Xtended Release Sports Drink - 3 Reviews

Shakes the clown did not get his name for good reasons. He was known for shaking very badly while making balloon animals. He never knew why he shook and didn't ask a doctor until a group of kids were picking on him for being at a birthday party and it took him a long time to tie a knot.

He went to the doctor and the doctor asked him what was on his mind. Shakes, or to the doctor, Gerald, said that he didn't know what happened. The doctor asked him about a normal day and Gerald said that he would wake up, drink a bottle of mango iced tea, and go to work. The doctor asked him what brand of drink it was and he said it was called "Zum XR" and the doctor gave him a look, took off his glasses, and gave him a little chuckle. He said, "Gerald, do you feel fine for about a half hour and then start to shake?" Gerald said that he did. He said that he really likes the flavor of it. He said it tasted great and you could taste both mango and a decent, smooth not bitter green tea. It was well sweetened and he liked the little balls in the bottom. The doctor asked Gerald if he knew what the balls were. Gerald said that he didn't know. The doctor told him that it was time released energy beads that was just giving him too much energy and his body couldn't handle it. Gerald was happy that he knew what it was but sad that he might have to stop drinking his favorite drink.

The next week, Gerald went back to work for kids birthday parties and felt like he was doing the best because he wasn't shaking. He could tie balloons no problem. He had no problem squirting water from his lapel flower. He never missed another pie in the face. At the end of the shows, though, at least one person would ask him why he was called "Shakes" and he said that he used to shake all the time. The kids actually missed the shaking and he missed his favorite drink. He made the tough decision to be worse at his job but to enjoy his drink and live up to his namesake again. Shakes the clown was back!

If this bottle weren't completely sealed I would have questioned whether or not someone had replaced the beverage with some sort of poison. Actually, do you guys thing someone could have done that with a syringe in the nub at the bottom of the bottle? It really didn't taste right. It had one of those flavors that set off alarms in your taste buds/brain that warn you to make sure you're not drinking antifreeze. On top of that when I first shook it up there were these clouds floating in the drink that were definitely a different consistency than the rest of the drink. It's a little disturbing.

So what we have here is a bottle that tastes like watered down berries mixed with some sort of coolant. Not exactly what I look for in a beverage. It's a totally different chemical taste than other energy drinks. Apparently this is a natural poison.

As it turns out it either wasn't poison at all, or I have a high tolerance. I drank this a while ago, and I have yet to shuffle off this mortal coil, or show any signs of doing so. Looks like “heart stoppage” does not need to be included in the list of possible side effects after all.

First there was 8 Minute Abs. Then the great 7 Minute Abs was thought of by a lonely hitchhiker. That self same hitchhiker then assured us that 6 Minute Abs could never exist, due to science. Years later the world is bombarded with 5-Hour Energy shots. They always seemed a bit scary to me. Time shouldn't be able to be so concentrated into a little bottle. Finally everything has come together in one plastic container of Zum XR. The contents of this bottle will slowly release both caffeine and electrolytes over a 5 hour period. Think of how many sets of 7 Minute Abs you could do in that time. The caffeine will keep you going and the electrolytes will keep you hydrated. It's a win-win situation and by my calculations you'll have a month and a half's worth of ab workouts in one afternoon. Who's going to argue that science?

The functionality of this drink is right on the money. I drank one before I went to the gym and I ended up working out longer, and didn't feel as worn out by the end. I also didn't feel jittery at all. The problem is in the science of the flavor. It's not grosssauce, but it does taste like watered down mandarin orange juice, with a bit of functionality weirdness in the aftertaste. It's not something I would drink for the flavor, but it's not bad compared to other poison tasting drinks that promise a somewhat similar functionality.

On another note, it says it shake the bottle to “unleash” the power of the energy beads that are in it (aka the cupcake sprinklesque tiny balls that are on the bottom). No matter how much I shook it I couldn't get them to exist in the bottle, except at the bottom. By the time I got to the end of the drink I got a mouthful of the little guys and I could see how that could be a turn off for some people. So keep that in mind.