Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Coca-Cola Fiesty Cherry Diet

Coca-Cola Fiesty Cherry Diet

I'm a sucker for spice. Blame it on my Western New York upbringing. I've lost that part of me where I masochistically eat things that will burn my face off in exchange for flavor enhancement. Sue me. This tastes like a diet cherry Coke with (somehow) less "diet" taste and rewards you with a little bit of burn. I could be wrong but I burped while drinking this and it had a pretty distinct ginger beer burp flavor. I liked it. I drank the whole can. I rarely drink cola let alone diet cola but this is actually something I would revisit. I was told again and again to drink it cold. One would think that something was going to come out of the can, like a heat activated cola demon, if I let it get lukewarm. Little does he know that we Thirsty Dudes drinking warm pop all the time. There's not enough room in fridges nationwide to house the amount of drinks that we've had at one time in our heyday. Now, unfortunately, sadly, apathetically, Jay and I could probably contain our back stock in a college dorm room fridge and still have room for a cool, crisp can of Milwaukee's Best that we would never drink but you know goddamn well that Chad would drink it in a heartbeat. Chad. You're the worst. Don't even get me started on Chad. Chad sucks. We'll leave it at that.

Website
http://www.coca-cola.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Aspartame
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 11th, 2018
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Blume Honey Water Vanilla Citrus

Blume Honey Water Vanilla Citrus

Well it certainly is nice to try something new again. This was great. I'll come right out of the gate, swinging my fists like a complete idiot; ready to fight no one and everyone at the same time. Honey rules. I put it in my coffee at home. I put it on ice cream. I add it to other stuff that you mind your G.D. business about, that's what! This is sweet. It's a different sweet than "1,000,000 sugar" sweet. It just tastes like honey which tastes sweet. It's a bit of a mental thing. As far as the "citrus vanilla" goes., yeah, that's there lighter in the mix. It's certainly a honey base but it does have notes of citrus and vanilla. I don't know how they do it. It's not thick at all. It's "like water" but tastes like honey. A drinkable honey for those of you cosplayers who go to Winnie The Pooh conventions but don't want to get your $1900 costume all sticky before the inevitably sex party afterwards aptly named "The Piglet Roast."

As sweet as this is, the whole (tiny) bottle is only 70 calories. This was generously sent to us but if I saw it in the wild, I would buy it. It's nice. A+. Quick shipping. Would buy from again.

Website
http://https://www.blumehoneywater.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Honey
Categories
Juice, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 7th, 2018
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Cafe Bustelo Cafe Con Chocolate

Cafe Bustelo Cafe Con Chocolate

I've been reviewing a lot of coffee drinks lately. I haven't been reviewing much, truth be told, but I've been reviewing a lot of coffee drinks. I don't know why. Probably because I feel like all I do is work, come home, watch my dumb kids and then after they are in bed, just watch YouTube and go to sleep. It's been a repetitive couple weeks and trust me, I'm as bored of it as you are reading about it.

So how is this, you ask? Well, it's fine. It's got a decent but not great coffee taste. I'm no connoisseur but the coffee might be a bit dark or perhaps a little burnt for my liking. The chocolate is fine but it's strong. It might also be a little too sweet. I don't know if anyone who likes coffee would actually like this. I'm right in the middle so I'm fine with it but it's either "too this" or "too that" for anyone who has a solid opinion one way or the other.

I've got to get out of this rut...this coffee isn't helping. I think the next step is going to be a Buick, starched collar and a start to that suicide note I never thought I'd write.

Website
http://cafebustelo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 27th, 2018
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Peet's Coffee Cold Brew Dark Chocolate

Peet's Coffee Cold Brew Dark Chocolate

My parent's, specifically my mom, never goes anywhere. Heck, she probably goes weeks at a time without leaving the county. So when we were in Phoenix for my brother's wedding a while back, she tried like crazy to get Peet's Coffee. You can't get it here. I assume it's like Western New York's local favorite franchise Tim Horton's. My uncle or someone said that it was great so she tried to find it while she was wildly out of her comfort zone. I bet I could count on one hand the amount of times my mom has been on an airplane.

I found this bottle of Peet's at a Target. Right around the corner from home and nowhere near Arizona or wherever Peet's is local to. I saw "dark chocolate" and "cold brew," audibly said, "Yup!" and headed for the checkout. I tried it today and it is awesome. It's also hardly coffee. It's just chocolate milk for adults. It's more coffee flavored chocolate milk than vice versa. It did have a great coffee taste and the dark chocolate was very good, too but let's call a spade a spade here, dude. This is not exactly a refined person's coffee. It's at least 50% chocolate milk. It's very good. It's very but not too sweet. I would absolutely get it again but certainly not when I needed some pep in my step. Just for when I want coffee and chocolate simultaneously.

My mom couldn't even drink this. I gave her Dunkin' Donuts' new brown sugar cold brew and she made quite the face at me. This would do something unimaginable to her. I think she likes her coffee like she likes her men.

Website
http://www.peets.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 11th, 2018
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Ocean Spray Pact Cranberry Blood Orange

Ocean Spray Pact Cranberry Blood Orange

Question: Is it infused if it takes the color and flavor of the fruit? It seems like it's just a juice at that point.

Story: This is good. I saw it at an Aldi and left the line I was in while the people in front of me argued about bringing bags and the people behind me screamed at someone on the phone about how they're going to beat the hell of them when they see them. I'm painting a picture of what it's like to Aldi by me. Yes, it's a verb. I could not get out of there fast enough. It's not always like that but when it rains it pours.

Review: This is good. I'm at work after a long weekend just drinking some fruity juice water. It's good. Best of all, you can't really tell that it's fake sugar. I believe previously that you could. Perhaps they improved the recipe. From a drink standpoint it's good. I certainly get more cranberry than blood orange or even citrus at all. Did that make it lose points? Nope. It was still good. I would get it again. For the eleventh time, though, this is juice. Give Vitamin Water to a child and have a discussion about whether or not it's water or juice. Hint makes water with fruit essence in it. This is not that.

Website
http://www.oceanspray.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Juice, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 12th, 2018
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Stumptown Cold Brew Chocolate w/ Cream & Sugar

Stumptown Cold Brew Chocolate w/ Cream & Sugar

Can I just say, "Wow. 5 bottles." and call it a day? Let me check with management for a minute here...

{ Walks up 45 flights of stairs due to a broken elevator. Waits in a waiting room for four hours. Gets told that the boss has left and to come back tomorrow. Walks down 46 flights of stairs. Goes home. Fights with wife and kids. Goes to sleep on the couch. Wakes up with a bad back and cold because the dog pulled the blanket off in the middle of the night. Notices a ticket on the car. Gets in a traffic jam on the way to work. Gets to work fifteen minutes late and misses breakfast pizza because "fat Joan" decided to eat eleven pieces because "she just can't help herself." Walks up 45 flights of stairs. Waits three hours. Door opens. }

The boss said that I can say "Wow. 5 bottles." if I also add that it's really rich and creamy and has a wonderful chocolate milk quality to it.

Website
http://www.stumptowncoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Natural Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 3rd, 2018
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Protein2o Protein Infused Water Tropical Coconut

Protein2o Protein Infused Water Tropical Coconut

Pina colada. Not too shabby, right? It’s a little cup of summertime. I think it's illegal in most states to sell it when it's not summer. It would devalue it too much. It would also taste bad since the environmental climate is unbalanced in respect to the required prerequisites of the pineapple and coconut. Science stuff, man. Just trust us.

This is full of protein and you can taste it in every sip. There is no getting around it. It's amazing this is a liquid and not sludge. 15 grams of protein is no joke. It tastes a bit chalky, as you would probably guess. Even six hours of refrigeration can't save you from it. It tastes alright, though. Chalk aside. It has a good pina colada taste but you can taste the immense amount of protein and you can also taste the sucralose that makes it a little gross but a whole bottle clocking in at sixty calories is not an easy feat. Cut whatever corners you have to.

All in all, if you are trying to bulk up (bro) this isn't a bad place to start. Gains.

Website
http://www.drinkprotein2o.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 2nd, 2018
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Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Cocoa

Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Cocoa

Cocoa I'm familiar with!

Through all the grit and grime of this drink, I found it to taste pretty good. What "grit and grime" you say? Well, this being a protein drink laden with grains, nut bits and coconut parts, it tends to have a bit of a texture to it. This, if you are at all familiar with protein and/or fiber drinks, is common. Let's start with the "bad" which is more informational than literally bad or gross. This contains coconut milk which can tend to give drinks a bit of a chalky taste or texture to it. If you have drunk anything with coconut milk in the past, you know what I am talking about. This was relatively cold but the chalk had already taken over. Personally, unless coconut milk, flavored or not, is ice cold, it tastes like that to me. Protein drinks have a bit of grit to them because the more protein you add to a drink, the thicker or grittier it gets because you can only mush up foodstuffs so much. This contains 11g of fiber and 8g of protein at the same time so it's got some thickness to it.

But who cares about all of that, right? How does it taste. It tastes good. It tastes like a good quality cocoa. Lighter than a chocolate milk but a good, honest cocoa. There is some (coconut) sugar and coconut milk so it's at least smooth and sweet and not some revolting, bittersweet chocolate that tastes more punishing than good.

This one, as opposed to the chai, I would drink again. I bet you could use this as a meal replacement. People would be jealous that you are drinking chocolate instead of wasting your time with pesky things like tacos, pizza and ham. Chewing is for idiots, right? Don't be a follower. Don't be an idiot. Drink to live. Drink for life.

Website
http://drinkcanvas.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Coconut Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 25th, 2018
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Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Chai

Canvas Fiber + Protein Shake Chai

It's been quite some time since I've drank something with so much substance. It's gritty and grainy and if you are not into these types of drink or like protein rich foods and drinks, walk on past this guy because she is thick. She's also not too shabby. I admittedly don't drink a lot of chai. I like it but I don't drink a lot of it. Why? Some things just happen.

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is mad about having to shake orange juice and Jerry makes fun of her by lightly shaking it? This is like that but I feel like you constantly have to shake it. It might be so concentrated that there is no room for anything to "settle." It might just be dense. Thick and dense. I think that I'm drinking the drink incantation of myself.

To the flavor. It's a good, honest flavor and good representation of chai but somehow allows all of the ingredients to shine through. Cashew, coconut, ginger, chai, turmeric, salt. It's all in there and it all tastes good. It's a good drink. Would I drink it again? Eh, no. That just has to do with me not drinking chai. I've got other flavors I might not be so quick to dismiss.

In short, if you like chai and aren't afraid of a little grit, you've got a champion contender on your hands. If you are wavering on any of the aforementioned criteria, this might just be strange.

Website
http://drinkcanvas.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Coconut Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 18th, 2018
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Chin Chin Coffee Blue Mountain Style

Chin Chin Coffee Blue Mountain Style

This is the last baby can of coffee I've got to review. It half makes me sad but between you and I, I've got extra duplicates at home that I can enjoy whenever I want.

I don't know why I like this stuff so much. It's the same review as it always is; it's sweet but not too sweet. It's smooth because of the milk (powder). This did taste a little different but I wouldn't be able to explicitly say, "Oh, that's a Blue Mountain right there." It's got a great coffee taste and is not bitter at all. It's good, though. I don't know why we filthy American's don't embrace stuff like this. This is sweetened, canned coffee. We love coffee here. Embrace it, turds. You'll love it. Why do I call you turds? Because this is my website, not yours. This is my soapbox. You don't talk to the man on the soapbox because he's got something important to say. I mean, he brought that box to make a statement and he's going to do it.

Go to your local Asian market and get this. It's not hard to find. Buffalo is hardly a metropolis. If you are in an equal sized city, you've got a bunch of markets. Just walk in, grab a couple cans, pay for them, and sit in your car and cry because your wife left you for a younger man. Also, drink this.

Website
http://enogee.com/Drink.php?ord=Bst&Drink=21&Title=ChinChin_-_Vitality_Boost_energy_drink_review
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 27th, 2018
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