Joker Mad Energy Tropical Mango

Joker Mad Energy Tropical Mango

It’s common knowledge at this point (at least amongst us that read comics) that Bill Finger got screwed on getting credit for his work in the DC universe. The man helped create some of the most well-known comic characters of all time, but Bob Kane got the bi-lines. In recent years he has finally started to get the credit he deserves. I can only hope that if his estate is not responsible for these energy drinks that they give some sort of credit, because there is absolutely no way the image on this can is not based on his character The Joker. I’m not a litigious man, but if credit is not being given, perhaps a trip to the courthouse is in order.

As for the taste of this beverage, I can only assume its creation went something like this: Harleen comes over to her boyfriend Joe’s apartment after picking up some mangos from the grocery store and plans on making them some smoothies with the orange juice that she saw in his fridge. Upon arriving to the apartment she discovers that the orange juice has actually been sitting in there for several years and the inside of the carton looks like some sort of hate crime. The pipes in the apartment are so gross and rusted that the water comes out tinted brown, and there is no way she is going to consume that. She really wants that smoothie though and the only other liquid Joe has in the house is some generic Red Bull type energy drink. With a shrug and a sigh she pulls out the blender and mixes away. The result is this drink. It has a general energy drink taste underneath a very strong mango flavor that tastes authentic, even though I’m sure there’s no way in Gotham that it is.

Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 2nd, 2016
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Vintage Sparkling Water Cucumber Melon

Vintage Sparkling Water Cucumber Melon

It’s easy to be nostalgic for other eras in human history. There were a lot of great things that happened and through forgetfulness things seemed like they were perfect. I often find myself wishing I was living in various decades from the past century when life seemed great and the internet hadn’t ruined everything. At this point pretty much all of the “secret” spots my friends and I knew about and enjoyed when we were younger have been posted all over the internet and they have either been closed off, or there are now far too many people there for it to have that special allure anymore. Also, don’t get me started on how self-important people are now. So I think back to times that I’d like to think were simpler. Then I remember that racism, sexism, homophobia and the like ran rampant during a lot of those times and things weren’t perfect then either. I can say if this truly is a facsimile of vintage and what beverages were like in another era I think I could look past the horribleness and just bliss out, can after can.

Somehow seltzer has become a cool thing in our current times. I never saw that coming. I found my way to it because I was looking to lower my sugar intake, but still wanted bubbly drinks and diet soda is just awful. I don’t know if that’s the route most people take or if it’s just a hot item now so they are flocking to it. I will say that I will reap the rewards because the flavors available have expanded greatly.

If you know me, you probably know that I love all things cucumber flavored. I think I may have even been attracted to my girlfriend in high school because she used cucumber melon lotion that was all the rage back then. It’s delicious and it’s refreshing. I feel like it sounds like I’m building this up for a letdown, but that is not the case. This is wonderful and it’s what I wanted out of it. It tastes mostly like cucumber with a faint melon flavor. It’s refreshing with no calories. This is guilt free enjoyment here and I could drink a case in a day without blinking an eye, although I would have to make a lot of trips to the bathroom. Everyone who’s on a seltzer kick buy this. I’m afraid I may be the only one who will buy it and they will stop production and then I will go in a deep depression and live alone with my riches. When I die my final words won’t be about a sled, but about a beverage I truly loved.

Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 19th, 2016
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Jones Stripped Chipotle Pineapple Soda

Jones Stripped Chipotle Pineapple Soda

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Chipotle does not need to go into everything. I like a nice smoked pepper taste as much as the next human, and I put chipotle Tabasco sauce on a decent amount of my food, but I 100% do not need, nor want it in beverage form.

This is not horrible. If I tried hard I could probably drink the whole bottle, but something just tastes not right about it, like the time you ran out of milk and decided to pour orange juice on your serial instead. You powered through that bowl, but you did not really enjoy it.

I’ve had chipotle dusted dried mango before (which again was okay, but not necessary) and due to that I kept expecting this to be mango and not pineapple. Even concentrating on the pineapple flavor I still get a bit of mango somehow. Psychosomatic folks. The pineapple taste isn’t as strong as other sodas of that flavor I’ve had in the past either. This doesn’t even taste like chipotle to be honest, it just tastes weird. It has no spice to it, which I would have expected. Well it tastes like spice, but not spicy if you catch my drift. It’s certainly not for me and I’m guessing it’s not for most of you either.

Oh yeah, it’s also sweetened with a mixture of cane sugar, agave syrup and stevia to keep the calories down. While it’s better than it would be in full diet form, it’s still not doing any favors for the taste.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 18th, 2016
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Apple Rush Sparkling Pomegranate

Apple Rush Sparkling Pomegranate

Back from a long time off on a thing called a "honeymoon" but I'm back and what do I start off with? A sparkling pomegranate joint. It's good, too. I didn't get a lot of apple but the pomegranate was nice and honest and sparkly. It wasn't too sweet and, according to the promises of the company, all that is in this lil' bottle is sweetening this is the fruit juice itself. There are some natural colors from fruit and vegetable and some preservatives but it's good. I would give this to a child. I think that's pretty telling. Sure, I gave my 9 month old half a sugar cookie which he promptly dropped half on the sidewalk and some mini marshmallows yesterday but he was being good and good kids deserve little treats. I might not be the world's best dad but my kids would like me because I gave them sweet treats.

Website
http://www.applerush.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 18th, 2016
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Sunup Green Coffee

Sunup Green Coffee

This beverage leads me to ask the question, Why waste your time roasting coffee beans when you can just brew the green beans? As it turns out you’ll save time and it has a more palatable taste (according to my taste buds). You also get the same amount of caffeine plus some antioxidants.

If someone were to ask me to describe how this tastes I would immediately respond that it tastes like someone brewed a pot of coffee, dumped it down the drain, then somehow brewed some yerba mate tea in the same coffee maker without cleaning it out. After that they dumped a bunch of sugar in it. It has a very earthy taste (hence the yerba mate descriptor) and only vaguely tastes like the coffee flavor that comes to mind when you think about said beverage.

This is definitely something that tastes extremely weird and off the first time you try it. I quickly grew to enjoy it though. It’s an entirely different beast than your typical coffee, and I could see it turning off hardcore coffee fans who may see it as a bastardization of their holy beverage (coffee people are crazy, right?). On the other hand I could see it being something that those who don’t normally like coffee enjoy (oh look, that’s me).

Website
http://www.sunupgreencoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Dried Cane Syrup
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 12th, 2016
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Marley's Mellow Mood Peach Raspberry Black Tea

Marley's Mellow Mood Peach Raspberry Black Tea

They may have dropped the “passion fruit” from the name, but I’m pretty sure this is the same formula as the old Black Tea, Peach, Raspberry and Passion Fruit bottles that I used to drink more often than I probably should have. If it is different it not by much and it’s still wonderfully delicious.

It’s always a shock when a functional beverage can not only taste like the beverage it’s masquerading as, but also be an exceptional version of that style of beverage. If this were a regular iced tea that wouldn’t make me sleepy I would drink it all of the time. It tastes fantastic and fruity, without being overly sweet. As it is I drink it sparingly when I need to chill out a bit. I do miss it in resealable bottle form though. A full can might just knock me right out.

Website
http://www.marleybeverages.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Relaxation
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 9th, 2016
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Cawston Press Ginger Beer

Cawston Press Ginger Beer

I had this whole idea for writing to Scotland and telling them that we were cool now and that all is forgiven for that Iron Bru garbage that they spewed into the world. Then, I realized that Cawston Press isn’t made in Scotland. I just happen to have been there the first time I drank it. Well, it looks like I still have beef with Scotland, but my love for England is still running high, due to it being the home of these sodas.

No other company in the history of Thirsty Dudes has gotten a five bottle review consecutively for all of their products. They are truly a gift to the beverage world. With this soda that took their patented sparkling apple juice and added a top notch ginger beer to it. This has it all, flavor and burn. You can taste the flavor of actual ginger and not just an intense burn, but it has enough kick to keep you interested.

It seems like a bit of a hefty price at $7 for a six pack, but that’s less than $1.25 per can, and that is not bad at all for this quality of soda. I can’t wait until their other flavors make it over to the US.

Website
http://www.cawstonpress.com/
Country
United Kingdom
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 9th, 2016
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Caleb's Kola

Caleb's  Kola

There are two types of cola in the world. The first is “cola,” which includes products such as Coke and Pepsi and it is the taste most people associate with this work. The other is “kola” and there are different ingredients at work, which leads to a slightly earthier taste. If you’re into the whole craft soda thing, this is probably what you crave. It’s not just one general taste. There are different elements at work and you can make them out separately in the taste. Don’t get me wrong there are many times in my life where a Coke is exactly what I need to hit the spot, but more often than not I would prefer something like this.

Kola Nut is slightly bitter and gives the whole beverage a unique flavor. It tastes special, and that more care was put into your beverage. In my head small batches of Caleb’s Kola are brewed and carbonated and it’s not just a syrup that is added to sparkling water. If this were just a tad bit darker tasting, it would be perfect. As it is I still enjoy it to a great extent and I wish more companies would follow in their footsteps.

Website
http://calebskola.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 3rd, 2016
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Pure Leaf Tea House Collection Black Tea with a hint of Wild Blackberry & Sage

Pure Leaf Tea House Collection Black Tea with a hint of Wild Blackberry & Sage

You know what happens when you use good ingredients? You get a great tea at any temperature. Temperature?! Why are you mentioning temperature? Well it's because I didn't finish this yesterday and came back today to polish it off and review it. It was better today than it was yesterday. This uses real sugar and not corn syrup so after fourteen hours, it was not a syrupy mess. When it was cold, the temperature kind of made things different than today when it's neat I could taste the blackberry and the hint of sage. It was very nice, too. It was fruity and you could tell there was something. Not specifically sage but "something" herbal.

I think I'm going to have to befriend a bodega employee to sell me back stock so that it's warm. I think I'm going to have to befriend a bodega employee so that I can go hang out at bodegas. My dad used to own a Convenient store but I was too young to work there. Alas.

Website
http://theloveofleaves.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 30th, 2016
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Towne Club Strawberry Melon

Towne Club Strawberry Melon

Part of me wants to trash this for being glorified carbonated sugar water and part of me wants to praise it for being a smallish local company (Detroit) that is still putting out soda in glass bottles that is sweetened with cane sugar. The thing is that this is neither terrible nor great. It simply falls in the grey area of life. Towne Club gets some points for making a strawberry melon soda, but the execution could be better. It tastes so sweet that it makes it hard to decipher the different fruit flavors. I was certainly not able to drink even half of this bottle. Saying I drank a third of it is being generous. I’m sure there is someone out there who loves this and swears by it. I can only assume that same person devours Pixie Stix and Sweet Tarts all day long. They also most definitely live in Michigan. No one outside the mitten can have that much love for this soda.

Website
http://www.cdry.net/towne_club.html
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 28th, 2016
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