Orange (42 reviews)
Relax 5 Orange
Robert Van Winkle felt like a failure, and a disappointment to his family. When your great-great-grandfather is Rip Van Winkle you are expected to be able to sleep through anything. Unfortunately that was not true for Robert. Ever since he was a baby he was a bit on an insomniac. He would get in fights with his parents and they would tell him he was an embarrassment and they often accused him of abusing energy drinks. The truth is that he had never so much as tasted a drop of an energy drink. His lack of sleep was a natural thing. His theory was that his ancestors used up all of the sleep allocated to his bloodline, thus cursing him with constant wakefulness. The upside of this was that Robert became a genius. Since he rarely slept, he used all of his waking hours on his studies and quickly had several doctorates and became a scientist. He dreamed of someday creating a potion that would give him the relief of sleep that his family clung to so much.
This bottle that I hold in my hand is the result of years of endless research and trials. Robert Van Winkle finally overcame his demons and I’m happy to say that with the first shot that he drank he quickly fell into a long relaxed slumber. His success mixture tasted like gummy orange slices that had been liquefied. He was shocked at how his final version actually did not taste very intense. It didn’t taste like chemicals like so many of his past attempts. He beat science and a family curse. Robert Van Winkle is a true American hero.
- Website
- http://www.relaxfive.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Relaxation
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 5 days, 5 hours ago
Crisp Orange
When someone says the word crisp oranges would be one of the last things to cross my mind. Cucumbers are crisp. Apples are crisp. Potato chips, or crisps if you’re British, are crisp. Oranges are not crisp. They are in fact the opposite of crisp. They are mushy and soft. I know this company makes other flavors (it is the store brand for Save-A-Lot), but really I can’t shake this idea of a crisp orange. It would be weird and gross. An orange that would make a cracking noise if you were to break it in half is not an orange I would like to eat.
I suppose you could refer to a nice cold soda as crisp, but I still wouldn’t refer to this soda as crisp. It’s a pretty standard orange pop, like any store brand. It says it’s a naturally flavored soda, but those natural flavors are surely not oranges or orange juice as they are nowhere to be found on the ingredients. It has that fake orange taste that tastes nothing like the fruit.
The only really notable thing about this soda is that it is the only orange pop I have ever had that contains caffeine. Strange times indeed.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 weeks, 2 days ago
Cplus Orange
A Eulogy.
Back in the year 2000 I became aware of a glorious place that existed a mere hour and half north of my in the magical land of Toronto. If one were to venture to the corner of Queen and Spadina on any given day (including holidays) one would find the source of much joy in this world. No I’m not talking about the bank, or the McDonalds. I am referring to the small hot dog cart that has sat there for many years. You might say, well that’s not anything special. I would reply that this cart has incredible veggie dogs. You may say well okay that’s a little special, but so do a lot of other carts in the greater Toronto area. My response would be but do any of those other carts boast to have over 50 condiments? I think not. A group of brave Buffalonians named this cart and it’s cook “50 Toppings Guy.” You would be surprised at how many condiments you can actually fit on a hot dog. I’ve broken 20 on several occasions. The most important of all of the toppings is the often sought after corn relish. It is a true delicacy that the world needs to be educated about. So yes for years my friends and I would eat multiple dogs from this great establishment every time we were in Toronto (which is way more often then you would expect. There were times in the middle of the night when we would be getting hungry so we would just make the drive for hot dogs and nothing else (oh yes the stand is open 24/7). Those were the days when gas was under $1.50/gallon. With every order I placed at that awesomely dirty stand I also got a can of Cplus orange soda. Nothing compliments hot dogs better than a nice orange soda, and it doesn’t get much better than Cplus. The secret to this soda is that it actually has orange juice in it, which makes it actually taste like oranges and not some weird mixture that kids are taught orange tastes like. Over the years I must have downed well over a pallet of these cans. You see it’s not available in the US so I would get my treats in while I could.
Sadly the dark ages moved in. A large company bought out almost all of the hot dog carts in the city. “50 Toppings Guy’ held strong and what followed was the Great Hot Dog War of 2007. (that may actually not be the correct year). A cart right around the corner and the lord and savior of condiments went toe to toe. The competition had the money so they lowered their prices to try and drive “FTG” out of business. He fired back with even cheaper prices. There was a point where you could get a dog for a loonie. It was a good day for consumers, but a dark time for our hero. Eventually condiments started to disappear. He simply couldn’t afford to keep them in stock with his lowered prices. After a valiant fight 50 Toppings Guy gave in and sold his cart. A cart still stands at that location, but it’s not the same. They did keep the corn relish though, so every time I’m in the land of Toronto I still eat a hot dog in memory of the ghost of a true Canadian hero.
Today I set up my grill for the year and cooked myself a round of veggie dogs. I’ve been saving this can since November, waiting for the perfect day to crack it open. Today as we mourn the loss of the greatest hot dog slinger to ever exist I urge you to raise a can of Cplus in his memory. You’ll never find an orange soda as this, or hot dogs as good as his.
- Website
- http://www.sunkistsoda.com/
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/17/2012
- Buy Now
- Cplus Orange Soda From Canada
Ocean Spray 100% Juice Orange
I've had a long day. I hope the subway isn't packed. Oh, nice, it's pretty open. I've got my own bay of seats here. I can relax and stretch my legs out a bit...wait...what...oh man. This fat dude is standing right in front of and staring at me.
What sir? You want me to hold this glass? Where did you get this glass? It looks like you have a glass from home. That is what it is? Alright. I'll hold it. What are you doing with that backpack? Oh, what are you doing with that old shirt? You're putting it over the glass that I'm holding. Why are you doing this? Oh, in the backpack again. You are peeling an orange. I still don't know what I have to do with...are you making fresh squeezed orange juice on the subway? Why don't you just buy...another orange? Sir, I've got to recommend that you just go to the store and...another orange! I have orange juice all over my hand. Please. I don't want to do this anymore. Another orange? The glass is almost full. Sir? The glass is almost full. Sir. Sir!! Sir!! It's spilling over. Enough! Enough!
Here. I don't want to do this. You can have your shirt filled with orange rind and seeds and stuff and your glass. In your backpack again? For what and please don't let it be a knife. Oh, thank you. A Handi-Wipe for my hands. I appreciate it and am glad that...what? You want me to drink it? Sir, I don't mean to offend you, but I am not too keen about drinking subway orange juice from a man I don't know. In you backpack yet again. Oh. Woah! Woah! This time you do have a knife. I'll drink it. I'll drink it. This actually isn't too bad. If I may critique, I wish that you used a sweater next time instead of a shirt because although it's truly 100% juice, with no pulp and everything strained out, I would almost call you a liar if I didn't see you make this in front of my and with my help.
Here is your glass back. Thank you for the juice. I didn't see what was coming and although I don't really appreciate you threatening to stab me, I do appreciate the juice. That makes us even. Have a nice day. I'm going to take a long hot shower to wash the stick and filth off of me. Enjoy your night.
- Website
- http://www.oceanspray.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/14/2012
Johnnie Ryan Orange
Vinnie is the drummer from Less Than Jake and he also owns Paper & Plastick. I met up with him at their recent show in Niagara Falls. After this review we went and explored some haunted "tunnels" underneath the theatre. Good times!
- Website
- http://johnnieryan.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Vinnie Fiorello - Less Than Jake/Paper & Plastick on 2/24/2012
Faygo Original Orange
Kel loves orange soda. I don't really know why he chose to mention it so much. Orange, to me, is never fantastic. It's just "good" all the time. It's better in certain scenarios, like BBQ's and picnics, but for the most part, it's not something to love. Kel, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying you should update your "love list" of pop. I know you've got one. You seem like the type of guy that has an ongoing list of things he loves and more frequently than you would imagine he updates it, reorders it, and tweaks it so he knows just what he wants out of life. The more you think about it, the better of an idea it seems. It's like a wish board that inspires you to go for what you want in life.
This pop shouldn't be on the list. It's good. Nicely sweet, nicely flavored, but it's just an orange pop. Cane sugar or not, sweeteners can't bring this drink out of the rut that it is destined to be in.
If his list is anything like mine, there are things like a Lamborghini Countach, tacos, and a vintage stainless steel Rolex Datejust on it. He and I may be completely different, though. I've never met the dude. Kel, if you're listening, you are more than welcome to do a guest review and clear up with the general public exactly what is on your wish list.
- Website
- http://www.faygo.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/21/2012
Tum-E Yummies Orange
Having a kid, I am at the forefront on whether or not to use "baby talk." I can safely say that in the one single year of my son's life, I have never used baby talk or have I wanted to. Just reading the title of this drink aloud to him would null and void my streak. I understand that this is a drink for kids, but this is a phrase for babies. The only thing that could make the title of this drink any worse would be to change the "Y" in "yummies" to an "N." I can't even bring myself to type that out. Awful. Simply terrible.
Name aside, who doesn't love a nice, sweet orange drink? There is no edge, as I was expecting in this drink. It's smooth, which is strange. It's not creamy, which would be insanely disgusting. It just goes down well and doesn't choke you up. At first I thought that it was a bit Freez-e-pop-esque but I take that back. It did not taste at all like a real orange, and thinking it would is crazy. It tastes like candy orange and that is fine with me. I might prefer that to authentic orange unless it's orange juice. Let oranges do what they're good at and if you're not going to use real oranges, make something the same color that vaguely at best tastes like it. Hey, it worked for grapes.
Now I kind of want a grape version of this to see if it would solidify my point. I reckon it would.
- Website
- http://www.tumeyummies.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/20/2012
True Citrus Orange
What's the matter boy? Ahh. Scurvy. Twas a terrible disease when we were at sea. There was all that water with no citrus to keep us from getting sick. We lost many men to that dreadful disease. I'll tell you, being a fisherman is not as glamorous as it sounds. Sure, you get to spend all day fishing, but have you ever eaten fish every day for sixty-two days? It gets old kid. Real old. Real fast. Especially when you run out of those McCormick spices. Paprika fish is great until it is no more. You end up marinating fish in other fish to try and get something different. Then you start mixing fish and potatoes or fish and old socks. I'm telling you. It gets bad.
So yes, vitamin C deficiency is no joke. Everyone's wives told them to bring these little packets of True Orange but they thought that they would be picked on for having flavor packets so they traded them for "tough guy" stuff like razors, cigarettes, and fingerless gloves. Me? I brought it and no one made fun of me. It was fine, too. It tastes like if you split a glass of orange juice between ten people and watered it down to make it work. It's lightly sweetened and still, somehow, 25% of your daily vitamin C intake.
I know you like the sea, lad, but please don't worry about what the other guys tell you. There is nothing cool about a dead guy wearing fingerless gloves because as cool as they were when he was alive, you certainly aren't going to take them off his cold, dead hands and call them your own. Well, unless you’re Zeke. That dude is crazy.
- Website
- http://www.truelemon.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 1/23/2012
Vitamin Enhanced Water Orange
Todd, daddy asked you to make him some Tang. I don't know how to make it. No, I don't know. Mom always makes it for me. I think it's two teaspoons of powder and eight ounces of water. That sounds right. That looks a little light but it's probably right. Go give it to daddy.
What did he say? He said it was good but tasted like it was watered down? Oh, Todd. Table spoons. Table spoons. Two table spoons not teaspoons. That's what we did wrong. We were close to correct. It's a good thing daddy didn't hit you. You know how important Tang is to him. Wait a second. This isn't Tang at all. It is something called Vitamin Enriched Water. It looks like it and smells like it but...yeah, it just tastes like watered down Tang. Todd, daddy was an astronaut. I think he knows a thing or two about Tang. I can't believe he couldn't taste the difference. I guess it's a good business model, though. Buy regular Tang, use half as much, charge as much as Tang, but have twice the supply so you make twice the money. What do I know about business models, though? I'm only nine.
- Website
- http://www.winonafoods.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Evaporated Cane Juice
- Categories
- Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/30/2011
Waist Watcher Diet Orange
For the four months or so that this has been sitting in my cupboard I thought that it was a "Weight Watchers" product. They have their own diet product line, don't they? Even if they don't, I always thought they did, and this was a gift from a friend who I believe ganked it from their mom's house. Now that I'm drinking this and I see that it's not Weight Watchers, I'm a bit disappointed. I don't need diet pop in my life, especially something that looks like it could be a store brand. If I had to review every low rent diet soda in the world, I would probably quit Thirsty Dudes. I don't have the taste buds for it. If I decided to stick it out and reviewed all of the diet orange soda in the world, I bet 99% of them would taste exactly the same. This can does not fall in that magical 1%. Sure it's nicely carbonated and it smells very orangey, but the fake orange flavor plays second fiddle to the gross death taste of Splenda. I don't know how people drink this stuff. I seriously believe that in 50 years they will find out that Splenda and other artificial sweeteners are way worse for you than actual sugar.
Dear Drain, Meet Diet Soda. I hope the two of you have a happy life together.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/26/2011
- Buy Now
- Waist Watchers Orange - 8 Pack
