Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Grace Island Soda Cream Soda

Grace Island Soda Cream Soda

You know what I hate? I hate when people get perfume in my pop. I absolutely hate it. I often leave open bottles of pop on the floor at grandmother’s homes and you know how grandmas are. They spray that perfume on with a Super Soaker before raging at the Bingo parlor, just gallon after gallon of lavender and Chanel No. 5.

I must have accidentally left this bottle open at everyone's grandmother's house in Western New York before I drank it because this drink tastes like a slew of different old women. It was a lot like the Pakola Ice Cream pop that we drank many moons ago. It tastes nothing like you would expect and everything like you don't want. Not a strong sales approach.

Website
http://www.gracefoods.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 1st, 2012
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Grace Island Soda Kola Champagne

Grace Island Soda Kola Champagne

Miller High Life is the self-appointed "champagne of beers." While I don't know much about beer, I doubt this is true and think that it's kind of a tongue-in-cheek thing, this could be the champagne of kola champagnes with one single caveat. Pre-caveat, right out of the fridge this is great. It's not as bubble-gummy as a lot of other kola champagnes I've had. It did have a nice, unexpected bit, like some of the ginger juice from their wonderful ginger beer got stuck in the machine, no one cared, and it bled into this drink leaving a little bit of a bite. I always want a little bit of a bite when it comes to food and drink. Spice almost always beats no spice.

Great, right? Awesome. But wait! I said there was one thing to worry about. That one thing is that you either have to keep this cold or drink it fast because once it lukewarms, it gets perfumey. I drank half, went and got a sandwich, came back, bad. Ten minutes or so killed this drink.

Don't let this happen to your kola champagne. Drink it fast or keep it on ice. Do the right thing.

Website
http://www.gracefoods.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 26th, 2012
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Krisda Natural Soda Cola

Krisda Natural Soda Cola

Diet cola. It's a rough game. Murderous. Competitive. Mostly kind of gross. This drink has potential. It's a brave venture into a dangerous game filled with tree hugging hippies. Filled with strange middle-aged women with distinctive salt and pepper hair that carry around canvas bags all times in case they come across a killer farmers market with rutabagas they just can't leave behind. Filled with young dudes who will stab you if you as much as mention chicken nuggets and loves the band Crass and has black pants that appear to be painted on his tiny, malnourished frame.

This drink, with all its promise, falls short. It's got a decent cola taste but is quickly replaced with a semi-bitter, sweetness that is known to many as "that Stevia" taste but is really Erythritol. Who cares? Right? Who cares? When a drink isn't that great, who cares what sucks about it? Well it's actually the Erythritol that eats it. It cruds up a potentially good drink. I don't know what would make it better. I don't even know if regular diet pop wins or loses. I don't know what's going on anymore.

Website
http://www.krisdasweetener.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 27th, 2012
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Buy Now
Soda, Cola , 12 oz (pack of 24 ) ( Value Bulk Multi-pack)

Jones Soda Sugar-Free Green Apple

Jones Soda Sugar-Free Green Apple

You know what's stopping this drink from being a good drink? The fact that it sucks. This drink tastes like sour apple plastic. If you had a book for kids that every page had a different smell and one of the pages smelled like sour apple, and then you ate it, this is what it would taste like: your child's book. Why are you eating your kids books? Why are you making drinks that taste like fruity flavored plastic? Why did this drink make it to production? Not every non-diet pop is still drinkable when you exchange real sugar for artificial sweeteners. Not everything we drink is a gem. This should be more acceptable than it is but surprise! We just found the reason why we found it for seventy cents.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Splenda
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 30th, 2012
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Kiju Organic Iced Tea Hibiscus Rooibos

Kiju Organic Iced Tea Hibiscus Rooibos

Ahh flowers. They look great. They bring color to this otherwise depressing world. When I lived in Boston for a few months, I didn't know that I would miss foliage and color. I spent six week not really seeing trees or grass too much and then someone told me about Boston Commons and I felt I needed to go. It was like I had never seen flowers before. I spent the whole time just not caring but really my body craved those little guys.

So, I self-admittedly enjoy a flower every not and then. It's fine. This drink was floral. It was like if you had a red tea that wasn't too bitter, infused a flower, and then added a little sugar to it. I will also admit that I clearly have no idea what hibiscus tastes like because sometimes it's the greatest thing I've ever had and then other times it's just...there. I'm not hating on it, but I wish that I could taste it in it's truest form so that I know which side of the fence I'm on; like or love. I guess either side is pretty non-confrontational, but still, I don't like this floral purgatory I'm in. It's terrible but the smell is relaxing and the sights from up here are quite scenic and well pruned.

Website
http://www.kiju.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 9th, 2012
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Grace Island Soda Grapefruit

Grace Island Soda Grapefruit

I don't think that I've eaten a grapefruit in well over two decades. I just remember them being super tart and/or bitter. I've had things that are grapefruit flavored with no additional sugar that are quite awful. People eat it with tons of sugar on top. If you have to put sugar on your fruit, you're defeating the point of fruit. "Nature's candy", right? Isn't that what they say? "Nature's candy." You don't add sugar to candy. You're not supposed to. If you do, you don't really understand how candy works. If you add it to fruit, you don't understand how fruit works.

This drink knows how grapefruit pop should work. It's not terribly sweet and not wildly punchy like a lot of other ones. Squirt is good, right, but it's really sweet. This drink is more grapefruit and less pop. It could be the real sugar versus the corn syrup, which can kind of wipe out a lot of flavors. It's got a good smell and is not as strong as, say, Ting, but it's still good. If this is how they do grapefruit on the islands, as their moniker of "Island Soda," then I might have to frequent these islands. Maybe get a coconut so that I can drink this pop out of. It's how they do it. I hate feeling like I'm not a local.

Website
http://www.gracefoods.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar/Glucose-Fructose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 11th, 2012
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Jones Zilch Black Cherry

Jones Zilch Black Cherry

Black cherry; the most goth of all fruits. You want to meet up with them? They sleep until noon, work at a bookstore that sells nothing but books on murder, cats, and unlicensed Robert Smith biographies, and go to clubs that are in locations you thought were closed down for a decade. They don't get along with people because they feel they are on the outside looking in. Looking in on all the squares, sellouts, poseurs, conformists, and zealots making fools of themselves on a day-to-day basis. Black cherry listens to Skinny Puppy, KMFDM, and My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult and scoffs at your record collection regardless of how much you like it. Black cherry is one with the dark arts.

Recently, black cherry has put on a little weight and needs to slim down a bit. Torrid is fine and essential to black cherry but some things are stretching a bit and it's becoming a health issue that your mom is getting concerned about. So you add a little sucralose to the mix. It's alright. Sure, it "diet's" you up a little bit and makes you feel like you are trying to be one of those blonde bimbos that swarm the schools like bees to a hive. There is a big difference between anorexia and teenage obesity. You still taste good, like you are supposed to, but there's just you can just tell that you are trying to lose a little weight and use artificial sweeteners. It's fine. You are beautiful no matter what the "cool kids" say. Now head on over to your black Volkswagon Jetta, pop in that old Bauhaus record, and think about what sweet kick moves you are going to do at the club tonight in front of yourself in the mirrors.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 16th, 2012
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Buy Now
Jones Zilch Soda, Black Cherry Flavor , 48 Fl. Oz, (Pack of 4)

Jones 24c Blueberry Grape

Jones 24c Blueberry Grape

Blueberry grape? Who has heard of such a thing? Blueberry is always paired with pomegranate and these two just shouldn't blend. Jones, the insane Canadians that they are, decided that they can do whatever they want. They put those guys together in one bottle and came up with...wait for it...a strange drink. It smells good and it invites you in. When you drink it, you get some blueberry and some grape juice but there is something else in there, something that I didn't like. I don't want to say bitter but it had a bit of that acai taste to it even though that wasn't an ingredient. I think it's actually the vegetable juice that they use for color that kind of snuck in some flavor. I've had this before with those drinks that are fruit flavored but have a days worth of vegetable intake in them. I'm fine with that, but know that it also delivers this strange aftertaste. If you know this stuff, you will be fine. I am the informer. Snow and I, we are informers.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Inverted Cane Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 5th, 2013
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True Blue Wild Blueberry

True Blue Wild Blueberry

This is going to be half review, half reminiscence, and half celebrators since this is our 3000th review. Since all of them have to happen at the same time, let's just start with the Thirsty Dudes ode to new drinks. Jay and I went to Toronto and stopped periodically at multiple shops. Our love for Thirsty Dudes is international. We travel beyond both state and country lines just in order to get drinks. This is a juice. I had to present my passport to get juice. Come on. Would you do that? You might? We do. When we are on vacation, we do it big. I went to Brooklyn this past weekend on an impromptu "vacation" and number one thing on my list was to get local root beer. Come on. What a waste of time but we love it. We're in Canada and there is a Whole Foods. We bought a ton of stuff, like forty drinks each, and yes, like this one, some of them were "house brand" but things need to get done. Drinks need to get drank. Sure, it took me well over two months to drink it but hey, we've got a cache of drinks. This, finally, was pretty good. It's about time that I get a nice, high quality juice. It's got a good blueberry taste but is dense. It's flavorful and bold. It's not cut with anything. I could have stretched this out probably 25% just by watering it down and it still would have been good.

In hindsight, this is not my favorite juice. It never was, but I'm summing it all up. Wrapping it up in a little package. It's good, I mean look, I gave it a four out of five. That's good, but this is the 3000th review. This should have been reserved for something epic like a cherry flavored slime with sparkles in it. I would have loved to reserve that for ol' Bernie Mac but we can't wait too long or we're not going to have reviews.

You know us. We don't only review good stuff. We review good stuff poorly and bad stuff well. We make up stories, tall tales, fish tales, and reflect on our past. We bring our family, friends, past relationships, and dreams into our reviews. You get to see inside our deranged minds with a lot of reviews and it gives you an insight into our lives and the people we are. We're three dudes that are friends that are creative idiots that like to drink stuff because it gives us something to talk about.

We talked about what we were going to do and the only thing we could think about was having a pizza party at a place that has been closed for probably twenty years that we each went to when we were eight and playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game and then talking about the advantages of each specific turtle. We're immature kids. We're dumb idiots. We love what we do. Thanks for letting us get to 3000. Tell your friends.

Website
http://www.leadingbrandsinc.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 14th, 2013
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Koala Sparkling Fruit Beverage Kiwi Lime & Grapefruit

Koala Sparkling Fruit Beverage Kiwi Lime & Grapefruit

"Well this is something," says someone who drank this. I, professional drinker and skeptic of most things, agreed. This is a tangy, sweet drink. Tangy. Jesus Christmas. Limes and grapefruit? You needed to put the two tartest fruits imaginable together in one drink? Are you trying to turn me into a reverse Dizzy Gillespie? Suck in my cheeks to look like a malnourished, third world child? Who can drink this for pleasure? You want to know what Kiwi is doing while those other two are stealing the show? Well I'll tell you that he is not carrying his weight. That or between the lime and the grapefruit he simply compete.


This isn't bad. If you like Squirt and Limca, put them together into a container that is too large for one or even two servings and call it a day.

Country
Canada
Sweetener
Liquid Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 18th, 2013
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