limited.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 20th, 2018
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Runa Clean Energy Lime

Runa Clean Energy Lime

Normally I am on board with guayusa. It’s a natural source of caffeine that I don’t need to feel terrible about consuming. Sure, it’s not my all-time favorite flavor, but it is by no means gross. It’s just its own unique flavor. Normally the other flavors mixed with it mask it a bunch, and everything works out great. In here I would say this is 80% guayusa and 20% lime. For my liking it definitely could have done with more lime. Lime is a flavor that can be as strong as possible and I wouldn’t complain. It’s very faint in here and it seems to make the guayusa shine a bit more. It was weirdly a bit plain, which I didn’t expect to use as a descriptor. I can imagine a world where this is what water tastes like and no one would bat an eye. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but it doesn’t entice me to drink more.

Website
http://www.runa.org/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 18th, 2018
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Naked Nutrition Whey

Naked Nutrition Whey

This is simply not for me. I am fairly disgusted by milk and all it entails, unless it’s in ice cream form, because I am a child. The protein powders I get are derived from plants or soy. This tastes like someone took powdered heavy cream (if such a thing exists) and then I reconstituted it with water into a thick milky beverage that I could not get more than one sip down. Had I been in a different location in my house I would have probably spit it out. The thing is I can’t really complain because it is exactly what it advertises to be, and I cannot fault them for being something that I despise. They are what they are and I am what I am, and I will avoid consuming it again until the end of my days. Those of you out there who love milk get on this train, because it’s protein that you will be happy about.

Website
http://nkdnutrition.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 16th, 2018
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Green-Go Cactus Water Hint of Lemon

Green-Go Cactus Water Hint of Lemon

So after saying the name of this beverage several times aloud to a friend they still thought that I was saying it was called Gringo and not Green-Go. Was that an intentional marketing plan? Perhaps it was an inside joke, you know a play on how the white people who live in the suburbs of America won’t shut up about how such and such restaurant is completely authentic Mexican, when in reality it’s like an Applebees that serves tacos. Those same people probably will never step into the hole in the wall taquerias that look filthy, but taste amazing, serving things such as nopal. In case you didn’t know nopal is cactus and it is what is used to make this beverage. The folks at Green-Go puree the paddles of the nopal cactus into a beverage that is ridiculously refreshing. Think of it as coconut water’s long lost cousin. When I describe what cooked nopal tastes like to people I always say it’s like a cross between green beans and green peppers. This tastes nothing like that, thankfully…I think? This tastes kind of like unsweetened aloe vera, but you know without being overbearing and resembling poison. It tastes plantlike, but it is very mild. It’s the kind of flavor that grows on you the more you drink, and you will want to drink a lot when you see how hydrated it makes you feel. Take it from this gringo.

Website
http://https://drinkgreen-go.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 12th, 2018
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