"Mr." Cola

"Mr." Cola

Everyone has that relative that they sometimes wish would stop coming around. Unfortunately, Mr. Cola is that person in his family. You see, his last name used to be Pepper. He lived a glorious life as Mr. Pepper. This all came to an end when he failed out of medical school. He was promptly kicked out of the house, told to change his name, and to never return. He was never the same after that.

He could have been anything, become anyone. He thought long and hard about what his name was going to be and he decided on Cola. He never had the bite his Pepper relatives were known for so he went with the nice and simple name of Cola. He lived a happy life as Mr. Cola, but never got the fame and fortune that his old family did. He didn't care. He was a sweet and simple man. He liked being nothing special, just another person walking down the street.

Website
http://www.orcabeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on December 29th, 2011
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#Yolo Energy Mixer | Drink Blue Spirit

#Yolo Energy Mixer | Drink Blue Spirit

You only live once, but as it turns out life can be pretty horrible sometimes, especially if you are drinking a beverage such as this. You may be in luck though, because this tastes like it may or not be poison. If I saw a warning on it that said “If ingested call Poison Control.” To me it tastes like carbonated blue Hugs that a neighborhood creep drugged to off the kids on the block. Perhaps there was a mix up and in fact I am consuming windshield wiper fluid? Do you want to know how hard it was to get through this? My friend says it tastes how freshly cleaned toilets smell. Enjoy!

Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Azucar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 4th, 2017
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'Tude Cold Pressed Juice Marionberry Apple Juice

'Tude Cold Pressed Juice Marionberry Apple Juice

Son, I know I'm being a terrible parent by saying this, but you're being a little jerk. If you keep acting this way no one is going to like you. You'll have no friends and as you grow older you'll get picked on more and more and you'll eventually sit at lunch all alone. These are the kinds of things that lead to sociopathic behavior. You don't want to be a sociopath do you? I'm glad you said no. I mean you're only two and obviously have no idea what that word means, but I appreciate that you can understand the seriousness in my voice. It's time to make a change son. The world doesn't revolve around you and the sooner you learn that the better. Then you can work on a decent life for yourself and maybe find some happiness in this life that most people seem to miss. Let's start today son. This all started because you wanted a soda pop. I don't know how you even know what that is at your age. Actually I do; it's your grandmother isn't it? She's determined to give you all the garbage food your body can consume. Listen to me son, don't go down that route. Stay healthy. It will give you an advantage when this world finally goes to hell and it's everyone for themselves. Instead of that soda have this little bottle of juice. It's called 'tude and that's exactly where you need to make an adjustment in your life. As you slurp down this moderately priced cold pressed juice think of the ways you can improve your attitude so that you can make something of yourself, and I don't mean just make a bunch of money. I mean ways in which you can do something you love and survive without becoming a financial burden on others. It's marionberry and green apple juice mixed. How could you go wrong with that. It's delicious and it's nice and tart. The way that it tastes like something along the lines of acai or pomegranate slightly lets you know that it's chock full of antioxidants. Antioxidants son, they are an important thing....Please ignore most of what I just said. I wasn't built to have kids and I haven't slept in days. I'm delirious son. You should probably forget about the part when I said I wasn't meant to have kids. I love you son, but you really make it difficult to do that sometimes.

Website
http://www.tudejuice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 18th, 2015
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12 Noon To Midnight Original

12 Noon To Midnight Original

This bottled beverage taunted me for months from the shelf of my local grocery store. The bottle made it look so fancy and tasty. I thought of it as the grail of beverages. The $8 price tag on it always deterred me. I would look up at it weekly and say "Some day. Some day." Finally I got to the point where I couldn't stand it any longer and bought it to have with dinner that night. This drink had been built up in my head to such a level that I cannot describe my disappointment as it splashed on my tongue. It tasted like the blandest fruit juice I had ever tasted. It tasted the way every health food was described in 80's movies. It also had a strong fennel aftertaste, even though it's not listed in the ingredients. I had a handful of other people taste it, wondering if it had magically powers that made it taste so disgusting to those who weren't worthy of it's glory. After one sip everyone thought it was completely terrible, and half a bottle of it was sadly poured down the drain.

Website
http://www.twelvebeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 8th, 2010
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12 Beverage Sparkling Fruit Juice and Tea Blend 25.4 oz.

12 Noon To Midnight Rouge

12 Noon To Midnight Rouge

After I wrote my review of the Original Noon to Midnight, I had an email chat with Steve from 12. He let me know that they would be releasing the Rouge version of it, and asked me to give it a try. I told him I would because anytime a company takes the time to write us a nice thought out email, I will always give their product another try.
My girlfriend found it at our local grocery store, and we decided to drink it tonight with our gourmet meal of pierogis and stuffing (We made it once when those were the only two foodstuffs left in the house. It ended up being surprisingly good). I definitely enjoyed the Rouge way more than the Original 12, mainly because it lacked in fennel. I just couldn't get over the taste of it in the Original.
It is a very light, dry drink. It's a mixture of a bunch of different teas, fruit juices, spices and carbonated water. If this had sugar added to it, I bet it wouldn't taste too different from a mid level soda pop. I'm glad there's not though. It makes 12 stand out, and it's not terrible for you. It isn't very refreshing, but it's not supposed to be. It's the kind of drink that you sip with a meal, not something you would gulp down while watching a sporting event.
I was going to give this a rating of 3, but after some thought, it's getting a 4. It may not be something that I would normally grab, but for what it is, it's very good.

Website
http://www.twelvebeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Naturally Sweetened
Categories
Juice, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 19th, 2010
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12 Noon To Midnight Rouge Sparkling Beverage 25.4 oz

2B Sparkling Soda Vanilla Cream

2B Sparkling Soda Vanilla Cream

Here is a brief story of me buying a handful of 2B flavors. I was somewhere in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the Midwest. I was as central as one can be. We had a ridiculously long drive to get to a show and we stopped in a town to eat, which to the best of my searching had nothing quick that was suitable for vegetarians except for French fries, onion rings and ice cream. I’m no fool and knew that on such an empty stomach that anything deep fried would destroy my stomach, so I of course got ice cream like a champ. In said horrible town we stopped to get gas as well and I found these cans in the cooler. I grabbed this vanilla one, and let the others be. Then as I approached the counter as say a mixed case of them for 50 cents each. In the cooler they were listed as $1.89 or something like that, so I grabbed the other flavors, because a deal is a deal and I have a duty to report to you, our readers. When the woman rung me out the vanilla rang up as full price. When I questioned her, so said only the room temperature ones were on sale. Does that make sense to anyone? They are the same product. They obviously paid the same amount for them. Also, the cooler is running the same amount whether they are in it or not, so it’s not costing them any more money. I swapped my cold one out for a counter one, paid the woman and off we went. There’s no real point to that other than me pointing out that if you’re not in a bigger city the Midwest is a weird place.

Now, on to the soda; the entire shtick of this company is that they use monk fruit in combination with cane sugar to lower the sugar content by 80%. I’ve had too many diet drinks lately and have been putting this off because of it. I have to admit it’s not bad. It has a little strange aftertaste from the monk fruit, but the “diet” flavor is not there. This is one of the strongest vanilla beverages I have ever come across. I’m venturing a guess that a good portion of the population has snuck a taste out of a bottle of extract of vanilla at some point in their childhood, with horrible results. It just smells so good, but it should never be tasted in that form. This tastes like a healthy dose of that was put into a generic soda water. It’s kind of strange because overall it’s a fairly light beverage, but the vanilla is so strong that you expect it to be creamy. It’s a light, diet cream soda that doesn’t’ taste overly diet. It wouldn’t be a go-to for me, but it falls under the category of I would happily drink it if it were served to me.

Website
http://www.2Bdrinks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 6th, 2015
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2B Sparkling Soda Double Cherry Fizz

2B Sparkling Soda Double Cherry Fizz

I’m deep in the forest. The forest is actually a swamp. The swamp is actually made up of soda. I want to enjoy this experience and get lost in it all, but there is a problem. The problem is monk fruit. I don’t know how it actually grows, but for the sake of this review it is covering the surface of the swamp a la cranberries. This is causing a problem because for the life of me I can’t get past the monk fruit to figure out if this is a cherry cola, or just a plain ole’ cherry soda. I’m pretty sure it’s cherry cola, but nothing on the cane denotes that. I’m not sure if it’s the taste of the monk fruit that is giving it a quasi-taste of cola, or if that flavor is distracting from the pure cola taste. This soda is floating in some weird dream state limbo where it doesn’t know what it wants to be. I can’t say that I really enjoyed it, but at the same time I also did not dislike it. It is low in sugar, thus low in calories, which more likely than not is going to put it at some sort of disadvantage taste wise. I really just want to know what the flavor is supposed to be. I feel like that would make it easier to form a more solid opinion.

Website
http://www.2Bdrinks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 28th, 2015
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2B Sparkling Soda Lemon Lime Fizz

2B Sparkling Soda Lemon Lime Fizz

I understand the allure of lower sugar content and saving calories. After decades of ingesting pretty much anything, Americans are finally becoming more health conscious. We’re sick of the garbage we eat and drink contributing to our eventual demise. The only problem is that I have yet to come across a low calorie sweetener that hasn’t affected the flavor of the beverage it is used in in a negative way. There is a reason people love sugary drinks. They are delicious. Sugar is basically a drug and we all like to get our fix. Drinks made with sucralose, aspartame, and stevia are like giving a junkie a beer when their body just needs a dose of heroin. It just doesn’t give you what you want. I admit that the use of monk fruit in here is closer to the end goal, but it’s still not there.

I am an all or nothing type of person. I would rather have completely unsweetened seltzer water if cane sugar isn’t available. Actually I would prefer that seltzer over even the cane sugar a lot of the time these days. I understand that not everyone is like me, and that others need some sort of “sweetness” even if it isn’t the real stuff. While I would never go out of my way to drink this, I would certainly choose a can of 2B Lemon Lime Fizz over a can of Diet 7 Up any day. It may have an aftertaste, but it doesn’t taste chemical or unnatural. I’d have to say that the flavor here is probably 50% lemon, 10% lime and 40% monk fruit. If you’re okay with those percentages, give it a go.

Website
http://www.2Bdrinks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 22nd, 2016
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3 Dachshunds Root Beer

3 Dachshunds Root Beer

All root beer. It's been a while, friend. So long, in fact, that this root beer took a little turn into "potentially spoiled" territory. I can taste through it so I will be rating it as a non-spoiled bottle of grossness.

This is a fine root beer. If you like root beer, you will like this. If you love root beer, you will think this is "just another" root beer. This is a calmer version of a pretty generic root beer but the cane sugar makes it better because the taste doesn't linger. It's got a medium bite and it's not too dark and not too light. I don't think that this was made "from scratch" but probably from a concentrated syrup. Look, no judgement, it just tastes like it.

A dashshund bit my dog the first time I took her to the dog park so if I had three dashshunds around me, I think I'd be a bit skeptical. I'd probably be on the defense like they're going to attack. If I had three bottles of this root beer around me, two of them would go to waste.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Root Beer, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 29th, 2016
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3 Lemon Sparkling Lemonade

3 Lemon Sparkling Lemonade

MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM, I want lemonade! Now son, you know we’re in Mexico and you can’t just have everything you want. We’ve been here for a week and all you’ve done is complain about how you want some lemonade. I told you before I looked in every store and nowhere sells it. I also haven’t been able to find any lemons to make you some fresh. They must be out of season or something. But MOOOOOOOOOM I really want it. What about that weird plastic lemon that is in the fridge, couldn’t you make some with that? Well I suppose I could. I don’t want to make it with the tap water though. W have a lot planned today, and I can’t have you running off to the bathroom every five minutes with the runs. The only bottled water I have is carbonated, but if it will get you to shut up let’s give it a try. Oh, now you’ve gone and put far too much of that lemon juice in the sparkling water. We’ll have to fix that by adding some sugar. Unfortunately since this is a rented room, there isn’t any sugar here. Oh wait, I think I have some packets in my purse. Ugh, all I have is artificial sweetener. I guess it’s better than nothing. Here try this. What do you think? Ugh, MOOOOOOOOOOMMM this is GROOOOOOOSSSSSSSS! Nothing about it tastes natural. MOOOOOOOOMMMMM I don’t want lemonade anymore. I want iced tea!!! Well lucky for you they had some down at the market. Let’s take a quick trip there.

So yeah, this tastes exactly like the drink this family made, except it has little dark chunks in it. It’s apparently part of the limejuice, but it just looks like the drink has gone bad. This also says it has no diet aftertaste. Guess what? They are liars.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Aspartame
Categories
Diet, Lemonade, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 25th, 2012
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