Chocolate (35 reviews)

Ripple Chocolate

Ripple Chocolate

For months this tub o’ milk substitute has been staring me down in the organic section of my local Wegmans. I think it’s mostly because even though I know the product is called Ripple, the way the typeface is on the bottle I always read it as Apple and subconsciously my taste buds are tricked into thinking that it was going to be some sort of delicious chocolate apple milk. The somewhat hefty price tag ($8 I believe) help me back from making the purchase. My ladyfriend finally pulled the trigger, because unaware to me it has also been pulling at her with its chocolatey siren’s call.

My first thought when I took as sip was a ridiculous disappointment. How on earth could I expect this to taste like apple when I knew it wasn’t at all is a secret my brain to will take to its grave. I can’t hold a lack of apple against the company when it was never promised in the first place.

My second thought was, well this isn’t really a sipping beverage. It’s a bit chalky and you can taste the plant protein in it (it comes from peas, luckily it tastes nothing like the semi-grossness of peas when they exist outside of a pot pie). It reminds me a lot of protein drinks, but less thick. I think the ideal use for this would be as a base for a smoothie. I can’t see myself drinking a full glass of this, or putting it on cereal, but I can see me mixing it with some peanut butter and such mixed up in a blender.

This is nothing I would spend money on for the price, but it does have its purposes if you have the disposable income.

Website
http://www.ripplefoods.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Other/Weird
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 4 days ago
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Ripple Chocolate

Ripple Chocolate

"Nutritious Plant-Based Milk" isn't really milk at all, is it? I mean, you could argue that almond milk or soy milk isn't milk but I guess it's all in your definition of what "milk" is, now, isn't it? One thing I can say is that whether you call this milk or a plant-based milk, I can tell you that it is one thing, it's not that great.

It most certainly tastes like something is "up." It doesn't have the smoothness of milk. I don't want to say gritty but there is definitely some stuff up in there. I get that it's a nice alternative to dairy and for vegans, if you had the strength, you might do a backflip to hear that you've got another alternative to murderous milk.

This tastes like chocolate but as far as chocolate milk goes, it's definitely lacking in both sugar and chocolate. I'm not saying that as an insult but you might want to think of this as not only dairyless milk, but also think of it as "chocolate milk light" but put "light" in double quotes because this 12 ounce bottle still manages to cram 220 calories in her. It's a difficult battle, milk, but I suppose we can't let them have all the fun in Mootown.

Website
http://www.ripplefoods.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2016
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Cocozia Coconut Water Chocolate

Cocozia Coconut Water Chocolate

Take a walk. Talk a walk on down to Coconut Town, USA where we have the finest in different flavored coconuts. You thought you added flavor to make coconut water taste like raspberries. Boy, you're as dumb as you look. No, son. They grow coconuts in different flavors. Take this tree here. This here tree grows the finest black cherry flavored coconuts you've ever seen. This here tree grows lemon flavored coconuts. That one? You want to know about that one? Well you've got a keen eye because this here is our best seller. This is the allusive chocolate coconut tree. It naturally makes the finest chocolate coconut milk your dry mouth has ever tasted. Let me have one of the boys cut one down for you to sample.

What do you think of it? It's good right? Oh, you don't like it warm? Yeah, it is a bit chalky. Here, let me have the missus get you some from the fridge. Here you go. There you go. It's nice, right? Nice, light coconut flavor and a nice chocolate flavor. No, it's not thick. It's not totally like a chocolate milk. You would think describing something like a "watered down chocolate milk" would be gross but it's not bad. It doesn't have any sort of gross fake sweetener taste and just tastes like what's in it. That's why you're here boy, for the good stuff.

So how many cases can I put you down for, son? None? What do you mean you just want directions to the Holiday Inn Express? You've been down here sampling the goods just to be polite? Well I guess I can't fault you for that. Here's one for the road and if you go down a couple blocks you'll see your hotel on the right just after the third gas station and before the ninth taco stand. You can't miss it.

Website
http://www.cocozia.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Coconut
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 5th, 2016
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Wild Harvest Coconut Water Chocolate

Wild Harvest Coconut Water Chocolate

Remember when you were young and you would make chocolate milk from the Hershey powder that came in a tin. No matter how much you mixed it in that powder would never fully dissolve in the milk and it always seemed like it was chocolate and milk and not a complete cohesion of the two? Well this is the coconut water version of that. I’ve had chocolate coconut water that tasted like it could have come right off the tree in that form, but this tastes like two separate thing that just happened to get put in the same can. Lucky for us they are two enjoyable things and they don’t ruin each other at all. I enjoyed this, but it feels like they rushed to get it to market and didn’t make it as good as it could have been.

Website
http://www.mywildharvest.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coconut
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 29th, 2016
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TruMoo Protein Plus Chocolate

TruMoo Protein Plus Chocolate

All the protein. I need all of it. I need to bulk up. Who has time for the gym. I'm going to slam all of the chocolate milks just to see what it would look like if I was chiseled out of marble. Wait...that's not how that works? I just cancelled my gym membership and in exchange spent my membership fee on chocolate milk. I've already drank eleven of them today.

Am I going to be alright? What poisoning? Protein poisoning? Really? Oh man. What do I do? Can I do a cranberry cleanse or something? Do I need to make myself throw up? Eleven milks. I can't believe I did that. How? Well it actually wasn't that hard. It tastes like a melted Wendy's Frosty. Who couldn't drink 154 ounces of Frosty. 154 ounces of chocolate milk? Oh man.

This day will go down in infamy as the one of the dumbest days of my life. I've got to reverse this by going on a cleanse. At least it wasn't a really rich, thick chocolate milk and was closer to the stuff you would make at home. I might have really put on some pounds. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. Probably a big poop. Hopefully a big poop.

Website
http://trumoo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 26th, 2015
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Coco Libre Protein Coconut Water Chocolate

Coco Libre Protein Coconut Water Chocolate

Take everything you know about protein drinks and throw it right out the window. Now just concentrate on what you know about chocolate milk, and make it a little creamier. That’s what you have right here. The protein that is added to normal drinks of this variety, generally make them thicker and a lot of the time gritty. It’s adding dairy onto dairy and the results can be a bit much. With this product the base is the thinner coconut water, so adding the milk protein gives puts it in the ballpark of regular milk, but creamier as I said. The Dutch cocoa powder that they add is great. If this were called a chocolate milk I might claim it to be the best I’ve ever tasted. Since it’s not I will say that it is quite a tasty protein drink that goes down nice and smooth.

Website
http://www.cocolibreorganic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 17th, 2015
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Coco Libre Protein Coconut Water with Cocoa, 11 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Unlike Jay, I eat meat. That being said, if I can eat an animal that was treated fairly before he was, let's face it, murdered, that's better. Morrissey, while wildly militant about it, is right in that respect. He's right about a lot. He's Morrissey. This milk is advertised as being produced humanly and who can't appreciate that? Sure, there are probably some people out there talking about how they don't care how the animals are being treated as long as they have a hamburger on their plate at the end of a day.

Does this chocolate milk taste happier? Not really. I'm not saying that it tastes sadder. If anything, it tastes thicker. It's creamy chocolate milk, more so than anything you make at home and probably thicker than a Nesquik. Yes, there is sucralose in it and yes you can taste it but it doesn't come off as a super diet chocolate milk. It's better for you in terms of calories, protein and calcium than "regular chocolate milk." You wouldn't guess it because it's pretty rich and if you didn't know better, tastes like it is not at all better for you than "the other guys" chocolate milk.


Our buddy Marvo over The Impulsive Buy reviewed this drink, too which reminded me that I had it in my queue. Now, all thanks to him, I really want another glass of it. You've done it again, Marvo.

Website
http://fairlife.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 16th, 2015
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FairLife Chocolate Reduced Fat Milk 2-1.5 L bottles

Monster Muscle Chocolate

Monster Muscle Chocolate

This little guy proved to be a minor conundrum for me. You see I generally drink the protein shakes we are sent after I work out. That is what I was originally told to do when I first started going to the gym, so it’s what I always followed. With this it seemed like I should drink it beforehand. Who needs an energy boost after a workout? Get that in there beforehand to give yourself a little extra push and stretch your limits a bit. Being that this is the terrifying modern age, I took this question to Google and found out that there is actually an argument amongst professionals as to when is the best time to consume protein in the work out world. Some say after because it helps repair muscles, while others say before because it will give you extra strength during the workout. You know what? I’m not that serious about this whole thing. I go to the gym so that I don’t become a fat, lazy slob like so many Americans who are approaching middle age. I’m not looking to get ripped, I just want to stay remotely healthy and work off some of these unnecessary Thirsty Dudes calories. Since there was no definitive answer I chose to go with before the gym for this round. Let me tell you I certainly got an energy rush from it. I worked out longer and harder than I normally do, and now I’m a gross sweaty mess in desperate need of a shower, but I forced myself to write this review first.

A lot of protein drinks are chalky, due to the whey protein, but this is nothing if not creamy. It’s also thick, as if a milkshake was halfway thawed and you pounded it. Luckily no brain freeze accompanied this ingestion. I think the greatest thing that Monster pulled off with these is that it’s incredibly chocolaty and it doesn’t taste a thing like an energy drink. I think this may be the only beverage that includes taurine that I have tasted that doesn’t make me question if I’m being poisoned or not with chemicals. Sure the use of sucralose along with the sugar gives it a bit of a diet taste, but that is something you come to expect and accept with protein drinks. If they were laden with sugar they would kind of defeat the purpose of the workout. The 16g of sugar in here is pushing it a bit as it is.

At the end of it all, this tasted fantastic and I’m still buzzing with energy after a fairly intense workout by my standards. Who’d have known that Monster had this in them?

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 22nd, 2014
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8 Pack - Monster Muscle Energy Shake Chocolate - 15oz.

Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Billboards and most advertisements don't really sell anything to me. I don't want to sell my house fast or get a loan on a 1995 Ford Winstar. I don't want to go to the casino and I don't want to sue anyone for that time I slipped on ice. I don't have a DWI and I know that Geico can save 15% or more on my car insurance.

One thing that I didn't know is that this little guy exists. Custard shake. Sounds good right? Sounds rich. Let me tell you friend, your imagination isn't lying. This is good and it is rich. I can also very simply review this for you. Ready? This chocolate custard shake tastes like if you went to Wendy's, bought a Frosty, left it in the car so you could run into a store to buy a new pair of shoes, ran into that dude that you don't like that talks to you even though you get the feeling that he gets the feeling that you don't like him, returned to your car only to forget that you had a Frosty in it and it melted. You shrug because at the end of the day, it's still fantastic and drank it all the same. It's that good. Melted Frosty. Nailed it.

Website
http://www.upstatefarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 15th, 2014
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True Solution Nutrition Shake Chocolate

True Solution Nutrition Shake Chocolate

You know what? We don't have time to work out today, Fred. Let's just drink these protein drinks and play video games instead. No, I know you have a routine and today was "legs" but you can do legs tomorrow. Today we've got things to do in this game. It's raining and I don't want to go outside. I bought these the other day and thought that we could load up on the necessary proteins that we need to get ripped.

Fred...this is strange. Does it taste like if you ate a crayon and it tasted like chocolate? I mean, it's not too gritty and it's pretty smooth, the way I like a chocolate milk to be but something in here is throwing me off. No, I didn't mean...Fred. I didn't mean throw me off the cliff in this game. You're wasting my guys. I know we used cheat codes for infinite guys but it's still annoying.

What is it in this drink? I mean we've been drinking it for ten minutes and it was pretty decent when it started but as it began to warm up, it got a little strange. You can taste the Stevia more and it regrows the "bad protein" flavors back that it didn't have when it was really cold. If "new car chocolate" was a flavor, this would be it.

Stop throwing me off cliffs, Fred! I guess I deserve it since I'm just talking about this drink and not crushing guys like you. How did you get so good at this game? Have I been talking for that long? Man, I must be in the zone, chief.

Website
http://www.truesolution.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 6th, 2014
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