Grape (44 reviews)

The Bride of Frankenstein Grape

The Bride of Frankenstein Grape

I can’t believe that the big day is finally here. All of our closest friends are here; Dr. Frankenstein, his wife Elizabeth…well that’s it. Everyone else wants us dead. They are all we need though. Oh there is the caterer with the grape soda. It’s weird that it is the only thing my bride to be requested. Oh no, my lovely is coming out, I’m not supposed to see her before the ceremony, I need to hide! Ahhh! Oh crap. I scared the caterer and he has spilled the soda everywhere. Oh no, it’s all over my bride. Hey wait, it has stained the white streaks in her hair purple. That looks kind of cool and modern. Hmm, I’ll play it off like I didn’t see it and pretend I think she dyed her hair. “Honey! You look beautiful. I love what you’ve done to your hair, very chic. Are you wearing grape perfume? It smells wonderful . it reminds me of this grape soda I had once. It fell somewhere between a generic grape soda and a sparkling grape juice. It really was the best of both worlds. I bet you would have loved it honey. Now, let’s get married!” Phew, I narrowly escaped catastrophe there.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 4th, 2016
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POP Water Grape

POP Water Grape

What a bummer, all I have to drink is this delicious soda that tastes like it was made with real grape juice, and it’s only lightly sweetened with real sugar. What would really make this better would be if I could just dump a whole mess of erythritol and stevia in it to give it a weird fake taste that no one really likes. Man that would be just perfect. Oh , you have some of those natural zero calorie sweeteners that I can use. Thanks man, I really appreciate it, now that I mixed it in this is perfect. It’s exactly what I didn’t want. Dreams do come true.

Website
http://popwater.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 25th, 2016
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O-So Grape

O-So Grape

Oh, so you’ve invited me over to this family function that you have disguised as a barbeque and you had the audacity to have neither grape or orange soda to accompany the tower of hot dogs that I fear is going to topple over and smother the children playing in the sandbox. I am completely disgusted with your lack of etiquette. Serving homemade salsa and guacamole does not make up for it. Yes, I have seen the fresh squeezed juice station. Yes, I’ve heard that you have hired a French chef to prepare individual desserts specifically made with the tastes of each guest in mind. You know what, none of that matters if I do not have the proper soda to accompany my grilled items.

Why yes, I will happily take a soda from your private stash that you have been saving for a rainy day. Why didn’t you say something about these sodas you’ve been looking forward to enjoying when you can finally relax? This is actually a pretty okay grape soda. It tastes like the generic stuff at every barbeque but something about it is different and it makes it stand out. Oh there’s cane sugar in it? That makes sense. Martha sure does love that Mexi-Coke. It’s certainly not the best grape soda I’ve ever had, but it’s better than most. Actually it kind of tastes a little like grape jelly. You should totally have saved this and drank it with a nice peanut butter sandwich, instead of giving it to me you’re dumb neighbor who is rude and everyone hates, and you only invited in because I was complaining about the noise. You certainly chose wrong in this aspect of your life.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 17th, 2015
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(Retro) O-so Grape Soda - 12 Pack

Chaparritas Grape

Chaparritas Grape

Well now I want to go to a hotel because I never drink grape juice. Why would I? I'm not eight. It's never been bad but you just grow out of it. Now, in my thirties, I'm sitting at my computer drinking a grape juice and I want to be in a hotel. Why do I want to be in a hotel? Well because they serve grape juice like this and I would get it there. I would get it to accompany my continental breakfast of eggs, bacon, cereal, tiny doughnuts, muffin, sausage, bagel and everything else under the sun. When you're in a hotel, you eat like a king. A king that eats like a king and a king that drinks like a tiny prince that would drink grape juice.

Is it good? Yeah, it's fine. It's dark grape juice. It's not too sweet and not terrible for you considering it's probably mostly fruit juice and sugar but it's natural sugar and doesn't have any strange bite.

Be a king. Be a prince. Be a queen. Be a princess. I don't care. Drink grape juice and feel young again. Or go to a hotel and gorge yourself on awkwardly small food that makes you feel awful on your way out of Cleveland. You just had to visit the USS COD Memorial, didn't you. Those troops fought so you could eat all that food.

Website
http://www.chaparritas.com/
Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 29th, 2014
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CHAPARRITAS Chaparritas Glass Grape Non Carb. 255 Ml, 8.62-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 24)

Salvavidas Grape

Salvavidas Grape

While I’m sure the food served at a Guatemalan BBQ would be fantastic to those who feasted on flesh, I’m gonna say that I would be a bit let down if this is the quality of soda they were serving. Grape and Orange pop are the staples of any good backyard shindig, so at least they got the right flavor. They even went as far as to use real sugar. It’s just too bad they didn’t follow through with the taste. Grape is normally a bold flavor in the soda world, but in here it’s almost an afterthought. It has generic sweet soda taste to it and it just seems like not enough of the grape was added. I would politely drink it if it was served to me, but this is nothing I would ever pick on my own. Instead I would be the guy in the corner downing all of the tamales that weren’t made with meat.

Country
Guatemala
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 20th, 2014
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Powerade Zero Grape

Powerade Zero Grape

You like sports, bro? I love sports. I love them. I love winning. Hashtag winning, right, bro? Remember that? Charlie Sheen? That dude rules. Yeah, present tense. He still rules. You know who else rules? Our local sports team. They're awesome. Hey, I'm thirsty. You know what a thirsty dude drinks when he's thirsty? No. Not water you munch? Water is for chess players. I mean a real sportsman like you and I. Powerade, that's right. Specifically grape Powerade. This stuff goes down smooth, doesn't taste like poison and tastes like regular grape drinks should. It's good and really helps me when it comes down to baseball time. I'm permanently in the mental state of a homerun derby, bro. All day every day.

What did you say, Miss Catherine? We're done role playing for the day? Oh, man. Thank you. I don't know how much more of that I could have done. Maybe I don't want to play the role of "the jock" in the school play. Can I keep this grape Powerade, though? It's pretty good and actually does taste good. For a diet drink, it's not gross at all.

Website
http://www.powerade.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2014
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Powerade Zero Grape 20 Oz Case of 24

Rockstar Recovery Grape

Rockstar Recovery Grape

I believe there is a flaw in the basic nature of this beverage. How I see it is that you would want to drink an energy drink prior to doing strenuous activity that would require hydration. Wouldn’t you want that extra boost to help you push through whatever it is that you’re doing? Does added hydration do anything previous to any sort of workout? I suppose you could sip this while you are in the process of whatever it is that you are doing. Would the energy boost hit you in time though? I certainly don’t get it.

Another thing that I don’t get is the flavor. Grape has got to be one of the easiest flavors ever (right along side orange), yet they have somehow messed it up with this. What little non-diet/energy flavor that is present almost tastes more berry than grape. Whatever it is, it’s not very pleasant. It’s certainly doesn’t taste good enough to denote a 24oz can.

I’m going to stick to the one serving out of the three that are in this can, and introduce the rest to the drainage system in my house. It has no place in my person.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 14th, 2013
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8 Pack - Rockstar Recovery Energy + Hydration - Orange - 16oz.

Pop Shoppe Grape

Pop Shoppe Grape

Sammy was planning a party in his backyard. He had burgers and hot dogs. He had chips and potato salad. He had beer and pop. He was missing something though. He could feel it. He looked through his stash. Burgers and dogs both vegetarian and non; check. Chips; two bags. Potato salad; German; check. Beer; domestic and international. Pop; cola, diet cola...uh oh. He was missing the most important ingredient of the party. He was missing grape pop. Oh no. People were going to be here any minute. There was not a lot of time. He needed to run across the street to the only place close enough to get there and back; the bodega.

Sammy ran in and yelled, "Where is the grape pop!?" The associate said that it was in the second aisle. He saw that they only had it in small glass bottles. He thought that it was the best he was going to get so he grabbed ten bottles, put them in a handcart, paid, and ran back home to put them in the fridge.

The party started and people were having a great time. They were talking and playing games and telling jokes. It was a great time for all. Sammy looked in the fridge and noticed there was only one bottle left. He grabbed it and took a bit sip. He knew why there were no bottles left. It was a great grape pop. It was sweet and had a good candy taste and even though it was made with corn syrup, it was done well. Fruit should be sweet and taste like candy.

After everyone left, some of the people came up to ask him where he got that pop. He told them across the street and actually watched people leave his house and go right to the store. Success.

Website
http://www.thepopshoppe.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 3rd, 2013
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Sneaky Pete's Oat Beverage Grape

Sneaky Pete's Oat Beverage Grape

Patrick! What is this garbage? I leave you alone with the business for two weeks so I can have my first vacation in twenty years and I come home to you ruining my company! I wrote you out very specific instructions on how to make our beverages. They were all layed out for you line by line, and it took up only half of a page, yet you still couldn’t follow it. You think you know oats better than your brother? You think you know oats better than Pete!?!? I spent years working on this recipe to make sure everything was exactly right. You come in for two weeks, and decide you can do better and throw the instructions out the window? What made you think that making a vat of oatmeal with double the water and just throwing a handful of grapes into the mix would make for a good beverage? What you’ve created is a gross sludge that no one in their right minds would want to ingest.

You see when done correctly, following my instructions I might add, the oatmeal is not the base for the drink. It’s more of a watery juice. Don’t get me wrong it has a strong white grape flavor that almost tastes like “original” aloe juice, it just has to be fairly liquidy because when you add in the powdered oats, it needs a little extra fluid to absorb them, so the drink doesn’t become too thick. Actually when done correctly the results shouldn’t have a consistency all that different from peach juice, you know just a little thicker than water.

If what you created wasn’t bad enough, you also didn’t even properly mix in the sweetener. I use a mixture of erythritol, evaporated cane juice and stevia in my products It gives it less calories, without tasting too diet. In yours you just through in regular sugar and it’s in there in big clumps. Everything about what you have done is wrong and gross.

I wish I could divorce you from being my brother. If this was some sort of retribution prank, you have done terribly. Pranks need to be smarter and well thought out, you know sneaky like I would do. That is why I am called Sneaky Pete. Maybe we should just start calling you Mean Spirited, Lazy Patrick. How would you like that?

Ugh. I’ll have to dump this all out and start over. Grab one of the bottles I made before I left from the cooler. See how this is actually a drink and not just slop that isn’t fit to feed a pig? You really are the worst Patrick, now get out of my factory and tell mom it looks like I’m going to be late for family dinner, and that she has you to thank for that.

Website
http://www.sneakypetesbeverage.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 28th, 2013
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Sneaky Pete's Oatstanding Beverage, Grape Escape, 12 Ounce (Pack of 12)

989 OnDemand Grape

989 OnDemand Grape

I’m fairly certain there was a mix up with shipping at the plant where 989 is made. You see each week they normally get a shipment in of the oddly tasty Flintstone chewable children’s vitamins. They then dump them into this gigantic electronic pestle and mortar that they have in the back and it turns them into a nice fine powder to which they add their personal blend of ionic minerals and electrolytes. From the smell/taste of this I think someone screwed up in the shipping department and ordered a bunch of old people vitamins instead. You know, the kind that always smells stale, and you don’t want their taste on your tongue at all. Whoever accepted the shipment must have just shrugged and loaded them in anyways.

The rest of this line has ranged from acceptable to tasty, with very few real complaints from us. This grape unfortunately does not cut it. It smells like a mixture of white grape juice and Centrum. Actually that’s pretty much how it tastes as well, except there is also a more than heaping serving of stevia in there as well, so you have a cooling adult vitamin flavor. It’s not something that I can say I enjoy.

I would also like to point out that I was with a three year old when I drank this, and they were so completely excited about it. The twisting of the cap so that the vitamin powder mixed it elicited cheering and clapping. She could not get this drink to her lips fat enough to drink it down. Then as soon as mouth contact was made, she immediately stopped, handed the bottle back to me, whilst making a grossed out looking face and simply said, “I don’t like that.” Even kids can tell there is something wrong here.

Website
http://drink989.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Reb A
Categories
Diet, Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 8th, 2013
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