Original (47 reviews)
Motto Sparkling Matcha Tea Original
First of all, good one Motto. You got me. I knew this was sparkling and I saw some stuff at the bottom. Let's call it "sludge" for the sake of conversation. I turned the bottle upside down and moved it around and that sludge wasn't going anywhere. I looked at the bottle and it said, "Please shake well and open carefully" so I did. I don't know how carefully you can open a pop top bottle but as expected, it fizzed up over the top. I let that guy do his business in the sink. I'm no dumb idiot. I'm not getting all sticky and green teaful. That's for the birds.
After that debacle, I drank it. First sip I was turned off. Second sip through the end kept pulling me in. I "got" it. It's a lightly sweetened, super bitter Matcha tea. It tastes like a really bitter green tea if you've never had matcha before. It has vinegar in it, which seems odd, and you could taste it but it wasn't offensive. I don't really know what that guy was doing in there but he's in there, doing his thing. This drink was sweetened with honey, which achieves such high marks in my book. I'm going to say that to all Thirsty Dudes, something sweetened with honey gets a big thumbs up. The sparkling just makes the drink a little different and might actually cut the flavor down a little bit. Between everything going on in this bottle, the reprieve is nice.
I hope they come out with some different flavors. Maybe different strands of tea or some fruit tea? I'm giving you some gold here, Motto. Use it.
- Website
- http://www.drinkmotto.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Honey
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 4 days ago
- Comments
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Roaring Lion Zero Original
It took a lot of ground up baby lion cubs to make this drink. They should have waited for them to mature a little bit because this is one wildly strong drink. The thing about matured lions is that they kind of calm down and make better drinks. This is super tart. Super tart. Super tart. It sat on the back of my tongue for an uncomfortable amount of time. It's an energy drink. It's rough because it's so strong. Strong little cubs.
- Website
- http://roaringlion.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Not Listed
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/17/2013
- Comments
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Tumeric The Elixer of Life Original
I have had a turmeric drink before and it tasted like water strained through a handful of Indian food. I really like Indian food. Jay and myself frequent Indian restaurants a lot but I'll tell you right here and now, I don't want to drink it. This drink, as Jay has mentioned every drink that cannot be reiterated enough is that this drink is not for everyone. It's spicy and does have a rather peculiar taste. That's taking into consideration that every ingredient under the sun inside of it. Spicy ones. Exotic ones. Fresh ones. Look at the bottle. There are ten or so ingredients that you wouldn't put into a drink yourself but they did.
What do I think of it? Well I'll tell you. You have a drink that is a good dinner drink because it is spicy and is almost a meal in itself. It's not think or chunky but you sip it so it takes a while to get through it. It's also not really sweet, regardless of the honey, so I don't know if you would spend time mulling over this drink. Well, maybe you would. I think that you and a friend could sit down and watch some fancy foreign film and split this with a friend. I could not drink this whole thing myself. I know Jay can't either because I went to his house and he gave me some of a drink that he reviewed a day before.
This is one of the strangest drinks we have had on Thirsty Dudes only because it's so complex. I welcome more drinks like this onto our not-award-winning-in-a-long-time website.
- Website
- http://tumericalive.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Raw Honey
- Categories
- Other/Weird
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/31/2013
- Comments
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Sync Energy Drink Original
People are still doing this, huh? This is every energy drink that I've ever had. It's the same taste, aftertaste, smell, can size, and so on. Why would you waste you money starting a company that makes a drink that tastes like twenty other company's drinks to a "T?" Seems like you could take that money and resources and, I don't know, put a fruit in it or something? Literally do anything to set it apart from the masses. There is nothing here that I can tell you that is any different than every popular energy drink out there. I've handed it to my energy drink guys here and they say that it's a sweeter, tarter, more candy version of Red Bull. There you have it. Who cares?
- Website
- http://www.bideuphoria.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/19/2013
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Original
I'm so glad that you could join me for lunch, Charles. It's been too long. I'm sorry we had to meet like this, at a shopping mall food court to eat Sbarro's but we are two busy men that rarely have time for leisure like this. Yes, you and I have made quite a name for ourselves, what with me owning a successful underwear line and you being the impresario of subway covers. We still manage to stay fit and trim and this is our treat to ourselves: A nice slice of pizza from Sbarro's.
Wait...what's this about? This doesn't taste like the Sbarro's that I used to know and love. Remember when we used to go to the mall as kids in Queens and eat Sbarro's and it was the best? This pizza tastes like the box it came in. So disappointing. Good thing we've got these garlic knots to cancel out that blem. I also bought us some smoothies from that New Age shop next to the pet store but before the RV dealership. I don't know what happened to this mall. There is like a Claire's in here and almost nothing else. I swear that at one point there was a Saturn car dealership in here. So, as I was saying I bought us some cacao smoothies. I've had cacao before and it's like a bean than makes chocolate.
Ugh. Now what the heck is this about? Charles, I'm sorry but this is turning out to be the worst lunch I've ever had. This too tastes like the bottle it came in. What is happening? Why does everything taste like the receptacle that it came in? It tastes nothing like chocolate and is like a smooth, gooey mess. It also smells like paint.
Charles, I cannot apologize to you enough. If we could do this again sometime, please, you pick the place. This was a disaster. I love seeing you, but not like this. I hope that the sewer cover business is going well for you. It has to be better than this lunch.
- Website
- http://www.suavva.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Agave Nectar
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 3/15/2013
- Comments
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Mayesa Cacao Original
Thirsty Dudes have a friend called "The Hammer." The Hammer is a great man who has affection for good, high quality chocolate. "Do you want to try a square?" he says to me. I never deny. Why? It's chocolate, number one, but it's always and definitely good chocolate because he only buys the good stuff. If he were with me right now, at my desk at work, I would have him drink this with me. This is chocolate milk for adults. It's bitterer than chocolate milk and has a natural taste to it. It's more woody and chalky than you would expect a generic chocolate milk to be so for that reason, you might not like it. I like it. The mint version is a bit more "entry level" if you ask me, but I think this one is good, too. The qualities of a good chocolate aren't always what make a good chocolate drink, though. Like I said, it's good, but it is going to be a bit more bitter than people might like. Still sweet but not as creamy as the kids would like. Hence chocolate milk for adults.
- Website
- http://www.mayesa.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Categories
- Other/Weird
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/1/2013
- Comments
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Angels Aphroenergy Original
Woo. Where to start, where to start? From the start? Let's go there. Imagine a fully bearded man in his workshop. Now cover his entire body in a thin layer of sawdust. He's working on a pinewood derby car. It's not quiet, though. Oh no. It's laden with the sound of vacuums, dremels, drill and Howard Jones' "Dream Into Action" on the stereo. A man gets thirsty. When the only thing that is in the fridge is an aphrodisiac energy drink, who cares? That's what you will drink. That's what I did drink. I did not think that it would have done to me what it did.
Here is the back-story of the day for me, diet-wise. I had a bowl of cereal around nine and it is now around three and I have an empty stomach. Whatever. I do what I want. I grabbed that drink and slammed it. It was great, too. It was slightly fruity, slightly carbonated with just a touch of that "energy drink" taste. Enough that it was still good. Comparable to the new Red Bull drinks, if you've had those. This was good. Promptly, two things happened, though. At the snap of fingers, the caffeine started to course through me like all my blood was replaced with it. In addition to that I got that thirty-six hour flu that everyone got. So I've got awkward dizziness and nonstop shaking due to drinking an energy drink on an empty stomach. I was like that the rest of the day. Virtually out of commission. I couldn't get to sleep until about four in the morning. I just lay there watching the hands cruise through the clock.
Now if that was that than that would be that, but it wasn't. One more thing and this might have been psychosomatic but it's worth mentioning if only for it's humor. The day I drank this, I could have filled up the boner quota of a ninth grade boy. It's absolutely humiliating but they would come and go like waves on the shoreline. I mention this because if it was supposed to do this, holy crap did it work. I felt like I should have had an English textbook to cover my genitals with throughout the day.
Two incredible images wrapped into one review of a fantastic energy drink. If you are too tired to get it on with your significant other, drink this. Just make sure to eat some food first.
- Website
- http://www.drinkangels.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 1/23/2013
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Hype Energy Original
The text, much like the whippets at the Gathering of the Juggalos, don't stop. Non-stop text on this can. You want some ingredients? What languages don't you speak? This can't got 'em all, son. That's just number one right off the bat. I'm not penalizing Hype for it, just pointing it out. Oh, see that can with all the text on it? Yeah, don't worry about reading it. It's an energy drink.
Taste: Not terrible. I like it more than Red Bull. It's an energy drink so you know the overall flavor. This has a bit more, dare I say, "fruit." They have an organic version that Jay reviewed that might allow fruit not to be in quotes. I went to lunch and came back and took another sip and it was pretty vile. I'm not penalizing them for that, either. It wasn't refrigerated so that was on me. That's a free poisoning from me to you, Hype.
Honestly, I didn't hate it. If hype men like Flava Flav, Dapwell from Das Racist, or Bushwick Bill pushed this drink on me, I would say, "Gentlemen. No need to yell. I'm on board. Stop drinking this energy drink and maybe sit down with some tea. You need to relax. No, Dap, that was not a pun on your group's fantastic major label release."
- Website
- http://www.hype.com/
- Country
- Netherlands
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/13/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Dr. B's Premium Microbrewed Tea Original
A few months ago when Dr. B’s emailed us to tell us about their microbrewed teas I was very excited. It’s no secret that Mike and I love a good tea, and if microbrewing could do to iced tea what it did for root beer, then everyone was in for a good time.
Dr B’s obviously cares about the quality of their tea. They took the effort to use quality ingredients and brew them in a special way. By all means this should have been one heck of a beverage. The thing is the company had a lapse in their judgment. They wanted a healthy tea, so they went with a zero calorie sweetener. In that instant all of their hard work went out the window. I understand wanting to have a healthy drink available, but I wish they would have taken it the other way and not added a sweetener at all. There is monk fruit in all their teas and that would have given them a slight sweetness, which is all it would need. Unfortunately they went the Xylitol route and that cold sweetness is the most prevalent flavor in the mix. I really have nothing against natural zero calorie sweeteners, I just think that when companies decide to use them, they should use a smaller amount so it’s not so overpowering. This could have been great, but instead it’s hard to finish.
- Website
- http://drbstea.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Xylitol
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/11/2012
- Comments
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Lucozade Energy Original
I saw this in every rest stop and convenience store that I went to while in the UK. Nothing about it looked appealing to me, so I passed it by every single time (take note that this was before Thirsty Dudes, so I had no contractual obligation to drink it). The label looks childish and not appetizing. As my ladyfriend pointed out something about it is reminiscent of Irn Bru, which I am also not a fan of.
I don’t know where Mike got this from, but when he handed it to me I sighed and said, “Fine I’ll do it.” I really expected this to be bubble gum flavored, which would have been infinitely worse than what it actually tastes like. It really tastes like carbonated sugar water with a little bit of lemon in it. There is that weird Gatorade flavor in there as well. What I expected to be some sort of weird, crazy British energy drink turns out to be a slightly carbonated sports drink. There isn’t even any caffeine in it. All of its “energy” seems to come from sugar and lactose acid. Now I have no idea why athletes would want to drink something carbonated immediately before or after crushing it on the field, but I guess that’s what people do “across the pond.” Man I hate that phrase.
- Website
- http://www.lucozade.com/
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Sweetener
- Glucose Syrup
- Categories
- Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/28/2012
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
