Spruce Beer (2 reviews)

Kiri Spruce Beer

Kiri Spruce Beer

Dad, I don't want to go camping. I love spending time with you, I really do, but the thought of getting all muddy does not thrill me. Oh, I won't get muddy? Dude...sorry, Dad, it's been raining for like 3 days. They don't make boots waterproof enough to keep that much out of my feet. Not to mention, when you have a bonfire, you smell like it for days irregardless of how many showers you take. Sure "irregardless" is a word. I just used it in a sentence. It's always cold and there are so many mosquitoes that, as an adult, I feel that I am rightfully scared of contracting malaria. Can't we just stay home and drink that case of Kiri Spruce Beer? It tastes like spicy trees. Seriously, it tastes like if you bottled a forest and spiced it up a bit. I'm not trying to cop out here, but it really sounds like a miserable time. Look, I'll go, but I want to listen to my tapes in the car. I just got this fresh new Tony! Toni! Toné! album from The Wall that I really want to listen to. If we can listen to that, drink a refreshing, conifer flavored drink in the truck, and stop at a Denny's on the way home, I'll go. Sweet, see you in the truck!

Website
http://www.kiri.com/en/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 24th, 2011
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Empire Bottling Works Spruce Beer

Empire Bottling Works Spruce Beer

Franklin Mercer has been sick for quite awhile. His wife Sharon has been up for the past three nights. Franklin is so congested that he can hardly breathe and what little breath he has comes out in the loudest snores you've ever heard. She's begged and pleaded but he's so darn stubborn and won't take medicine. To fix her problem Sharon and I have mixed up this little concoction to trick him into getting better.

If there's one thing Franklin loves it's soda pop. He drinks it all the livelong day. I suggested that we slip a little Vicks Vapo Rub into his soda in order to get him well. Yes I know you're not supposed to ingest it, but every time we try to rub it on his body he wakes up and freaks out. It's like waking someone with night terrors. I'm surprised I don't have a black eye. Sharon said her family has a secret recipe of mixing a bunch of buds and needles from spruce trees and boiling it down to make a syrup that will fix you right up. The problem is we're on vacation out in Arizona and there isn't a proper tree to be found anywhere. As a substitute she decided to mix in a pine scented tree air freshener that she found at the gas station. I don't know how they are equals, but she assures me it will do in a pinch. We boiled it all down, mixed it in with his Sprite and here we go.

Lucky for us his nose is so stuffed up because the smell of this stuff is intense. I can't believe he's drinking it. The cold must also be effecting his taste buds. I took a little sip earlier to make sure it wasn't poison, and it tasted like I had bathes in Vapo Rub and then decided to lick the sap from a tree. I couldn't get more than a little sip down, Franklin just chugged the whole bottle. Here's to hoping it clears up his nasal passages!

Country
United States
Sweetener
100% Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 10th, 2011
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