High Fructose Corn Syrup (490 reviews)

Mountain Dew Holiday Brew

Mountain Dew Holiday Brew

The time is 9:03 AM. A half hour ago I drank Mountain Dew. If someone wants to drive me to an insane institution, I will happy enter myself into the system for a solid week. I could use it. This, friends, is a dumb product. It's Code Red with a "holiday blend." This tastes like a weaker Code Red. Maybe with more citrus. Nothing specifically "holiday" or "festive" about it, though. No cinnamon or nutmeg or bits of leaves or anything reminiscent of any sort of holiday flavors. What is the point of this? At least Pepsi Christmas or Holiday or Festive or whatever that is called has some sort of "holiday spice" to it. This is basically just Code Red "watered down" with 7-Up or something. Dumb. Way to go, America. You've been poisoned again by Mountain (Mitten) Dew.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
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Arizona Green Tea Cucumber with Citrus

Arizona  Green Tea Cucumber with Citrus

Well well. Look at this little guy. Sitting here all full of cucumber. What a nice surprise to see something Arizona put out that I was unaware of. Sure, I might not have my ear as close to the ground as I used to but I was caught off guard and didn't think for a second that I wasn't going to get it.

Let's get down to brass tacks. How is she? She's a lot less sweet than Arizona tried and true green tea. That's for truth. There is a very strong scent of cucumber and an equally strong taste. I'm not going to say overpowering but if you're on the fence about cucumbers, this is not the drink for you. There is a commitment issueless amount of cucumber flavor going on within the confides of this can and I know something about commitment issues. I dated my live-in girlfriend for eight years before I ask her to marry me.

I might have drank half of this can. The whole thing is far too much for me. There isn't anything wrong with it but the whole can I feel is a bit gluttonous. You've done a fine thing here, Arizona. Don't take the half I'm going to dump into the sink as an insult. I'm a little under the weather and cannot share the remainder of this.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 14th, 2017
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Pepsi Fire

Pepsi Fire

When you see a beverage that is called Fire, you expect some heat behind it. The first thought in my head was that this was going to be Pepsi with capsaicin (aka what makes peppers burn your guts). Half of a second of reading told me that it was really just Pepsi with cinnamon in it. Why the masochist in me was hoping for a drink that would cause me to sweat and leak tears everywhere, I was actually intrigued by the idea of cinnamon cola. I mean sure, I’d rather have the option to have a drink on hand that I could use to play pranks on friends and watch their mouths burn off, but I mean I guess I’ll take this.

To be honest, as I took my first sip, I thought that it really didn’t taste all that different from regular Pepsi and I thought I had bought myself a one way ticket to bummer city. Then the after taste kicked in. Oh what a wonderful aftertaste it is. It’s all cinnamon and spice and even a little heat. I can thankfully say that the soda lived up to its name.
With subsequent sips I learned that if you swished it around your mouth a bit, it opened up the flavor of the cinnamon. It makes you feel like a wine aficionado, except without all of the…you know….taste of rot and decay.
I surprisingly really enjoyed this. I do have to mention that after drinking an entire bottle over about a half hour I did get quite the stomach ache and by ache I mean burn. I guess it really does meet its nomenclature. I would also like to point out that if this would have been part of the 1893 line and made with that base, it would have been through the roof fantastic. I’m talking like life changing good.

Website
http://www.pepsi.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 26th, 2017
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Arizona Asia Plum Green Tea

Arizona  Asia Plum Green Tea

This is an old favorite from my pre-Thirsty Dudes days. Man those were different times. I drank so much sugar back then and never thought twice about it. How was I not gigantic? I would easily drink at least three Arizona tall boys a day, not counting the other garbage I consumed. This wasn’t a constant back then, but that was only because it didn’t come in a 99 cent can and I only splurged on the extra half dollar when I was feeling special. It was a treat that I gave myself.

Most of my favorite drinks from that time period don’t really hold up for me anymore, because my body has changed and so much sugar makes me feel like garbage. Taking one sip of this brought me right back though. It was the early 2000s. All I did was play music and hang out with my friends. I was in my 20’s it was allowed. Hell, it’s still kind of what I do now. I had terribly dyed black hair and for some reason I tucked my t-shirts in. I was a catch I tell ya. I also existed on seemingly nothing but pizza and tacos, yet I never gained a pound. I wouldn’t say it was a better time, but it was a different time and I had my fun. I drank my teas and didn’t think twice about it. It’s no longer the cost that makes this a treat, but the amount of sugar (45g/bottle). It tastes sweet, but not to an extent that it hurts my teeth. It has that classic Arizona green tea flavor, that isn’t quite what other green tea tastes like, but it’s wonderful. On top of that the Asia plum adds just the right amount of flavor. I’ve had other Asian beverages that said they were plum and they tasted like moldy meat. This is the opposite of that. Wait, would that be fresh veggies? It’s not that, but it is delicious. I hope this flavor makes a comeback because you don’t see it much these days.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 31st, 2016
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Joker Mad Energy Tropical Mango

Joker Mad Energy Tropical Mango

It’s common knowledge at this point (at least amongst us that read comics) that Bill Finger got screwed on getting credit for his work in the DC universe. The man helped create some of the most well-known comic characters of all time, but Bob Kane got the bi-lines. In recent years he has finally started to get the credit he deserves. I can only hope that if his estate is not responsible for these energy drinks that they give some sort of credit, because there is absolutely no way the image on this can is not based on his character The Joker. I’m not a litigious man, but if credit is not being given, perhaps a trip to the courthouse is in order.

As for the taste of this beverage, I can only assume its creation went something like this: Harleen comes over to her boyfriend Joe’s apartment after picking up some mangos from the grocery store and plans on making them some smoothies with the orange juice that she saw in his fridge. Upon arriving to the apartment she discovers that the orange juice has actually been sitting in there for several years and the inside of the carton looks like some sort of hate crime. The pipes in the apartment are so gross and rusted that the water comes out tinted brown, and there is no way she is going to consume that. She really wants that smoothie though and the only other liquid Joe has in the house is some generic Red Bull type energy drink. With a shrug and a sigh she pulls out the blender and mixes away. The result is this drink. It has a general energy drink taste underneath a very strong mango flavor that tastes authentic, even though I’m sure there’s no way in Gotham that it is.

Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 2nd, 2016
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Pepsi Crystal

Pepsi Crystal

So here we are. We have finally completely the trifecta of drinks. When we first started Thirsty Dudes we stated that there were three drinks that were no longer in production that we wished we could get our hands on to review; Orbits (which we found be sold in Canada 14 years expired), Ecto Cooler (which got a re-release with the new movie being out), and now Crystal Pepsi is in our hands. Nostalgia for the 90's is high right now. I mean I snuck into an En Vogue concert last week in Michigan and alternative bands are on the rise once again. Pepsi knew that if there was ever going to be a time to bring this back it was now, and let me tell you, people are talking. Well, there is a slight murmur on the internet about it.

We shot a video of us drinking a bottle and discussing our thoughts on it. The conclusion is that is tastes like re-carbonated flat Pepsi with a hint of 7Up mixed in. It's odd, but still enjoyable. Sure the video cuts off after 5 minutes, and sure we probably kept rambling nonsense for five more without realizing it, but do you really need to hear more of us pretending we aren't awkward by pretending to be awkward?

Website
http://www.pepsi.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 15th, 2016
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Mountain Dew Kickstart Blueberry Pomegranate

Mountain Dew Kickstart Blueberry Pomegranate

I'm beat, dude. Worked until 2, home at 2:30, asleep by quarter to 3, up at 6:30. I need a pick-me-up. I've been disappointed by Dunkin' Donuts inability to make a consistent drink. So what do I choose? I guess this Mountain Dew Kickstart from a bodega I rarely go to but needed to take a walk outside.

How is it? It's fine. I don't know to what caliber this is of a juice and an energy drink but it's got caffeine in it so I guess it will eventually do something. It's not bad. It's pretty sweet and very fruity but I think it tastes better than your run-of-the-mill energy drink. I don't know if I specifically taste blueberry or pomegranate but I'm not complaining. With a drink like this, I don't hold them to their word like I would a "real" juice. Sorry. I'm not trying to be offensive. It's like it's a sparkling juice first and everything else just peeks their little heads in and out to say hello.

I don't know if it's "helping" because I'm fading fast but I've made it to 3:30 and wasn't late for work today. Somewhere there is an accomplishment but I'm too tired to see it. Maybe...if I just close my eyes...for just a second.....

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink, Juice, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 29th, 2016
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Hi-C Ecto Cooler

Hi-C Ecto Cooler

It’s been a long time old friend. When we first met I was merely 10 years old and even though I didn’t understand most of the jokes, I loved all things Ghostbusters. I don’t remember if I saw the movie or the cartoon first (The Real Ghostbusters, not that other garbage one) and I don’t care. All I need to know if that I was hooked. I was also hooked on “juice,” and when Hi-C combined both things it was a match made in heaven. Normally my mom would pack me a Ssips juice box in my lunch, but the times I could get her to splurge it was always for Ecto Cooler. I had no idea that this was actually a rebranding of their “Citrus Cooler” flavor and I still don’t care. It was delicious and it had the cartoon version of Slimer on it. What 10 year old suburban white boy wouldn’t love that?

Ecto Cooler was always such a specific flavor to me that as a youngster I could never quite put my finger on. It wasn’t until the company yet again rebranded the flavor as “Shoutin’ Orange Tangerine“ that I slapped my forehead and felt very dumb for not placing the flavor. At the time I had outgrown such drinks and with the lack of Slimer on the packaging it held little interest to someone in their early 20s. I later learned that in 2006 it was once again rebranded as “Crazy Citrus Cooler” and a year later it was completely discontinued.

There’s something about your thirties that feeds off of nostalgia. I had never grown tired of the Ghostbusters movies and still watched them at least once a year. I longed for times when life was simpler and I missed things from my childhood that were no longer available. When we started thiersty Dudes, we named our “Trifecta” of discontinued drinks that we longed for. They were Crystal Pepsi, Orbits and or course Ecto Cooler. We bought a 14 years expired bottle of Orbits and it tasted like salad dressing. The other day a mysterious package showed up at my door and inside was a cardboard Muon Trap that contained Ecto Cooler. I knew it was returning to shelves along with the release of the new movie (which is the most hated movie that no one has seen yet), but I really have no recollection of giving anyone from Hi-C my address. It was a complete surprise and it made my day wonderful.

I’m sitting here now, sitting in the warm shining sun and I’m sipping on a juice box. If this were 25 years ago I would be sitting on a skateboard with my best friends planning what we would do when school ended for the summer in a few weeks. Instead I am taking a break between printing shirts and working on my deck. I wish I could say that I was talking about the deck of my skateboard, but I mean the deck of my house. I’m an adult with responsibilities, but for a few short minutes it’s 1989 again and I’m drinking a tangerine/orange drink that I believe to be juice, but which only contains 10% juice. It’s mostly citrus sugar water and I don’t care. It tastes exactly like I remember and that’s all that matters. If this drink were a new product now, I would care very little about it, but since it’s something from my childhood I’m loving it. I’m not expecting this to stick around for very long. There will be a large nostalgia burst as soon as it hits shelves and then people will remember they are adults and these are the kinds of drinks you leave behind as you grow up. Who knows though? Maybe the new movie will resonate with a younger generation and they will eat (drink) it up. I may never buy it again, but I will smile every time I see it.

Website
http://www.ecto.cool/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 23rd, 2016
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Pepsi Cherry Vanilla

Pepsi Cherry Vanilla

My last two reviews have been for Pepsi, that new/old/throwback stuff. This stuff came out before, though, right? This is more of a redo than something new or even throwback. It's just like they came in one day and decide that they are going to fulfill all of the comment cards and letters that have been asking for it back. I like it, though. I like cola and vanilla. Some might call that vanilla cola but you can also call it cola and vanilla.

This is good. I don't normally drink "regular" cola but this is decent. Corn syrup and all. I like cherry cola, too. It reminds me of a simpler time where I would go to punk shows and walk and get a taco and cherry Pepsi but this time with the soothing, calming flavor of vanilla to round it out.

2016 is shaping out to be the year of Pepsi for me. You're doing alright so far. If I stay away from the typical garbage, we might have a pretty good year together.

Website
http://www.pepsi.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 31st, 2016
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Royal Crown Cola Ten

Royal Crown Cola Ten

These “Ten” sodas are a game changer for those watching their calorie intake without going overboard. They are a middle ground between diet and regular soda; meaning that there is a mixture of HFCS and sucralose used to sweeten them. This tastes like someone took a can of regular RC and a can of diet RC and mixed half of each together in a separate can. There are hints of a diet flavor, but it’s not as overpowering as most diet sodas. I hate sucralose sweetened diet pop, but this is something that I did not mind at all. Sure it lost a bit of the bite of the regular cola, but tradeoffs must be made for the sake of lower calories.

Website
http://www.rccolainternational.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 10th, 2015
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