Lifewater (16 reviews)
Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Dragonfruit
Jeremy had a very limited space at his farm but since farming was in his blood, he never gave it up. He harvested only strawberries and herded one thing, which oddly enough, were dragons. Yes, sure the strawberries encroached into the dragon pen but the dragons never cared about having to eat them. Jeremy didn't mind either. It was a lot cheaper than feeding the dragons their usual diet of giant rats, mice, and Raisin Bran.
Once a week, Jeremy would milk the dragons to harvest their juice. Yes, dragons lactate juice. Where did you think that dragonfruit flavored drinks get their taste from, an actual fruit? That's crazy. He would get all the juice, put it inside a giant containment unit and then hand squish strawberries into it and make his own juice. This juice was nothing short of awesome, too. It was sweet and still left room to taste like both strawberries and dragonfruit. Jeremy was concerned about health and was also on the forefront of sweeteners so he used natural alternative sweeteners like Stevia.
One day, a giant tour bus drove up to Jeremy's farm. The door opened and loud rock music and smoke emerged. Three men in black suits came out. Two were some of the largest men he'd ever seen. The one in the middle carried a suitcase. He explained that he worked for Sobe and was prepared to offer him "a large sum of money" for his secret. Jeremy, having done this for about fifteen years, thought that it might be time to start something new like becoming a honeydipper or used car salesman. He shook the smaller mans tiny, frail, uncalloused hands, and said goodbye to the two behemoths who gave him a nod but didn't actually say anything which Jeremy thought was rude.
Jeremy was rich. His hard work had paid off and now he could spend time riding the dragons and eating strawberries rather than making juice out of them.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 weeks, 1 day ago
Sobe Lifewater Mango Melon
Sometimes we get to a point where we have just reviewed far too many flavors of the same product line. What’s left to say? That you’re stuck in a desert and your hallucinating from the heat and lack of fluids, so you follow a lizard, and the lizard talks to you and tells you the secrets of the universe, and informs you specifically what the secret behind pi is. Finally he reaches into his stomach and pulls out a bottle of mango melon flavored Lifewater. The bottle is dripping with viscera and such, but as I said you’ve been wandering this godforsaken desert for what feels like 40 days and nights and you’re wondering how the Jews did it in the bible, so you open the bottle and even though lizard guts are touching your lips you chug that bottle of refreshment. It tastes like someone dissolved a mango and melon flavored powder in a bottle of water and didn’t quite shake it up well enough. It also tastes very diet, but in the erythritol way and not the sucralose way, you know the way that is tolerable. As soon as you swallow that last drop that tastes somehow grainy even though it doesn’t in texture, you turn to look at the lizard, but you realize that you’re not in the desert at all. You are actually in the middle of math class and you’ve drooled all over your protractor. There is an empty bottle on the floor next to your desk and you have a vague recollection of buying it from the pop machine in the cafeteria. For some reason there is still lizard guts on your lips. Is that what’s left to say? If so, strange times indeed.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/11/2012
Sobe Lifewater Acai Fruit Punch
Dear old friend. I've missed you. You've grown up a lot since I've last seen you. Dare I say you've become a man while we've been apart? I might just say that. You have made new friends, I see. I don't blame you. I wouldn't have expected you to wait around for me after all these years. You've also lost a ton of weight. Good for you on that venture. You weren't fat before, but you had some extra chunk and bad skin.
So what have you been doing with yourself? You joined a gym and started eating better? That's awesome. Oh, you've replaced your regular sugar with Stevia? Good for you. Forward thinking. I wasn't introduced to your friend. Hello, my name is Mike. Oh, Acai? Interesting name. Is that Scandinavian? You don't know? Well, nice to meet you all the same. What else besides the gym, dude? It's been so long. Oh, you taste the same? Normally that would not be a big deal except that you have met your new friend Acai here and are using Erythritol and you kept your priorities in check. Everyone always loved you. Now you're even better!
Well here's my number. Don't let this happen again, Fruit Punch.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 4/3/2012
Sobe Lifewater Black and Blue Berry
A punch in the face: that's what I'm going to give you. You hit my brand new, 2001 Hyundai Accent and now I've got to get insurance involved...man. I just got out of the dealership. I know it's 2012, but it's new to me. Sure it's got 104,000 but that's just broken in. It's Korean and they make a quality product. So, to reiterate, I am going to make you black and blue.
No, you don't understand. I paid $800 for this car and sure it was a smoker's car and sure the transmission was a little wonky and sure it had a "Hatchet Man" vinyl graphic on the back hatch, but it was in great shape and the lady who sold it to me was so nice.
I'm sorry. Who did you say you were? You work for Sobe? Oh, your green tea is pretty sweet but a guilty pleasure of mine. Oh, that's right. You do make Lifewater. I've had some good ones of those. Black and Blue? No, I'm going to make you black and blue. Oh, you're going to give me a case of black and blue so that I don't punch your lights out. Alright, that's a fair trade. All this talking calmed me down anyway. Let's give it a go.
Well that's interesting. It's like blueberry when you sip it and when you swallow it tastes like a blackberry. That is real science there, Sobe man. There is a slight artificial sweetener taste, but it's just additional sweetness, not gross.
You know, this crash might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, I do have a pretty great kid and wife, and I've accomplished a great deal. This was going to be a field car anyhow so I guess I didn't need it. Well, don't worry about anything. We'll let our insurance take care of it. Have a nice day, Sobe man. Next time, remember to stop at stop signs.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/4/2012
Sobe Lifewater Agave Lemonade
Yesterday's limeade is today's lemonade. To be different, you've got to go and sweeten with strange stuff, like agave, or that's what you like to let people think. See here's the thing. This is a strange drink that is full of lies. Agave is a natural sweetener. Going through the ingredients, you will notice that there is no agave in it. Oh, there's "natural flavor" but come on. What does that even mean. That's a copout. It would be like making a drink that is genuinely "all natural" and then for ingredients just putting down "natural flavors, natural sweeteners, natural preservatives" What a joke.
Lies aside, this is alright. It's lemonade and it tastes like lemonade but you miss out on a lot of the things that you love about lemonade. Pulp? I love pulp and it's gone. This lemonade would be like strained lemonade that's a little thicker. Not a bad thicker but noticeably thicker. There is yerba mate in there but it doesn't have the bitterness that comes with it. Don't really know why it's there.
There are a lot of questions that I don't care if they get answered or not. I don't care where the agave is. I don't care where the pulp is. I’m completely apathetic. I don't care. It's good enough. It’s above honorable mention but below a medal. Right smack dab in the middle.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Lemonade
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 2/2/2012
Sobe Lifewater Mango Mandarin With Coconut Water
Wow, this drink has one of the strongest scents I've ever experienced in a beverage. It smells like two people were making a fruit salad and they sliced into a mango and mandarin orange simultaneously. It's quite a smell to be smelled. I wish the taste were as strong and specific as the smell. There is little if any coconut water flavor in this. The only trace of it is in the aftertaste. The mango and mandarin flavors blend together into a new tropical citrus fruit. If I drank this blind I don't know if I would guess either of those fruits were in it, but knowing they are I can spot them. I like this a lot. If you're into Vitamin Water, but would like to mix things up a bit this would be the drink to do it with. It's evolution baby!
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/31/2012
Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Apricot
James, it's great to see you. How was space? Great? Did you play golf in space? Man, I would have driven the ball all the way to earth and then, somehow, watch it burn up on re-entry. Oh, the thought of that gets me so pumped. So, space. That must have been awesome. Really? No cheese. Well, the pamphlets they are handing out down here on earth are telling me otherwise. It's Swiss, but it's space cheese nonetheless.
Woah! What is this? Really? Gifts, from space? Oh, gifts from NASA. Cool, but honestly, space gifts sounds a lot better. I guess NASA gifts would be of better quality since there is nothing in space, apparently, except space rocks. Really though? Not one moon rock? You brought me official NASA dried fruit. That's cool. What am I supposed to do with this? Oh, mix it in with this space water you gave me? What are these, strawberries and apricots? Awesome. Let me mix it here. Oh, this is delicious. You know what, though? It just tastes like Sobe Lifewater. It's better the more I drink it. No one uses apricots and I cannot appreciate these space dried ones more. Strawberries? I have had these and they are delicious, but I've had them. I appreciate them, but I've had them. I enjoy the erythritol sweetness and the fifty-fifty strawberry/apricot mix. This is good, dude. Thanks. I can buy it mostly anywhere as, like I said, Sobe Lifewater, but this being space juice makes it so much better. Thank you very much.
Woah! You brought me a Fisher Space Pen
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 1/5/2012
- Buy Now
- Name Your Link
Sobe Lifewater Pomegranate Nectarine
Pomegranates: +1
Nectarines: -1
Coconut Water: 0
Total Score: 0
Regardless of the rather neutral score, I was somewhat enthusiastic to try it. Maybe it's because I don't ingest a lot of nectarine flavored drinks. I don't like to eat oranges, but I enjoy the orange flavor. I sped drank think before the coconut water took over. You know, the inherent chalkiness that comes with a coconut drink. You get a flavor, and it's fruity, but I personally couldn't distinguish between pomegranate and nectarine.
If I had to make a list of coconut drinks for people who don't like coconut drinks, this would be one on the list.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/15/2011
- Buy Now
- Name Your Link
Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Kiwi
I've been drinking a lot of pop and my mouth has gotten tired of it. I needed something to break the monotony. It happens when you drink so much stuff. It all starts to blend together and you need a break. Since we don't take actual "breaks" here at Thirsty Dudes, our breaks are us drinking something different.
For the trillionth time, I can't believe that we haven't done this yet. Strawberry Kiwi Lifewater? Get out. It's been out forever and we're just now getting to it. This should give you the incentive to go out and try something new if we have just now gotten around to something that you can get anywhere.
This is probably a standby classic for you because it's so good. It's light, sweet, and has a great fruit flavor. Great. Did you hear me? I don't use that word a lot. Good, alright, OK, whatever. I don't use "great" a lot. I do and I don't care. I'll say it again. It isn't too sweet and has no bad aftertaste. It's not to bad in the calorie department which is good as I just Gregory House M.D.'d this entire bottle.
This new season of House is pretty good and all over the place, too, if you haven't gotten around to it. You're only three episodes deep. You could catch up on one rainy day. Hugh Laurie. You're a great man. Come do a guest review. Someone get Hugh Laurie to do a guest review.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/10/2011
Sobe Lifewater Orange Tangerine
That little Sobe lizard has gone a long way. When they first popped up in the mid to late 90's I was a fan, but I never expected them to stay around very long. I worked in a grocery store and one of my jobs was to return items that people decided they didn't want, or returned to the shelves. The number of bottles of Sobe that I had to put back was a bit ridiculous. The number of Sobe bottles that I took into the back room and drank instead of putting them back on the shelves likes I was supposed to was also pretty ridiculous. On a similar note, one day I took a bottle of each kind of BBQ sauce we carried and took them to my secret area of the back room (where I knew there were no cameras) and tried them all to discover what brand it was that a local taco chain used on a limited burrito they had. Sadly it was none of the 20+ I tried and the possibly slow kid that took my money in exchange for tacos refused to tell me. I should probably find him and throw a water balloon full of BBQ sauce at him.
Now that I have been thoroughly sidetracked by my looting and burrito intake, back to the point. No one seemed to want Sobe. I loved it. It was a quasi energy drink / Gatorade. Since then they have tweaked their flavors and gone off into other worlds of beverages. With their Lifewater line I believe they have something that the masses will enjoy. It of course is in the vein of other vitamin enhanced water/sports drinks out there, but it has a bit more flavor. The more flavor it has the further it gets away from being a "water" drink in my eyes, but who am I to complain? Oh yeah, I am a professional drinkologist.
The orange tangerine flavor we have here unsurprisingly reminds me of Tang. This may be the future of space drinks. It's chock full of vitamins and minerals that every astronaut needs in his or her daily space life. I'd also like to point out that they did a good job of lowering the sugar, without compromising flavor by cutting it with erythritol. Now we just need a proper space BBQ shop and I can get a job on a space station and then loot it.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 10/23/2011
