Mike Literman (1710 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Excel Gooey Butter Cake

Excel Gooey Butter Cake

"I wish they would bottle the flavor of vanilla cupcakes so I could drink it all day." Yeah? I dare you to drink this for a whole day, dude. Two sips and I'm tapping out. It smells like a sixth grade girl, also. You remember when they all wore that temporarily good smelling cotton candy perfume? I liked it but for a limited time. This...I could be surrounded by six girls talking about Taylor Swift, Shopkins, One Direction, lip gloss, Gary from third period and Snapchat at the same time and take that longer than I could deal with the immense flavor of this.

Smell? Spot on. It's a cupcake. Taste? Sugar flavored sugar. It's so sweet and completely distracts from the flavor. The kid that you remember that used to sneak and eat sugar cubes from the coffee table wouldn't be able to drink this. This is turning into quite a "dare drink." Have at it, friends. Don't send me the doctor's bill, though.

Website
http://www.excelbottling.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 6th, 2016
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Lucky Cherry Cherry Cola

Lucky Cherry Cherry Cola

Sometimes man, cherry cola is a perfect drink. When I would go to Mighty Taco, a local chain/franchise after a punk show, I would always get a cherry cola. I don't know why. It's one of the only times I drink the stuff. I like to keep it minimal because it makes me appreciate it more.

I thought this was "just" cola but oh no. Lucky cherry indeed. This is cherry cola and it's very good. It's very sweet and has a decent, candy-like cherry cola taste. It's a lot. I bet a lot of people would think this is too sweet and they most certainly would not be wrong. I probably couldn't and won't today finish this bottle myself. Twenty ounces is masochistic. It is good, though. I don't want my inability to drink so much cola to count against this otherwise delicious treat.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Shot
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 30th, 2016
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Goldenbrew Green Tea and a touch of Honey

Goldenbrew Green Tea and a touch of Honey

What a refreshing treat. This is kind of the perfect green tea for me. Little bit of bitterness and a subtle sweetness. It tastes like honey and you know that it's green tea. I think at this point, we ignorant Americans can tell the difference between "Far East" tea and good, ol' fashioned British tea. America, sometimes you can be real morons. I shouldn't even have to write that but quite honestly, and this is not part of the review, but this country is in a state of disrepair. How did I get here from a beautifully crafted green tea? Well your ignorance and inability to accept foreign norms with open arms because you're so close minded and worried that something is going to happen if you do. Open your hearts, you turds. Seriously, just be cool. Open your mind.

This is a great tea. If you see it, put down that cola and put down that energy drink, take a breath, and prepare to close your eyes and take sips while envisioning yourself with your feet dangling off a pier. In this vision, your feet can be in or out of the water. It doesn't matter. It's the place and state of mind that matters, not your wet toes. Relax. Be cool. Drink this green tea. Doctor's orders.

Website
http://www.goldenbrewtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Honey
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 24th, 2016
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Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino Twix

Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino Twix

Twix, a cookie not a candy bar, is a wonderful cookie not a candy bar. Carmel, crunch, caramel and chocolate. If we're talking about "The Four C's," screw diamonds, dude. Twix is where it's at. How is this though? Sweet. I don't even know after all these years if there is any coffee in iced cappuccino, or as we in Western New York like to call them, "Iced Capps," anymore. They might be but it's so overpowered by sugar and cream and now cookie crumbles that what's the point anymore. This small was more than enough. There was probably the amount of a "fun size" Twix grinded up on the top which was fun to get through the straw at the end. The rest was just a sugary blur of cookie flavors and brown. I say that like it's a bad thing. Look, if you're the type of person to buy an iced cappuccino, you know what you're getting into and you know what you're doing to yourself. I'm not going to say it, but deep down you know what you're up to.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee, Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 17th, 2016
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Ginger Shots Orange Ginger

Ginger Shots Orange Ginger

Carl, why did you give me this fire in a bottle? What did I. What did I. What did I do to deserve this? It's like drinking citrus flavored lava. I don't know if there was orange but it was citrus. If I had a straight ginger and drank this side by side I might be able to confirm that it's orange flavored but the burn is just so intense that the flavor is lost. It's not bad at all, though. I appreciate your gratuity in burning off my taste buds but I still don't know why people drink this. Is it energizing? Is it good for my insides? Why did I just subject myself to this self-torture? Fun? Carl. Carl. Baby. Don't do that to me. I've had a long day. You know what? I do like it. Would I drink it again? We'll see if I'm given the opportunity but as much as I'd like to give your tongue an Indian burn, which might be racist at this point, I appreciate you giving this bottled up ending scene from Terminator 2.

Website
http://gingershots.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Ginger, Shot
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 17th, 2016
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Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Lemon Wedge

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Lemon Wedge

Sparkles with a lil' bit of citrus. That's it and that's all, friends. This is the simplest seltzer that money can buy. It's got a strong lemon flavor and tastes like seltzer. You can call me an idiot for that review if you aren't doing that already but it's true. It's good in its simplicity and that will win the race if you ask me. They've got more ambitious flavors so this is the gateway drug, if you will, to more dynamic and interesting flavors. Start with the lemon wedge, go to the watermelon and end with the cilantro lime. It's a trip worth taking.

Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 15th, 2016
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7 Eleven Go! Smart Honeybush Tea

7 Eleven Go! Smart Honeybush Tea

On a hot day, you should be drinking water. We in Western New York have been suffering drought-like conditions. It rains for a half hour and doesn't rain for two weeks. It's bad. Combined with 85+ degree days day after day, it's getting pretty tiring to go outside. On this hot day and on my way to band practice, I needed something. I drink water at my desk all day but I needed something and this hit the spot. I wish it was twice as large but you can't get everything you want.

It was very lightly sweetened and flavored. It was just a nice, cool lemon honey tea that was instantly refreshing. I wish I had one here. Two. One went down too quickly. It was low in calories, too. I think seventy for the bottle which was quite a bit healthier than the tallboy of Arizona that I wanted to feel nostalgic. I can feel nostalgic another time because now I've got a nice "go to" when I go to 7 Eleven which is rare regardless of their omnipresence.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2016
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Golden Brew Apple Cider Vinegar Tonic Lemon Ginger Turmeric

Golden Brew Apple Cider Vinegar Tonic Lemon Ginger Turmeric

I was worried about this. Vinegar? As a drink? That's a strange one, right? Who drinks vinegar? I do, apparently. How is this vinegar, though? It's good. The turmeric and lemon and ginger are a great trio. Good burn and the vinegar is there but mild. I was worried that it would be like drinking straight vinegar or better/worse fruit flavored pickle juice. It was not. You could taste a little lemon but the turmeric and ginger was prominent and a flavorful team.

I think I have another one of these in the basement, where vinegar/pickling belongs. I no longer worry about what they will taste like and welcome with open, pickle loving arms, vinegar drinks. I say that now until I buy something like a Bragg's and it's going blow the lid off my mouth like that one time I thought it would be a good idea to take a shot of chicken marinade not knowing it was mostly vinegar and my eyes watered up like that time that I saw Homeward Bound for the first time.

Website
http://www.goldenbrewtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave Nectar
Categories
Iced Tea, Other/Weird
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 28th, 2016
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Ginger Shots Kiwi Ginger

Ginger Shots Kiwi Ginger

Holy burn.

I don't know who or what this is for but man this is hot. This is like, "this is going to hurt later" type hot. This is the hot that you are worried about when you eat Buffalo [slash] hot wings and then feel that "thing" in your stomach. I think ginger is supposed to make your stomach feel better so that might not happen. There is kiwi but it's so low in the mix that you can hardly tell it's there. Like a girl that dresses up for a party that like a thousand other people go to that it's just so congested she's wildly underappreciated. It's a little fruity, don't get me wrong, but I can't really tell that it was specifically kiwi.

You know what it is, though? Hot as balls, man. If this was a review for an eBay purchase, I would say "A+. Would drink again."

Website
http://gingershots.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Energy Drink, Ginger, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 21st, 2016
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Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Black Raspberry

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Black Raspberry

Ahh black raspberry. The most "goth" of all the fruits. No. That's not true. Blood orange could probably win in a quiz show involving nothing but questions about Jesus and Mary Chain and Bauhaus. I guess runner up would be black raspberry followed by black cherry. Cherry is too close to "cheery" which is not the epitome of goth.

This tastes light and bubbly. We won't tell anyone about that, though. It's nice. From drinking giant bottles of Polar seltzer all the time to a nice, smaller glass of this, it's refreshing to be able to have a different flavor. It smells nice and fruity and is just a good, simple drink. Both of the Cocteau Twins would be happy to drink this and unhappy about everything else.

Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 19th, 2016
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