Mike Literman (1703 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Izze Fusions Orange Mango

Izze Fusions Orange Mango

Orange and mango are good buds. They're arguably both orange. That lumps them into that category. Really, that's it. They're also just a good pair. This tastes more like orange juice than a 50/50 split. I'd happily give it 75/25 if we're going to put numbers on it.

This was given to my mammy as a way to promote the product. Well, they didn't know who her son was. Most people don't. I am but a man. A sexy, attractive, talented, man of a man. A man who decided to spend the last seven years writing crud about drinks. This being one of them. What do I have to say about it? It's good. Simple as that. Personally I like the other Izze drinks because they're lighter and simpler. This is...not thicker...but denser. It's a sparkling juice. They call it like a sparkling soda, water and juice simultaneously and it is all of them and it is one of them. Is it confusing? No. You know why? Who is going to fight over what this is. Whatever it is, it's sparkling and fruity and drinkable. Don't put baby in the corner. Just drink it.

Website
http://www.izze.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 15th, 2017
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Dunkin' Donuts Fruited Iced Tea Blackberry with Strawberries

Dunkin' Donuts Fruited Iced Tea Blackberry with Strawberries

Ahh. A nice, opaque tea in the morning. What better thing to start off the day? That's what I said to myself as I miraculously got my dumb son to school on time and still had time to buy this maroon treat for myself.

What is it? Well it's unsweetened black tea with an undisclosed amount of blackberry puree in it and some assorted chunks of strawberries. It's also available for a limited time so I thought, "I need to get this before it's too late!" as if I didn't get it, I would regret it for the rest of my life like the time that I wanted to see DJ Rashad in Toronto but couldn't find anyone to go with me and he died the next day. That type of regret.

She's good, though. I think there is so much puree that you can't taste any tea, though. "Problem" with that is that the puree itself is so good that you almost don't care and then hate yourself for saying such apathetic things about tea, the lifeblood of everywhere but America, who, ironically and allegedly, runs on Dunkin'. Every once in a while you're treated to a bullet to the back of your throat disguised as mushed up strawberry that is more fun than gross. If you might like tea, like fruit juice and enjoy working on your cheek muscles, this is a great summer drink for you.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Chunky, Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 10th, 2017
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Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

I don't understand what just happened. Every sip was different and every sip was strange. It was sour in some sips and just an explosion of some sort of mystery fruit in others. There were also glitter sprinkle sparkles on top.

I don't know what the flavor was. Was it strawberry? I think I read mango somewhere but if I put one next to the other, it wouldn't have been whatever I tasted in this. I mean, is "cotton candy" a fruit? It tasted like cotton candy at some points. Who is this for? Within the ten minutes that I was there, they sold a rather copious amount of them so they're doing something right. It won't last long but if it was up to me, I would have drank a dozen of that illusive Polar Unicorn Kiss that I/we never got to try before I would drink another one of these. Was it bad? I cannot even answer that question. It truly was made of the barf of unicorns.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Other/Weird, Smoothie
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 19th, 2017
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Arizona Arnold Palmer Half Iced Tea & Half Lemonade

Arizona  Arnold Palmer Half Iced Tea & Half Lemonade

So much smoother. "Than what, Mike?" you ask? Well that the other Arnold Palmer, man. Giving me attitude like that. Come on, dude. Don't give me that.

This is a classic Arnold Palmer but with real sugar courtesy of the good folks at Arizona. I feel like it's been a long time since we've reviewed something from them. Have they become complacent with their seemingly endless array of drinks? Perhaps. Do we, these thirsty dudes, not have our ear as close to the ground as we used to? Perhaps. Is this better than the one that they used to sell? I think so. Between my brother and this dude Mike I used to and will soon work with again they probably drank hundreds of gallons of that stuff. The light (lite) stuff. This is not light. Full sugar. Real sugar. "Good" sugar.

I don't know if they'd like it. Maybe because they're a little older and a little wiser but also because maybe they're accustomed to the taste of the aspartame or the corn syrup or Splenda or whatever they used. Who knows? I suppose I could buy them a bottle but you know what? They can get one themselves. This one was lent to me so I don't have one to give.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Lemonade
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 7th, 2017
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McDonalds Milk Shake Chocolate Shamrock Shake

McDonalds Milk Shake Chocolate Shamrock Shake

No one in the car? We can get away with something. A milkshake from McDonald's the perfect sneaky treat. I've been cooking fantastic meals from Blue Apron that take me between 45 minutes and an hour to make and I snuck out to get a milkshake. Not just any milkshake but a Shamrock Shake and not just any Shamrock Shake but a chocolate Shamrock Shake. I get it and it looks 50% great. There is a little whipped cream with a cherry and some green, festive, seasonal sparkley sprinkles. Then we get to the meat of the shake...pause for dramatic effect.

Why is this layered? Why is this layered like this? I mean, they came out with a cool straw that was made to drink from two points at a time. What happens if you have a regular straw? It's not a chocolate Shamrock Shake as much as it is a half chocolate and half Shamrock shake. Unless you mix them up yourself, which I didn't, you have to drink through each flavor. I just thought that was strange and wrong. Like when my brother wore seven pairs of underwear at a time so that he could take off the outside pair and not have to put on new underwear for a week. Pause for applause...

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 2nd, 2017
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Trader Joe's Brewed Ginger Beer

Trader Joe's Brewed Ginger Beer

Ahh ginger beer. Always a welcome guest in my house. Gosling's, Goya and now Trader Joe's. Sure, there are other ones. What? Do you want me to make a list? Well it's not going to happen. Alright, fine. Here. Happy?

This is good. It's sweet. I could put this in the category of "entry level" since it's not going to burn the skin off your mouth. Tame. Could you give it to kids? Sure if the kids you are giving it to aren't wimps and if their parents aren't around. If I saw you giving my kids pop, I might say something. If I saw you giving my kids ginger beer, I might say something after I saw the look on their dumb, wimp faces as their tiny, young mouths are on fire.

This is sweeter than I like my ginger beer but makes up for in earthy, ginger flavor. It's like losing a game only to come up a couple points short in the fourth quarter. Everything was against you and you are still going home a loser just not as much of a loser.

Website
http://www.traderjoes.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 2nd, 2017
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Sparkling Ice Essence Peach

Sparkling Ice Essence Peach

Back to basics. I can't tell you how refreshing seltzer is after some of the crap we drink. Look, nothing we drink is literal crap or figurative crap. Everyone puts their hearts into the products they put out but come one, after 4600 reviews, we have earned the right to start calling things "crap."

This is great. It's pure simplicity. Water, bubbles and peach. I assume they have some sort of vat of peaches just stewing all their Georgia essence into some tube mechanism that sucks up the scent, injects it into water by way of science/witchcraft and then stores the vapors for someone lucky enough to drink it.

If you like seltzer, this is just seltzer. They can call it whatever fancy name they want. It's sparkling water with flavor. La Croix? Polar? The other one? Same deal, bro. Same deal. It's all great seltzer.

Website
http://www.sparklingice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 2nd, 2017
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Benner Tea Co. Chai

Benner Tea Co. Chai

Chai. I got into it too late. It's good and I love a nice spicy, hot tea. This isn't half bad, either. Should I think less of it because it is an Aldi brand? No. It's probably something else branded to look like an Aldi brand, actually.

This had a good, strong anise taste to it mixed with whatever other magic was in here. I promptly drank it and, presumably ruined it, adding a packet of sugar. It was the morning and daddy needed a little pick-me-up.

To whomever I stole this from that works in my office, thanks. I'll pay you back in whatever the equivalent of one bag of tea is. Pretty sure that's a wet T-shirt car wash.

Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Hot Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 18th, 2017
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Ikea Dryck Julmust

Ikea Dryck Julmust

This tastes better than it smells. It smells like...listen...I'll be honest with you. I haven't always been straight edge. Back in the late 90's, it was a difficult time for everyone. I snuck, a bottle of red wine out of my parent's basement over to my friend's and we hid it in the drop ceiling and took sips of it. It was disgusting then. Two, maybe three baby sips. Tops. This smelled like that but sweeter.

How did it taste? Not that much better but good enough that I drank a fair amount of this bottle. It tastes like the fruity part of wine mixed in with a can of Pepsi. It had a bit of a burn to it which was probably from "Christmas spices." It did taste like it could have been alcoholic. It wasn't but if you pulled the wool over my eyes and told me a week later, I wouldn't call you a liar. I'd call you a jerk and probably puke on your car, but I would have had my hunches the entire time.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 18th, 2017
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Pearl Soda Company Soda Syrup Blue Mountain Sunshine (Black Tea + Lemon)

Pearl Soda Company Soda Syrup Blue Mountain Sunshine (Black Tea + Lemon)

Is this the long lost Arnold Palmer pop? Kind of. In its most core sense it is until you realize that some time and love went into crafting this syrup. Taken directly from their website:

Bold, black tea from India the Nilgiri Blue Mountains of India blended with lemongrass and lemon myrtle

That's not messing around, man. That's not some garbage, every day black tea and some lemon squeezed over a cinder block into a cup. This is real. You can taste that it's different, too. This is not me being a snob, you actually can taste that it's different. It's not "just" anything.

You want to impress someone who likes to drink Half and Half, you buy them a bottle of this. Sure, they've got to have seltzer on hand but it's a small price to pay for such a quality drink.

Website
http://www.pearlsodaco.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Mix/Concentrate, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 22nd, 2016
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