Rubicon Guava

Rubicon Guava

In the wild world of Canada, there are live exotic fruits. It's true. You don't believe me? Take a trip up to Toronto. While you're there, go do yourself a favor and go to "Fifty Toppings Guy". It's a hot dog cartman on the corner of Queen and Spadina who has wonderful veggie and non-veggie dogs. I'm assuming that you've got a satchel or a fanny pack or something to carry your exotic fruits in, so I am not even going to address it. So once you get past the Eaton Centre, up on your left is a jungle. Ask James, the night watchman, if you can go in. You know the secret hand gesture, right? That's right. It's the same one as the Van Buren Boys hand signal that George Costanza used to save his life. Once James lets you in, get your shoving arms ready because it's a madhouse in there. The pushing and shoving, you would think you were in one of those Filene's "Running of the Brides" events.

Wait, did I tell you that all the exotic juices are in juice box format? Ooops. Sorry. Did you think that it was just fruit hanging off of trees? Are you kidding? Passionfruit, Guava, and all that other good stuff doesn't grow in Toronto. They have to package it up so that it doesn't get damaged when dropped, and since you're going to be fighting your way through said juice, you'd better have a nice, cardboard carrying case around it.

Whilt pushing fat men and skinny ladies, fight your way over to the Rubicon table to grab some of their guava, or as they like to say "goyave". It's pretty close to the bare essentials of what guava is all about. Water, guava pulp, and sugar and then some preservatives and stabilizers to keep it from surprising you with a straw full of brown juice. Oh man, the thought of that makes me want to puke. It's a little gritty like nectar and just the right amount of sweetness so you don't get cavities and probably get some sort of legitimate nutrition. Your mom would be proud, but don't show her that you got your school clothes dirty because some angry woman just pushed you in the dirt so she could get her grubby, rather large hands on the pineapple juice boxes.

Website
http://www.rubiconexotic.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 6th, 2011
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Rubicon Guava Exotic Juice Drink (4 juice boxes)

Calypso Organics Limeade

Calypso Organics Limeade

Listen Cindy, I know you really wanted to have a lemonade stand today, but the truth of the matter is you plumb used up all of the lemons in the house yesterday. All we have left is a handful of limes that your stuck up older sister uses in her Mojitos. I don't think those would be what you want. I've been meaning to ask you, what did you do with eight dozens lemons? I'm catering a party for the Shemkovitz's this weekend and you know how they love lemons in their water. Yes I know you made lemonade to sell, but what did you do with the rest of them? You sold it all and you now have $137? Wow! People said they would be back today for more? Well I guess we better give these limes a go then! Hmmm. This actually isn't bad. It's really tart, but it tastes exactly like it should; lemonade with limes instead of lemons. No I don't think we should add more sugar. The tartness has a charm to it. You're sister is going to be so mad at us for using her limes. Hopefully your customers will love it. Oh honey your father wanted me to ask you if you knew where his records went. You what!?!?! You gave them away with the lemonade?!?!? Do you know how much some of those early 45's were worth? Looks like someone isn't going to college anymore.

Website
http://www.kingjuice.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Lemonade
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 7th, 2011
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Calypso LIMEADE "It's like Harry Belafonte went British or something!", 20-Ounce Glass Bottle (Pack of 12)

Flavur Lemon Honey Aloe

Flavur Lemon Honey Aloe

You drink stuff with chunks in it? That's gross? What's gross about it? Well, it has chunks in it, for one. Seems like something went wrong if you're drinking something that has chunkified on itself. The chunks are from aloe? The plant? Gross. Who drinks plants? Yeah, I guess tealeaves are from a plant, too, but that's different because there aren't any chunks in it. I like a nice, clean drink; free of all pulps, curds, chunks, and seeds.

Yeah, actually some of that sounds good, lemon, honey, and aloe, but there you go again with that aloe. It doesn't have chunks? Alright, you know what? For you I'll try it. Hmm, that's pretty good. Let me give this another go. It's good. It tastes like lemonade with a little extra kick. Maybe it's lemonade with honey, but like honey off one of those cool honey dippers. No, not honey dipper like that dude that goes to your weird aunt's house and gets the poop out of her poop tank. Those cool honey dippers like the one that they use on the cover of the Honey Bunches of Oats box. I can taste the aloe and it's great because there aren't any chunks getting in my way.

See, this is what I'm talking about. I don't know why you drink all that stuff. This is a nice, foreign drink that doesn't make me want to puke. Get that grass jelly drink out of my face! Where do you get this stuff?!

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Chicory Syrup
Categories
Aloe Vera, Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 16th, 2011
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DG Old Jamaican Ginger Beer Twist

DG Old Jamaican Ginger Beer Twist

I'm not one to turn down a ginger beer. I've actually been searching high and low for the greatest ginger beer of them all. If I ever narrow it down to two I may have them go head to head in a Thunderdome style scenario. How much of a crock was that anyways. "Two men enter. One man leaves." Master Blaster was two separate people. I don't know about you, but where I'm from that's considered cheating. I suppose it would also be cheating if I entered this ginger beer into the competition since it is unfairly matched up with its friend lime. Let me tell you they make an incredible pair.

This tastes like there was a malfunction at the factory where they were making some sort of Sprite rip off. The lemon pump got all jammed up and only lime made it into the mix. Then instead of wasting the whole batch they added a decent ginger beer to the mix. It's sweet and refreshing with a ginger aftertaste and a medium burn. If these were readily available around Buffalo I might have a problem.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 29th, 2011
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DG TWIST GINGER BEER WITH LIME - OLD JAMAICAN AROMATIC STIMULANT, 300ML Glass Bottle (Pack of 12)

President's Choice Jamaican Style Ginger Beer

President's Choice Jamaican Style Ginger Beer

2 liter bottles are the worst form of packaging for soda to come in. Okay 3 liters are actually worse, and I suppose if a company chose to package their drinks inside of an octopus' stomach that would also be worse. Let's just say out of normal packaging it is the worst.
A. It's plastic, which is inferior to cans, which is inferior to glass bottles.
B. It's too much drink. You generally don't finish it in one sitting and the pop ends up going flat before you get through the whole bottle.
C. If you do finish the entire bottle in a single sitting, you are a glutton and probably are going to end up weighing 398 lbs.

Most companies realize how terrible of an idea these bottles are and forgo using them. Quality companies that is. Generally all you see are Coke and Pepsi products as well as store brands like this one. We went up to Canada on Sunday to get some bookshelves from Ikea. Nothing is better for LPs. We stopped at a grocery store and I saw this on the shelf for $1.19. I'm not one to ever pass up a ginger beer I haven't tried, even when I expect the worst. I made my purchase, made my way out to my car, took a photo in the bottle and cracked it open like the impatient American that I am. While it was in my mouth it tasted like an average root beer. Then I swallowed and the ginger beer flavor became more apparent. Two seconds later a very decent burn swept over my throat.

This is a shockingly decent ginger beer. It's not the best I've tasted, but it's far from the worst, which is what I expected. I still think 2 liters are a terrible idea, and this is most definitely going to go flat before I finish it, but flavor wise it was pretty darn good.

Website
http://www.presidentschoice.ca/LCLOnline/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 17th, 2011
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Clearly Canadian Daily Vitamin Blueberry

Clearly Canadian Daily Vitamin Blueberry

You've got your flavored waters and you've got this. Hint does a nice job of putting a little bit of flavor into a lot of bit of water and making something both flavorful and pleasing. This drink does a good job of adding a little bit of flavor to a lot of bit of water and making it boring.

Initially it was alright. I thought it was going to be a nice drink but as soon as the temperature rose to room temperature, boredom sets in. It couldn't be blander, really.

I needed be bothered with writing a long, detailed review on this. It's not great and I don't recommend it to you. End of story. Blunt? Yep-ahh.

Website
http://www.clearlycanadianbrands.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 18th, 2011
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Old Tyme Ginger Beer

Old Tyme Ginger Beer

I woke up today knowing that I desired a ginger beer. I don't know why, but I saw it on the shelf and said to myself that I hoped this burned my throat. It's such a little bottle. I just knew that it was some sort of concentrated danger. The whole "big things come in small packages" cliche.

I took my first sip and there it was. Burn. If I had to rate the burn on some sort of made up scale, I would say that it has a medium burn. It kicks you in the tonsils but playfully, like when a dog bites you and you can feel their dog teeth but they don't chomp down, making you lose some of your precious digits.

In the case of ginger beer, most of the time I want to battle with non-playful sharks and I just want straight rusty razor blades rushing down my throat, but this is nice, too.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 26th, 2011
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Clearly Canadian Daily Vitamin Tropical

Clearly Canadian Daily Vitamin Tropical

When I was in Hawaii a few months back our hotel had a giant water dispenser in the front lobby. For the first two days I didn't bother with it because I thought it was just water and I had my water bottle with me. On the third day Kevyn made me try it. It was water that had various tropical fruits floating in it that flavored the liquid. It was absolutely perfect. It was only faintly flavored, so it was completely refreshing and tasty, basically exactly the right drink to sip on in paradise.

As soon as this hit my lips the flavor brought me right back to my vacation. It tastes exactly the same, except a little sweeter. This is what I want from a flavored water. Too many companies go overboard with their flavor and it looses the water aspect. There is no doubt with this that it is water first and flavor second. I appreciate that. Now I'm going to close my eyes and pretend I'm surfing again.

Website
http://www.clearlycanadianbrands.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 31st, 2011
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Jones Soda Ginger Beer

Jones Soda Ginger Beer

Sometimes I feel like I need to go to a S.S.A. meeting (no that has nothing to do with the Nazi SS, I'm not a scumbag). I would walk right up to that podium and say, "Hi, my name is Jason, and I'm a soda snob." I would then talk about how I bashed some sub-par soda or another on this site just because it wasn't as good as some crazy specialty pop I had drank at some point months ago. I'm using the restraint I learned at these completely made up meetings in reviewing this soda.

I would like to start by saying that had I found and drank this pop in the time before Thirsty Dudes ruled my life I would have absolutely loved it. The thing is that in the past year or so I have had the pleasure of tasting some of the best ginger beers this world has to offer. At this point a normal ginger beer just seems okay to me. I've also have this undying need to drink insanely strong ginger beers that burn your mouth/throat for hours. My girlfriend has the taste buds of an infant and she would probably say that this is too spicy for her. To me it's very mild. For a normal drinker, it would probably be somewhere in the middle.

This has the typical Jones sweetness to it. I was expecting it to be very candy-like and for it to basically be a glorified ginger ale. Luckily it does taste like a real ginger beer, and I'm thankful for that. I need to search out what other flavors Jones has as Canadian exclusives, but until then I'll have to keep attending these meetings in the church basement.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 19th, 2011
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Pop Shoppe Pineapple

Pop Shoppe Pineapple

As ambassador for the island of Pineapple Pokopo I would like to assure you that I am as much as a professional as you can get on the subject of pineapples. I have had them prepared every way possible. I've had them sliced, diced, baked, fried, fire roasted, shoved inside of various mammals and fish. You have not lived until you've had pineapple stuffed dolphin. My mansion is actually built 100% out of pineapple. You wouldn't believe how strong that fruit can get when it's compressed enough and then shellacked.

I tell you all of this because on my vacation to Toronto you had the audacity to serve me this soda?!?! This is not my beloved pineapple! I bet that the ingredients in the bottle have never even been in the same fruit with any fruit, let alone one as pure as mine. I demand you change the name of this immediately! What's that you will call it "ananas?" Is that some sort of banana? Oh it's French for pineapple. I can deal with that. I've never met a Frenchman, so I assume I'll never run into anyone who knows that information.

Now that it has a new name this is actually pretty good. It has a nice citrus flavor, like it's some candied fruit. It doesn't taste like actually pineapple as I have mentioned in my rant, but there is something similar there. It's better than an orange or lemon soda. I will tell you that for free. That's right the cost of that knowledge will not come out of your tip. Now bring me another bottle, and a fresh napkin. I must clean off my pineapple monocle. Did you not notice that it was just a cored slice of pineapple with a lens shoved into it? No wonder you're a waiter and not the ambassador of Pineapple Pokopo.

Website
http://www.thepopshoppe.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 29th, 2011
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