Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Kiri Spruce Beer

Kiri Spruce Beer

Dad, I don't want to go camping. I love spending time with you, I really do, but the thought of getting all muddy does not thrill me. Oh, I won't get muddy? Dude...sorry, Dad, it's been raining for like 3 days. They don't make boots waterproof enough to keep that much out of my feet. Not to mention, when you have a bonfire, you smell like it for days irregardless of how many showers you take. Sure "irregardless" is a word. I just used it in a sentence. It's always cold and there are so many mosquitoes that, as an adult, I feel that I am rightfully scared of contracting malaria. Can't we just stay home and drink that case of Kiri Spruce Beer? It tastes like spicy trees. Seriously, it tastes like if you bottled a forest and spiced it up a bit. I'm not trying to cop out here, but it really sounds like a miserable time. Look, I'll go, but I want to listen to my tapes in the car. I just got this fresh new Tony! Toni! Toné! album from The Wall that I really want to listen to. If we can listen to that, drink a refreshing, conifer flavored drink in the truck, and stop at a Denny's on the way home, I'll go. Sweet, see you in the truck!

Website
http://www.kiri.com/en/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 24th, 2011
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Beaver Buzz Dam Good Citrus

Beaver Buzz Dam Good Citrus

Smell: Not bad.

Taste: Almost like a natural orange juice but with a strange aftertaste, almost dry. Then sometimes is gets a little strange. It sticks to your palate for a long time. Unwelcomely long. Uninvitedly long.

Burp: Disgusting. Seriously, every burp tastes like you just burped and bile came up. What's strange is that when you burp, it resets your taste buds like when your Nintendo, original, not Super Nintendo, game doesn't work and you hit the reset button 40 times to try and get 720 to work so you can see that dude that is clearly inspired by Rodney Dangerfield. So if you drink it and it starts to get grozz, just burp, make matters worse, and then have everything back to before you took your first sip.

This is along the lines of the FRS drink in its citrocity, but doesn't end up tasting like orange flavored chalk at the bottom of the can.

Website
http://www.beaverbuzz.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 13th, 2011
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Cadbury Caramilk Caramel Chocolate Milkshake

Cadbury Caramilk Caramel Chocolate Milkshake

Greg's got a sweet tooth. I love it. I drink a lot of drinks with sugar in it, but it's never sweet enough. Rumor has it, and you could probably ask to confirm, that he once lined up Cadbury Creme Eggs and ate three, one after another. He was the person I had in mind when I brought this drink in. I have been holding on to it for just the right time and today, this dreary, spring day.

I gave it to Greg to try first and with the blink of an eye, half of the bottle was gone. He must have been jonesing for something sweet. I did mention that I brought something in for him, and when I presented him with this, his little mouth probably started working. He had a good "woah" face on when he tried it, which means that it's good. I gave it a whirl, liked it a lot, gave it to Zack to try and he said that it tastes like "liquid Rolo's" which I don't think that I could top in a description, so I won't.

I let Greg finish the rest of the bottle, which he promptly and swiftly did. I think he liked it, and I think that he thinks that you would, too. Take a trip north to Canada, get a little bottle, and share it with your friends because it's got a heart-stopping amount of calories for one person to commit to.

Website
http://www.cadbury.co.uk/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 18th, 2011
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Kiki Maple Sweet Water Strawberry

Kiki Maple Sweet Water Strawberry

You know that a drink cannot surpass "three bottles" when with every sip you wonder if it has gone bad. I am half way through this bottle and, as aforementioned, I don't know if it's going to kill me or not. It could be the maple syrup that my palate is not used to but it's not like anything that I'm used to.

The strawberry though...that is real. It tastes like someone took an iced tea sweetened with maple syrup and just squished some strawberries into it. It tastes natural. I can honor that part of it. The maple syrup part of it...that's just odd. Call me an "ignorant American" Canada, but this kind of makes it taste funny.

Maple syrup. You're great on pancakes. Stick to pancakes. You're good on that.

Website
http://www.trollbridgecreek.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Maple Syrup
Categories
Juice, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 10th, 2013
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Flavur Tea Black Tea Lime & Mint

Flavur Tea Black Tea Lime & Mint

It's a wet one outside in otherwise Canada. You need to drink. It's been 93 degrees and you, rather stupidly, haven't drunk anything all day. Now it's raining and you have to go outside. You dumb idiot. You put on your nice shoes that in about ten minutes will be pretty close to ruined. You aren't front these parts and you don't know where to go. You are just walking blindly and wet down the street and you just so happen to stumble into a tiny bodega. You shake your head like a dog because you're in your late teens and you think that having super long hair is cool. You'll learn when you paint your room and get paint in your hair that maybe it's not as awesome as you thought. The man behind the counter say, "Nice weather we're having today, eh?" sarcastically and stereotypically Canadian. You hand the dude two Loonies and leave without your change because it's more important that you have a drink than change in a country that you are leaving in a day. You crack open your drink. Black tea? Mint? Lime? Alright. You might have done well for yourself. Take a sip...you could have done better. It certainly does have everything in it, but it's lacking something. You aren't mad because now you are quenching yourself and ringing out your Roots shirt that your dumb friend bought you as a joke in your hotel room. You don't hate the drink, but you might have been better off with either lime or mint. Both tastes like a strange mojito and you didn't want it.

You're leaving tomorrow with a sour taste in your mouth because you didn't get to see Dan Aykroyd amongst other celebrities, which brought you down to the great white North. You did have some poutine and it was just as gross as you thought. It wasn't a total loss because you did have Coffee Crisps and those are delightful.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 23rd, 2011
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Kiri Ginger Ale

Kiri Ginger Ale

Jay has a certain love for ginger that not many have. Sure, many of us enjoy ginger ale, but if you've ever had real ginger, you know that it doesn't taste much like ginger at all. Ginger ale has a taste all it's own and unless you get a certain kind, they all just taste...well like "ginger ale".

So Jay has recently started putting ginger that you would get on sushi on his tacos, and although you might be saying "Eww, gross. Jay, that's gross." you might want to try it because it adds a pretty nice flavor, and I'm not a huge fan of pickled ginger. I love a good ginger beer and I love a good ginger ale, but ginger in itself, eh.

So Kiri. This is some pretty remarkable stuff. They really do things differently up North, in America's Hat. This tastes just like real ginger and if you are a fan of that idea, travel on up there, or somewhere online, and get yourself a bottle of this stuff because it's good. No burn, but a consistent, clean ginger taste. It took my by surprise and I thought it was going to be just another ginger ale. I like when I'm wrong.

Website
http://www.kiri.com/en/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 4th, 2011
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Rubicon Guava

Rubicon Guava

In the wild world of Canada, there are live exotic fruits. It's true. You don't believe me? Take a trip up to Toronto. While you're there, go do yourself a favor and go to "Fifty Toppings Guy". It's a hot dog cartman on the corner of Queen and Spadina who has wonderful veggie and non-veggie dogs. I'm assuming that you've got a satchel or a fanny pack or something to carry your exotic fruits in, so I am not even going to address it. So once you get past the Eaton Centre, up on your left is a jungle. Ask James, the night watchman, if you can go in. You know the secret hand gesture, right? That's right. It's the same one as the Van Buren Boys hand signal that George Costanza used to save his life. Once James lets you in, get your shoving arms ready because it's a madhouse in there. The pushing and shoving, you would think you were in one of those Filene's "Running of the Brides" events.

Wait, did I tell you that all the exotic juices are in juice box format? Ooops. Sorry. Did you think that it was just fruit hanging off of trees? Are you kidding? Passionfruit, Guava, and all that other good stuff doesn't grow in Toronto. They have to package it up so that it doesn't get damaged when dropped, and since you're going to be fighting your way through said juice, you'd better have a nice, cardboard carrying case around it.

Whilt pushing fat men and skinny ladies, fight your way over to the Rubicon table to grab some of their guava, or as they like to say "goyave". It's pretty close to the bare essentials of what guava is all about. Water, guava pulp, and sugar and then some preservatives and stabilizers to keep it from surprising you with a straw full of brown juice. Oh man, the thought of that makes me want to puke. It's a little gritty like nectar and just the right amount of sweetness so you don't get cavities and probably get some sort of legitimate nutrition. Your mom would be proud, but don't show her that you got your school clothes dirty because some angry woman just pushed you in the dirt so she could get her grubby, rather large hands on the pineapple juice boxes.

Website
http://www.rubiconexotic.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 6th, 2011
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Buy Now
Rubicon Guava Exotic Juice Drink (4 juice boxes)

Flavur Lemon Honey Aloe

Flavur Lemon Honey Aloe

You drink stuff with chunks in it? That's gross? What's gross about it? Well, it has chunks in it, for one. Seems like something went wrong if you're drinking something that has chunkified on itself. The chunks are from aloe? The plant? Gross. Who drinks plants? Yeah, I guess tealeaves are from a plant, too, but that's different because there aren't any chunks in it. I like a nice, clean drink; free of all pulps, curds, chunks, and seeds.

Yeah, actually some of that sounds good, lemon, honey, and aloe, but there you go again with that aloe. It doesn't have chunks? Alright, you know what? For you I'll try it. Hmm, that's pretty good. Let me give this another go. It's good. It tastes like lemonade with a little extra kick. Maybe it's lemonade with honey, but like honey off one of those cool honey dippers. No, not honey dipper like that dude that goes to your weird aunt's house and gets the poop out of her poop tank. Those cool honey dippers like the one that they use on the cover of the Honey Bunches of Oats box. I can taste the aloe and it's great because there aren't any chunks getting in my way.

See, this is what I'm talking about. I don't know why you drink all that stuff. This is a nice, foreign drink that doesn't make me want to puke. Get that grass jelly drink out of my face! Where do you get this stuff?!

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Chicory Syrup
Categories
Aloe Vera, Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 16th, 2011
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Clearly Canadian Daily Vitamin Blueberry

Clearly Canadian Daily Vitamin Blueberry

You've got your flavored waters and you've got this. Hint does a nice job of putting a little bit of flavor into a lot of bit of water and making something both flavorful and pleasing. This drink does a good job of adding a little bit of flavor to a lot of bit of water and making it boring.

Initially it was alright. I thought it was going to be a nice drink but as soon as the temperature rose to room temperature, boredom sets in. It couldn't be blander, really.

I needed be bothered with writing a long, detailed review on this. It's not great and I don't recommend it to you. End of story. Blunt? Yep-ahh.

Website
http://www.clearlycanadianbrands.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 18th, 2011
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Old Tyme Ginger Beer

Old Tyme Ginger Beer

I woke up today knowing that I desired a ginger beer. I don't know why, but I saw it on the shelf and said to myself that I hoped this burned my throat. It's such a little bottle. I just knew that it was some sort of concentrated danger. The whole "big things come in small packages" cliche.

I took my first sip and there it was. Burn. If I had to rate the burn on some sort of made up scale, I would say that it has a medium burn. It kicks you in the tonsils but playfully, like when a dog bites you and you can feel their dog teeth but they don't chomp down, making you lose some of your precious digits.

In the case of ginger beer, most of the time I want to battle with non-playful sharks and I just want straight rusty razor blades rushing down my throat, but this is nice, too.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 26th, 2011
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