High Fructose Corn Syrup (495 reviews)

Faygo Pineapple

Faygo Pineapple

If you like pina-col…..wait no, that’s not right. There is any colada anywhere to be found in this soda. I kind of doubt that there is any actual pina in here as well. Actually, I’m fairly positive that no pineapples were harmed in the making of this pop. It’s just your standard generic pineapple soda. Sure it tastes closer to oranges and cherries than their generic sodas do, but it’s still a fake flavor.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that this may be the worst pineapple soda I have ever tasted. It’s more plain sugar water than fake pineapple flavor. This is the only soda by the Motor City company that has been less than average. I didn’t even make it to the top of the label, before I decided to call it quits. Good for me watching my sugar intake (at least minimally) but bad for Faygo. You can now return to singing your song about potential infidelity.

Website
http://www.faygo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 19th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Faygo pineapple flavor soda, 2-liter plastic bottle

Big Shot Pineapple Watermelon

Big Shot Pineapple Watermelon

I enjoy watermelon. I enjoy pineapple. I enjoy a nice fruit salad in the summertime. I enjoy that Big Shot took the time to put two summertime classics together but in typical Big Shot fashion, it's just garbage pop.

Look, New Orleans. Get it together. You've got a lot going for you. Musically you are a wonderful place. Foodically you are a wonderful place. Leave it at that. Drinks can go to someone else. You don't need to have your hands in everything. You're bound to just spread yourself too thin.

This tastes like sharp candy and not like fruit. It tastes like if you had a generic watermelon and generic pineapple mix, said to yourself, "Oh, that would be interesting." and then went ahead and made it. No thought. Just two flavors that sounded good on paper put together and pushed out to the masses. Anyone who can finish this deserves equal part insane asylum invitation and badge of honor. You can't have both because the badge is sharp and you could hurt yourself and we don't want that.

Website
http://www.nolacajun.com/Big-Shot-Soda_p_13.html
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 14th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Team Realtree Outdoor Energy Pink Lemonade

Team Realtree Outdoor Energy Pink Lemonade

This is a beverage for all of those times that you find yourself in Innerspace/Fantastic Voyage type scenarios. You know something happens internally to someone and only you can be shrunk down to travel inside their person and right the wrongs of the human body. It may sound like a walk in the park, but there are anti-bodies in humans that simply do not like outsiders, they are kind of racist that way. In order to sneak by them we suggest that you drape yourself in pink real tree camo. It’s the only appropriate attire for inter-body warfare.

Exploring the interworking of a human can take quite some time when you’re that small. You need to be aware and alert the entire time, so why not down this energy drink that will blend right in with your camo. You can drink it while inside your friend and the antibodies will be none the wiser. Unfortunately convenience doesn’t always taste the greatest. This is supposed to be pink lemonade flavored, but it just tastes like sweet lemon poison. It’s one of those beverages that if you served to someone say 20 years ago they would have seriously thought you were serving them poison. As a species we’ve become so acclimated to the taste of energy drinks that we no longer remember how weird and kind of wrong they tasted the first time we tried them. This beverage has that weirdness turned up to ten. It’s more chemical than lemonade. It’s like they’re not even trying to mask it.

I guess sacrifices must be made when you shrink yourself into a tiny person. Get in there save the day, come out through a nostril or ear and become the hero you were born to be. Just make sure not to leave your trash behind. That could wreak havoc on the person you’re trying to save.

Website
http://www.realtree.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 8th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Team Realtree AP Pink Lemonade Outdoor Energy Drink (case of 12 cans)

Arizona Juice Cocktail Sweet Apple

Arizona  Juice Cocktail Sweet Apple

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have done it. We have compressed all that you love about apples and turned it into a liquid that closely resembles that of its original, solid form. Please hold for applause. We have some more explaining to do. We've taken apples, actual apples and compressed them down until their poor skins cannot contain their contents any longer and when that happened, we compressed even more to release the sweet nectar of the apple. Then we added a little bit of sugar, you know, for fun.

Now, and only until now, can you applaud and get in line to shake the hand at the scientists that we gave massive amounts of money at to develop this master beverage. Why isn't anyone clamoring to allow these scientists, these masters of men, to impregnate their wives and determine the worthiness of their very being? I'm sorry sir, what did you say? Apple juice exists? Surely you jest. This has never been done before. What do you mean that baby has some? Baby, come here. Give me your bottle. Oh, you're very cute. Thank you. I promise I will not drink your entire bottle. I am a scientist, not a monster.

Huh. Well. This is a bit humiliating. It appears that this drink which you peasants call "apple juice" does exist and is readily available. It appears we have not only wasted your time calling you out of your homes and work, but have also wasted tens of thousands of dollars on developing something that all of you are more than familiar with. Perhaps us scientists should stop working in caves and go outside into the sunshine and fraternize with the people to find out what they really want. Our bad.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 5th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Brisk Iced Tea Mango Flavor

Brisk Iced Tea Mango Flavor

I’m pretty sure that if I was at some sort of gathering for my ladyfriend’s family/friends and I was given this to drink, I would lean over and whisper/plead in her ear “Do I have to?” It would be an honest question as well, because I have no concept of how far I have to take social niceties so that I don’t seem like a complete mutant. I don’t often interact with “normal people” or grownups (yes I know I’m 35, but I swear I’m still a kid), and as a result I don’t know how to properly act around them and I have a tendency to anger people or make them feel uncomfortable. So when someone hands you an iced tea by a company who doesn’t have a great track record (and you’ve already turned down their offers for beer and other alcoholic beverages several times), can you say no thank you, or do you just accept it with a smile?

I will say that had I accepted with a smile, I wouldn’t have been terribly disappointed. This is lacking the harshness that normally accompanies the Brisk name. It’s also sweetened by a mixture of high fructose corn syrup and sucralose, which makes it more palatable. I mean sure it still tastes more like sweetened liquid than it does actual tea, but would you expect anything different?

There is no real mango in here, but it still mimics the taste at least slightly. I have to admit that this is the most reserved flavor of Brisk I have yet to encounter. Nothing is blasting you in the face. It’s pretty calm on all fronts. It’s still not great, but it’s something I can sip on without grumbling too many complaints.

Website
http://www.drinkbrisk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 31st, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Big Shot Fruit Punch

Big Shot Fruit Punch

Just churning it out, just churning out garbage. Some companies use high quality ingredients handpicked from local gardens. Those people are not these people. These people...these people. These people are making carbonated poison as far as I'm concerned. Look, it's not that bad. I mean, it's bad, don't get me wrong.

This has that strange, sharpness that you don't want in anything you ingest. I mean, there aren't any great fruit punches around but this is worse than your average bear and fruit punch. Fruity? Yep. Not anything you should find yourself drinking.

Website
http://www.nolacajun.com/Big-Shot-Soda_p_13.html
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 18th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

7Up Tropical

7Up Tropical

For four long days I was in Florida last month. I was on tour with Cheap Girls, and I flew down there to meet up with them. When I left Buffalo I was still wearing a jacket. Within two minutes of walking out the door at the airport in Tampa I was drenched in sweat. I don’t understand how people live down there. I mean I know people probably say the same thing about the cold in Buffalo, but I feel it’s easier to warm up then cool down. Even though most of my 96 hours in the Sunshine State were spent sweating I refer to that as the dry portion of the trip. You see in those couple of days I only found a single beverage that we had not reviewed yet, and that is this can of 7Up. I wasn’t even that excited when I found it because I thought it was just a new flavor that I would be seeing everywhere. Nope. I should have known better from the Spanish on the can.

The funny thing is that even though it was all I could find down there I still didn’t drink it until a couple weeks after returning home. I am not a fan of 7Up. Like all lemon lime sodas I find it very boring. It’s a flavor that I wish didn’t exist. Sparkling lemonades are great. Lime soda is wonderful. So why does the combination of the two leave me unfulfilled? Lucky for me this is nothing like the original. I would liken it to one of the whacky Mountain Dew flavors, but with 7Up as the base. It certainly tastes tropical. It tastes like it’s mostly mango, but there are other flavors in there as well that leave it not tasting natural. Like I said it has that Mountain Dew feel to it, but that boring base is hiding beneath the fun and excitement. If this was marketed as a Dew flavor I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye, but that lemon lime flavor is hiding in the murky soda of the can.

Website
http://www.7up.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 1st, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Brisk Half & Half Cherry Limeade

Brisk Half & Half Cherry Limeade

You've got Brisk, aka, the worst "iced tea" money can buy, right? Let's all be civil about this and just come together and agree on this one thing. You've got Israel and Palestine, which no one can agree on. That's fine. I think they call that a "stalemate" right? An unwinable situation. Brisk is cut and dry. Black and white. You've got that. We have to live in this world and lets call it like it is.

You've got Brisk. You mix brisk with lemonade and cherry and you get...drumroll...a weak cherry lemonade juice conglomerate. It's not terrible and it's actually better the more room temperature it gets. Maybe that's the problem I've been having all these years is that I like a nice, cold iced tea and I've been giving myself these things that my body craves but with Brisk, it's the opposite. I should be drinking it like I drink a hot chocolate. Sounds completely unrefreshing but who knows? This, once lukewarm, loses the bite that Brisk has and you can taste some cherry and some lemonade. I should put those in quotes. Let's try that again. It tastes like "cherry" and "lemonade." It's like an artist depiction of those flavors. It tastes like a cherry and like lemonade but isn't one of those things. It's close. If you could have something taste a fraction of what it tastes like, that's what this is. It's not weak, it just doesn't taste like what it's "supposed" to taste like.

There has been a lot of quoting in this. Maybe this whole thing is an art installation. I'm waiting for someone to come in wearing sweater shorts and no shirt with a noose around their neck that says something like "Mother" and music plays that is nothing but someone yelling, "Father." Am I plagiarizing someone's art exhibit? If so, you should stop being an artist and pursue something else, like customer service or call center operator.

Website
http://www.drinkbrisk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice, Lemonade
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 25th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Jamoca Almond Fudge Swirl

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Jamoca Almond Fudge Swirl

They taketh away and they giveth back. They recently closed my Arby's. Tears streaming down my face, right? Swimming in a sea of my salty sadness, I dealt with my loss of a local Jamocha shake. As soon as I shook it like a love lost, Dunkin' Donuts twists the knife and releases this guy and they do it well.

I don't know about "ice cream flavors" unless you're got very refined tastes but that's what this was released under the collection "Ice Cream Flavors." Cookie Dough and Butter Pecan yes. I have had those ice creams. Jamocha Almond Fudge Swirl sounds like a great ice cream that just doesn't exist yet. That being said I've got a small iced coffee version of it inside of me and am pleased to say that it can stay as long as it wants because it was rather great. Good coffee taste but well rounded by the chocolate and/or fudge. The almond I couldn't really get but I didn't miss it. Sure I love almonds and if I died today, the mortician would say, "Man, I can't believe that Dunkin' Donuts just kept stabbing him but this kid sure did eat a lot of almonds. Also here are all the pennies that he ate as a kid that didn't get digested. There is thirteen cents in here. Here, Tom, we'll split it since you're holding his ribcage open and have earned your cut."

A small was enough. Anyone who gets a larger one clearly doesn't know what a vegetable is and should be both mentally and physically evaluated.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 4th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Towne Club Michigan Cherry

Towne Club Michigan Cherry

We’ve all heard of block clubs. Neighbors get together to discuss ways to prevent crime, improve their neighborhood and throw the annual block party. I must warn you that if you live in a neighborhood that has a block club, and you choose not to participate, you will become an outcast and will be referred to as “the squatters.” Okay to be fair we really were squatting. Our landlord who lived upstairs just disappeared and stopped cashing our checks, so we stopped leaving them. We lived rent-free for about two years before his less than dramatic return. The house needed a paint job, and a new roof, but we took better care of it than if it was left to rot. The grass was cut. We picked up the garbage and were respectful of the neighbors. I wish they had treated us with the same respect. Oh well.

So yeah…block clubs. Did you know that just outside Detroit there’s a little town with such a low population that instead of a block club, they have a town club? They serve the same basic purpose as it’s smaller counterpart, except on a larger scale. It’s a paradise in the middle of a burnt out city. It’s actually quite nice an pleasant if you’re into the Mayberry scene. In addition to neighborhood watches, cleanups and parties they also run a small soda company called, well…Towne Club. It’s the extra “E” that keeps them classy. They produce a line of completely middle of the road sodas, but that’s just fine. Someone has to do it, and they do it with love, so there’s that.

They decided it was time to add a cherry soda to their line, and why not give it a little taste of home and call it Michigan cherry? I mean their production runs weren’t huge, and it was rare that anyone outside of the “mitten state” would get their hands on one of these, but incase they did they wanted them to know where it came from. The 3% juice that it was comprised of did come from their back yards. Why not flaunt it? That little bit of juice really goes a long way in the soda game. This stands out in the cherry soda game. It has a slightly unique flavor that does not taste like couch syrup. Bravo for that Towne Club. Now work on fixing all the potholes in your state.

Website
http://www.cdry.net/towne_club.html
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 29th, 2014
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |