Sucralose (292 reviews)

Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Berry

Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Berry

Drinking this beverage is like voluntarily taking a vacation to a diet nightmare. Think of yourself as a standard man. You love hamburgers, french fries, milkshakes, and you drive a sweet '64 1/2 Ford Mustang. You have enough product in your hair to be considered a natural disaster and all you wear is blue jeans, black shoes, and white V-neck T-shirts. Sure, all I know about being a man apparently came from "Happy Days", but that was when men were men and women were women...not really, but you know how these reviews tend to go.

So you're a man. While eating a cheeseburger from some chrome diner, you meet another woman's glance and you fall in love. You go to the drive in. You go to whatever a sock hop is. You listen to records. All is great in the world. You decide to get a place together. You first shopping excursion, you buy the following standard items; hamburgers, Murry's pomade, toothpaste, new pack of shirts since yours all have greaze on it from working on your hog, and some cereal. Your girlfriend is trying out dieting even though she can't clock in at more than 110. I mean, she's got a killer body and you can lift her all day long, and you do. She buys items like, low fat milk, egg whites, Lean Pockets, and Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Berry.

You pay the $7.32 bill and head home, not having any idea of the torturous night you have ahead of you.

You make some hamburgers for yourself since you girlfriend wouldn't dare eat meat because it's too fatty and she's endlessly watching her figure, so she makes an egg white omelet. You think it's fine because she's so easy to look at and you ask her for something to drink while she's in the kitchen. She grabs you one of her six Sparkling Ice drinks. You sit down to a nice meal and you take a bite of your burger, love it, and then take a big, manly sip of your drink. You can't believe it. Your otherwise perfect girlfriend is trying to poison you. Surly, no one who is trying to live would drink this. It's fruity but so fake tasting that you swear it's flavored plastic fruit like the kind your grandma has on her living room table like she's permanently doing "still life" art drawing of the same fruit. You take another sip. It's no better than the first. It’s so sharp, so strong. It's cuts through the flavor of your meal and slices it's way down your throat like candy coated razor blades.

Needless to say, you and her do not work out and it's unfortunate. She had everything going for her, and people aren't going to understand. You'll catch flak for it for a while until people realize that this "diet" thing that's going on is not good for business. You'll be fine and you will grow from your experience while she will search endlessly for results that will never be enough and she will forever be unsatisfied.

Website
http://www.sparklingice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Sparkling, Water
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 8th, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Sparkling ICE Mountain Spring Water, Pomegranate Berry, 17-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)

Botanical Vitality Citrus Splash

Botanical Vitality Citrus Splash

This is a diet water based drink similar to Vitamin Water or Gatorade. I took a sip and it tasted a bit strange. It was slightly chalky and tasted of citrus. There was something else there that I couldn't quite place. I handed the bottle off to Editor Dan and he couldn't place it either, although he was familiar with it. It was at this time that Dan discovered the downfall of this drink. He looked at the ingredients to try and sort out what the mystery flavor was. He didn't find what he was looking for. Instead he found that the drink contained cod, pollock, haddock, hake, cusk, redfish, sole and flounder in the form of "fish gelatin." What the hell!?!?!! I don't understand it at all, and I certainly don't approve. One sip was all that I ingested of this drink. It was mediocre at best to begin with, but the fact that I was drinking Nemo makes me say no thank you.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Water
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 12th, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

RelaxZen Day

RelaxZen Day

As a pseudo-impulse buy I got a new laptop. I was at the store and I saw they had them cheap. The entire ride home was spent justifying to myself that I could afford it and that I needed a new computer. By the time I walked in the door I was convinced and walked right up to my computer that works perfectly fine and typed in newegg.com. I found a better computer for cheaper within a couple of minutes and after a bit of hemming and hawing, I bought it.

It's now a few days later and I have my new toy in front of me and I have just finished installing what I believe to be all the programs I need. I am now at the point of extreme frustration; getting Traktor to recognize my MIDI mixer for when I DJ. When I first set it up with my old computer I thought my head was going to explode. I convinced myself it would be easier this time, but nope. I'm sure I'll spend hours working on it and get extremely frustrated. I am at a fairly high level of frustration now. That is where this drink comes in.

Like a lot of functional drinks this tastes like some sort of melted down treat. In this case it's orange freezie pop with a medicinal aftertaste. It really isn't nearly as bad as I expected. It's actually kind of like Tang. I wonder if this is what astronauts drink to stay calm and focused. I feel like it's starting to kick in, so now back to my personal hell for the night.

Website
http://www.relaxzenshots.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Relaxation, Shot
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on August 24th, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
RelaxZen Day Formula, Mellow Berry Flavor, 6 - 2.5-Ounce Bottles

Max Velocity Sugar Free Uncaged Energy Drink

Max Velocity Sugar Free Uncaged Energy Drink

Going into this I knew this was going to be bad. Any energy drink found at Big Lots (where drinks go to die) named "Max Velocity" is not good. On top of it, there's no flavor on this. What flavor is "Uncaged"? At least there's a grainy photo of a cheetah on the can.

Yup I was right, it's like a Red Bull/ Mountain Dew mix. So gross. It burns the throat as it goes down.

Website
http://www.albertsons.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on October 4th, 2012
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Jones Soda Turkey and Gravy

Jones Soda Turkey and Gravy

Ahh, a bottle of vintage. I'll never forget those days, going to the grandparent's farmhouse during the hot summer months. Working with grandpa bailing hay, cutting dozens of acres of lawn, milking cows, and putting shoes on horses. The later was for fun. It wasn't actual horseshoes. It was my sister's shoes that she brought in case there was some sort of ho down at the town square that she needed to get all gussied up for. Imagine a pony wearing mid-sized heels. It's a treat to see. After a nice, moderate ten hour work day with pappy, he and I would go inside and talk about things like Bill Clinton, Atari, segregation in schools, apples, and the like. We would discuss these topical issues over a nice bowl of turkey caramels until it was time to go to sleep. Ahh those caramels. Nothing is quite as refreshing as sugar free turkey caramels. It just hits the spot after you have a nice turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and peas. You know how awful it is to eat a meal and then wash it down with something that doesn't taste like what you just ate. Oh, I hate it. If I just ate a hamburger, I wish there were some sort of hamburger ice cream that I could eat to keep my palate just where it was.



Pappy, if you're reading this, I don't miss those days and although my friends say that I was missing my youth, I thought that there is only one way to have such course, calloused hands and strong work ethic at ten. Those kids that were spending their youth playing football, having sleepovers, listening to pop music; those kids are soft. We, you and I, we are strong independent men who can take care of ourselves with the lay of the land. Animals? I'll milk 'em all of the day. We're men, pappy. All because of our talks and those delicious salty turkey caramel filled nights.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Other/Weird, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 9th, 2013
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Jones Soday Holiday Soda 5- Pack (2005)

Ale-8-One Diet Ginger Ale

Ale-8-One Diet Ginger Ale

I recently spent a week in Kentucky. I know that sentence sounds weird, but it's true. A good friend lives there and I have never spent much time in Kentucky so I decided to go. Little did I know that Ale 8 One is a staple of Kentucky and it was everywhere. By everywhere I mean you could purchase it at more places than you can in Buffalo. We had already reviewed the original so I took my hand at the diet. I should have known by my friend's reaction when I picked up the bottle at the grocery store that this wasn't going to be good.

She was right. It was pretty gross. Even for a diet soda it was bad. So bad that I got 3 sips in and had to dump the rest. Sorry Kentucky, I don't like your diet soda.

Website
http://www.ale8one.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on August 7th, 2013
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Robinson's Fruit Shoot Apple

Robinson's Fruit Shoot Apple

Oh look, a lantern. It would be awesome if this was a...woah, it is a magic lantern. What's up, genie? Herb? Your name is Herb? Cool. I thought it would be something more, I don't know, majestic, but Herb is fine. Oh, oh, really? I get three wishes? This is awesome. I wish it were brighter in here so I could get around. I don't know how I got to this section of the castle. I was just checking my text messages and emails and walking aimlessly and ended up here. Oh...what the...that was a wish? I guess I did say, "I wish it was brighter." That one is on me, herb.

You know what? I'm thirsty. Could I have something to drink? No, what kind of a genie, oh, I get it. "I wish I could get something to drink. Woah. Do you have unlimited glitter? That's pretty cool. You'd be a hit in an art school. People would lay down some lines of glue and then all the kids would say, "I wish we had glitter!" and you would do your magic and art would happen.

Oh, you know what? I don't drink alcohol. Could I swap this with a non-alcoholic drink? What? I have to wish it? I have to say, "I wish this was non-alcoholic" for you to do it. That's...no...wait...come on! I just blew three wishes on light and one drink that I didn't want and one that I did want? This better be one heck of a drink, Herb. Ugh, what is this? You just took the alcohol out and left whatever else was in there? This is really bad. It's got a split second of candy sour apple and then it's just overwhelmingly terrible almost alcoholic tasting. It's kind of bitter like they might have used bad apples. Herb. Did you poison me? You didn't? Man, I wish you did. Wait...no!!!! Oh, I wasted my wishes. Now I'm kind of glad I wasted those because I would have just killed myself. Suicide by genie. That would be something. Thanks, Herb. Can you tell me how to get out of this castle? No? Alright, Herb. Thanks, I guess.

Website
http://www.fruitshootusa.com/
Country
Ireland
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 5th, 2013
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Positive Beverage Positive Energy

Positive Beverage Positive Energy

This stinks. This is disappointing and it stinks. I wanted this to be a bitter green tea, maybe a mildly sweetened but gnarly green tea. I could not be more wrong. This tastes like green tea flavored plastic. That's not what you came here for. You came here for details. Alright, you've got it.

Right off the bat, it smells bad. It smells like it tastes and it smells like burnt plastic. Initial taste is bitter but a vitamin bitter. Not a green tea bitter. What sweetener do they use in here that toxifying this thing? Oh would you look at that; sucralose, the bastard of all sweeteners.

Also, since we all know my opinions on this thing, let's talk about "natural energy." The energy in this might be real but the rest of it tastes like a chemical mess.

Oh, and also the "cross out" above "Gluten Free" makes it seem like it's not gluten free.

Website
http://www.positivebeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 14th, 2015
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Positive Charge, Natural Energy, Zero Calorie and Sugar Free

What's Knew Freshet Pink Lemonade Flavor Tea

What's Knew Freshet Pink Lemonade Flavor Tea

As soon as I smelled this I could tell that it was made from tea powder. It tastes like the iced tea I would make in junior high. I would put twice the recommended amount of tea powder and sugar in. That's not a trip down memory lane I needed to take. It does smell faintly like raspberries, which I assume is the pink aspect of it, but it only tastes like lemon. I didn't even bother finishing the bottle.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on October 11th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Hansen's Diet Creamy Root Beer

Hansen's Diet Creamy Root Beer

Have you ever been super stoked on a drink but then you take a sip and you find out someone put sand in it? This has never happened to me, but it's how I feel about this can. I love root beer and I love Hansen's, but I do not love diet soda. For a second this taste good, but then the awful diet acid taste kicks in. Sorry Hansen's, I'm sticking with the regular sugar versions of your soda.

Website
http://www.hansens.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Root Beer, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on March 2nd, 2011
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Hansen Beverage Creamy Rootbeer Soda, 12-Ounce Cans (Pack of 24)
<< previous | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |