Coolatta - 5 Reviews

Oh the summer series from Dunkin' Donuts is going hard. Last year was ice cream flavored drinks. This year? Cookies. I love cookies. Who doesn't love cookies, really? Men, women, teachers, murderers, clowns, baby sitters, arsonists, girls, firemen, security officers and even ladies love them.

When ordering this, the option was presented to me, "Coffee of vanilla?" which I answered overwhelmingly "Coffee, ma'am." I don't know if she heard me because there is little to no "coffee" in this but it is a Coolata which I think is as far from actual coffee. This is one rung away from milkshake territory.

You know what, though? It's really good. They put whipped cream atop with some Oreo crumbles to really finish it off. Look at me, "finish it off" like it's some sort of high-end garnish. It's cookies, dude. It's cookies in a milkshake, whipped cream and cookie crumbles on top. It's delicious. It's everything you want in your life. You lead a regular life. Take no extra chances and get this. You're not going to surprise anyone else in your white bread world if they "catch you" drinking this. You aren't going to surprise your mother who raised you on chicken noodle and bologna sandwiches. This is cookies. Liquid cookies. This is liquid cookies and it's fantastic. Hello summer. Welcome back. We've missed you.

What better way to start off a week than with a kind of slimy sausage, egg and cheese on a croissant and an iced coffee drink? Well, for starters, don't get the croissant because you knew it wasn't going to be good and second don't start off by going to the police station to retrieve a police report on an accident you were in over the weekend. That's how. I suppose that this drink may make my week start off a little bit better. Why? Well, it's not too bad, that's why. It was also served with a smile that felt sincere so that always helps.

This drink? Much of the same but the hazelnut flavor was pretty prominent. No, it didn't taste like Nutella which is partially what I wanted it to taste like but it also didn't really taste like coffee too much either. I'm so/so on that one. I wish that I had gotten my iced fudge almond thing but I saw a new drink and had to review it. Such is my life, right? Was this good? Yeah. It was good but slushie drinks in the morning are kind of, well, gluttonous. It was sweet and cold. It would have made a nice closer to my day rather than an opener. I'm planning things all wrong today now that I'm finishing this review. I might be off on a bad foot.

I know people, adults, who drink copious amounts of Arizona Arnold Palmer. Copious. Too much. Yeah, I'll say it. Too much. Iced tea and lemonade or as it's nicknamed, "Half & Half" is great when you've got great ingredients. A good lemonade and a good sweet tea are some of the simplest drinks to make. Ready? For both there are only four ingredients and two of them overlap and one of those is water. Water, sugar, black tea, lemon. Done. There is more in this and you can tell because it has a strange viscosity. Not a common complaint among us Thirsty Dudes but this was an iced beverage that somehow never managed to taste iced. It just tasted like a twenty percent thick Arizona Arnold Palmer.

If I had my druthers, and this would most certainly not be the voice of the masses, I would have just used Dunkin' Donuts' sweet tea because it's pretty great. The lemonade, I don't know if Dunkin' sells it but they theoretically could and just do everything in house. I don't get the need for the "Arizona" registration mark unless Arizona is supplying the, presumably, syrup that is dastardly ruining this otherwise good drink.

This drink is not what you want it to be and is let down by the demand for name dropping and laziness. There. I said it. Sorry, America.

On iced tea day, I intended on only drinking iced tea. That is until I saw a commercial for cold hot chocolate and had to switch things up a little bit. I'll get to you tea but as it is, I drink more iced tea per week than an entire family.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts and humiliatingly ordered "Midgees" which I guess was the old name for "Munchkins" and I think the cashier picked on me but I can't be sure so I have to let them get away with it. Then they didn't have anything but glazed ones anyhow so it really didn't matter what I called them. Nothing but problems with that place. Then I got this drink and I was ready to go.

Now this drink is simple, right? It's hot chocolate but cold. They "Icee" it up a little bit using their super crushed Coolata ice. I don't know how they do it but it's nice. It's nice for a limited time and then it just turns into a regular, flat drink. I drank about half this as something special and then the second half, as far as I am concerned, was just chocolate milk. As you can see in the picture, they just have chocolate syrup in there anyhow. It's not like they invented anything here. They just made something hot cold and blended it in a machine that they use to make other things in.

Sure, it's good. Sure I would get another. It's hardly breaking down any barriers. I know they're not trying to do that and I'm not trying to judge them too harshly. I don't know what I would do to improve that aside from things on my part. Number one would be to get a smaller drink so that I can enjoy it as it was intended in its entirety. Second would be to drink it faster and not care about the inevitable impending brain freeze or actually enjoying the drink. I think that the first option is the better one. Smaller. I didn't need all that I got anyhow. I think I ordered a small but they might have given me a medium. Maybe I got a medium. They probably just proved me right and just got my order wrong again.

Hey dude. Check out that chick right there. So hot. I'm so glad we came to "Big Wet" instead of going to that theme park with the water park in it. They've got a Dunkin' Donuts right across the street. Do you want anything? I'll get my hand stamped and come right back.

Here you go. Oh, this? It's an Oreo Coolatta. It's pretty good. Want to try it? Yeah, it tastes mostly like Oreo cookies and not a lot like coffee. Would I have appreciated a bit more coffee? Yeah. Did someone just scream? Maybe it was some kids going down a waterslide. Yeah, I would have appreciated a bit more coffee but look at all the cookie in here. It's a fine grind, but I've got to say that there are two or three ground up cookies in this drink. It's sweet and man is it big. This twenty-four ouncer is a medium. No one needs this much but you know what? It's hot out.

Dude! Did you see that!? That! Right there! That hot chick is missing a leg! She had one a minute ago and now she doesn't. That was a hot leg. Why am I making jokes? Is that kid missing a hand? What the heck is going on? Is that pool filled with blood? Woah! Did you see that?! A piranha just jumped out of the water and bit that girl's neck. We've got to get out of here. Where's Carl? Is he still in the pool? Carl!! Carl!! Get out of the pool! No, you are not safe on that raft. Those piranhas are everywhere and they're eating people. Get out of the pool. Yes, you can have the rest of this Coolatta just get out. Oh, great. You see, Carl, you idiot? You stayed in and now you've got a piranha on your arm. Get that thing off and let's just get out of here. It's still nice out. We can still make it to that theme park and go on that roller coaster once we get you all bandaged up. Man, that piranha did a number on you. Just put some of these napkins on it. It will be fine.