Tallboys (3 reviews)

Mapco Tallboys Orangeade

Mapco Tallboys Orangeade

James wanted to be a rapper. He was only eight, but he knew it. He loved all the gold and the hundred spoke rims, and the beats. Oh the beats. He got the idea that he wanted to drink Orangade because he thought that it sounded like Tanqueray. He heard Tanqueray mentioned in the Self song "Call Me Back" off the album "Porno, Mint, & Grime" that his brother listened to all the time.

James was at the gas station with him mom and there it was; a tallboy of Orangeade. He asked his mom if he could have some and she said that he could. He was so excited. He put his dollar in nickles, dimes, pennies, and lint on the counter and left. He sat with it in his lap the whole way home. When he got back to his house, he took the can and ran upstairs. He slammed the door behind him, which his father absolutely hated and honestly, who likes it when people slam doors? He went under his mattress and next to the issues of The Source and miscellaneous, burned Dr. Dre CDs, he found what he was looking for; an actual 7" of "Radio" by LL Cool J. He put it on his tan, plastic Fisher Price record player, slid the plastic volume lever all the way to the right, cracked open his can of orangade and let the beats kick.

"I don't mean to offend other citizens, but I kick my volume way past ten" the record player scratched out of its terrible speakers. James sat, in his personal heaven, with his new drink, wishing. He was wishing that the drink he so anxiously purchased didn't taste like someone watered down orange juice and then carbonated the remains. He liked orange juice. He's eight. He likes pop. He's eight. He didn't like being stuck in a drink purgatory.

He drank half the can, stopped the record, and opened the door. He went downstairs to have meatloaf with his family. When his mom asked him how his drink was, he could only shrug. This was James' first taste of disappointment.

Website
http://www.mapcoexpress.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice, Lemonade, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 12th, 2011
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Mapco Tallboys Limeade

Mapco Tallboys Limeade

This is pretty bad. There's no beating around the bush. If you like it, awesome, but if you're looking for good limeade, you're not going to find it here. There is a sweet sting that almost feels carbonated followed by a decent lime taste. It's hard to get past the sting and it took me by surprise the first time I drank it. I don't know why it's there.

I don't have a great review and you know what, they don't have to be gems, but I'm not going to waste my time writing some poetic tale of a girl riding her bike crashing into a lime tree and spilling the seltzer water all over all the limes that spilled on the ground. I just won't do it. Sure she decided that she would gather up the limes and take them home so that the townspeople won't get mad that she knocked some of their lime supply off the tree, but you don't need to know that because I'm not going to make up another story.

Website
http://www.mapcoexpress.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Juice, Lemonade
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 30th, 2011
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Mapco Tallboys Sweet Tea

Mapco Tallboys Sweet Tea

Jay picked up this "gem" while he was in whatever town/city/borough he was in and carefully brought it home. I might give him a friendly punch in the arm because it wasn't too great. There's sweet tea and there's "sweet tea". This is the latter. It's sweet and it's tea but it's mostly creamy, high fructose garbage.

There is no bite or real tea flavor at all. Arizona lemon iced tea with more sugar is closer to tea than this.

Lesson?
Some gas station teas are diamonds in the rough. This isn't. This is the epitome of "the rough".

Website
http://www.mapcoexpress.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 7th, 2010
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