Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Fruitopia Strawberry Passion Awareness

Fruitopia Strawberry Passion Awareness

Remember when you were a kid and you would drop something, like ice cream on the street, and the next day you would walk down that very street and there would be a seemingly infinite amount of ants on it? I feel like if you spilled some of this on the ground, ants would come from all corners of the earth. Anyone who has a dog knows that you could be anywhere in the house and if you as much as touch a receptacle with food in it, the dog is right there, faithfully by your feet. Fruitopia is like that to ants.

Doing my most careful attempt at not spilling any in fear that ants would inhabit my body as a home for themselves, I drank this perhaps faster than I needed to. It was good, though, so it wasn't like I had to choke it down. It was, quite literally, a strawberry juice with passion fruit in it. Not an inventive review, I know, but there are no clever branding techniques or misinterpreted messages. Strawberries and passion fruit: Done and done. Check and check.

I finished the can at night and did an attempt to take a picture on a building ledge but was unsatisfied so I left it in my car to take a picture of today with the fear that I would open my door and a frightening mass of ants would just fall out like the world's most awful prank.

Website
http://www.minute-maid.de/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar and/or Glucose Fructose
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 2nd, 2013
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Good 4U Endurance Tropical Citrus

Good 4U Endurance Tropical Citrus

The tropics must have been going through a storm when this drink was made. You know the type that I'm referring to, the kind that blows garbage all over your lawn. You always say you're going to cut down those hedges because all they do is collect garbage and take up your limited front yard but every time you go in the shed to get a saw, you remember that you don't want neighbor dogs defecating on your yard. Well that garbage filled yard is like what this drink taste like: a diet tropical garbage citrus storm.

Right off the bat the Stevia is bastardizing whatever is in this bottle so I cannot get a good read of any flavors without being rudely interrupted by your highness. There might be a mango or a pineapple in here but I wouldn't know because, much like Adam Levine's number one biggest and fattest fan pushing her way up to the front of the crowd, Stevia is shoving it's way all over your poor taste buds.

Sometimes you wonder why drinks are on sale and then you drink things like this and realize why. Questions and answers wrapped into one cheap, 473ml bottle of diet sweetener.

Website
http://www.gd4u.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Stevia
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 6th, 2013
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Buy Now
Good4U Tropical Citrus Endurance Sports Nutrition Drink (12/16oz)

Blu-Dot Protein Tea Cranberry Pomegranate Green Tea

Blu-Dot Protein Tea Cranberry Pomegranate Green Tea

Jay, generous man of the year, bought this for me. I drove to Toronto and he bought me an iced tea. What a man, right? When we are in Canada, we are on our game. We have to memorize everything we drink because once we get over the border our phone data is down. What? We're not millionaires and cannot afford to just tether eleven devices? No, sir or ma'am. We cannot do that. We Thirsty Dudes pinch pennies so when Jay spends two dollars and forty nine cents Canadian on a drink, that's awesome.

Protein drinks are rough. They are often thick and taste like you're trying to do something. Something functional. Something that should be subsidized with, you know, good old-fashioned exercise. This drink is different, though. Let's run through the flavor. Cranberry and pomegranate are two delicious but bitter buddies. When together in a lightly sweetened tea are a great team. The green tea is there but between the cranberry and the pomegranate, the bitterness of a green tea is easily thwarted.

I am happy to have the protein I probably didn't have in me prior inside of me. I figure I earned it since I did go through the whole trouble of drinking it. I like it, though. It tastes like a cranberry and pomegranate juice and then watering it down a bit. Sure, you're paying for a premium for an organic, all natural drink, but hey, you're worth it. Well, you're worth it if Jay decides you're worth it.

Website
http://bludotbeverages.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 16th, 2013
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Aquafina Plus Vitamins Pomegranate Cherry

Aquafina Plus Vitamins Pomegranate Cherry

All of a sudden, two flavors are spending a lot of time together. If I didn't know better, I would call it "cahoots." When I worked for the state one summer, I learned the word "cahoots." For those who don't know, it means "partners" but for the people I worked with, it means "people teaming up to take our jobs away." The people I worked with there were some of the laziest employees I have ever worked with in my life: long breaks, long lunches, minimal effort, complaining, and everything in between. I am lucky that work ethic didn't wear off on me.

On the positive side of cahoots, we have cherry and pomegranate. Two buddies both red in color teaming up to save the world. One pretty sweet, the other pretty bitter, but together they cancel each other out leaving us with a cop comedy that ended seemingly before it began. This is not too sweet or too anything really. It is almost a watered down juice, which I like more than a "properly mixed" juice. You can taste more cherry than pomegranate but they are both in there doing their thing. Fighting for the good city of Fruitburg against the bank robbers, jewel thieves, cat burglars, and unlicensed beach peddlers. They never stop selling those seashell necklaces no matter how many times the cops come. They never will. That's why the beat don't stop. Cherry and pomegranate are always on the beat.

Website
http://www.aquafina.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 17th, 2013
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SunPac Real Brewed Iced Tea

SunPac Real Brewed Iced Tea

Oh I'm such a dumb dummy. I see this iced tea on the shelf in Ontario, Canada, blur through the ingredients, see "sugar" and jump to conclusions. Yeah, whatever. It's one dollar Canadian which at the time of review is ninety-seven cents American. Who cares, right? Right.

Well as bad as it could have been, which it wasn't, I managed to drink eighty percent of it. I should shut up now but what review would be complete without an actual review. Sure, we love reviewing things poorly, but poorly is better than non-existent. It tastes thicker than I like my tea. Dare I say the word, "unnatural" because Mother Nature's liquids aren't this thick? Ugh. Chalk that up on the "gross" board. No, I'm leaving it in there. The tea taste is fine but it is the "wrong" sweet. Good tea taste but bad sweet.

Also, "pure tea solids" is an ingredient in this and it sounds almost as gross as "Mother Nature's Liquids."

Website
http://www.sunpac.ca/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar and/or Glucose Fructose
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 20th, 2013
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Canada Dry Black Cherry

Canada Dry Black Cherry

Canada Dry, makers of the top-secret model of a ginger ale, now makes regular pop. That's pretty great, right? Sure. They're going against the "big guys" and making pop. Do they do it well? Meh. Yeah, you heard me. I gave it a "shaky hand" review. Black cherry is a rough pop and it is a lot harder to have a great black cherry than it is, say, a cola. This has a bit of a numbing feeling behind it like you would get from a cough drop. Is it bad? No, not really, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Is that harsh? Possibly. Probably. Actually. It's sweet and tastes like an average pop. Nothing mind blowing here. Just a black cherry pop to sit around on the shelf until you meet a person that has either never had black cherry pop or someone who forgot what it tasted like. You're alright to let this one get dusty. Don't worry. Someone will drink it.

Website
http://www.canadadry.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 16th, 2013
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Tim Horton's Cappuccino English Toffee

Tim Horton's Cappuccino English Toffee

If bakers know one thing, it's that measurements count. "Heaping" is not a word that bakers use. "Heaping" is a work that cooks use. Learn how to measure, cooks. While making this drink, I was ordered by the Canadian Government that is Tim Horton's to use three "heaping" teaspoons to water. This drink is weak. Weak, son. Get that weak stuff out of here. I am not completely penalizing them because I could have just added more stuff but when I follow directions to their ranged rate, there is clearly room for error since "heaping" is a variable amount.

What does it taste like? It tastes like cappuccino that you might get from a gas station but not as good. Something about those crappy gas station blends are good. It's just that it's so much like an adult hot chocolate that it borders on just a mockery of coffee related drinks and pure, unadulterated garbage. As for the English Toffee, eh, I guess if you left a Heath bar in a crappy cup of cappuccino that it would taste a bit like this so that is a pass. This whole drink is a pass. If this were a graded class, it would be a C+. It would do better on a pass/fail scale where everyone is either one or the other with no quality, just pass or fail.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Mix/Concentrate
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 2nd, 2014
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Buy Now
Tim Hortons English Toffee Cappuccino Beverage Mix - Two 16oz Cans - Imported from Canada

Treehugger Organics Organic Blueberry, Lime, & Pomegranate

Treehugger Organics Organic Blueberry, Lime, & Pomegranate

I can tell you that I got this in Canada and I can tell you that Jay and I had a wonderful time eating sandwiches and talking about music and I think we might have seen Cheap Girls with Jay's lady friend but what I couldn't tell you is how long this drink would sit around and not get drank. Did it deserve its purgatory both in a box and on a shelf? No. It should have been drunk sooner because it was rather good. You know, for all intents and purposes, porpoises (?), no, it's purposes, it's just a fruit punch.

No one ever defined what fruit had to be in a fruit punch but here in America, we have really been, figuratively speaking I hope, crapping the bed. Yeah, you've got some cherries and some grapes. Maybe even a crossover blueberry and/or pear. What you don't have is pomegranate and why not? Sure they're a little expensive but there are so many little bits of joy in there that one could go a long way. This drink tastes like a pretty honest and good blend of both blueberry and pomegranate, which doesn’t happen too often, but when you don't have sugar, real or fake, mucking up the mix, you can actually taste ingredients. Novel idea, eh? The "eh" was an homage to Canada who produced this drink and allowed my to have an internationally good time with Jay, my dogg.

Website
http://www.treehuggerorganics.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 19th, 2014
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Urban Zen Green Tea Lemon

Urban Zen Green Tea Lemon

It's been many moons since I've seen this. I bought it and stored it. I didn't store it for a special moment like a taco party, hot dog extravaganza or anything like that. I just put it away and forgot about it. Sorry, guys. I'm nothing if I'm not honest. So let's carry on with the honesty, shall we?

How is this? It's pretty lemony. Lemonesque. Lemonique. It's a good, sweetened green tea but something about it gets a bit old. It's pretty strong in the lemon and it has real lemon so it's both bitter and sour. The more I drink it and analyzed it, the more appreciative I got but it didn't make the drink any better. The fact that it's sweetened with honey first and cane sugar second gets much respect, though. Credit where credit is due. This is fine. If you like your green tea strong and homemade, you might have found it.

Website
http://www.urbanzentea.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Honey
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 9th, 2014
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Zpirit Infuzion Spiced Pear & Vanilla

Zpirit Infuzion Spiced Pear & Vanilla

There are chunky drinks and then there is this. Take a good, hard look at that picture that I took. There are four, half inch chunks of pear in this drink. Cut up and thrown right in. It's a good drink, too. Very light. It tastes like somewhat spiced pear. The flavor of a pear isn't really prominent. As they said, it's an infusion. There is a nice, smooth vanilla taste. Since it's an infusion, the "spice" of the spiced pear isn't as strong as you might think. It's tough to accept that it's a spiced fruit drink that is restricted by the fact that it's an infusion rather than, say, and elixir. I do enjoy this even if I do despise pears. I would drink it again but given the opportunity, I would take the stronger one because this is only a teaser for what possibly could be.

Website
http://zpirit.com/
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 27th, 2015
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