Mike Literman (1766 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Tim Horton's Creamy Chocolate Chill

Tim Horton's Creamy Chocolate Chill

I'm pretty sure this is the same as the Frozen Hot Chocolate but I will pretend that drink doesn't exist so I can review this limited time, Toronto based drink that I found.

This is basically a totally chocolate Iced Capp. Where there is some vague and minimal amount of coffee included in those, this is straight chocolate, son. Chocolate whipped cream and chocolate drizzlin’s make this one Chocolageddon of a drink.

This drink isn't smooth, really. Not until you do all the work and blend the whippin’s with the base and get something that is pretty smooth. Take note, Tim. That should be how this is done.

While I spend time with my dumb family in Toronto, I will be sure not to look back at this decision I made. Was it bad? No. It was guiltily delicious. It's like that time you were sixteen and J.O.'d like nine times. It was great but not really something you're proud of.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 3rd, 2015
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Starbucks Sparkling Passion Tango Tea Pineapple

Starbucks Sparkling Passion Tango Tea Pineapple

Starbucks. Woah. You really nailed it with this thing. It's sparkling makes a huge difference. The pineapple kicks it up another notch because it gives it a little sting. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I love the Passion tea. It's got that licorice that makes me feel kind of funny. Like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class.

This drink rules and if I get back into "the States" and they don't have it, I'm going to be very disappointed. Please be waiting for me when I get home. Wear something sassy or sultry. Not both. One or the other.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea, Sparkling
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 3rd, 2015
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Jones Crushed Melon

Jones Crushed Melon

Fruity pop in my eyes usually has a place at outside hootenannies but in this case I might welcome it to my other activities because it's awesome. Seriously, it's really fruity but it's melon, man. Melon is a fruity fruit. America, you can't handle the fruitiness. You'd ruin it by putting in corn syrup or blending it with carrot juice. I'd love to give you the credit but let Canada have something. This was picked up by Editor Dan and I after an awesome night dilly-dallying around a 7-11. In two weeks, Jay and I are going back to see Tom Scharpling and Jon Wurster. Who knows what hijinks and activities will be had and what cool drinks we will uncover. It's been a while for us to go as a couple. Hopefully some bahn mi and delicious buns will be ingested.

Website
http://www.jonessoda.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Invert Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 12th, 2015
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Chubby Tutti Frutti

Chubby Tutti Frutti

This, I can say with almost 100% certainty, is low rent pop. It's got real sugar in it, but that doesn't save it at all. Maybe because it's fruit punch/tutti frutti is because it had the...tinge...to it, but it wasn't great. It just taste of lower quality. It has a very sweet, fruity smell, and it tastes sweet and fruity, too, but still...something is off.

Look, 3 for $1 is not meant to surprise and I am not surprised, but who knows. There are some gems out there and this is not one of them. Sorry Chubby and sorry to myself for taking advantage of the 3 for $1 deal. Congrats to you, the public, for getting to enjoy/endure two more reviews.

Website
http://www.chubbysd.com/chubby%20files/chubby.htm
Country
Caribbean
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 10th, 2010
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Chubby Cream Soda

Chubby Cream Soda

Absolutely gross. It smells like cream soda but tastes like cream soda soap. Gross. I shared half the 8.5 bottle and dumped the rest. Another waste of thirty-three cents. Can't wait for the finale....pineapple.

Website
http://www.chubbysd.com/chubby%20files/chubby.htm
Country
Caribbean
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 4th, 2010
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Cici Jelly Juice Strawberry

Cici Jelly Juice Strawberry

Woah jelly. Get it? Like "Woah Nelly," the debut album from Nelly Furtado. Get it? Hilarious. I'm hilarious. I also write all my own jokes. Ladies, seriously, I'm a gem.

This is a strange drink. Do I need to say that? It comes in a bag like a Capri Sun except with a pre-installed straw. Nice of Cici to do so. Thanks, Cici. This drink has nata de coco but it is more like an aloe vera than, say a
Mogu Mogu drink. It's also way less "stingy" than that but, in exchange, way more potent. Almost like a strawberry perfume. Something girls would wear in 4th grade to attract boys, even though 4th grades should spend more time on long division and less time on perfume and boys.

Alas, this is not a great drink. I'm no yuppie, but I find this drink uncivilized. Kids though? Kids would/should/do (probably) love this stuff. You can too for the ultra low price of around 70 cents. They have a lot of different flavors, too, and multipacks with a couple in it. This of them like juice-boxes, in bags, with chunks, built in straws, and less good.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10270133646
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Jelly, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 16th, 2010
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Cici Jelly Juice Lychee

Cici Jelly Juice Lychee

You know how you have a grandma? I love my gramma. She makes the best cookies. It's a shame they had to juice her to make this drink. As you know, I am foolin' 'round here. Lychee is a strange fruit to me. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I loathe it. It's a fruity, nutty flavor that is very strong. Combined with the nata de coco and the fact that this juice is in a pouch, it had to be done.

It is actually one of the better lychee drinks I've had and if you like lychee, you should try it. There are about 1,000,000 chunks per sip (cps) so if you aren't a fan or you don't think you can look past them, perhaps the Maaza lychee juice is more your speed. Think of this drink as a poorly pureed, homemade lychee juice.

Honestly, for $0.60, you can't really lose, and there are more that I will probably try in the upcoming months. As if it needs to be said, I got this at an Asian market.

Website
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10270133646
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Jelly, Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 18th, 2011
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Master Kong Green Tea

Master Kong Green Tea

Master. I obey you. I will attend to your every request. I will wait on you hand and food. Master, what do you mean that's not necessary? Of course it is. Your name is Master Kong, right. I'm not barking up the wrong tree. I saw the name with vinyl graphics on the door clearly state that your name was Master Kong. Since you're the only person in here and you're not cleaning up like some sort of maintenance man, I can only assume that you are Master Kong, my master.

I'm sorry, what? You're not my master? Did your parent's name you that? I've got to say, it's pretty rad. Can I get up off the floor? My knees are hurting from bowing to you for the last twenty minutes. Thanks, Master. Can I call you, Kong? Since you're not my master, I don't really feel right calling you Master any more. It's like someone called "Daddy" who I have to call by his name who isn't my daddy. It's strange.

I walked by something earlier and it said you were the Master of tea. That's a strong statement. You make tea? Can I try some? Thanks. Holy crap...you are indubitably the master of tea. This is delicious. It's sweet, a little bitter, and clearly sweetened with honey. It's so light that you can taste everything you put in here. You, sir, are a wonderful and worth of your name. I'll take a case of it, a big case. Oh, that's too big. I drive an Isetta.

Website
http://www.masterkong.com.cn
Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on July 8th, 2011
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Kowloon Vegetarian Plum

Kowloon Vegetarian Plum

There is an ex-construction, current architect in the office and I made him drink this. He was unsuspecting and this caught him off guard. Want to know why? It's completely disgusting. Reason I bring up his current and past job experience is that he described it as old oak. That man knows a thing or two about wood. Another dude here who is not an ex-construction or current architect described this to taste like a burning house. I'm drinking something that has everything to do with smoking and flames and wood. In China, this is what they drink. Now I don't know how frequently they are doing this, but come on. Who is really drinking this? It's complex as heck but there is no great payoff. If you had juice, burned a piece of wood in a bonfire, took that piece of wood out and marinated it in the juice and then drank the juice, that's what I am drinking.

Please. Someone. I know that people from China read this blog. I check the analytics and although it's not a great number, we do have traffic from China. Explain to me either here or via our contact form what is appealing to you about these plum/prune drinks. I can't wrap my head around it.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 26th, 2012
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Uni-President Starfruit (carambola)

Uni-President Starfruit (carambola)

Oh big man. Yeah. You're a big man with a juice box. Look at you. You look ridiculous. You driving a Harley Davidson motorcycle, have a giant beard, and have a full time job as a lumberjack is completely negated because you are drinking a juice box. Look, I'm a librarian and I'm standing up to you. I am five foot two and you are easily a foot and a half taller and I feel confident standing up to you.

What are you even drinking there? Starfruit juice? Man! What a sissy! Can you believe this dude? Oh, you want me to try it? Yeah, dude. I'll crush this thing. Juice. Who cares. All day I'll drink this. Oh...oh man...what is this? This isn't starfruit. It's like a fruit that you meant to put sugar on but didn't know which container had the sugar and which had the salt and you made a terrible mistake. This tastes like salty fruit. Like that acceptable amount of salt in a Gatorade blown way out of proportion. Ugh, and you're just drinking this stuff? You really are a big man. I'm sorry about those things that I said. Drink boxes are secret recepticles that hide mystery drinks. My hat off to you. You are truly a manly man.

Website
http://www.uni-president.com/
Country
China
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 19th, 2012
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