Protein2o Protein Infused Water Mixed Berry

Protein2o Protein Infused Water Mixed Berry

Welp, this should be a whole lotta grozzzz. Ingredients: water, whey protein isolate (milk), natural flavors, sucralose, dyes. So they have mixed together water, milk, a diet sweetener and “flavoring” (this contains 0% juice). That sounds horrendous, but luckily the end result isn’t too bad at all. It’s not creamy from the milk, it’s just a bit chalky, and the diet flavor is somewhat kept under wraps. A poor man’s explanation is that it is a protein based vitamin water, or so the taste would tell you, even though it contains no vitamins to speak of. I don’t hate it. I don’t love it. It’s simply there and it inoffensive, which is all I ask for sometimes. This is a beverage with an intended purpose and it fills that purpose swimmingly.

Website
http://www.drinkprotein2o.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucre
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 4th, 2018
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Polar Seltzer Cucumber Melon

Polar Seltzer Cucumber Melon

For years one of the things I have wanted most out of the beverage world was a Polar cucumber seltzer. Sure some other companies made them to varying degrees of wonderfulness, but I really wanted it from Polar, so it would be readily available in large quantities and be inexpensive. This summer my dreams were finally answered, and I thought I was getting an added bonus with the melon tacked on. A nice cucumber honeydew (or cantaloupe) combination is hard to beat in my world. The thing is that Polar went with a different melon, one that never tastes right in any form other than eating the melon itself. This is an approximation of cucumber and watermelon. While the cucumber taste in here is spot on and wonderful, the watermelon has that inevitable Jolly Rancher flavor to it. I don’t know why it is impossible to capture the true flavor of watermelon but it plagues humanity. This is still good, due to the lack of sugar the fake watermelon flavor is passable. Next year, let’s step up the game Polar, how about going with one of the other melons I mentioned, or even just straight cucumber. I bet it would be a best seller (if not from sales to me alone). While you’re at it, how about putting the vanilla in cans as well? Or maybe a vanilla-pineapple mix-up. What this isn’t a pitch meeting? My bad,

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 4th, 2018
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Monster Caffe Mocha

Monster Caffe Mocha

When I saw this, my first thought was, “Is this just a repackaging of the Monster Java line?” After drinking it and doing a little bit of research I’m still not sure. Perhaps if I drank them back to back I could give you a more definitive answer, but as of now I can only say…maybe? This is chocolatey and very creamy. There is actual more milk in here that I would want. While I can get behind a latte, recently I prefer my coffee based beverages without cream. The chocolate in here is really nice though. It tastes like chocolate and not just chocolate flavor. Overall this tastes more like a frothy chocolate milk with a splash of coffee in it, rather than the other way around. All of the energy drink aspects of this are not present in the flavor at all. There is no chemical or liquid candy flavor at all.

I’m going to assume this is different than the Java line, because I still saw those in the cooler, and why would the store stock both? Perhaps the difference is this uses Arabica coffee. Who knows? It’s tasty and that’s all that matters to me.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 2nd, 2018
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Bubbly Sparkling Water Grapefruit

Bubbly Sparkling Water Grapefruit

After trying the strawberry I had high hopes for the other Bubbly flavors. That one strength to its flavor that you don't find in every seltzer. This grapefruit one is a dime a dozen (or 99 cents a bottle). It tastes like every other grapefruit seltzer I have had in my time walking this planet. That's not a bad thing, but I was hoping for a bit more pizazz. I wanted to feel like I was eating breakfast at a cabin in the woods and for some reason I thought citrus was the proper food. I don't know why my brain associates those things. It is a weird place to live. This tastes like grapefruit, but not so much that it makes your face scrunch up that so badly want it to do.

Website
http://www.bubly.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 30th, 2018
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Polar Seltzer Raspberry Rose

Polar Seltzer Raspberry Rose

Summertime in Seltzerville in 2018 is very similar to that of last year. Most of the limited edition Polar flavors are slight twists on last year’s flavors, while others such as this Raspberry Rose have just been brought back in the same form for summer consumption. I have no idea how we did not review this one last year. I guess it was when Mike and I were in a slump and were just burned out with doing Thirsty Dudes. Whatever the reason we missed it, and we apologize.

I am a bit surprised that this is the only returning flavor, as it was probably my least favorite of the 2017 line (I drank far too much of the mango berry). This is essentially a unsweetened , non-alcoholic wine spritzer. It’s not something I would normally drink. It’s lighter in flavor than normal Polar flavors. It also has an undertone that I will attribute to the fake wine aspect. I don’t really know if that is true, because wine seems like the grossest thing to me. It just smells like rot to me. This isn’t really a beverage for me, but friends who tried this, who enjoy wine said that it’s pretty fantastic, so don’t take my word on anything.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 27th, 2018
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Treo Organic Birch Water Infusion Blueberry

Treo Organic Birch Water Infusion Blueberry

I learned today that birch water is nature’s Gatorade. According to the Treo website it is “full of naturally occurring electrolytes and antioxidants” and it “hydrates your body faster than water.” Interesting. Did you also know that it’s what plants crave? Did you also know that we are in a real life version of the movie Idiocracy….says far too many people who think they are clever. Less complaining about annoying people and more talk about the drink at hand. Xylitol is naturally occurring in birch sap as well, so this is naturally sweet yet low in calories. Everything seems to be coming up roses for this style of beverage. The only thing is I’m not 100% sold on the taste. I could see it going down smooth after exercising or performing at a sporting event, but just casually sipping it is not really for me. It doesn’t taste like maple, but there is something about it that I can’t put my finger on that makes it definitely in the same family. For the record I am not a maple fan, so that could be the reason to my slight aversion to this. At least the blueberry in here is tasty and is like fruit and not just flavoring. Now I just want to listen to Trio, you know the band that sings Da Da Da that is not the Elastica version.

Website
http://www.drinktreo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Erytritol
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 26th, 2018
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Kapoya Energy Drink Mango Passion Fruit

Kapoya Energy Drink Mango Passion Fruit

The following things are generally bad news for beverage companies. 1. Your products are found at Big Lots at a discounted rate (Say, oh I dunno… 33 cents per can). 2. You make beverages and us here at Thirsty Dudes have never heard of your company, and we are not 100% sure how to pronounce its name. 3. Your social media presence seems to have dried up (perhaps you haven’t made a post in nearly two years). If all three of these things ring true, then it’s more than likely that the company has folded and that once the shelves are clear I will never hear a word about the company again. In this case it’s kind of a shame because for some reason that I cannot understand I do not hate this companies products. They are diet energy drinks that rely on the natural side of things to provide said energy. It’s all B vitamins and caffeine in here. They are proud of the fact that they do not use taurine, but the strange thing is that energy drinks that do contain that specific ingredient tend to be the ones that taste like melted candy. Even without it each of these flavors taste like a melted Free-Z-Pop. Since the demise of this company seems to have already occurred, I’m going to pull a first time move here on Thirsty Dudes and just write one review and use it for all of the flavors, because I don’t think this is going to be much help to anyone looking to try something new, unless they see it immediately and rush to Big Lots before the space is swapped out for another doomed product.

Blue Raspberry: It’s a diet version of a flavor that doesn’t really exist in nature. Blue raspberries aren’t a real thing, so why do so many companies use it as a flavor? If you are reading this, chances are you know exactly what this flavor tastes like. Now just make that diet and you have what’s in this can.
Mango Passionfruit: This is the flavor that is probably closest to the fruits it’s meant to impersonate. It is ridiculously sweet. While there is no sugar in here there are loads of sucralose. This is the flavor I thought I would enjoy the most and while it’s perfectly serviceable I enjoyed the last one the most.

Wild Grape: You know how grapes taste? Do you also know how grape flavored things taste? Well this falls on the latter side of the divide. I don’t know why I really enjoy the taste of fake grape. I mean I love the real thing too, but sometimes on a nice hot day I just want a mouthful of fake grape. Maybe it has something to do with a childhood memory. Who knows? All I know is I enjoyed this more than I expected to, even in all its diet glory.

Finally, I don’t know if Kapoya just missed the Stevia train, but I feel like had these used it as their zero calorie sweetener they may have been able to get away with labeling these as “all natural” and I’m sure that would have helped to move more units for more than $.33 each.

Website
http://kapoyaenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 24th, 2018
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Kapoya Energy Drink Wild Grape

Kapoya Energy Drink Wild Grape

The following things are generally bad news for beverage companies. 1. Your products are found at Big Lots at a discounted rate (Say, oh I dunno… 33 cents per can). 2. You make beverages and us here at Thirsty Dudes have never heard of your company, and we are not 100% sure how to pronounce its name. 3. Your social media presence seems to have dried up (perhaps you haven’t made a post in nearly two years). If all three of these things ring true, then it’s more than likely that the company has folded and that once the shelves are clear I will never hear a word about the company again. In this case it’s kind of a shame because for some reason that I cannot understand I do not hate this companies products. They are diet energy drinks that rely on the natural side of things to provide said energy. It’s all B vitamins and caffeine in here. They are proud of the fact that they do not use taurine, but the strange thing is that energy drinks that do contain that specific ingredient tend to be the ones that taste like melted candy. Even without it each of these flavors taste like a melted Free-Z-Pop. Since the demise of this company seems to have already occurred, I’m going to pull a first time move here on Thirsty Dudes and just write one review and use it for all of the flavors, because I don’t think this is going to be much help to anyone looking to try something new, unless they see it immediately and rush to Big Lots before the space is swapped out for another doomed product.

Blue Raspberry: It’s a diet version of a flavor that doesn’t really exist in nature. Blue raspberries aren’t a real thing, so why do so many companies use it as a flavor? If you are reading this, chances are you know exactly what this flavor tastes like. Now just make that diet and you have what’s in this can.
Mango Passionfruit: This is the flavor that is probably closest to the fruits it’s meant to impersonate. It is ridiculously sweet. While there is no sugar in here there are loads of sucralose. This is the flavor I thought I would enjoy the most and while it’s perfectly serviceable I enjoyed the last one the most.

Wild Grape: You know how grapes taste? Do you also know how grape flavored things taste? Well this falls on the latter side of the divide. I don’t know why I really enjoy the taste of fake grape. I mean I love the real thing too, but sometimes on a nice hot day I just want a mouthful of fake grape. Maybe it has something to do with a childhood memory. Who knows? All I know is I enjoyed this more than I expected to, even in all its diet glory.

Finally, I don’t know if Kapoya just missed the Stevia train, but I feel like had these used it as their zero calorie sweetener they may have been able to get away with labeling these as “all natural” and I’m sure that would have helped to move more units for more than $.33 each.

Website
http://kapoyaenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 24th, 2018
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Kapoya Energy Drink Blue Raspberry

Kapoya Energy Drink Blue Raspberry

The following things are generally bad news for beverage companies. 1. Your products are found at Big Lots at a discounted rate (Say, oh I dunno… 33 cents per can). 2. You make beverages and us here at Thirsty Dudes have never heard of your company, and we are not 100% sure how to pronounce its name. 3. Your social media presence seems to have dried up (perhaps you haven’t made a post in nearly two years). If all three of these things ring true, then it’s more than likely that the company has folded and that once the shelves are clear I will never hear a word about the company again. In this case it’s kind of a shame because for some reason that I cannot understand I do not hate this companies products. They are diet energy drinks that rely on the natural side of things to provide said energy. It’s all B vitamins and caffeine in here. They are proud of the fact that they do not use taurine, but the strange thing is that energy drinks that do contain that specific ingredient tend to be the ones that taste like melted candy. Even without it each of these flavors taste like a melted Free-Z-Pop. Since the demise of this company seems to have already occurred, I’m going to pull a first time move here on Thirsty Dudes and just write one review and use it for all of the flavors, because I don’t think this is going to be much help to anyone looking to try something new, unless they see it immediately and rush to Big Lots before the space is swapped out for another doomed product.

Blue Raspberry: It’s a diet version of a flavor that doesn’t really exist in nature. Blue raspberries aren’t a real thing, so why do so many companies use it as a flavor? If you are reading this, chances are you know exactly what this flavor tastes like. Now just make that diet and you have what’s in this can.
Mango Passionfruit: This is the flavor that is probably closest to the fruits it’s meant to impersonate. It is ridiculously sweet. While there is no sugar in here there are loads of sucralose. This is the flavor I thought I would enjoy the most and while it’s perfectly serviceable I enjoyed the last one the most.

Wild Grape: You know how grapes taste? Do you also know how grape flavored things taste? Well this falls on the latter side of the divide. I don’t know why I really enjoy the taste of fake grape. I mean I love the real thing too, but sometimes on a nice hot day I just want a mouthful of fake grape. Maybe it has something to do with a childhood memory. Who knows? All I know is I enjoyed this more than I expected to, even in all its diet glory.

Finally, I don’t know if Kapoya just missed the Stevia train, but I feel like had these used it as their zero calorie sweetener they may have been able to get away with labeling these as “all natural” and I’m sure that would have helped to move more units for more than $.33 each.

Website
http://kapoyaenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 24th, 2018
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Polar Seltzer'ade Starfruit Lemonade

Polar Seltzer'ade Starfruit Lemonade

The weather has finally broke and it’s been plain warm out. The sun is shining down the trees are sprouting leaves and I’m sitting on my back porch hanging with my new puppy and sipping on this can of seltzer’ade. Oh yeah, The artist formerly known as Editor Dan is also with me, encouraging my pup to be the jerk he kind of already is. He’s a bad friend I tell ya. The only reason I mention this poor influence is that he tried this beverage and instantly proclaimed that it tasted like lemon Pez. He’s not too far off base. It’s not exact, but I see where he’s coming from. I have no idea if this tastes like actual starfruit, because I haven’t tasted one in over a decade. I can say that it is fruity and refreshing, and that I would be enjoying it a lot more if I didn’t have to worry about this dog doing something stupid, like dig a giant hole in my lawn…..too late.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Lemonade, Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 22nd, 2018
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