Jason Draper (2745 reviews)

Jason plays bass in Failures' Union and owns/operates a screen printing shoppe called Wooden T-Shirts. He also eats veggie dogs by the gallon.

Runa Clean Energy Lime

Runa Clean Energy Lime

Normally I am on board with guayusa. It’s a natural source of caffeine that I don’t need to feel terrible about consuming. Sure, it’s not my all-time favorite flavor, but it is by no means gross. It’s just its own unique flavor. Normally the other flavors mixed with it mask it a bunch, and everything works out great. In here I would say this is 80% guayusa and 20% lime. For my liking it definitely could have done with more lime. Lime is a flavor that can be as strong as possible and I wouldn’t complain. It’s very faint in here and it seems to make the guayusa shine a bit more. It was weirdly a bit plain, which I didn’t expect to use as a descriptor. I can imagine a world where this is what water tastes like and no one would bat an eye. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but it doesn’t entice me to drink more.

Website
http://www.runa.org/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 18th, 2018
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Naked Nutrition Whey

Naked Nutrition Whey

This is simply not for me. I am fairly disgusted by milk and all it entails, unless it’s in ice cream form, because I am a child. The protein powders I get are derived from plants or soy. This tastes like someone took powdered heavy cream (if such a thing exists) and then I reconstituted it with water into a thick milky beverage that I could not get more than one sip down. Had I been in a different location in my house I would have probably spit it out. The thing is I can’t really complain because it is exactly what it advertises to be, and I cannot fault them for being something that I despise. They are what they are and I am what I am, and I will avoid consuming it again until the end of my days. Those of you out there who love milk get on this train, because it’s protein that you will be happy about.

Website
http://nkdnutrition.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 16th, 2018
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Green-Go Cactus Water Hint of Lemon

Green-Go Cactus Water Hint of Lemon

So after saying the name of this beverage several times aloud to a friend they still thought that I was saying it was called Gringo and not Green-Go. Was that an intentional marketing plan? Perhaps it was an inside joke, you know a play on how the white people who live in the suburbs of America won’t shut up about how such and such restaurant is completely authentic Mexican, when in reality it’s like an Applebees that serves tacos. Those same people probably will never step into the hole in the wall taquerias that look filthy, but taste amazing, serving things such as nopal. In case you didn’t know nopal is cactus and it is what is used to make this beverage. The folks at Green-Go puree the paddles of the nopal cactus into a beverage that is ridiculously refreshing. Think of it as coconut water’s long lost cousin. When I describe what cooked nopal tastes like to people I always say it’s like a cross between green beans and green peppers. This tastes nothing like that, thankfully…I think? This tastes kind of like unsweetened aloe vera, but you know without being overbearing and resembling poison. It tastes plantlike, but it is very mild. It’s the kind of flavor that grows on you the more you drink, and you will want to drink a lot when you see how hydrated it makes you feel. Take it from this gringo.

Website
http://https://drinkgreen-go.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Other/Weird, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 12th, 2018
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Amp Organic Energy Drink Pineapple Coconut

Amp Organic Energy Drink Pineapple Coconut

All my life I thought I despised coconuts. As it turns out I just hate it in toasted form, and it has ruined many otherwise delicious desserts for me. Raw coconut and coconut water on the other hand are pretty tasty. Pina colada is a flavor that always eluded me. It sounded like, for those who liked coconut, it would be the ultimate tropical summer drink. Keep in mind these are the thoughts that came to me in my youth. Now that I am older and wiser I can say, ehhh it's not bad at all. I'll rather have a fruity tropical drink, but it does taste like sunny weather.

For all their energy drink promotion, and the association with Mountain Dew (I think they are trying to distance themselves from that) this really just tastes like a pina colada soda, and I am into it. It's very sweet, like your average soda, but there is no energy drink taste to it. The entire boost in here comes from organic caffeine, no other nonsense. I would drink this on a beach if I were ever kidnapped and forced to go to the beach during the day, which I believe is one of the circles of hell for someone as pale as I am. It’s summer. This is tasty. What are you waiting for?

Website
http://www.ampenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Coconut, Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 10th, 2018
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Polar Seltzer Blueberry Tangerine

Polar Seltzer Blueberry Tangerine

I took a little break from reviewing Polar’s summer flavors, because let’s be honest, as great as they are there really isn’t much to say. Sure I could tell a story about a family of polar bears who each have very specifically flavored saliva and how a New England company offered them bundles of cash and fish to have exclusive access to their mouth juice in order to flavor there beverages, but we all know that story like we know about the birth of Christ. Instead I will just say that this is my favorite of the 2018 Summer limited edition. It’s got berries and it’s got citrus, and both turned out well, without a hint of bear spit. The flavors taste as true as can be in a seltzer and I have downed far too many liters of it over the past month.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 6th, 2018
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Gold Thread Plant Based Tonics Lavender Bliss

Gold Thread Plant Based Tonics Lavender Bliss

This was surely made with modern day witchcraft, which is probably no different than olden day witchcraft. Herbs and other ingredients were mixed together to create what they call a tonic, but lets me honest here this is a potion; a delicious potion that I simply cannot get enough of. Sure I could go down to my local apothecary shop and pick up the ingredients to mix a potion of my own for relaxation and “bliss”, but why would I bother when this is available and so darn delicious. This is a concoction of linden flowers, saffron, lavender blossoms, chamomile, elder flowers, lemon verbena, sage leaf, and butterfly pea flower; all slow brewed to a wonderfully tasty beverage. It is lightly sweetly floral without tasting like you are licking a grandma. I feel good drinking this and I believe you will too. Embrace witchcraft. Drink potions, even if they are disguised as tonics.

Website
http://goldthreadherbs.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Lakonto Monkfruit
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 4th, 2018
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Thirsty Buddha Sparkling Pineapple

Thirsty Buddha Sparkling Pineapple

It’s been so very hot and so very humid in the world. Working in my shop it’s probably at least 10-15 degrees hotter than it is outside. There is only so much water a human can drink when it seems to instantly sweat out of one’s skin. Sure, I switch it up with unsweetened tea and seltzer, but neither tends to be very hydrating. This though, this was just the treat I needed. At just 11oz it refreshed and hydrated me more than a jug of water three times that size could have and it did it with style. This is more delicious than I ever could have imagined it being. This is a sparkling pina colada done in a way that I would consider right. Everything is in a perfect balance with the fruit juice making it slightly sweet. It tastes like fruit and coconuts (which some consider a fruit) and not just a syrupy overly sweet mess. I can’t express enough just how hydrating this was and being sparkling gave it a little pizazz to spice up my day. This is going to be a regular for me this summer I can tell you that already.

Website
http://drinkthirstybuddha.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coconut, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 29th, 2018
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Susosu Essential Hydrogen Water

Susosu Essential Hydrogen Water

Whenever a company sends us water to review I always find myself at a loss. Sure, water from different parts of the county/world have slightly different tastes, but I really have no idea how to describe the differences. My palate surely is not sophisticated enough to be able to distinguish which states use fluoride and to what extent, or what minerals are more prevalent in one town that another. I will say there is a noticeable difference in waters that are pH balanced, they are somehow smoother and more enjoyable for me. Mineral water can have a distinct taste and what we have here is a mineral water, but it doesn’t taste like the carbonated versions I have drunk in the past. Maybe the bubbles embellish the flavor. To me this tastes like a nice clean, smooth water. There is nothing more I could say to give it a better review. That is what I want out of water, and that is what it delivers. Sure, the company claims that it can be used as an antioxidant, energy booster, muscle rejuvenation, and that it slows aging, but I certainly can’t tell if any of those things are true. I hope they are. I hope this is the healthiest thing you could ever possibly drink, because I find it refreshing and what more could I ask from water. My one complaint is that the cap does not reseal well, but at 300mL why should I have to reseal it?

Website
http://susosuwater.com/
Country
Korea
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 25th, 2018
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Teas' Tea Ice Steeped Cold Brew Raspberry Black Tea

Teas' Tea Ice Steeped Cold Brew Raspberry Black Tea

I balked at cold brew for coffee when it became popular as being nonsense for people with too much time disposable income. Then it was finally forced upon me as a friend and I realized that I wanted to be one of those people because it was so much better than regular coffee; smooth and delicious. Now cold brewing tea is becoming a thing, and again I thought it was companies jumping on a trend, but I’ll be damned if this is not the best sweetened raspberry tea that I have ever tasted. Just like with the coffee the tea is smooth, without being syrupy. I’m sure a bit part of the greatness is that actual dried raspberries are brewed with the tea and it’s not an additive. The sugar level is kept to 15g, which makes it sweet, but tolerably so. Let me rephrase that, it a level of sweetness that you can actually enjoy. It doesn’t overshadow the actual flavor of the drink, but it also helps them to shine a bit. It leaves a tad bit of bitterness to the tea, and that’s how I like things. The price point on this will keep it from being a regular drink, but it is something I will definitely treat myself to from time to time.

Website
http://teastea.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 22nd, 2018
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Good Idea The Sweedish Sugar Buster Sparkling Lemon Lime

Good Idea The Sweedish Sugar Buster Sparkling Lemon Lime

Lemon lime is a pretty standard flavor that I’m sure most of us can do a memory recall for at any moment. Now flip that memory. No longer does the lemon have the wheel. In this beverage it’s the lime that is steering the ship and its terrified sidekick is screaming because lime is taking the corners way too fast on these mountains roads, and is that screaming it hears from the trunk? Yes, there is very obviously an extra passenger on this wild ride and it goes by the name Chromium Picolinate. It gives this “safe” flavor a little something underneath that just doesn’t taste quite right. In fact it might be this little stowaway that has gotten lime all amped up and wants it to be something it is not (along with being the factor that handles sugar spikes after meals). It’s a familiar taste that I can’t exactly pinpoint, but it sure is distracting. It falls somewhere between a diet taste and the flavor of fruit rind. I don’t’ get it, and I’m not a huge fan. Someone needs to get lime into a meeting so he can kick its habit and go back to be its regular awesome self.

Website
http://goodideadrinks.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 19th, 2018
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