Il HWA McCol Barley

Il HWA McCol Barley

Thad, could you come here for a minute? Thad...wait your name is Tom? Alright, Thad. Well the guys here at the office have gotten together and decided that your employment here is no longer needed. You want a reason? Thad, you've left the coffee pot on overnight at least two dozen times and you've only been here two months. That's like every other day. Now, Thad, we aren't a large company, but we aren't a small company, but do you know what I don't like doing? Sending poor Sheila Larson to the store to buy a new coffee pot every other day. Sure, she's lost a lot a of weight because I always ask her to get it during her lunch break and she claims that she doesn't have time to eat, but a little weight loss never hurt anyone.

So, as you can see, this is a troubling offense and we can't sit around while this happens day after day. Every day when I come in and unlock the office, I'm greeted by the smell of burnt coffee. Now, I've worked here for 42 years and I've drank burnt coffee before, but once a month is about par for the course. Every other day, well, I didn't work my buns off for 42 years to still be drinking burnt coffee.

Did I tell you that I was in the Korean War, son? Well I was. It was very difficult times. We didn't want to be over there as much as they didn't want us over there. The few days we weren't fighting for your freedom, the boys and I would sneak into town and grab some ice cold pops and relax until our sergeant found out and made us run laps and clean socks in the rain. Well one day the boys and I bought this drink called McCol or McCool or something and, I'll tell you what, if I didn't know better, I would think that you weren't burning the coffee at all, but pouring this stuff into the pot every night. I'll tell you something that stuff tasted like fizzy, burnt coffee.

Now, Thad, I'm sorry, but because of my bad memories of Korea and you inability to remember to shut the coffee pot off before you lock up leaves me no choice but to terminate your employment here at Consolidated Cardboard.

Soda Pop
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 2nd, 2011