Cola (44 reviews)
Big Shot Cola
Mark was a magician. He loved what he did. He went to kid's parties and made kids float, did card tricks, and made birds and bunnies come out of everything. He was pretty good and was always interested in something bigger and better. Sure, he idolized David Copperfield, who didn't in the industry, but he was realistic. David Copperfield is the Michael Jordan of magic. At the end of every kid’s party, he always plays 52 Pickup. The kids love it because all the cards are in the air and they yell and they scream. Magic takes a lot out of a man. He's got to clean up all that bird poop, rabbit poop, cards, and smoke powder. After a show, he likes to go to the store and get something to drink. He went to a corner store and grabbed some random cola. He looked at the bottle and smiled because the "Big Shot" guy was chewing on a cigar and he could just hear his voice. He laughed and opened the door and bumped into someone. He looked up to apologize and it was David Blaine. He was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He put his hand out to shake his hand while muttering, "My name is Mark. I'm a magician and a huge fan." David thanked him and asked him for some of his pop because he left his wallet in the RV. Mark gave him the whole, unopened bottle and told him to keep it. David opened it and took a big chug. Then he made a face. He told Mark that it was some of the worst cola he had ever had. It just tasted bland and generic. No body and nothing special. He said he could have bought a Pepsi and been more satisfied. Then he made the bottle disappear with a poof of smoke and went back to the RV.
Mark sat in the car for at least ten minutes just pondering what had just happened. He met David Blaine, but gave him the worst cola he had ever had. He didn't know whether to mark that as an accomplishment or not. Either way, he continued to do magic at kids parties and had one spectacular story to tell people in the Magician's Guild gatherings at Denny's.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
Uludag Cola
Uludag: a name that strikes fear into the hearts of the common folk. It’s the type of name that if this review were an old movie when it was said thunder would crash and lightning would flash. No one knows exactly what sort of evil lies in wait at the center of the Uludag mountains. All that is known if that when men enter the region they never return.
I will let you in on a secret. I know what the heart of the evil is and it goes by the duel names comfort and luxury. You see there is a little town at the summit of one of the mountains, and in that village there is a little shop that sells cans of Uludag cola. The people of the town are so friendly, the view is so exquisite and the cola is so tasty that visitors have no urge to ever return to their old lives. Sometime, early on, someone came up with the idea to start rumors of a monster or demon living in the area to deter people from showing up. No one is a fan of overpopulation; it would just ruin the allure of the town. Whenever a brave young buck ventured forth to vanquish the evil, they would eventually find the town, and be so intrigued by it that they would agree to the terms and stay. The other option would be for them to be publicly hanged, but luckily that option has never even had to be presented. It really is the cola that keeps people in that town. I know all of this because my great uncle lives in said town and once smuggled me out a can. I don’t know what it is exactly that makes the cola special, but there is something in it. Unfortunately I could not read the ingredients, or anything on the can for that manner. There is a picture of a telephone, and I am shocked that such a small town in the mountains, that is trying to remain hidden, would advertise a phone number. It is a delicious cola though. At first it tastes like a high quality standard cola, but the more you drink, the more you notice a little something extra that makes it smooth with a little extra taste and it’s great.
I just tried to research the language on the can to find out the ingredients, and you know what? My uncle is a big fat liar. There are no rumors of evil in Uludag, it’s just a mountain in Turkey where a pop factory is. I feel like an idiot, but at least I know I can score more of this cola.
- Country
- Turkey
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 3 weeks, 5 days ago
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Pepsi Next Cola
Alright folks, we have a problem on our hands. America is getting fatter and they're starting to realize how many empty calories are in a bottle of Pepsi. We tried to win them over with Diet Pepsi, but people complained about the gross taste of the fake sugar. Plus a lot of people didn't like advertising that they were on a diet. So then we developed Pepsi MAX. Okay I'll give credit where credit is due, that one was all Chad's idea. It worked for a while, but then people realized we just re-bottled and slightly reformulated Diet Pepsi.
So where do we go from here? Well Sarah from production suggested we do a half and half of regular and diet Pepsi. That way you have the sugary taste of Pepsi that we all love, but with fewer calories so we don't get so fat. Sarah has got some different mixtures made up for us to try. Let's see how this first one tastes... bleh, next! Hmmm #2 smells funny, no thank you. Next! This third one has potential. Minimum acid aftertaste. Some sweetness to it. I think we got it!
What's that Sarah? We should call it Pepsi Next? I guess that makes sense. I can already see the ads now: "Your Next Cola!" Get advertising on a conference call, we need to rush this to production.
- Website
- http://www.pepsi.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 4/5/2012
- Comments
- 2 Comments. Leave a comment.
Johnnie Ryan Cola
Sometimes there is nothing to do but not go to work and stay home and read a whole mess of comics. Did you know that the Erie County Library has more graphic novels than most comic shops I’ve been in? True fact. I’ve delved into their stock a bit here and there but today I went overboard and checked out nearly 30 collections. Hey it’s cold and slightly snowing and I just want to kick back and relax. That includes drinking a nice dark soda. I would have preferred to accompany my comics and licorice with a root beer, but the only brown pop I had cold was this cola. Fear not, it paired well. I think a pop company should have recommendations on their sodas like wines do. You know like “Pair this Chardonnay with poultry,” but instead it would be things like “Pair this Mountain Dew rip off with video games” or in the case of this drink “Pair with Batman or Ex Machina.” I’m currently following this fictitious beverage association to a T.
Johnny Ryan has yet to disappoint me. This is a cost that is very obviously sweetened with cane sugar. Out of all of the sodas in the world cola benefits from this particular sweetener the most. It just brings out the flavors in a way that other sweeteners can’t. I feel like this should be described the same way as one would a good root beer, so I will do just that. It’s dark and full-bodied. My only complaint is that when you get to the point where there is about 1/5 of the bottle left the flavor gets a bit weak. It’s strange because usually the end of a drink is stronger due to settling, but not in this case.
- Website
- http://johnnieryan.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/9/2012
Wegmans Diet Cola
In less than 2 weeks, I will no longer be living in Buffalo. I am returning to where this website was started, Portland, OR. While I won't miss the snow or the bitter cold winter here, I will miss Wegmans. I've been to grocery stores all across the country, and none have ever compared to Wegmans. Trust me, it's a great store.
What's not so great is this diet cola they make. It has the patented battery acid taste that comes with most diet drinks. It's a cheap soda and it shows in its taste. Wegmans is amazing, but I think it's a natural law that it can't be awesome at everything or else the world might explode.
- Website
- http://wegmans.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Aspartame
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 2/26/2012
Johnnie Ryan Diet Cola
Are you diabetic and tired of diet sodas that taste like mouthwash? Are you sick of giving your hard earned money to multi-billion dollar corporations like Pepsi or Coca-Cola? Do you want an alternative? Well here it is! Johnnie Ryan Diet Cola! Developed and bottled in Niagara Falls, NY (yes, THAT Niagara Falls), Johnnie Ryan is a local staple of Western New York. While they still use sucralose as their dietary sweetener, they managed to make it not taste like battery acid like so many other diet colas do. The minimal bite means that even your grandma will be able to enjoy this pop. Now don't just sit there, get up and go buy a bottle from your local corner store!*
*This drink may not be available at all local corner stores. Check with the proprietor of the establishment to see if they have it in stock. No purchase necessary, void where prohibited.
- Website
- http://johnnieryan.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 2/25/2012
Mercury Brewing Company Cola
While 80% of this bottle has a fairly terrible design, the bottom 20% is great. The little dude (who I assume is Hermes) chugging away on a mug of soda is classy all the way. So is the text on the bottom. After looking at it a little longer I’d like to change my stance. 80% terrible was a bit rough. The whole design is actually great minus on thing that ruins it all. The typeface used for the flavor of the soda is horrible. Childishly horrible and it’s so big and distracting from an otherwise aesthetically pleasing label.
I’ve been a huge fan of cola for the past couple of months. I think I slightly burned myself out on ginger and root beer. Cola was waiting in the sidelines and the couch put him in as a started for few games. The thing about cola is that they all taste slightly different, but I never know how to describe the difference (well unless it’s a fancy cola like Fentimans makes). This is smoother than your “classic” colas like Coke or Pepsi. It has a full flavor, but nothing about it really sticks out. I finished the bottle two minutes ago and I’ve already forgotten the subtle nuances of it. I guess that is a sign that while this cola is tasty in the moment, it is ultimately forgettable.
- Website
- http://www.mercurybrewing.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/17/2012
Nichol Kola Cola
When I first bought this, I thought it was a play on Nikola Tesla's name. I had this whole review written in my head about Tesla coils, electricity, etc. Then I did some research and turns out this soda is from the 1930's and its name comes from the fact that it used to cost a nickel. Like most things, Coca-Cola bought them out in the 1950's and the soda was just a faded memory after that.
Luckily there are great companies like Orca Beverages that brings these old flavors back for us to enjoy. I especially want to thank them for this one because this cola is incredible! It's really complex and has lots of interesting ingredients like kola nut, neroli, and coriander. One of the most distinct flavors in this is cinnamon. I never though cinnamon would go well with cola, but it definitely does. It gives it a slight kick, not as much as Dr. Pepper but it really helps make this soda unique.
- Website
- http://www.orcabeverage.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 1/14/2012
- Buy Now
- (Retro) Nichol Kola 12 Pack
"Mr." Cola
Everyone has that relative that they sometimes wish would stop coming around. Unfortunately, Mr. Cola is that person in his family. You see, his last name used to be Pepper. He lived a glorious life as Mr. Pepper. This all came to an end when he failed out of medical school. He was promptly kicked out of the house, told to change his name, and to never return. He was never the same after that.
He could have been anything, become anyone. He thought long and hard about what his name was going to be and he decided on Cola. He never had the bite his Pepper relatives were known for so he went with the nice and simple name of Cola. He lived a happy life as Mr. Cola, but never got the fame and fortune that his old family did. He didn't care. He was a sweet and simple man. He liked being nothing special, just another person walking down the street.
- Website
- http://www.orcabeverage.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 12/29/2011
- Comments
- 2 Comments. Leave a comment.
Barons Ginseng Cola
Baron Von Ginseng rides again! He has yet again narrowly escaped the Allied Forces to spread his dirt flavored health benefits another day. The Allies had him cornered in a soda complex somewhere in the south of Poland. They thought there was no escape for him, but when they searched the grounds he was nowhere to be found. The only vehicle that left was a truck full of cola. They searched the truck and decided that the Baron was not on board so they let it make its delivery. With him not being on the grounds anymore it is believed that he must have fused himself with the cola. A true trickster indeed. The Forces would like to make a statement to warn civilians that Baron Von Ginseng is heavily armed and should be considered dangerous. One would believe that you would notice him in your cola on first sip. One might ask "How would I not notice the flavor of a potted plant in my refreshing soda?" The truth is that he is a master of disguise and our top scientists believe that the cola may neutralize his naturally disgusting taste. It would still taste slightly earthy, but the cola flavor would reign supreme (to the chagrin of the Baron). Be aware that what you may be ingesting is a refreshing naturally earthy flavored cola that has the benefits of ginseng. It's a strange world out there and you should always be on the lookout.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/9/2011