Mike Literman (1690 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

3 Dachshunds Root Beer

3 Dachshunds Root Beer

All root beer. It's been a while, friend. So long, in fact, that this root beer took a little turn into "potentially spoiled" territory. I can taste through it so I will be rating it as a non-spoiled bottle of grossness.

This is a fine root beer. If you like root beer, you will like this. If you love root beer, you will think this is "just another" root beer. This is a calmer version of a pretty generic root beer but the cane sugar makes it better because the taste doesn't linger. It's got a medium bite and it's not too dark and not too light. I don't think that this was made "from scratch" but probably from a concentrated syrup. Look, no judgement, it just tastes like it.

A dashshund bit my dog the first time I took her to the dog park so if I had three dashshunds around me, I think I'd be a bit skeptical. I'd probably be on the defense like they're going to attack. If I had three bottles of this root beer around me, two of them would go to waste.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Root Beer, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 29th, 2016
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365 Organic Mint Green Tea

365 Organic Mint Green Tea

We in Buffalo do not have a Whole Foods. It has something with us having a rival grocery store and fifty miles and something. Not too far out in Ontario, Canada there is one. Jay, Jay's old lady, and myself went there and did some damage. We bought a lot of things that you can only get at Whole Foods but nothing that you can get only at a Canadian Whole Foods. I think they stock what they stock regardless of country. This 365 seems like it's an "in house" brand. What does it taste like? A little like minty pool water if you ask my coworker, Dan. Do I agree? Mostly. It's a lightly sweetened green tea with little bite and a little, good amount of mint, but somewhere in that mix, it certainly does have a bit of a "minty plastic" taste. I drank the whole thing, so I must have gotten over it, but it was just "alright." Would I drink it again? Eh, probably not. I'm not really moved one way or the other with this guy. I thought it would be good, and it wasn't awful, but it might have stumped my taste buds into making a decision. That could be the worst rating of all; one that is just...there. It's like that cat that just appears when you try to leave for work and you would normally give it a cliché saucer of milk but you've got a big meeting with the Johnson firm today and you can't be late. Those eyes...dead inside, just staring at you. Where did that cat come from? It makes no noise but is just...there...being there.

Website
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 14th, 2012
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3D Multi Dimensional Beverage Blueberry

3D Multi Dimensional Beverage Blueberry

If it wasn't for stores like TJ Maxx or Marshalls, Jay and I might have not found ourselves loving drinks as much as we do. Some places just don't get some drink companies, and some do. It's unfortunate that every company can't be as widely distributed as Pepsi and Coke. I don't think that the TJX chain of stores cares, as long as they're getting large quantities of stuff cheap, and for that reason, neither do I. I got a four pack of this for $3. Yeah, less than one dollar (USD) per can. In addition, it's pretty good. Not too sweet, rightfully fruity and it actually does justice to blueberries everywhere. I like this because there are antioxidant properties, it's all natural, and they have other flavors.

What I thought was strange about this drink is that it didn't have a scent. I didn't care because it could have gone the other way and smelled grozz.

So, as I sit here writing this review while listening to Sneaker Pimps, I wish that I hadn't just brushed my teeth and that I could have another one. Maybe if I'm good today I'll have another one.

Website
http://www.revolutiontea.com/3D/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 11th, 2011
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5-Hour Energy Pomegranate

5-Hour Energy Pomegranate

Oooh man. Oooh no. Oooh jeez. I need it. I need it so bad. Oooh man. Ooooh God. Ooooh kill me. I need it. Ahhh. Dude, dude, dude, dude...do you have the stuff? You do? Oh, how much do I owe you? A dollar fifty? Oh, man. Hold on. Hey, other dude, do you have a quarter? No, it doesn't need to be a case quarter. Thanks. Here you go, dealer. A dollar fifty. Thanks, dude.

Finally, I've got it. I've needed this. What time is it? Two thirty? I should have had this a half hour ago. I'm feening so hard. Alright, I've got to go in the bathroom to take care of business. Alright, down the hatch. Oh, it smells good. It doesn't smell poisonous. It smells like Flintstone vitamins. Alright, once again, down the hatch. Wooooo! I feel like Ric Flair up in here. I hope no one heard me. That was very loud. It tastes like Flintstone vitamins. I was anticipating this to taste vile but I was wrong. Alright, I'm going to be juiced up for the last...one hour of work. What time is it?! Three thirty? I've been in here doing old wrestler impressions and getting myself juiced up on this energy shot for an hour? Man, I hope that I'm going to have enough energy to run out the door when they fire me.

Website
http://www.5hourenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Shot
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 7th, 2011
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7 Eleven 7 Select Essence of Chicken

7 Eleven 7 Select Essence of Chicken



For your viewing pleasure and enjoyment. I have drank and video'd my review for 7 Eleven's very own "Essence of Chicken." Watch the video and let me drink this for you.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Couldn't Read Ingredients
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 19th, 2011
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7 Eleven Mexican Hot Chocolate

7 Eleven Mexican Hot Chocolate

I am aware of the fact that this is a tremendously generic photo and there is nothing I can do about that short of take a picture of the dispenser I received the drink from. Taking that with a grain of salt, this drink is better than you would presume. It is slightly spicy like you would expect a Mexican Hot Chocolate. If you haven't had it, please find some. It is hot chocolate, which is delicious, mixed with some spices like cinnamon and some peppers so it's equal parts spicy and herby. Herby? Eh, I'll accept it.

Another little tidbit of information that you might like to know is that society and generosity is not dead. Why would drinking a Mexican hot cocoa mean that? It doesn't. What does is that I forgot my wallet and was about to dump this down the drain along with my limited amount of happiness but a woman at the counter saw me do "the pat" against my pants and knew what was up. She bought it for me and I was eternally grateful. Seriously, I do nice things for you people all the time and it rarely comes back. I don't ask for it, but I'm silently counting to myself and the chart points at me being a real super guy and you at being the equivalent of human garbage.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2014
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7 Eleven Go! Smart Honeybush Tea

7 Eleven Go! Smart Honeybush Tea

On a hot day, you should be drinking water. We in Western New York have been suffering drought-like conditions. It rains for a half hour and doesn't rain for two weeks. It's bad. Combined with 85+ degree days day after day, it's getting pretty tiring to go outside. On this hot day and on my way to band practice, I needed something. I drink water at my desk all day but I needed something and this hit the spot. I wish it was twice as large but you can't get everything you want.

It was very lightly sweetened and flavored. It was just a nice, cool lemon honey tea that was instantly refreshing. I wish I had one here. Two. One went down too quickly. It was low in calories, too. I think seventy for the bottle which was quite a bit healthier than the tallboy of Arizona that I wanted to feel nostalgic. I can feel nostalgic another time because now I've got a nice "go to" when I go to 7 Eleven which is rare regardless of their omnipresence.

Website
http://www.7-eleven.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 4th, 2016
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989 OnDemand Kiwi Strawberry

989 OnDemand Kiwi Strawberry

I have had these drinks where you turn the cap one way and magic comes out and then you turn it the other way and the cap comes off. I like them. They are fun. Until now the color of the dust that comes out is the color that you would expect. Strawberry drink? Red or pink dust. Lemon lime drink? Green dust. I turned this expecting a dust and was given a dark brown liquid. I'm not saying it was gross but it was unexpected. You know when you're at home and sometimes you turn on the water and the water is a little yellow and you have to let it run for a bit to clear itself out? It's like that except this won't poison you like old pipes might. The nice thing about the liquid is that you barely have to shake it. I know there are a couple Elaine Benes' out there that hate shaking things so I feel the need to point it out. Give it one quick jiggle and you're done for the rest of your life. The taste is a little different than I expected, though. If you sold this to me as an apple juice, I might say, this is a pretty fruity apple juice. It's the same color as apple juice and tastes a bit like apple juice. The more you drink it the more convinced you are that it is kiwi strawberry. It's hard to say if this tastes like "real" kiwis and strawberries or if it's something with the aftertaste of the Stevia leaving it with a bitterness that I actually like. This drink is a regular enigma. I like it. Keep it up, 989.


EDIT:
We got this note from the company, so that explains the color:
"I just want to explain the reasoning behind the coloring on Kiwi Strawberry. Out of all of our flavor, Kiwi Strawberry color changes the fastest. All of our coloring are ALL NATURAL and hence they do tend to change colors after some time. If you try any of the other flavor, you will see that their colors are much more vibrant."

Website
http://drink989.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Reb A
Categories
Diet, Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 19th, 2013
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989 OnDemand Pomegranate Blueberry

989 OnDemand Pomegranate Blueberry

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is an awesome design. The OnDemand system is a dual twist cap with a concentrated liquid, not a powder, in the cap. The first time I had one it all came out at once. Today when I drank this it was a more tranquil, slow drip that was almost therapeutic to watch. It lasted for a while and I could see it all spiral into the water.

I do not think that it was a good representation of pomegranate and/or blueberry. It's alright but I think it's a bit skewed by the Stevia. It's not bad and it's still fruity but something about it tastes artificial, like if all the crops in the world were destroyed and someone salted the earth so nothing could grow and someone artificially created all fruit flavors. Maybe not to that extreme, but you feel me. I like it a lot though. It's like a fruitier, strong apple juice.

If you are an alien and you're reading this, number one, congratulations on deciphering our language. I have heard it is very hard to learn. Secondly, please don't destroy our crops. I know from space we don't look like much but we make a fine ear of corn. Just take some of it. I'm sure someone would give you enough to last you a long time. We've also got quite a lot of seeds that you can use to grow your own environment permitting. I think that fast food could last in space and we have too much of that. Take that. I'm not going to look down on you if you eat a Whopper.

Website
http://drink989.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Reb A
Categories
Diet, Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 23rd, 2013
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989 OnDemand Lemon Lime

989 OnDemand Lemon Lime

Oh these drinks. I like 'em. I really do. They're different but this one I'm going to call their initial foray into this market because for the first time it tasted a little like crushed vitamins. Yes, this drink does in fact contain vitamins so it's not far from the imagination that it would but the previous flavors we reviewed do not have that taste. It doesn't make it undrinkable or even bad, but between the Reb A and the vitamins, it defiantly will turn some people off.

Because I am a great man and because we three Thirsty Dudes care about you, we can only draw such a picture with our carefully written words so I shot you a video of this drink in action to enjoy.



I don't want to hear any grief about it being in portrait versus landscape because we had a tight crop on a bottle, a portrait object by definition.

Back to the drink. It tasted like if you had a lemon lime juice and let a couple Flintstone vitamins marinate in it overnight and then drank it. As a kid I never hated the taste of them so this was fine to me. To Jay, disliker of lemon lime, he wouldn't drink this and it's no wonder why I had it and not him. I don't mind though. I hope they come out with a dozen more flavors so I can open up more of these bottles. Liquid good, people. Secret, liquid goods.

Website
http://drink989.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Reb A
Categories
Diet, Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on June 4th, 2013
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