Jason Draper (2751 reviews)

Jason plays bass in Failures' Union and owns/operates a screen printing shoppe called Wooden T-Shirts. He also eats veggie dogs by the gallon.

Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Latte

Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Latte

This drink brings up an interesting question, out of all of the protein drinks and powders that we have come across in the wild how is this the first one that is coffee flavored? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that coffee is more than likely the #1 most drank beverage in the country and I feel like excluding it a large market (and profit) is being missed. I could see that it might be hard to get a decent coffee flavor in a powder form, but for the ready to drink variety of protein shakes, I don’t see an excuse.
Canvas are no dummies and they know a good product when they see one. They have created what Editor Dan (back from the dead) has called a “Dessert Shake” with a decent coffee flavor. It’s not super strong, but then again they call it a latte so the milk (coconut milk) is carrying some of the load. Like the Matcha shake of theirs that I have tried this is thick and grainy (in the best way). The only difference is this time the flavor of the coconut sugar is cutting through a bit more. I’m not the biggest coconut fan, so it’s a little distracting to me, but for people who are on the coconut train that is going to be nothing but a positive. This is tasty, healthy and ethical. Can you do better than that?

Website
http://drinkcanvas.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Coconut Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 11th, 2018
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Hype Energy MFP Sugar Free

Hype Energy MFP Sugar Free

What does MFP stand for? Major Focused Power? Majestic Forest Provider? Metallica Forever Peeps? Ohh Ohh, maybe it’s Milk for President. All of the above are wrong. After some internet searching it came out that it actually means Money From Patience, wait no that’s not it either. It’s really “Most Full Power.” Seeing as it’s originally from the Netherlands and this is made in Poland I will chalk that up to a poor translation, though my times I’ve spend in both countries the English people spoke was not broken at all. The name isn’t all that exciting, but the cryptic MFP with no explanation on the can gets the desired effect.

Names aside the flavor of this is what is to be expected from a diet energy drink. It tastes like liquid candy that had all its sugar replaced with a zero calorie substitution. It’s nothing new, it’s nothing exciting, but it gets the job done. Normally it’s hard for me to drink a full diet beverage, but the base flavor of energy drinks is either strong to enough to mask, or blends in with the sucralose garbage flavor and it makes it palatable. So it’s got that going for it.

Website
http://www.hype.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 8th, 2018
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Sound Sparkling Yerba Mate

Sound Sparkling Yerba Mate

I called this house meeting because I believe someone has been snooping around my room when I’m not home. My reasoning for this is that someone has obviously been reading my dream journal and then selling the information to the various companies that it would benefit. I mean how else would anyone know that perhaps the product I want most in life to exist is a hibiscus yerba mate seltzer? Yet here I sit with a bottle of Sound in front of me. Yes, I know they mean for it to be more of a sparkling tea, but in my world if it’s carbonated with no sugar, it’s a seltzer. I also see that they have somehow improved on my dreams and added lime and lemon to the mix. If I weren’t so furious that one of you has been going through my things I could weep with happiness. This is one of the most wonderful tasting things I have ever experienced. It’s a mixture of yerba mate, white tea and guayusa that has some hibiscus flowers brewed with it. The whole thing tastes like a slightly floral yerba mate with just a twist of citrus. It’s obvious that if any company had made it this far into such a wonderful product they would knock it down a few pegs by adding some sugar, or…ick…stevia. Here it sits though, completely unsweetened, just like I always dreamed. You two have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do, especially since you are both cats and I don’t know how you even read my journal.

Website
http://www.soundtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea, Sparkling
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 5th, 2018
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Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Matcha

Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Matcha

Probiotics have been all the rage over the past few years. We, as Americans, tend to have terrible diets and our digestive system gets all out of whack. To combat this, companies started putting out probiotics, which are living bacteria, similar to those in our bodies to help with digestion and immune defenses. Canvas thought this was all nice and all, but they took things in a different direction and put prebiotic fiber in their shakes that feed and support the bacteria that already exist in your body. Basically it’s like saying, “Why give up for yourself and call in reinforcements when your troops just need some provisions to get them through the great digestive wars?” I don’t know which way is more productive, as I’m not that kind of scientist. What I do know is that Canvas makes some delicious shakes.

I have to admit that it probably would help you enjoy these beverages if you already had somewhat of a healthy diet. This is “real” food and it tastes as such. If you are used to fast food and soda, and don’t necessarily eat a lot of fruits, vegetables or other natural foods, this might be hard to gulp down. If that is the case you are also the type of person who would benefit the most from this, so hold your nose and chug away to force it down. This drink is thick and gritty. It is mostly made up of spent grain isolate (let’s just say grains) and cashew milk. It is also sweetened slightly with coconut sugar. The base of it tastes very much like liquid nuts and grains, what weren’t quite blended all the way. That probably sounds like a turn off, but I think it’s great. For extra flavor that put in some matcha (aka green tea) and it makes it all so very wonderful. If you’ve never used matcha powder before it has a very specific taste and is like concentrated green tea flavor. It’s one of my favorites and as a result I love this shake. My guts love this shake too. I bet yours would as well if you would just put down the liter of cola and chicken nuggets and eat like you were sitting down to dinner in a 1950’s sitcom. (I can only imagine food was healthier then).

Website
http://drinkcanvas.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Coconut Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 5th, 2018
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Teavana Craft Iced Tea Passion Tango Herbal Tea

Teavana Craft Iced Tea Passion Tango Herbal Tea

Have you ever tasted the liquid gold that is Starbucks Passion Tea? Are you like me and love ever second of it but something about buying it from them makes you feel dirty? Sure I probably buy a ton of stuff from much worse companies, but I grew up in a time when coffee shops weren’t so sterile and we're actually pretty seedy a lot of the time. They were a haven for artists, musicians and junkies. I miss that. I blame Starbucks for the homogenization of them. I'm sure most people see that as a plus, not this guy.
Anyway, so I've bought the tea leaves myself to make it at home and then never comes out the same. It's tasty, but not nearly as delicious. This is hibiscus with cinnamon, apple, licorice root, and lemongrass. It's how I dream anything hibiscus should taste, yet few do. So here I am, brewing tea that never turns out as good, cursing my inability. Then Teavana releases these ready to drink versions. Sure they are sweetened (not too much) and I'd prefer them to be unsweetened, but I will take what I can get when it comes to this incredible spiced floral tea. Now I need to work on not downing the entire bottle so fast and learn to sip and not gulp.

Website
http://www.republicoftea.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 3rd, 2018
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Rip It Energy Fuel Citrus X - Sugar Free

Rip It Energy Fuel Citrus X - Sugar Free

If you just happen to be a sadistic little so and so, may I recommend forcing people to drink this energy drink. The reason being that it may just be the single most diet tasting drink that I have ever had the displeasure of drinking. I mean I knew this was diet when I was going into it, but woo does it taste so damn diet. I want to say it tastes like a diet mountain dew with the sucralose increased 300%, but it’s a slight different citrus taste to it. It’s actually hard to make out the actual citrus taste through the insane amount of sucralose that I can only assumed is in this can. So, if you want to see people do a spit take in disgust feed them this. Otherwise I don’t know who this is for.

Website
http://www.ripitenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 2nd, 2018
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Me & the Bees Lemonade With Ginger

Me & the Bees Lemonade With Ginger

This is a re-branding of Bee Sweet and here is our review when it was called that:

Want to hear the most adorable thing you’ll come across all day? This company is owned by an 11 year old lady named Mikaila. It started when she was trying to come up with an idea for a children’s business competition. She got stung by a bee, twice and received her grandmother’s cookbook with the lemonade recipe in it. Through that she became obsessed with saving bees and donates a percentage of her profits to organizations working to help bees. It kind of makes you feel like you’ve wasted your life, right? I wish I cared about anything as much as this girl cares for bees. In doing so she also produces a delicious beverage.

The ingredients in this are water, lemon juice, cane sugar, honey, ginger and flaxseed. It’s simple. It’s delicious. It has digestive benefits. You can also feel good spending your money on it because you’re helping a child help bees. The ginger and the lemons overpower the honey a bit, but you can still taste it. I like when beverages taste heavily of honey, but I’m not one to argue with ginger (which has a kick that’s on the mellower side in here).

I’m not going to spend the rest of the day staring at the wall trying to figure out how I can be a better person.

Website
http://www.meandthebees.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Lemonade
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 30th, 2018
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Starbucks Refreshers Black Chery Limeade

Starbucks Refreshers Black Chery Limeade

It seems that Starbucks is easing back on advertising their Refresher line as “Natural energy from green coffee extract.” I mean it’s still in there, but it’s just not boldly proclaimed on the front of the can. Instead they are leaning on the coconut water and real fruit juice angle. Whatever they are pushing it is still the same product, well with coconut water added. I think the result is supposed to resemble a natural Gatorade for adults. It has the coconut water and juice to help rehydrate and refresh you, with the added bonus of caffeine to keep you moving. Then again there isn’t such sodium in this so I’m probably totally off base. It’s also carbonated, so yeah ignore that comparison. I should probably go back and just delete that part, but it looks like I’m going to just keep typing out my thoughts and forgo any professionalism. To reiterate Refreshers do not equal adult Gatorade. They always have seemed like kind of a hangover drink to me. I wonder what percentage of their sales are used for that purpose.

I suppose I should tough on the taste of this thing. It tastes like a lighter black cherry soda. Makes sense right. That’s not a flavor I’m overly fond of, but lucky for me there is some lime in the aftertaste and that is something I can get behind. It is all improved through the use of real juice and not just some syrupy mix. I think it might be the coconut water that is making it taste lighter. It just smooths is out a little. Oh wait I just saw that salt is an ingredient so I’m back on the adult Gatorade kick. Nothing but staunch professionalism here.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coconut, Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 30th, 2018
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Inko's Organic Energy Mango

Inko's Organic Energy Mango

I have been on a huge tea kick lately. Drinking it hot, brewing mass quantities to put in the fridge to complete the transformation to iced, and just buying bottles and cans of ready to drink stuff. For the most part I have kept it unsweetened to give myself the illusion that I am not treating my body like the town dump, but I’ve developed a soft spot for the Inko’s energy teas. I mean it’s not like I’m polluting myself with all the junk in the energy drinks that would initially cross your mind. These are simply flavored white teas (with all the caffeine that involves) with some ginseng and guarana added to it. If these didn’t have sugar added the amount that I drink would increase drastically. I probably wouldn’t need all of that energy, and by probably I mean definitely. So let’s look as this sugar as a benefit since due to it I can actually sleep.

These are some of the few beverages that mix sugar with stevia for lower calorie count that actually don’t taste diet (at least if you drink it cold). It’s just a not-overly sweetened tea that has a nice mango flavor. This is something I feel other companies should strive for. Inkos knows how to make a good product and I look forward to seeing what they put out next.

Website
http://inkostea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 30th, 2018
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Pure Leaf Tea House Collection Spiced Chai

Pure Leaf Tea House Collection Spiced Chai

Welcome to a very special episode of Tales from the Teahouse. This week there is a new exotic stranger in the town of True Brew. At first the townsfolks write him off because he is formerly a citizen of another country where things are kept quite hot and they feel he has no place in such a cool place as True Brew. Things come to a head when the stranger walks up to the front of the town hall meeting and implores the townsfolk to give him a chance saying that he’s not like the other people of his kind. His spice is brewed right into his tea. He knows how purity is so important to the town and that is why he wanted to live there so badly. He is tea, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, and cardamom all brewed into one magnificent form. If they would just partake of him they would all find that True Brew was truly where he belongs. Some of them partake of his body and find that he is right. He should have been a mess but he was close to perfection. Spiced Chai then became not only their neighbor, but also their god. If Vulture were to review this episode it would go something like ”True Brew is seriously a messed up town and this week a whole racist/Jesus thing went down and when you think about it the racism wasn’t really cleared up and it actually ended up more engrained that you originally thought. A must see!”

Website
http://theloveofleaves.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 28th, 2018
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