Thirsty Dudes :: Title :: All Natural

Snapple All Natural Raspberry Peach

Snapple was one of the first “big” companies to make the switch back to real sugar from high fructose corn syrup. I for one was a happy camper. As you may know if you are one of the three people who actively read this website, that aren’t me (I’m looking at you Mike and Neuland), HFCS destroys my stomach if I drink more than one bottle of something with it in it within a week. Snapple was a savior for me on the road. It some something that I knew would be in every rest stop and gas station. It allowed me to mix things up from water and straight up apple and orange juice. At that point there were maybe only 4 or 5 flavors in their “All Natural” line, but since then they’ve been cranking them out. In an age when there is a decent selection of non-corn sweetened beverages regularly available I started taking them for granted. Trying this drink I realize I’m an idiot. This is pretty darn good. Sure it’s sweet as all hell, but sometimes you get “the tooth” and you need to serve it as your master. Would this be better with less sugar? Of course it would, what juice wouldn’t be?

The weird thing about this is that pear juice is one of the main ingredients, above any other juice. Now, a lot of companies use apple juice to stretch the juices they use, but I’ve never run across a company using pears for that self same thing. It’s one of those things that you would never taste if you didn’t know, but once the knowledge enters your mind grapes you can taste it. Luckily the peach flavor overpowers any other flavor, with raspberry riding shotgun. The pear juice is nice and tied up in the trunk where unsuspecting people would have no idea…just where pears belong.

Website: http://www.snapple.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: Sugar

Categories: Juice

Rating: 3/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 4/21/2013

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Dream Water All Natural Pineapple PM

So I'm in Vegas for my sister's wedding. We spent three flights that were all delayed and took way, way too long. We thought we had missed our last connecting flight, because the one before it was late landing. We had to book it through the airport and made it to the terminal just in time. Once we finally made it to Vegas it took forever to get off our flight. When we made it to the car rental they said they were out of the cars we wanted, so they upgraded us to a Mustang convertible. For most people that would be awesome, but we are driving 5 hours to the Grand Canyon, and there is very little room in the car. Annoyances abound.

Finally we made it to our hotel, and they told us the only nonsmoking room they have left is right over where the bands play. I said whatever I just needed sleep. We dragged our bags to the room to find out that not only did they forget to turn on the air conditioning, so the room was a million degrees, but the band they spoke of was actually a DJ party that goes on until 4am with constant terrible beats. It was so damn loud.

I was so unbelievably tired, but due to the heat and the noise, I just couldn't fall asleep. I will be eternally grateful that I had packed this sleep shot, and not drank it for the plane (and read comics instead). I downed it, and I don't remember much after that until I awoke at 9am to a freezing room. The air conditioning decided to work properly. That is what I talk about a functional product. It has a diet pineapple sports drink flavor to it. It doesn't taste like poison, so I was thankful for that. It was light, with a decent flavor and after downing a shot I was out. Thank you Dream Water.

ps. We switched rooms in the morning after someone else checked out. Things may turn out okay after all.

Website: http://www.drinkdreamwater.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Stevia

Categories: Relaxation

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 7/13/2012

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Mate Fusion All Natural Peach Tea

If logic means anything anymore than the Mate Fusion company has a stockpile of syringes. It's the only logical way I can think of them getting this beverage to taste the way it does. I'm not talking about using said syringes for drug use; well actually I don't know anything about the employees of the company. Maybe some of them do enjoy spiking a vein every now and then before brewing some tea. How am I to know? I think the employees, sober, high or drunk brew up huge vats of yerba mate tea. Once it's ready they fill the syringes with the tea and then inject it directly into nearly overripe peaches. They shoot so much tea into the fruit that it almost bursts. Then they let the peaches sit for a twelve-hour period before dumping them in a giant juicer that filters out the pits, skins and chunks. All that is left is what you find in this bottle. It's bitter yerba mate tea mixed with some nicely ripened peaches. Just picture biting into one of those tea infused peaches before it goes into the juicer. So much sticky juice/tea would pour down your face and it would be delicious. I just hope they properly dispose of those needles. We don't want an epidemic on our hands.

Website: http://www.matefusiondrink.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Sugar

Categories: Iced Tea

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 6/20/2012

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Elliott's Amazing All Natural Apple Cherry Berry

Everywhere Elliott went everyone constantly told him how amazing he was. It was as if he could do no wrong in the eyes of his peers. Things weren’t always this way, it all stemmed back to a couple of years ago when he went to Coney Island, before they tore it down, and made a wish on the Zoltar fortune telling machine. Why he was asked to make a wish by a machine that was supposed to tell him is fortune is something that never quite sat right with Elliott, but who was he to argue with the results? Since then everything has been coming up Milhouse….err I mean Elliott.

Elliott had always loved juice, and when he could afford it he would make his own with fresh produce from the grocer. At a family party he served some of his newest concoction (apple, cherry and strawberry juice) to his sisters husband, who just happened to be a very rich and powerful man. Do you know what he said? He exclaimed, “Elliott like you this juice is amazing! The flavors are so smooth, yet present! The cherry/strawberry combo makes it taste like you mixed the flavoring from a Fruit Roll-Up with good quality apple juice!” He then whipped out his checkbook and wrote Elliott a blank check to start a company to mass-produce the juice, along with other flavors.

It’s now been a year since that party and things have been going great. Elliot’s juice line has expanded and everyone says it’s amazing, so much so that he decided to name the company “Elliott’s Amazing.” The only fear that Elliott has is that the FDA is going to tighten up their restrictions and come down on him for saying his juice is “all natural” when it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. It’s only a small worry though, as he’s sure that if he gives them a bottle they will look at him and shout, “Elliott, you’re amazing!” and then give him a pass.

Website: http://www.elliottsamazing.com/

Country: Canada

Sweetener: High Fructose Corn Syrup

Categories: Juice

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 4/25/2012

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Nantucket Nectars All Natural Half and Half

The year was 2000. Y2K had come and gone without a sound, Bill Clinton was still president, and I had just graduated from high school. After graduation, I moved into a house in Buffalo just around the corner from the coffee shop Stimulance. This coffee shop would quickly become a place I went to a lot. From getting a bagel with cream cheese in the morning, to evenings drinking Snicker-chinos (a delicious coffee drink that tasted like a burnt Snickers bar). Lets not forget their classic weekly open mic nights. Oh memories...

So why am I talking about this coffee shop that has long since closed? Well it was the first place I ever bought a bottle of Nantucket Nectars from. It was a bottle of their lemonade and I was instantly hooked. This bottle is their half and half (half lemonade, half iced tea) and it's just as good as the solo lemonade flavor. A lot of companies get the ratio all wrong, but those folks in Nantucket know what they're doing.

Website: http://www.nantucketnectars.com

Country: United States

Sweetener: Sugar

Categories: Iced Tea, Juice, Lemonade

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Derek Neuland on 4/25/2012

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Buy Now: Nantucket Nectars - Half & Half Iced Tea 20 Pack - 17.5 Oz

Red Jacket All Natural Strawberry Apple Juice

Dear Red Jacket,
I am now under the impression that there is no juice that you cannot master, well at least not one that is apple based. Everything I have tasted that you have produced is beyond great. You take fresh fruit and cold press them into perfection. This drink has no added ingredients, just apples and strawberries. It’s the way juice should be and it tastes incredible. Each sip is like I’m picking a strawberry fresh from the patch and shoving it in my mouth, which is already overrun by delicious apples. That is something that I really feel I must do now. Does gluttony count if it’s with fruit? Isn’t that just healthy? Either way, keep doing what you’re doing and I hope that some day you will expand your juices into the realms of other fruit.

Website: http://www.redjacketjuice.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Juice

Rating: 5/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 4/24/2012

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Red Jacket All Natural Fuji Apple

There has been an apocalypse. You and your family are deciding what to do. Sure, solar blankets, Twinkies, Spam, et cetera. Those are given. Now it comes to hydration. Now everyone, and by everyone I mean everyone except you, is going to get water. Why water? It's the best thing for you. Yes. It's true. Here's the thing, though. Have you ever stood in line to buy something that everyone else has wanted at the same time? Think Black Friday times fifty thousand times. Everyone needs and wants one thing, everyone but you. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go for the perishables. Everyone thinks that they need water because it doesn't expire, but have they ever thought about flavor? Yeah, who cares if it's only going to last like three days unrefrigerated. You are going to be able to sell that juice for a mint because all the watered-down people are going to crave flavor and flavor you've got.

You've got apple juice, dude. Apple juice: the purest of juices, the simplest of juices. This isn't just any apple juice, though. It's fuji apple. Red delicious is what the poor pour. Sure, it tastes like regular apple juice but a little different, more tart, and it even has regular apple juice in it. You can't have all fuji apples or else you'd be paying $10 for a small bottle of juice. This is better than basic apple juice. I'll say it. It's better. You may be able to get $10 for this juice once people are sick of water. You might want to trade some of them since it's not a terrible idea to have some water on hand.

I don't know what caused the apocalypse. It might have been that small issue where the power authority thought that they could control the market so they blew up the sun. That might be it. That or that one time you peed in the lake that one summer in 1998 because you really needed to go and the bathroom at camp had that spider that might or might not been alive but was scary right next to the toilet. One of those two things led to the apocalypse.

Website: http://www.redjacketjuice.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Juice

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 4/15/2012

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Red Jacket All Natural Grape Apple Juice

I wasn’t expecting to drink this today, but then I noticed that it was going to expire this week, so it moved to the top of the priority list. There are two ingredients in this bottle: apples and grape juice. I love that it says apples instead of apple juice, because it just makes you think of exactly how fresh this juice is. I can only assume they juice their grapes and then instantly press some apples into said grape juice. The results are beyond delicious.

Grape juice has the tendency to overpower other juices they are mixed with, but Red Jacket knows what they are doing and both juices exist in perfect harmony; neither overpowers the other to any extent. The most important thing to this juice is that there is no sweetener added to it. It’s juice and nothing more, the way things should be. It makes me never want to purchase another “shelf juice.” If it’s not in a cooler, with a short shelf life it’s pretty safe to say it is inferior to this beverage.

Website: http://www.redjacketjuice.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: No Sugar Added

Categories: Juice

Rating: 5/5

Reviewed By: Jason Draper on 4/15/2012

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Mate Fusion All Natural Pomegranate

The lottery is pretty intense today. Odds are that you have a 1 in 175,711,536 chance of winning. That is, for the first time ever, not a made up arbitrary number. Imagine winning. It is undoubtedly true that you would at least contemplate buying your own plane, but that's not a smart investment. You don't leave the city limits so what business do you have owning a plane you will never use? Me? I'd move to a nicer house in the same city that I live in, but seriously, not extravagant. I would also probably not buy many new clothes. I would probably buy that stainless Rolex Datejust that I want but can't afford the bi/tri-annual maintenance fees. I would probably do everything the same with a nicer car and maybe pants that don't have holes in them.

I would continue to do this site because I enjoy doing it. I would drink gross stuff with chunks and I would also drink great drinks like this Mate Fusion. I do get a bit of pomegranate but the yerba mate is strong, brother. Strong. Bitter and strong. It was nicely sweetened but still a genuine tea at heart. It's a nice guy. It's the guy that would win the lottery that you know and are friends with that might just give you like thirty grand for "fun money." What a generous dude. What a generous tea. Thanks for giving back, tea. You're a good dude.

Website: http://www.matefusiondrink.com/

Country: United States

Sweetener: Organic Cane Sugar

Categories: Iced Tea

Rating: 4/5

Reviewed By: Mike Literman on 3/30/2012

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Red Jacket All Natural Raspberry Apple Juice

I wasn’t really prepared for this. I expected a decent juice, but not to this level. Raspberry flavored apple juice sounds great right? Well how about whole raspberries pressed into some of the finest purest apple juice you will ever taste? This bottle contains 100% cold pressed fruit. On top of that it’s made semi-locally. It seriously tastes like I’m eating fresh fruit, and I can’t get enough. It’s known that I am a glutton when it comes to drinks. My ladyfriend always complains when I ask for a sip of her beverages, because to me a sip is a quarter of the bottle (or so she says). With that in mind I am trying to take the tiniest sips possible of this, so that I can savor the flavor. This really is one of the best juices I have ever tasted. If you ever see this at your local market, don’t even hesitate to make your purchase.