Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Mountain Dew Holiday Brew

Mountain Dew Holiday Brew

The time is 9:03 AM. A half hour ago I drank Mountain Dew. If someone wants to drive me to an insane institution, I will happy enter myself into the system for a solid week. I could use it. This, friends, is a dumb product. It's Code Red with a "holiday blend." This tastes like a weaker Code Red. Maybe with more citrus. Nothing specifically "holiday" or "festive" about it, though. No cinnamon or nutmeg or bits of leaves or anything reminiscent of any sort of holiday flavors. What is the point of this? At least Pepsi Christmas or Holiday or Festive or whatever that is called has some sort of "holiday spice" to it. This is basically just Code Red "watered down" with 7-Up or something. Dumb. Way to go, America. You've been poisoned again by Mountain (Mitten) Dew.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 5th, 2017
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Cultivo Organic Cold Brew Coffee Chocolate Milk

Cultivo Organic Cold Brew Coffee Chocolate Milk

Yep. Here's another great one. When I drink coffee, it's cold and has chocolate in it. This checks all those boxes. It's pretty smooth because it's got half and half in there, too. I typically wouldn't put cream in my coffee but let me tell you this, if someone served this to me as-is while I was lying scantily clad on the lido deck of a cruise ship, I would say, thank you, and tip him an appropriate amount of money. I'm no monster. A tip is not a tip unless it meets the criteria of "enough." Having never worked in a tip-reliant industry unless you count playing in a band that is willing to but doesn't receive tips, I don't know what it's like to get a bad, good or great tip.

Here's a tip (segue) buy yourself some of this. It's smooth and still has a great coffee flavor even with the cream and chocolate. Be a little childish. You like coffee like you like your men? I don't know how to get out of this. I'm in a corner now. I'll stay here for a while. At least I have this coff...and it's gone.

Website
http://cultivo.coffee
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Certified Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 20th, 2017
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Zhivchic Pear

Zhivchic Pear

For a drink that expired six years ago from the Ukraine, this sexy pear drink wasn't too bad.

Website
http://zhivchik.ua/
Country
Ukraine
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 17th, 2017
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Ski Cherry

Ski Cherry

It's been a while since I've had some Ski. This tastes almost like a cherry limeade but without the "fancy" title. It has a decent cherry taste and then there is the mystery "citrus" flavor that twists it a little bit. I let a dude at work try it and he liked it so by all means that means that it can't be that bad.

There is not much to say. Honestly it's just a cherry pop. I wish I could make up a whimsical story about a dog saving a bird from a shark but I don't have it in me.

Website
http://www.myskisoda.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 16th, 2017
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Buy at SpecialtySodas.com

Gold Peak Coffee Drink Almond Toffee

Gold Peak Coffee Drink Almond Toffee

Woah. Talk about a dense drink. Have you ever considered a drink to be "dense." I feel that "thick" is boring. "Rich" is also quite used if you ask me. This drink is dense. Heavy. Dude who I let try it perfectly described it as a "non-dairy creamer." It's as if you were a college kid who had one for a split second, like you found $20 on the street and decided to shoot for the stars and buy some fancy coffee creamer, got home, realized that you should have spent it on coffee and have nothing to drink but the creamer itself.

I did add this to some cold brew coffee and it was good. This claims that it was "cold brew" and although I cannot argue as I wasn't in the room as this was being made, it kind of defeats the point when you are sacrilegiously adding almond and toffee juice to it. That's also coming from someone who can only drink coffee cold and with some form of chocolate or mocha flavoring like an idiot child. This is fine if you were a child but if you were a child you wouldn't like it because it's coffee and kids don't like coffee so who is this for? This is for people that add twelve sugars to their coffees as barely functioning adults.

Website
http://www.goldpeaktea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 23rd, 2017
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Sapp Birch Water Original

Sapp Birch Water Original

Birch beer is fantastic. Let's get this. Well this doesn't taste like birch beer. It doesn't smell like it. It doesn't taste like it. This is probably (zero research, friends) the birch equivalent of maple water but doesn't tastes like you strained it through some tasty flapjacks.

Brass tacks. This is water, bruh. It's water with a hint of something you will never know what it is. I promise. It tastes like nothing. It smells like nothing. I could have been had with this drink as far as I know. Is it bad? Well that depends. Are you one of those idiots that thinks water is gross? If so, come on, dude. Grow up. Juice is terrible for you. Learn a book you dummy. Juice is just a cheating way to get kids to drink more water. You're 32. Drink water and eat your vegetables.

Website
http://www.sapplife.co/
Country
Ukraine
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 19th, 2017
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Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

What in the hell is this? It's been a while since I've drank something this disgusting. This is 100% medicine. The Stevia, of which I am typically fine with is wildly overpowering and sticks with you for what feels like an eternity. The acai, of which I am not a huge fan of, tastes like a poorly under-mixed syrup concentrate. There is no ginger flavor regardless of it being the second ingredient. The sugar is nauseatingly sweet and overpowers and ruins just about everything. It's been a while for me friends, but this drink gets the lowest rating we give here at Thirsty Dudes. I wish I had a toothbrush.

Website
http://www.drinkbrooklynorganics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 16th, 2017
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Arizona Good Brew Unsweet Tea

Arizona  Good Brew Unsweet Tea

Shawn, what did you do to this iced tea? Did you pour me a glass of iced tea, drink half of my glass, look in the fridge, realize there was no more tea and then refill my glass with water? You didn't? This was purchased like this? This is how you bought this? Look me in my eyes and tell me that this was unaltered and went from bottle to glass. Really? Who made this? Arizona? The company that has historically made decent tea that we all grew up with? Really? Well, that disappoints me. I am disappointed. This actually sucks. Shawn, you let me down. Not as much as Arizona has but this blows and it's your fault. Do better.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2017
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Archer Farms Cold Brew Cinnamon

Archer Farms Cold Brew Cinnamon

Fall is upon us. What does that mean? Cinnamon. Ahh, cinnamon. Natures...cinnamon. I bought this because it was A: Cheap and B: Had a great selling line on the side which I will put here:

This creamy and sweet cinnamon cold brew coffee is big on taste with a warm, velvety texture.

So's I buy it, bring it in to work and have two dudes try it and the consensus is as follows: It's bad. Not even OK. It's not good. It tastes like someone made a passable cold brew and then dumped too much ground cinnamon in it, said to themselves, "Welp, no turning back now." put in one more pinch, and bottled it up.

The coffee is fine. I don't drink too much and what I do drink is cold brew and typically has some sort of disgusting chemical chocolate taste to it so I'm not one to judge but this coffee was light at best. The cinnamon was a ground cinnamon and not a candy cinnamon. After tasting it, though, I don't know which I would have preferred. Thumbs down, Archer Farms/Target. There's more to fall than cinnamon. There's more to you than bad cold brew. I feel like I just masochistically did "the cinnamon challenge" to myself. I feel like a moron.

Website
http://sites.target.com/site/en/supertarget/page.jsp?title=brands&brand=archerFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2017
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Arizona Good Brew Green Tea

Arizona  Good Brew Green Tea

What is happening outside?! It's the last week of September and it's in the upper 80's. I'm walking with some dudes from work, maybe or maybe not playing Pokemon Go and just sweating, bro. Sweating. Neck, all pits, belly button. Sweaty.

What better way to quench the sweaty mess you have become than some classic Arizona Green Tea? Oh, you made more money than you did as a 35 year old than you did when you were twenty? Spend the extra dollar and get the "Good Brew" iced tea. It's the same flavor with none of the corn syrup or preservatives that you remember. It has more of that green tea bitterness that you have been losing the past fifteen years by dropping the corn syrup so it tastes less like lies than before. Not insultingly bitter like your crappy aunt (by marriage) but bitter like you would expect a green tea to be.

You can't pick your family. They just come with you or with whomever you're with. You can pick your teas, though and this is a wise decision over the classic tallboy. As nostalgic as it might be, this is pretty unarguably better. Children might disagree but they're dumb. Someone had to say it.

Website
http://drinkarizona.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2017
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