Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Unsweetened

Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Unsweetened

I was dreading this for the following reasons. Nitro coffee murders my nerves. Other people's cold brew murders my nerves. Unsweetened coffee is unpalatable to me. Three good reasons, right? Well this is either really good coffee or I'm used to it. I'm slanting a little towards the former than the latter.

This was good. You could taste the roast of the beans and it wasn't terribly strong. I'm feeling it in my fingers as I mash these keys faster than my mind can function but I don't have so much extra energy that my body is contorting into shapes that are foreign to the limbs performing the actions.

As a coffee, it's fairly straightforward. No extra spices or flavors, just black coffee. I would say, "no frills" but to make coffee this decent takes skill in itself. Known coffee disliker me had no problem drinking a third of the can which, for no reason other I don't want to visit the moon today, is all I will be drinking. Whatever happens to the dude that drinks the other 2/3 of it, well, I'm not his dad. He can do what he wants. Maybe he'll get a million energies and go build a gazebo or something. Just be safe, man. It's slurring my keys like someone replaced the coffee with coffee-flavored alcohol. Drunk gazeboing cannot be a good idea. Speed squares and measurements will earn a better result than "the quickness."

Website
http://sailawaycoffee.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 7th, 2018
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Forager Mango & Chia

Forager Mango & Chia

Oh, a mango and chia probiotic smoothie. That sounds pleasant enough. Wait, the base of this is cashew milk? That sounds a bit odd, but I’m willing to give it a try, I mean I really like almond milk.
*one spit take later*
Okay, I was wrong that is not what I want to taste. I still think I would like cashew milk on its own. Hell, I think I would probably even like it if it were just that and mango juice. It might be a little weird, but I have a ghost vision of it on my taste buds and it’s not bad. The problem lies with one, some or all of the other ingredients. I’m looking at you orange juice, dates, lemon juice, and bacillus coagulans GB1-30 6086 whatever you are (it’s a probiotic strain). In your ranks is the think that makes this taste very vegetable juice like and not like something I want to drink at all. It tastes like it’s the gross beverage that I would have to force myself to drink on a juice cleanse. Lucky for me I’m not cleansing and I don’t have to force anything. Wait, why did I just chug the whole thing then?

Website
http://foragerproject.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Milk
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 6th, 2018
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Starbucks Frappuccino Vanilla

Starbucks Frappuccino Vanilla

I went to Target last week to get some supplies for the sudden cold that overtook my body and saw that they were having a sale on a bunch of their beverages (buy $20 worth get a $5 gift card). I decided to use this as an opportunity to fill in some Thirsty Dudes gaps. I was pretty surprised to realize that we had not reviewed this one yet. In fact, I just checked our Master List for the third time, because I swore I had written about this little one before.

Let me start by saying there are two ways that I really like coffee; a nice smooth cold brew and a dessert coffee. This falls into the later. I like to see coffee as a treat and not just a daily routine. That may be because I would fall into the large percentile of Americans who are obese if I were to drink it all the time, since I generally like it sweet. This is like someone made a nice vanilla milkshake and threw in a shot of espresso. Just as they did so the phone rang and it was their mother, whose calls that kept forgetting to return and it turned into a long conversation about how well their siblings were doing and when are they going to meet someone nice and settle down. By the end of this exhausting conversation the milkshake had gone and melted on them. Whatever, they’ll drink it anyways. Now you don’t have to go through that whole ordeal to have this treat. You can keep dodging those calls and just grab a bottle of this from the store. It’s milky, It’s sweet and it lightly tastes like coffee. It’s a dessert drink.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 4th, 2018
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Cabo Sparkling Water Pomelo/Grapefruit

Cabo Sparkling Water Pomelo/Grapefruit

Have the tides changed for taste buds? Have I just been told what to like and accepted it? I never used to like seltzer until a couple of years ago, then I tried the Polar vanilla and my life changed. It seemed around that time, or shortly after, that new brands started popping up and it started showing up more places. Was that all coincidence, or were darker forces at work? I mean I’m all for dark forces if they are working to make people consume healthier things. I would just like to know if my thoughts are my own. Let’s be honest here, seltzer is the new iteration of the pomegranate phase. It’s everywhere and no one really remembers asking for it, but we enjoy it. Whatever, It’s zero sugar and it has bubbles to scratch my throat. I’m on board.

I had never heard of the Cabo company until I came across a four-pack of these cans on sale for one dollar. That’s not a deal you pass up. The grapefruit flavoring is on the lighter side of a bunch of other companies I have tried similar products of, but there is a vague almost floral taste that lays underneath it. It’s makes it a more unique flavor, but keeps it refreshing. Everything about this carbonated bottle is fairly laid back, just like I imagine a vacation would be in the tourist haven of Mexico. Man, that sounds horrible. I simply do not do well with laid back and relaxing. I need to always be on the move. How about you go to Cabo and I’ll head to Mexico City and we can exchange stories afterwards. I’ll be the one covered in sticky mango juice from eating three times my body weights’ worth.

Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 3rd, 2018
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Inko's Organic Energy Blackberry

Inko's Organic Energy Blackberry

The older I get the more I appreciate simple drinks. Drinks with less than five ingredients sound like a dream to me. As I see it the fewer the number of ingredients the less chance that some chemical garbage has been snuck in that has no place being in the human body. I like to live at least remotely healthy and other than for this site I tend to avoid such products. Of course now I feel like an idiot because from the taste of this and because it’s all organic I assumed there were only a couple of ingredients. There are twelve. I will say that all twelve are naturally occurring in nature though and aren’t going to kill you (well maybe the sugar, but there’s not much in here).

This may be an energy drink, but it is most definitely not a Monster or Red Bull. It is a blackberry flavored tea that has natural caffeine in it as well as ginseng and guarana. It’s not going to give you a crazy burst of energy, but it’s also not going to leave you a jittery mess either. I will take that trade off, and except in rare occurrences when do I need an insane amount of energy either.
The best part about it is that it just tastes like tea. There is a bit of stevia in here, but it just gives it a weird taste and doesn’t taste like it does in other drinks. The blackberry taste may not taste like you just smashed a handful of fruit off the vine into your face hole, but it tastes more than pleasant. If I were the type of person who needed coffee to get through the day, I could feel okay about swapping this out for the brewed beans.

Website
http://inkostea.com/
Country
United States
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 2nd, 2018
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Core Organic Blueberry

Core Organic Blueberry

You know. It's a juice.

Wild blueberry. Is that different than a "regular" blueberry? I feel like you could add adjectives to anything and as long as it's not "wrong," it's right. "Well you do find them in the wild so they are technically wild blueberries. LOLZ." Farmers. Whatever, dudes.

This is fine. I didn't expect much as it's a Stevia juice with low calories. They kind of take the form of a fruit flavored sugar after a while. This doesn't taste bad but it hardly tastes like any blueberry I've ever tasted and I've been known to eat a blueberry every now and then. At ten calories per bottle though, I cannot and will not complain. This is actually a decent drink that met my expectations and allowed me to happily drink while not knowing if I was going to have some sort of caloric overload or sugar high, neither of which I want.

Website
http://core-hydration.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 2nd, 2018
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Hint Caffeine Kick Lemon Cayenne

Hint Caffeine Kick Lemon Cayenne

This is half wonderfully punishing and half reminiscent of my jobs as a dishwasher. That's where I place it. The lemon ,oh, dat lemon. I don't know where this lemon flavor is from but it does not taste like real lemon. If it's real, I guess I don't know what real lemon taste like. As for the cayenne, I am from Buffalo and my roots are in cayenne. This is a welcomed punch in the tongue. Ever since Jay and I got rightfully reamed out by the guys as Prometheus Springs, we have grown to love and appreciate a nice, spicy drink. This being a water drink, though, has its chuggability diminished by the fact your mouth would be increasingly on fire. Being from where I am, though, this is actually good. Take a little sip. Get a little burn. Take a big gulp. Get a big burn. Swish it around. There's that tingle you want. Am I a masochist? Nope. Do I like a good runny nose when I eat spicy food? Yes I do.

The lemon did take some getting used to but was it awful? No. It wasn't. It just took my taste buds for a loop. It might have been the spice that threw it off. I don't know. I have another one at home that I look forward to drinking. Maybe I'll give it to my kids when they're bothering me. Was that Hint's intention? I don't care. Hint didn't know that they were going to trash their room again and expect me to clean it up did they? Some people spank their kids. I might just choose to give them secretly spicy drinks when they're not listening to their G.D. dad after he asked them to feed the dog four G.D. times.

Oh, and I don't know why there is caffeine in there. Do people need caffeine in their water?

Website
http://www.drinkhint.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 28th, 2018
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Onli Natural Hibiscus Pomegranate Strawberry

Onli Natural Hibiscus Pomegranate Strawberry

This should have been overwhelmingly wonderful. Don’t get me wrong it is wonderful, but not in an overwhelming way. I came across these on sale and after one sip, I contemplated turning around and driving back to the store to buy their entire stock. Lucky for me I had other errands that needed to be run first, so I kept sipping while I drove. Now, I loved this; it’s fruity and slightly floral, but I couldn’t finish a whole 12oz bottle. In a weird way the flavor was too strong to be unsweetened. In fact I will go on record and say that this is the most robust seltzer I have ever drunk. I got about halfway through and decided I needed to wait awhile before finishing it off. It was kind of like my taste buds were working overtime and had become sensitive. There was no physical discomfort, but I just felt that if I kept drinking it my enjoyment would decrease drastically. I’ve never experienced that with a beverage before. Perhaps things would have been different if a little spice, say cinnamon, were thrown in the mix. In theory that would throw everything in an even crazier direction, but I think it also would have reigned it all in. Also, everyone knows that hibiscus and cinnamon are an ultimate tag team. Oh well, I’ll just have to enjoy the case I bought in increments.

Website
http://onlibeverages.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 27th, 2018
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Coca-Cola Diet Ginger Lime

Coca-Cola Diet Ginger Lime

Let us rejoice. The unthinkable has been done. Coke has created a diet soda that can be enjoyed by everyone. So far the other flavors of their new line of diet colas have been fairly decent, but this one steps up the diet game. I don’t know if it is the ginger, the lime or the combination of the two, but whatever it is it masks the taste of the aspartame very well. So much in fact that this only tastes vaguely diet, even though there are 0g of sugar in here. I know it’s heresy to make comparisons between the big two, but this makes me think of the Pepsi 1893 ginger soda, if it were diet. Mixing ginger with cola is a great idea that I can’t believe wasn’t widely manufactured until recently. They blend together into something new and wonderful. The lime also just blends in with that. None of the flavors really stand out, and I suppose that is why the diet taste is also blended into that solid new flavor. Sure, by the end of the can the diet-ness of it gets stronger, but I feel like my last sip was only as strong as a regular diet Coke.

Website
http://www.coca-cola.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Aspartame
Categories
Diet, Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 26th, 2018
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Rockstar Mojito

Rockstar Mojito

This…oh boy…this drink. This is something. The something this is just happens to be one of the worst beverages I have ever tasted. At first my brain told me that this tastes the way that horses smell. I know that shouldn’t be correct, since horses smell nothing like mint nor lime, but that was the signal that my taste buds were reporting back to my cranium. I don’t even know if that makes any sense to anyone, so I will put it another way. This also tastes like what I could only assume it would be like if you cool a bottle of coolant for a car and mixed in the fakest lime flavor you have ever tasted and then gave it some sort of coolness that you will then try to trick people into thinking is mint, even though it tastes nothing like any sort of mint that you have tried before. I couldn’t make it past a few sips of this. I really tried too, because I knew I was going to have a very late night, but I just could not convince myself that by drinking this I was drinking poison that would inevitably lead to my death.

This is the single worst energy drink I have ever tasted and I can only pray to whatever gods it is that I (don’t) believe in that it is discontinued.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 25th, 2018
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