Shot - 2 Reviews

Jimmy was a huge Rage Against The Machine fan. He got into them when he was in high school. Right around the time Evil Empire came out. He thought every other band paled in comparison. He loved them so much; he got "Bombtrack" tattooed in old English on his stomach. All of his friends tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen.

When RATM reunited last year, he booked the first ticket to LA he could. There was no way he was going to miss this show. He also brought along a case of these Rage energy shots. He thought the band secretly endorsed it. The company even sent them a copy of their masthead to prove Zach De La Rocha didn't have a hand in their product, but he still thought it was true. He thought this all the way until he met Zach before the concert.

Being the crafty person he is, Jimmy found out where the band was eating before the show and introduced himself to them mid burrito. He told them how big of a fan he was, showed them his tattoo, and then asked if they would sign his box of energy shots. Zach laughed and told him, just like everyone else, that they had nothing to do with the company and refused to sign it. He then went on some diatribe about the indigenous people of Canada (where the drink is made), but Jimmy was in tears and ran out. His dreams had been shattered.

What better way to drown those tears than to drink the entire case of Rage energy shots. One after another, he drank them. Each one tasting just like the last did, fruit punch Kool Aid energy drink. The taste never changed, and never left his mouth for months after that night. He also had a heart attack from all that caffeine.

So let that be a lesson for everyone. Rage Against The Machine would never own an energy drink company, and don't ever interrupt Zach De La Rocha when he's eating a burrito.

I opened up the paper today and this is what the headline read: "Thirsty Dudes Makes Reviewers Fat." Print doesn't lie my friends. I can't speak for Thirsty Neuls, but I know Mike and I have each put on weight since we started this website. How could we not? Do you know how much our sugar consumption has increased it's ridiculous. At this pace we'll be starring in the next installment of the Big Mamma's House franchise (for the record I've never see any of those movies). Instead of cutting down on the amount of drinks I imbibe for the sake of Thirsty Dudes, I've cut down the rest of my diet. Also, since the weather is nice I've been exercising a lot more. Specifically I've been riding my bike a decent amount every day.

We had received these "Ultimate Fitness Partner" drinks a couple of months ago, so I figured I'd review the rest of them as I try to lose some weight. The other ones I've had haven't been too bad, but like most things in a concentrated form this tasted like poison. It's as if someone grabbed a bottle of booze to spike the punch at a high school dance, but instead of grabbing the bottle with three X's on it, they accidentally grabbed the bottle with three skull and crossbones on it. Has there ever been punch at dances since the 60's?

So this may taste like Poison Punch (I think that was the name of Mike's band when he was in junior high) it did seem to have the desired effect. I can't confirm that I burned more calories, but it certainly gave me more energy while I was out riding. I was exhausted when I went out, but about 10 minutes into my ride the drink kicked in and I rode for way longer than I expected.

For flavor I would have given this drink a negative 5, but for it's functionality I will give it a 3. I really need to stay away from "shot" drinks.