Guava (16 reviews)

Kern's Nectar Guava

Kern's Nectar Guava

You know how when bees make honey it can taste a little like the flowers they got the pollen from? Well I’d like to get some honey from bees that were feasting on guava blooms. I got the idea from the hummingbird on this can. Yeah that’s right, I went from hummingbird to bees in less than a second. My brain works in mysterious ways. But yeah, guava honey would probably rate right up there with rainbows, puppies and your kiss as the best things in life (the producer made them cut it down to just your kiss).

Unfortunately this Kern’s guava nectar is not on that list. It’s good, but the HFCS makes it a bit too sweet and a bit too thick, in an unnatural way. It just masks the glorious taste of the guava a bit too much. Oh well I’ll take what I can get when it comes to this fruit. Now someone send me that honey.

Website
http://www.kerns.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 17th, 2012
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Kern's Guava Nectar - 12/11.5 oz

Maaza Guava

Maaza Guava

Long meetings. You spend all day at an office and sometimes it's alright. You've got your little desk and it's done up the way that you like and sometimes you can listen to music there. At my desk, I don't listen to metal because there are others around and the others wouldn’t appreciate it. No, not like the movie "The Others," which was one of the most awful movies I've ever seen, next to "Bats" of course. I mean, come on. Nothing happened in the whole movie and even the payout was just discovery of nothing. Ugh, Nicole Kidman, you're the pits.

Long meetings. I'll start again. Nothing can save you short of a car hitting your building or someone smoking in the stairwell, which sets off the smoke alarms which means that the fire department come and evacuate the entire building. Since neither of these happen, I needed something. A guava juice is the perfect escape from reality and I was lucky enough to have one in cache.

I enjoyed this drink in all its gritty goodness. As I've said previously, I don't know what Maaza does to their drinks but they're right on the fence between nectar and juice and I don't want them to move. It has a great guava taste. Pretty sweet, but the flavor was on.

Since I'm writing this and I'm (usually) not a disrespectful jerk all the time, I am out of the meeting writing it, so I finally got out, but unless a meal is provided, there should be no such thing as a three and a half hour meeting. FACT!

Website
http://www.maaza.com/
Country
Holland
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 19th, 2011
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Maaza Guava Juice Drink - 33.8fl oz

Rubicon Guava

Rubicon Guava

In the wild world of Canada, there are live exotic fruits. It's true. You don't believe me? Take a trip up to Toronto. While you're there, go do yourself a favor and go to "Fifty Toppings Guy". It's a hot dog cartman on the corner of Queen and Spadina who has wonderful veggie and non-veggie dogs. I'm assuming that you've got a satchel or a fanny pack or something to carry your exotic fruits in, so I am not even going to address it. So once you get past the Eaton Centre, up on your left is a jungle. Ask James, the night watchman, if you can go in. You know the secret hand gesture, right? That's right. It's the same one as the Van Buren Boys hand signal that George Costanza used to save his life. Once James lets you in, get your shoving arms ready because it's a madhouse in there. The pushing and shoving, you would think you were in one of those Filene's "Running of the Brides" events.

Wait, did I tell you that all the exotic juices are in juice box format? Ooops. Sorry. Did you think that it was just fruit hanging off of trees? Are you kidding? Passionfruit, Guava, and all that other good stuff doesn't grow in Toronto. They have to package it up so that it doesn't get damaged when dropped, and since you're going to be fighting your way through said juice, you'd better have a nice, cardboard carrying case around it.

Whilt pushing fat men and skinny ladies, fight your way over to the Rubicon table to grab some of their guava, or as they like to say "goyave". It's pretty close to the bare essentials of what guava is all about. Water, guava pulp, and sugar and then some preservatives and stabilizers to keep it from surprising you with a straw full of brown juice. Oh man, the thought of that makes me want to puke. It's a little gritty like nectar and just the right amount of sweetness so you don't get cavities and probably get some sort of legitimate nutrition. Your mom would be proud, but don't show her that you got your school clothes dirty because some angry woman just pushed you in the dirt so she could get her grubby, rather large hands on the pineapple juice boxes.

Website
http://www.rubiconexotic.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 6th, 2011
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Rubicon Guava Exotic Juice Drink (4 juice boxes)

Rubicon Sparkling Guava

Rubicon Sparkling Guava

Dear Rubicon, I wanted to tell you that you’ve come a long way, but then I remembered that I actually loved the juices you sold in juice box form. I had expected them to be overly sweetened and watered down versions of the pure fruit, and while they did have extra sugar added to them, they were fairly spectacular. Any slight reservations I had about your juices have been thrown out the window by the addition of a few tiny bubbles. This actually tastes less sweet than the juice version, and I am fine with that. It’s guava puree spiced up with a little sugar and some carbonated water. It tastes like real guavas, which makes it automatically better than 90% of the drinks in the world. Rubicon, you have proved yourself yet again and I can’t wait to see what you have planned next.

Website
http://www.rubiconexotic.com/
Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 4th, 2013
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Tropical Fantasy Guava

Tropical Fantasy Guava

By the quality of this juice this company’s idea of a tropical location is a third world country. A country that certainly does not have the funds available to properly grow and harvest guavas. Instead they go the inexpensive route and make a fake guava juice. There is pear and apple juice in this, but not a drop of the nectar of the guava. It still remotely tastes like the fruit, but a kid version of it. This is the kind of juice that would be in the lowest common denominator juice box. You can certainly tell that it is sweetened with HFCS, but for some reason there is sucralose in it as well. It’s not bad for the price, but it’s not what I would want when I have the craving for juice from one of the best fruits in the world.

Website
http://www.tropicalfantasy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on February 29th, 2012
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Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Guava

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Guava

Everyone thought that Stephen Lina and his father were charlatans because they sold heath tonics out of a little cart. They were early wave traveling sales men, but unfortunately for them some men had come before them trying to make a quick buck by swindling people out of their money by offering them what were essentials vials of dyed sugar water. The Linas were not con artists like these others. They had similar selling tactics as their peers, but their product actually worked. You see Mr. Lina was a scientist and he had discovered the healing properties of flaxseed. He knew it could be used to help combat ailments that would in the future come be known as cholesterol, diabetes, cancer, constipation, menopause, heart disease and depression.

Mr. Lina could have easily made it public knowledge that flaxseeds could help cure so many ailments, but then his family would stay exactly where they were: in the poor house. He had promised a better wife for his family, so he made up a whole mess of flaxseed tonics, loaded up the family cart and went out to make his fortune with his son. It’s just unfortunate that the time that they chose to go sell their wares was the same time that people across the country were getting fed up with scam artists ripping them off and not healing their problems. The Linas were chased out of every town they went to. They never once even sold a bottle of their flaxseed tonic. Broken and beaten the two men returned home with their tales between their legs to live out the rest of their life in poverty.

It wasn’t until over a hundred years had passed that Stephen’s great grandson David’s interest was piqued when his grandmother told him tales of the traveling Linas. He found his great great grandfather’s notebooks in an old trunk and used his fancy college science degree to make up a batch of “Vita Lina” as his ancestors had called it. It tasted okay, but it needed a little something. He just happened to have some iced tea and a can of guava juice on hand, for some unknown reason, so he added it to the mixture. That was exactly what was needed. What his grandfather had once called a tonic was now a tasty beverage that was most definitely marketable. The guava and iced tea masked most of the flavor of the flaxseed, but it was still slightly there. Nothing about the flavor was offensive at all. In fact if one were unaware of the flaxseed content, they would never be the wiser. The consistency was a bit off though. It was a little thick, our young scientist’s girlfriend most than once announced that it felt like she was drinking body wash when she would take a sip. David didn’t think it was that thick, but he gave it to her that it was thicker than most drinks in a strange way. David eventually teamed up with Simply Originals, to distribute his beverages, and finally his family started to see some money from their ancestor’s ideas. It was a good day.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice, Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 23rd, 2012
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