Original (29 reviews)
Wang Aloe Dream Original
To whom it may concern,
I don't know if you have thought ahead for things like birthdays, Christmas, Easter, or Sweetest Day, but you needn’t look any more. I, Nature, have created the greatest gift for everyone. I mean everyone. I don't and never have discriminated. Everyone is equal and this drink I have created with my bare hands is for you.
Allow me to describe this gift that I have so generously and nonchalantly given to the people of the world. It is an aloe drink. Simple as that: original aloe flavor. No funny fruit business. I stick to the classics myself. Vinyl? I love it. Laserdisc? Nope. VHS, son! I only listen to debut records from bands and will not buy anything after that regardless of how much better it is. Yeah, I know the production quality is usually better on subsequent albums, but I stick to my guns. No, I'm joking. Nature doesn't use guns but I do rain on tons of parades if you know what I mean.
I just thought that I would remind you that this gem of a drink existed because I noticed in the last quarter sales were down a little bit. Remember, this is a gift so drink it with glee and have a wonderful day.
Sincerely,
Nature Steinberg
- Country
- Korea
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Aloe Vera
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 days, 1 hour ago
Burn Energy Drink Original
This ship is great but exhausting. All day and everywhere and every minute there is something going on and you feel obligated to go to all of it. I've done karaoke like four times, swam in the pool, eaten tons of fruit, went on a water slide, casinos, cafes, candy shops, banquet halls, and more.
I like the boat, I really do, but I cannot get a good night rest. Every morning I wake up unsatisfyingly tired. The pillows and bed are too soft and my body is used to firm both. I needed a boost so I drank this. I punched me square in the mouth and not in a good way.
I normally like getting decked in the mouth by drinks but this was a sucker punch. It tastes like fruit punch with that "energy drink" taste. It was strong like bull and the first half of the can made me twitch every sip. After that it just tasted overwhelming. It did get me to 1:30 in the morning, though so I might actually give it the credit it deserves there.
- Website
- http://www.burn.si
- Country
- Mexico
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 weeks, 2 days ago
Sex Drive Energy Drink Original
On the ship, there is a nightclub called "Rex." Since there is only one club, everyone who doesn't want to sleep is there and the joint is jumpin'. It's like a club for everyone because all sorts of people go; fat, white, black, latin, skinny, and everything in between. A few people who go are there to dance and have fun but some people are there to hunt. It's that animal instinct that brings me to this drink.
Only one of the guys we're with out of the eight of us is single and he is the epitome of single. Now I'm no stupid idiot. I know that drinks like this don't "work" like an ignoramus would think. No one that has their head on correctly would actually think that drinking one can of this stuff will make you a dynamo in the sack. Yeah, sure if you feel you need help in that department it might not sound like it could hurt and you'll try anything.
Regardless of your sexual prowess, you will be disappointed because this just tastes like Red Bull. Horny goat weed is something you buy at truck stops to stay awake while laying down night miles in your truck, not something you use for stimulation.
At the end of the night, our single friend and I split a can of this and didn't talk about it because there was nothing to talk about. We had something to look forward to because it's a drink called "Sex Drive," but not good enough to talk about. After that drink, singing karaoke, and watching a good comedian, we called it a night without even going to Rex. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow. It's fun in there.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 weeks, 2 days ago
Hyper Malt Original
For a few years I thought of how great it would be if someone would market cereal milk. All different kinds, but particularly Fruity Pebbles and Golden Grams. There is nothing better than that flavor infused cream after you've finished the "solids" portion of your two course breakfast cereal. It's like drinking the bathwater of the gods and sometimes, before moving onto that final stage, I refresh the first, making the inevitable payload that much more savory. It's a harrowing exercise of will power to be certain but like any work-out or period of time without smoking cigarettes, it's more than worth it once you cross that finish line. It is, essentially, the bathwater of TWO gods now. Perhaps they bathed together. Maybe there was just a water shortage and they needed to conserve so as long as the temperature remained comfortable they just wouldn't drain it in-between baths. There is no limit to their hygienic routines as long as your imagination is healthy.
What I'm saying is, though this might sound like a good idea to some (or no one after that unfortunate analogy), I have found upon drinking HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK that cereal milk is only delicious because the person drinking it worked so hard to make it. This energy drink tastes like someone took a bowl of apple juice, emptied the contents of a box of Wheaties into it, let it sit in the sun for a few days, took it back inside, gagged heartily, then ran the fluid through a colander into a bottle which went directly into my mouth. I don't see cereal milk being a big hit for anyone looking to be refreshed, and I don't see HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK being a big hit for anyone looking to be energized. Unless of course you only need the energy required to hurriedly rush to the bathroom to spit it out before going back to watching Maury Povich like I did this morning. But at least it saved me the tens of thousands of dollars I was going to invest in my new milk company.
When I asked Keith to rate the drink he said "0 of 5. No wait, NEGATIVE 0 of 5." Our scale only goes to "1" but keep in mind that if it was possible, it would be below that.
- Country
- Denmark
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink, Other/Weird
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Keith Buckley - Singer for Every Time I Die on 2/8/2012
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Tiger Malt Original
Well. Great. Merry Christmas. Fantastic. Here I am, on stage, accepting this award for perfect attendance for my high school. One of two kids that got it. I don't necessarily do stupendous in class, but I do fair. I'm a B student. What do I get? A handshake and a bottle of pop from the principal. That seems strange to me. I guess I did spend all that time going to class. I deserve this pop.
Alright. Study hall. Second to last day of the year. I've got this strange Tiger Malt and I'm going to drink it. I can do what I want. I'm 17, there is one day of school left and I haven't missed a day. Down the hatch Tiger Malt. Ugh. What the heck is in this bottle? What are my taste buds doing to me? I've got to try this again. I have never felt anything like this before. It's revolting but yet so familiar. Bleh. Terrible. Did someone play a joke on me? Is there some sort of conspiracy against letting kids finish a school year without missing a day? This is going to put me in the hospital? Did someone liquefy and strain a bowl of Raisin Bran? It tastes like a stronger version of my Puerto Rican friend Joey's mom's favorite Malta Goya drink. I might barf. That's isn't going to look good on the floor or on my permanent record.
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Other/Weird
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/21/2011
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Sum Poosie Original
Jay is back from tour and that means that we are in the market for Sum Poosie. Poor, lonely Jay. On the road with two dudes. Yeah, they're good dudes, but dudes none-the-less. So now it's time for Jay and myself to get Sum Poosie. Normally, we aren't the type of guys interested in this type of thing, but sometimes you just need Sum Poosie. Along with the powers of ginseng, our minds will stay intact as we go to town with the ladies. There is also the need for methyl sulfonyl, which is methane. We don't know what it really does, but we crave it every time Jay gets back from tour and its step towards the debauchery that will take place is the never-to-near future.
By now you should know that I am talking about the drink called Sum Poosie. It's an energy drink that loves the ladies and encourages you in every way, shape, and form about trying to get some or see nude girls. As a drink, it's not bad. As an energy drink, it's better than most energy drinks. It doesn't have an energy drink taste and actually tastes a little like cherries, or cherry bubble gum, or cherry lemonade. If I didn't know this was an energy drink, I wouldn't know that this was an energy drink.
If you love the ladies, don't want to stop partying, and just want to spend all of the day at a strip club eating low price, lower quality lobster and shrimp scampi, this is the drink to you. If you like energy drinks and don't mind looking at false stats about one particular women who is on the side of the bottle while you get energized, this is the drink for you. If you are a stuck up women hater who wants to sleep and would never step foot in a strip club and hate the taste of cherries, this is not the drink for you.
- Website
- http://www.sumpoosie.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/7/2011
Vitali Original
Derek's daddy went back to Taiwan and brought back more goodies. This is, apparently, a hot ticket item. Does "hot ticket" mean that it's hard to come by or that it sells like hotcakes? Let's assume that it means the latter and continue.
I didn't know what to expect, you know, because most of the can is not in English. I knew it was carbonated and that's about it. When translating the site from Chinese to English, the product title actually came through as "Victoria vigorously soda". I can only assume that it's a bit of Engrish but it could also mean that it's an energy drink. "vigorously", and adjective which seems like a strange word to use in that context, would, to me at least, mean energy.
It tastes a bit energy and a bit cola and a bit citrus and a way bit sweet. It's not bad, just very candied. If you could carbonate a sugar stick, this is what it would taste like.
- Website
- http://vitali.com.tw
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/26/2011
Mountain Dew Original
Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice.
- Website
- http://www.mountaindew.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/24/2011
- Buy Now
- Mountain Dew - 36/12 oz. cans
Relentless Energy Drink Original
"Energy and persistence alter all things" - Benjamin Franklin
This is the quote on the back of the can. It really sets the tone for this drink because Benjamin Franklin is probably one of the last people I think of when talking about energy drinks. The only person that probably beats him is Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Have you ever seen a picture of him? Not exactly what I think of when I think "energy drink".
Upon first sip of this over breakfast this morning, I audibly said "what the hell is that!?" My housemate laughed but refused to try it because he hates energy drinks. I'm half way through the can and I still can't put my finger on what is making this taste so gross. It's like they took the generic Red Bull clone energy drink taste and thought "this tastes too good, let's make it more gross so we'll end up discontinuing the flavor and people can buy it for 60 cents a can at Big Lots". If someone has this internal memo from Relentless, I'd love to see it to confirm my suspicions.
- Website
- http://www.drinkrelentless.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 9/22/2011
- Buy Now
- Relentless Energy Drink 500g
True Colors Enhanced Energy Beverage Original
You with the aluminum can
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to stand out
in a world full energy drinks
you can lose sight of it all
and the taste inside you
can make you seem so bland
But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why no one loves you
so be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are generic
like a Red Bull
Show me a can then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you tasting 'original'
if this world makes you thirsty
and you've drank all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why no one loves you
so be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are generic
like a Red Bull
- Website
- http://www.drinktruecolors.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 9/21/2011