Captain, we have a problem. We’re about to set voyage and we just realized that we only have enough beverages on this ship to last us until tomorrow. I don’t know who messed up, but we’ll find out and they will be scrubbing the galley in no time.
Sailor, first things first; I am an admiral, not a lowly captain. I control entire fleets of ships, and I eat captains with my morning granola. That’s right, cannibalism is okay because I am an admiral. It will do you well not to forget that in the future. As for our little problem, don’t sweat it ensign. Being an admiral and all I have the inside line to many things that you lower sailors do not. One of them happens to be a line of teas created for my kind. That’s also right; us admirals like to think of ourselves as a different race. We are descended from mermen, but you didn’t hear that from me. I can get us as many cases of tea as we’ll need for this voyage by 0900 tomorrow.
Have you ever had Arizona and Peace Tea before ensign? Well, tea made for admirals falls somewhere between the two. It tastes more like Razzleberry Peace Tea, but it is sweetened with HFCS, so it has more of the consistency of Arizona. You might ask why they don’t use a higher grade of sweetener for the master sea race. The fact of the matter is that our kind really just likes the thickness of corn syrup. It makes us feel like a drink has more substance. Call us crazy, but that is how my kind has always felt and always will feel.
Now let’s get these people down to Cozumel. They paid decent money for this cruise and we’re going to show them the best time we possibly can!
- United States
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Iced Tea
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 8/9/2012