I would like to congratulate Johnson on his promotion. To thank him for his twenty-five years of great service, I am hereby awarding him with this four pack of Welch's Fruit Fizz. I'm sorry, Sally. What did you say? What do you mean "A jip?" Have you ever had this, Sally? Look, most guys celebrate with a bottle of champagne, but here at Cornucopia Inc., we don't drink on the job. This is like four little cans of non-alcoholic champagne that he can enjoy for almost a full workweek. That means that for almost every lunch he eats at the Cornucopia Lounge, our cafeteria, he can taste a rather delicious non-alcoholic champagne and celebrate his quarter century dedication to putting things in a wicker basket, thing. Do you know how many oranges he had to put in that wicker horn to get to where he is today? Do you know how much non-racist Indian corn he had to put in that thing to make it as far as he did? No, Sally. You don't. Now, he can go on his merry way and drink a low-calorie, celebratory drink twice a day for two days.
Oh, it was that I only got him that which you are upset about? Sally, I'm no savage. I got him a $25 gift card to Applebee's, too. One dollar for every year, like I always do for all my employees. Play your cards right and you'll be getting your $3 gift card this July.
- United States
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/12/2012