You know it was really nice meeting you, Sam. You know what? I will go home with you. Let's get in this cab and head back to your place. Oh...you live here? This is a rough part of town, isn't it? Well, I feel safe with you so let's just get inside quickly because that guy over there across the street has shifty eyes like in cartoons where a dog has shifty eyes because he's up to no good.
Oh, this is...this is where you live? Oh, no...It's nothing...I just...well I just thought because you were so well kempt that...you know...your house would be, too. It's fine. It's fine. Let's just get to your room. Sam, why are we going in the basement? Oh...it is damp down here. Is that pipe leaking? Why does it...no...nevermind. No...I can't say it. You know what? I might go home. All of a sudden I don't feel so hot...well I was going to say it smells a lot like sweaty feet down here. Man it's damp down here. Do you have like seventeen humidifiers running in here?
Please don't tell me you sleep on a twin mattress on the floor. You do? Sam. Come on. You have a $400 watch on, $200 shoes, and nice clothes. Why do you live like this? How can it smell like feet so much down here! Jesus! Yes, Sam. Thank you. I will have a drink. I'm going to need it. Thanks. Is this red wine? What is it? Black current? I don't know. Oh, it's just juice? Alright. Ugh. What is going on? Is that the way this drink tastes or is this cranberry juice made with someone's old, sweaty feet? There is too much going on. Is this juice bad? Did you serve me old, bad juice? It's not expired. Look, once it's in my mouth, it just tastes like a liquid version of those delicious canned cranberries you eat on Thanksgiving. When you bring it to your mouth though...feet.
Sam. I can't do this. I'm sorry. You have a good nice and it was really nice meeting you. I'm going to call a cab and wait on your front stoop and hope that the shifty guy outside doesn't come towards me or I will kick him so hard he's going to be shifting in places he wishes he wasn't. Good night, Sam. Please lose my phone number.
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/16/2012