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Burger King Oreo Shake Red Velvet

Burger King Oreo Shake Red Velvet

This is dumb, this whole thing. An Oreo milkshake is fine but I have this unrelenting anger towards red velvet because everyone's got such a boner for it. It's so dumb. Look, I went into this thing not really wanting it but getting it "for the site." I walk in and a dude is nickel and diming the cashier about something. I'm in the line and a dude is laughing because he asked for a cup and the lady said he could have water. Dude thought it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. Enjoy losing your legs due to "the sugar." Ten seconds later, that same dude is swearing at his girlfriend to go faster. The "best" thing that happened is that a boy, thirteen, ran in, sat next to me, took some fries off my tray and then proceeded to scream when his mom tried to get him to leave. She was a total saint and he was apparently mentally handicapped.

At the end of all that, I've got this dumb, pink milkshake that may or may not be a vanilla milkshake with red food coloring in it staring back at me. It's an Oreo milkshake. It was fine. It was nothing spectacular and if it hadn't been for this entire experience, AKA "the worst time I've ever had at Burger King" I might not have reviewed it at all. I hate you, red velvet.

Website
http://www.bk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 23rd, 2015
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Oreo

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Oreo

Cookies. More cookies. Big ones. Small ones. Medium ones. Dark ones. Medium ones, again. Light ones? I don't think that I want anything like that here. That would involve white chocolate and no thanks, friends. No thanks.

You know what I want cookies in? Mostly everything, honestly. I don't drink coffee, as you boringly know. This though, man, all day. This is kind of spectacular. "Kind of spectacular" seems like an impossible status. What makes this good, though? Well the fact that it's a good split between Oreo syrup and coffee. Two things that are probably not great for you and together they're most certainly not good for you but you don't give a rip because you're an adult and you can't tell me what to do anymore, Dad! Wuh....what....where am I? I blacked out. What was I doing? I was doing a review? For what? Oh, Oreo iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Let's start up that old engine again.

This is great. Well, was great. It's gone. Like Daryl Hall said many, many times at this point, "she's gone." I would like to take Daryl Hall out to Dunkin' Donuts. I would buy him this cheerful, summer drink. Maybe after that he wouldn't feel soul alone. See what I did there? Daryl. See what I did?

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 17th, 2015
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Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino S'Mores

Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino S'Mores

Jimmy, I'm sorry, son. I had to go back to work this weekend and finish up the Johnson report. I know I was going to take you camping. I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't come home empty handed, though. So put down that backpack and sleeping bag and come over here. I bought you, get ready, a S'mores Iced Capp. It's got all the things that kids like including but not limited to, chocolate, graham cracker crumbs and marshmallows. It's just like we're camping but while you eat s'mores, daddy is going to work on the Johnson report.

What do you think? I'm on page twenty-nine of this report and you look to be about half way done. Yeah, I don't know what the actual "iced capp" part is. It tasted almost like a salted graham cracker base. I liked it but couldn't tell what it was. I'll tell you, though. That chocolate whipped cream on top was a nice touch and since none of the chunks of graham cracker or marshmallows on top could be sucked through a straw, that final little bite of it was great. It tasted like a really unhealthy cereal.

Look, buddy. I'm sorry about doing this to you. The boss dropped this bomb on me and I've got to do what he says or I won't have the money to buy you such frivolous drinks. We'll be eating hobo pies on the side of the road. Yeah I know your mom has a job and we'll be fine...Jimmy! I'm trying to paint a picture. Let me focus on this report. Drink your s'mores and watch that ten hour loop of the yule log and it will be like we're camping.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 15th, 2015
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Wendy's FruiTea Chillers Blueberry Pineapple

Wendy's FruiTea Chillers Blueberry Pineapple

I don't hate Wendy's. I used to. Oh how I used to hate Wendy's. Give a man food poisoning and it's hard to win back his heart. Somehow, they did it. That and there is a girl that works there named Lizz, with two Zs that is fantastic and another woman who is equally nice and hands out mints. Enough of the staff. Review.

They just released the FruiTea Chillers which, I'm pretty sure is just tea with juice in it but nonetheless, I had to try. You know who I am. This is good and it's a combination that you don't normally see. Blueberry is typically paired with pomegranate and pineapple is paired with...orange? Usually something citric. Blueberry and pineapple, though. That's a dynamic duo. It's they're already good unsweet tea and two fruits that are great. Mix them together and it's just as you would think; three great things hanging out together. Little bit of everyone mixed together doing stuff right. I would say that there is no more added sugar than is in the juice. It's good. I'll get another. Maybe today if I'm good of course. I've got to earn it.

Website
http://www.wendys.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 1st, 2015
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McDonalds McCafe Green Apple

McDonalds McCafe Green Apple

Happy Birthday, Morrissey. For your birthday I bought you a green apple smoothie from McDonald's. Yeah, it's the same McDonald's. Yeah, they still serve hamburgers. You know they do, man. Why would you ask that? Oh, you won't drink it? I doubt there is any hamburger in it. It was a joke. Come on. Here. I'll taste it first.

It's good. You would think it would be like a green apple Jolly Rancher but it actually tastes like real apples. You eat apples, don't you? Yeah. I thought so. Look, I'm not disrespecting your beliefs. I've seen you in concert twice and sang along to Meat Is Murder while you showed graphic videos of the mistreatment of animals. They're really enough to make people in PETA sick, honestly. It's got no extra sourness so you can enjoy the taste buds in your mouth the way that they were intended to be used.

What do you say? Do you want this drink that I managed to keep cold from Buffalo to jolly old England where I then had to hire a private investigator to find your rather nice and modest home? No? Cool. I'll just leave this here on your front porch. Happy birthday, Morrissey.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 22nd, 2015
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Olamendi's La Pinata Cola

Olamendi's La Pinata Cola

It's been a long time since I've had a cola. I never drink the stuff. I don't drink pop unless it's for Thirsty Dudes and I've been doing a really crappy job of reviewing drinks as of late. Look, I can look in the mirror and be honest with myself. I've dropped the ball a lot. That being said, we've drank a lot of drinks and unless we slow down, there won't be anything else to drink.

This is...I don't know what this is. Is this a champagne cola? "La Pinata" is sort of a Spanish thing, right? It's got a little bit of a fruit flavor but doesn't taste like bubble gum like most straight cola champagnes are. It's got a good cola flavor, though. It's not too light and the fruit gives it a good alternative taste to a straight cola. I wish I could share this with someone while slamming at a piñata and having a parrot on my shoulder like in the label. Parrots rule. I'd rather have a parrot than a hundred piñatas. Unless it's that piñata from Billy Madison that is filled with Rolex watches. I'd take that over a parrot. I could hock a Datejust and just go out and buy a parrot. One for me and one for Pico, my scarlet macaw.

Website
http://www.olamendisgf.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 14th, 2015
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McDonalds McCafe Mocha

McDonalds McCafe Mocha

Eek. This is good. Dastardly good. Sure, it defied the simple rule of "fast food" since I waited patiently in my car for five minutes at the window while this was delivered to me, unapologetically. Who cares? That machine man. You've really got to reel it in with that thing. It is the single most multi-tasking piece of equipment in the place and it's down constantly. The entirety of the McCafe is solely reliant on that one machine and it's down all the time. That's neither Nora there.

This drink, though. Jesus. It's fantastic. It's served with an unnecessary amount of whipped cream and chocolate sauce. In hindsight, I wish I would have gone without it because it's already chocolate since it's mocha. I don't need ice cream toppings on a coffee drink. Thank you. Unneeded. It's good, though. It's clearly a coffee with a decent enough amount of chocolate that both are clearly represented. I'm not coffee connoisseur, but it's a good coffee taste. I don't care. I'm sure it's garbage. I don't care. I should. I don't. You win, McDonald's.

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 15th, 2015
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Rocky Road

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Rocky Road

Rocky road is a pretty great ice cream. Chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. It's kind of the best things combined. This is a liquid version with coffee. Now, in typical Dunkin' Donuts fashion, I saw how it was "made" and was a bit let down. They're not good at keeping the curtain up between the "half coffee; half hot chocolate; mocha" debacle and now the fact that they just arbitrarily squirt flavor into coffee, it's just not full of surprises. Do I need to be surprised? No. Do I want to have the knowledge of where my food comes from and how it's made? Eh, to an extent. I still want to love hot dogs, you know?

Back to rocky road. It was actually pretty good. It would be something that you get once, and then love, and then get like eleven days in a row only to find out that it's clearly awful for you and you've got the jitters like you wouldn't believe and now your feening. Getting one and drinking one I can see how this would avalanche into an intervention. It's sweet, still tastes like coffee, has a good chocolate taste and although you don't get any nuts or marshmallow, it's still a nice treat to pick you up in the middle of a day. Just don't watch them make it because they squeeze all the fun out of everything.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 7th, 2015
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Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Pineapple and orange together is like a personal trip to the tropics. The Greek yogurt was a good, but different pick. Sure, we now eat it for breakfast but mixed in with a smoothie, it's a little gritty. I can't really pinpoint it. It's not smooth like a regional yogurt. A Mediterranean yogurt makes it a little less smooth. I'm not complaining. I'm reviewing. It was also thinner than a traditional smoothie. It was closer to a Slurpee than a smoothie.

That might be one of the most general, reviews Thirsty Dudes have ever written.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 2nd, 2015
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Tim Horton's Latte Dark Chocolate

Tim Horton's Latte Dark Chocolate

Two days in a row? Yeah, two lattes in two days. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. Whatever it is, someone hearing me complain about how jittery I am is inevitable. Let's move on to what happened when I ordered this drink.

Since no one knows how to do their job, of course there was an issue with ordering this item which was on their menu with giant banners and small banners and signs. Something about "Everyone who has been ordering the dark chocolate latte has been getting hot chocolate!" or "You're pressing the wrong button on the machine!" or something to that nature. I did get what I ordered and waited very patiently which the "barista" was very appreciative of. Here's what she lovingly put in it. She put in latte at the press of a button. Technology, right? No hand tapping or twisting or turning or any of that nonsense. Then she squeezed in some chocolate whip which they use(d) on their cold hot chocolate which was fantastic. Then it looked like they threw some chocolate chips but they weren't chocolate chips. They were chocolate covered rice balls and were awesome.

How was it? Well I can easily say that I will be buying it through this winter season. It was very good. Darker, more bitter with (c/k)rispies and a nice smoothness. It was exactly what I wanted it to be. Tim Horton would be proud.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 9th, 2014
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