Not Listed (76 reviews)

Tim Horton's Supreme Caramel Apple Cider

Tim Horton's Supreme Caramel Apple Cider

On the turn of a dime, it has become fall. Autumn to some, fall to others. I've been wearing a hoodie for a couple days and although I missed their deep hood, welcoming pockets, and going outside, throwing up my hood immediately, and feeling like a robber or rapist. Try it. I would never rape or never rob, but I just feel like if someone saw me throw my hood up, they would think I am up to no good.

Fall means cider. Apples in any form, really. On my way to visit my parents, I stopped by Tim Hortons and I wanted a mint chocolate, iced cappuccino, but was convinced to try a hot caramel apple cider. I got it because seriously, how can you go wrong? Apple cider and caramel and the added delicacy of whipped cream on top. Sweet. Half an hour later, I open up the cup and prepare my senses to enjoy pleasure to a parental advisory level. Then... Disappointment. To the fullest extent. It tasted like I was drinking a liquid candle. I am not exaggerating. If you went to Yankee Candle or equivalent, bought an apple cider candle, went out into the food court, lit it with a borrowed lighter because you just quit smoking, and drank the wax, you, my friend, have just drank a Tim Hortons hot apple cider with caramel.

I have easily half left and cannot stomach another sip.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Cider
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 2nd, 2011
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

This tastes like a candle and also tastes like it sucks. No stars. Wait...I can't do no stars? This website sucks almost as much as this drink. I said, "Could I have an iced coffee with vanilla, please?" and I think they misheard "vanilla" and thought I said candle wax. Three sips. There goes $2.16. Cripes. Grozz. Ugh. These are the sounds that I am audibly saying at work aloud as people try to work. "Try to work" is code for "fantasy football" so it sounds like everyone has a hearing impediment today.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2016
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Omega Water Berry Breeze

Omega Water Berry Breeze

This is quasi-gross. That's enough to punish this drink in my eyes for eternity, but I really did want to like it. I picked it up on a whim, thought to myself, "I'd like to encounter a berry breeze. This will do it for me. Great. Cash me out." It's a giant bottle and I wanted to slay the whole thing. First sip and there it was. That diet burn. What is that? I hate it. I will say there are omega-3's in here. Great. People are only going to drink it if it tastes good. If you and your dumb throat and dumber taste buds have accepted that this is the way that a standard diet drink should taste, you, my dumb friend, have a new favorite drink.

If I could get past the stingin' and the burnin', I would say that the taste is alright. Taste gets a three out of five. It smells a little odd, like an apple but like an uncut or unchomped apple. I found that weird but it's good that they could somehow disguise the fish oil scent, which is rank, not to be confused by the Smiths live album by the same name. Morrissey, if you're listening, don't waste your time with this drink.

Website
http://www.omegawater.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 30th, 2011
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Buy Now
Berry Breeze Omega Water 12 Pack - Omega-3 Enriched Flavored Water

Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold

Mountain Dew Johnson City Gold

First off, I’d like to say how stoked I am that Mountain Dew included us in their “pre-promotion” group or whatever they call it. Getting two cans of what looks like top-secret soda in the mail is a great feeling. A plain silver can with a inkjet printed label with little to no info makes me feel even more like a scientist working on a secret program. In order to keep up the mystery I took a picture of the can cast in shadows. All that I knew about this drink was that it’s their new flavor, that is going to have different regional names, and that it is malt flavored. Now I’ve had my severe issues with some malt drinks (i.e. Malta Goya), but I’ve also had some that were pretty spectacular (apple and pineapple ones come to mind). I was hoping this would be more like the latter than the previous, as it has added citrus flavor. It turns out the flavor falls somewhere in the middle of great and gross.

When I cracked open the can I almost didn’t take a sip. It smelled so much like beer that I was afraid that Mountain Dew might be marketing a new alcoholic beverage. I made my ladyfriend taste it, and she said that while it did smell like cheap beer, it didn’t taste like it. That was all the info I needed and I took a few sips. It really tasted nothing like it smelled. It had a slight malt flavor, but it the main flavor was a slightly more lemon lime ridden Mountain Dew. My relief was great, and I decided that this was actually a tasty beverage. I went about my business, periodically taking a sip over the next 15 minutes. With each sip the citrus flavor decreased and the malty beer taste increased. It was still drinkable, but getting worse. Then I burped. That burp was so reminiscent of beer that it was completely disgusting. I took one more sip, and decided that at this point it tasted like the can was 2/3 beer and 1/3 Mountain Dew. It surely was not for me. If it were just the initial flavor, without the beer aftertaste, I could get down with this. As it stands: no thank you.

I’m not sure who they are going to market this drink towards, but I don’t think it’s the normal high school/gamer crowd. What high schooler is going to want something that tastes like beer, but doesn’t get them drunk? I applaud Mountain Dew for trying something new, and something out of the ordinary at that, but I feel they missed their mark too much for this to be much of a success.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 23rd, 2012
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O-Key Refrescos (Yellow)

O-Key Refrescos (Yellow)

I think I found this soda in a little Mexican mart in Philly. There is no flavor listed on it, nor are their ingredients listed. I always assumed that it was a pineapple soda, and since that is something I love I’ve been saving it for an appropriate time. When I finally drank it last night I felt I had taken a one-way train ride to disappointment city. Where I had expected an uber sweet candied pineapple flavor, all I got was the taste of over sweetened bubbly water, with only the faintest tinge of some sort of citrus. I don’t even know if this was supposed to be pineapple anymore. I only made it a quarter way through the bottle when I decided that drinking this wasn’t worth it.

As a beverage it’s not gross, it’s just there, and not what I look for in a soda at all. This is sub-store brand quality. On the other hand it does have a really cool bottle that I enjoy a great deal. Still, that is not enough to save this soda.

Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 28th, 2012
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Bojangles Legendary Iced Tea

Bojangles Legendary Iced Tea

When my ladyfriend was down in NC visiting her sister a few weeks ago, she sent me a message raving about the iced tea that she got at Bojangles (a fast food chicken place down in the bottom states). She also told me that had it bottled and she was going to bring me home some. When I saw it I was relived to find there was no cartoon chicken on the label trying to sell the product. There is something intermittently creepy about a chicken selling out his/her own kind in order to make a few bucks. I just want to grab their little feathers and shake the hell out of them and scream, “THEY ARE KILLING YOUR PEOPLE!” So yeah, good job on that guys.

Unfortunately they did not as good of a job making this tea. After taking a sip, my ladyfriend announced that this was completely different from what she drank in the restaurant. What she described as authentic southern sweet tea had now become a step above sweetened liquid plastic. There are no ingredients or anything listed on the bottle, so I can only assume they melted down some plastic, added some tea powder and a whole mess of sugar and bottled it. This is probably the single worst iced tea I have ever tasted.

Website
http://www.bojangles.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 28th, 2012
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Roaring Lion Zero

Roaring Lion Zero

It took a lot of ground up baby lion cubs to make this drink. They should have waited for them to mature a little bit because this is one wildly strong drink. The thing about matured lions is that they kind of calm down and make better drinks. This is super tart. Super tart. Super tart. It sat on the back of my tongue for an uncomfortable amount of time. It's an energy drink. It's rough because it's so strong. Strong little cubs.

Website
http://roaringlion.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 17th, 2013
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Super C Sleep Key Lime Mint

Super C Sleep Key Lime Mint

The long of it:
Order yourself a nice key lime pie to go. Then take a pit stop to Gotham and get yourself a scoop of that toxic sludge that transformed the Joker in Tim Burton’s first Batman movie. Blend that together with your pie, and then set up some bunsen burners and a little torch to evaporate any liquid that might be left in the concoction you made. Take the crust that is left and crush it up into a fine powder to add to your drinks when you want to pretend that you will sleep.

The short(er) of it:
This tastes like liquid key lime pie that someone spilled toxic waste on, and it didn’t work for me. I got home around 2am and immediately took this to ensure I would be able to fall asleep quickly (I know it says to drink a half hour before sleep). Come six am I was still awake. Gross and ineffective.

Website
http://www.drinksuperc.com/sleep/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Mix/Concentrate, Relaxation
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 2nd, 2013
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Buy Now
Super C- Sleep - Vitamin & Mineral Drink Mix -key Lime Mint: 7 Count box (Pack of 4)

Dunkin' Donuts Coolatta Arnold Palmer

Dunkin' Donuts Coolatta Arnold Palmer

I know people, adults, who drink copious amounts of Arizona Arnold Palmer. Copious. Too much. Yeah, I'll say it. Too much. Iced tea and lemonade or as it's nicknamed, "Half & Half" is great when you've got great ingredients. A good lemonade and a good sweet tea are some of the simplest drinks to make. Ready? For both there are only four ingredients and two of them overlap and one of those is water. Water, sugar, black tea, lemon. Done. There is more in this and you can tell because it has a strange viscosity. Not a common complaint among us Thirsty Dudes but this was an iced beverage that somehow never managed to taste iced. It just tasted like a twenty percent thick Arizona Arnold Palmer.

If I had my druthers, and this would most certainly not be the voice of the masses, I would have just used Dunkin' Donuts' sweet tea because it's pretty great. The lemonade, I don't know if Dunkin' sells it but they theoretically could and just do everything in house. I don't get the need for the "Arizona" registration mark unless Arizona is supplying the, presumably, syrup that is dastardly ruining this otherwise good drink.

This drink is not what you want it to be and is let down by the demand for name dropping and laziness. There. I said it. Sorry, America.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 4th, 2014
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Burger King Oreo Shake Red Velvet

Burger King Oreo Shake Red Velvet

This is dumb, this whole thing. An Oreo milkshake is fine but I have this unrelenting anger towards red velvet because everyone's got such a boner for it. It's so dumb. Look, I went into this thing not really wanting it but getting it "for the site." I walk in and a dude is nickel and diming the cashier about something. I'm in the line and a dude is laughing because he asked for a cup and the lady said he could have water. Dude thought it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. Enjoy losing your legs due to "the sugar." Ten seconds later, that same dude is swearing at his girlfriend to go faster. The "best" thing that happened is that a boy, thirteen, ran in, sat next to me, took some fries off my tray and then proceeded to scream when his mom tried to get him to leave. She was a total saint and he was apparently mentally handicapped.

At the end of all that, I've got this dumb, pink milkshake that may or may not be a vanilla milkshake with red food coloring in it staring back at me. It's an Oreo milkshake. It was fine. It was nothing spectacular and if it hadn't been for this entire experience, AKA "the worst time I've ever had at Burger King" I might not have reviewed it at all. I hate you, red velvet.

Website
http://www.bk.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 23rd, 2015
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