Mike Literman (1690 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Jay Street Coffee Hazelnut

Jay Street Coffee Hazelnut

Welp. For us so far, that's zero for three. I feel like Jay Street did not sign off on this and might have just let this slide out of the door. It's boring and chalky. I am not a connoisseur of coffee, let it be known, but if I gave this to someone who more avidly drinks coffee, I think they would agree. I enjoyed the initial two sips and then it was just like drinking the equivalent of watching paint dry. I'll leave it at that.

Website
http://www.jaystreetcoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 27th, 2015
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Jay Street Coffee Beverage, Extra Rich Hazelnut, 9.1 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Jay Street Coffee Caramel Macchiato

Jay Street Coffee Caramel Macchiato

A real conversation that I had with Jay:


Mike: I bought a Jay Street Coffee from Big Lots and it's made by Ito En. That's strange.
Jason: I reviewed on of them awhile back and it was kinda grozzzz.
Me: Welp, let's see if caramel macchiato is any better.
Jason: Here's to hoping!
Me: Too late. It's kind of grozz.
Jason: Bummer. I've eaten 6 soft pretzels so far today. I think that makes me invincible
Me: I think that's the recipe.
Jason: I will continue to ingest a steady stream of them

Real talk between two grown adults.

Yeah, it's gross, though. It tastes dusty. It tastes like the powdered condensed milk is still partially powdered and chalky. The flavor is...fine...at best. It's just so overwhelmed with that faux milk that it doesn't really taste like coffee. It doesn't taste awful but it does stick with you too long like that girl you date in high school that just can't take the hint that you're trying to break up with her. She'll get it, but you're not getting out easy.

Enjoy your pretzels, Jay. Enjoy your pretzels, everyone.

Website
http://www.jaystreetcoffee.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 23rd, 2015
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Jay Street Coffee Beverage, Extra Rich Caramel Macchiato, 9.1 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Ikea Saft Rabarber Rhubarb

Ikea Saft Rabarber Rhubarb

Sure this expired almost two years ago. Sure I am the one to drink it. I don't want to say that my standards are higher than Jay's, but I will say that I throw caution to the wind a little sooner when it comes to expiration dates. Also, what can go bad, right? It's just concentrated fruit juice.

Since this had sugar in it, I knew that I didn't have anything to worry about. Rhubarb is a bitter thing, man. This was well sweetened because it had an adequate amount of sugar and a minimal amount of that bitterness. It's actually pretty darn good. A four to one, water to concentrate makes it and then you're done. I thought it was a regular drink and then I saw there were directions and was honestly a little disappointed. Not in the fact that it was "more work" but just that I wanted to drink it and call it a day. Now I've got an eighty percent full container of mix that will probably go to waste since no one else will touch it because it's so old. Such is the life of a drink mix in the presence of people who care about expiration dates.

Website
http://www.ikea.com
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Juice, Mix/Concentrate
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 21st, 2015
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Polar Seltzer Tart Cherry & Lime

Polar Seltzer Tart Cherry & Lime

I love Polar. I should say that I have learned to love Polar. My mom has drunk it for years and for all of those years I thought it was gross. Since then, I have learned to love it. With the excess of sugar on my plate at any given time, it's so nice to calm down for once and just drink something with unaltered, unadulterated flavor.

This one falls a little flat for me, though. Normally the flavors are a bit bolder and cherry and lime is a wonderful combination but this was a bit too subtle for me. Subtle might be a secret way of saying "I wish the flavors were stronger" but I can't be sure. Since it's sugarless, flavor and carbonation is really all it has going for it and it was plenty carbonated. I don't want to say it was flavorless because it did taste like both lime and cherry but...more. I just want more. Now I sound like my girlfriend. More more more. Greed has become of me. I have become greed. Together we are one and our name is "more." Alas, it is my destiny. I must accumulate.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 19th, 2015
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Positive Energy Lemonade

Positive Energy Lemonade

A kid I work with doesn't really know what lemonade really tastes like. I don't know how. If you have made it to your twenties, you should know what lemonade tastes like. I asked if he wanted this. He declined. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I told him not to judge all lemonades by this "functional" lemonade. I'm not judging this based off lemonade but just saying that since this is not trying to be "just lemonade," it should not be reviewed as such.

So how is it? It's surprisingly good. Smooth. There is no bite. It's clearly lemonade but is smoother and doesn't have any of that natural sour bite that something derived from lemons would have. It splits sweet duty with Stevia so there is a little bit of that but way down in the mix like when you said your girlfriend could sing backups in your bands recording and you potted her way down in the mix where it's almost negligible whether she is there or not. Sure, she can tell her friends she's on the record and sure she'll get credits in the linear notes but she gave an "old fashioned" to the drummer so she can do whatever she wants because she sucks.

Website
http://www.drinkpositiveenergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Lemonade
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 8th, 2015
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Starbucks Sparkling Passion Tango Tea Pineapple

Starbucks Sparkling Passion Tango Tea Pineapple

Starbucks. Woah. You really nailed it with this thing. It's sparkling makes a huge difference. The pineapple kicks it up another notch because it gives it a little sting. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I love the Passion tea. It's got that licorice that makes me feel kind of funny. Like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class.

This drink rules and if I get back into "the States" and they don't have it, I'm going to be very disappointed. Please be waiting for me when I get home. Wear something sassy or sultry. Not both. One or the other.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Iced Tea, Sparkling
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 3rd, 2015
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Tim Horton's Creamy Chocolate Chill

Tim Horton's Creamy Chocolate Chill

I'm pretty sure this is the same as the Frozen Hot Chocolate but I will pretend that drink doesn't exist so I can review this limited time, Toronto based drink that I found.

This is basically a totally chocolate Iced Capp. Where there is some vague and minimal amount of coffee included in those, this is straight chocolate, son. Chocolate whipped cream and chocolate drizzlin’s make this one Chocolageddon of a drink.

This drink isn't smooth, really. Not until you do all the work and blend the whippin’s with the base and get something that is pretty smooth. Take note, Tim. That should be how this is done.

While I spend time with my dumb family in Toronto, I will be sure not to look back at this decision I made. Was it bad? No. It was guiltily delicious. It's like that time you were sixteen and J.O.'d like nine times. It was great but not really something you're proud of.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 3rd, 2015
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Tea Drift Metabolism Booster Lemon Mint

Tea Drift Metabolism Booster Lemon Mint

This is an entry-level tea for everyone. There is a light green tea, light melon, light lemon and light peppermint. It's subtle everything which makes for a pretty good tea. If some of these flavors were too intense, it would make it too definitive or too much of one particular type but since everything is one the same, low level, you're left with an even, well put together drink.

Sometimes I ice my tea. In this case, this is what I did. It makes for a great iced tea. I think that iced green tea allows the bitterness of green tea to shine through a little bit and that's what green tea should taste like. I think that if I drank it hot, the lemon might have shined through but I would have missed the melon a bit. I think I made the right decision and I think I found a tea that, if I had more of, would be a "go to" in these warm, end-of summer, days.

Website
http://www.teadrift.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Hot Tea, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 21st, 2015
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Salad Power + Pineapple

Salad Power + Pineapple

This smells terrible. It doesn't make sense because it tastes totally different. I hate to describe it to V8 but it's essentially a slightly sweeter V8. So why didn't I finish the carton? It got old. I don't know what makes V8 different. It could be the viscosity. This is thin. Almost like a more traditional juice. I have no idea short of them super juicing everything that comes through the front door about how they get it so thin. What's the advantage of that? Leave a little oomph in there, why don't you? The thinner the juice, the more waste you probably have. What are you doing with the waste, huh? Hopefully feeding it to turtles. Turtles love juice waste. I know this for a fact. I know that this an average drink that tastes better than it smells and that turtles love to eat the waste of juicing.

Website
http://www.drinksaladpower.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 18th, 2015
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Sanavi Sparkling Spring Water Strawberry

Sanavi Sparkling Spring Water Strawberry

I only like drinking the sparkliest of waters. The sharpest of waters. The fruitiness of waters. The...you get it. This has somehow been on my desk for like an hour and a half and it's still as sharp as ever. But is it good? Does sharp mean good? No but it's good regardless. It's got a great strawberry flavor matched to any Polar or general seltzer water. For what I'm assuming is a "small fry," it's a good accomplishment. You're in the ring with the big boys and you're holding your own. I don't think I've ever seen Rambo to do a just comparison to that.

If you're looking to be just cool enough that you want to, like us, bring something new to a party so you seem interesting to other people, bring this. It's new and those idiots haven't seen it and it makes you seem adventurous. That's how to get chicks. Chicks, man. Chicks.

Website
http://www.drinksanavi.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 15th, 2015
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Sanavi Sparkling Spring Water, Strawberry, 17 fl oz., 12 bottles
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