Mike Literman (1706 reviews)

Mike loves new drinks. He's drank some gross stuff in his day, and this blog is making him drink even more against his will. That being said, he wouldn't trade it in for the world. He loves new beverages and is always, and always will be, on a quest for something new.

Southern Graviola Distribution Inc. Graviola Life Original

Southern Graviola Distribution Inc. Graviola Life Original

No thanks. The whole drinks packaging reeks of "As Seen On TV" sales tactics. With phrases like "World's most powerful heath drink" and "Low on sugar low on carbs" (no spaces or punctuation). I should have known. Not to mention, the website listed on the bottle is not correct. That rarely happens.

Let us continue...

From opening up the bottle, it gave me a plasticy, unnatural taste. The primary ingredient is a fruit called the "graviola" or known by its more common name "soursop". It does have a slightly sweet, milky smooth taste, but that strange aroma overpowers the taste and welcomes itself back into your senses.

Having heard nothing of graviola or soursop, I did ten seconds of research on Wikipedia, the worlds most reliable (sarcastic) source, and came across two items which interested me:

1. "Nutritionally, the fruit is high in carbohydrates" - After it had previously stated that it was low in carbs
2. "Research carried out in the Caribbean has suggested a connection between consumption of soursop and atypical forms of Parkinson's disease due to the very high concentration of annonacin." - Which just plain isn't good.

Sure, everything is good in moderation, but this just plain isn't good. Needless to say, the garbage found a 3/4 full bottle of this drink.

Website
http://www.graviolalifetea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 9th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Hansen's Smoothie Pineapple Coconut

Hansen's Smoothie Pineapple Coconut

Hey. You know when you throw up and then try to cover up the taste with old popcorn? You do? Then number 1; I'm sorry. Number 2; you don't need to drink this.

For a company that has the best pop I've ever drunk, this stuff belongs in the filth can.

Here's how it went down...
I drank it and liked it while it was in my mouth. As soon as I swallowed it, I got a strange barf taste and I thought it might be the metal from the can so I poured it into a glass. I took another drink and it was worse. Afterwards I felt sick because you always are reminded of throwing up when your mouth tastes like, or recently tasted like, up-chuck.

I made this site with my bare hands and I wish I had created a 0 rating because this would get it.

Hansen's, I am happy that I reviewed this drink before your Cherry Vanilla Creme pop because you can only go up from here.

Website
http://www.hansens.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Coconut, Smoothie
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 17th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Trader Joe's Watermelon Juice

Trader Joe's Watermelon Juice

This went bad. Really bad. Terribly bad. Did I still drink it? Yep-ahh. I'm a glutton for punishment. I'll give you the back-story:

My girlfriend went to Vegas. She only won $100 but with the proceeds, she went to Trader Joe's, a store we don't have where we are from, and bought a handful of stuff that you can't get here. One of those drinks being this watermelon juice. She then came home, gave it to me, and I brought it to work to review.

So here I am, thirsty. After all, I am a thirsty dude. I say to myself that I'm going to try this watermelon juice because, after all, I like watermelon. I open the cap, hand it to my friend Mike (pictured) and he tries it, and quickly shows a face of utter disgust. "It tastes like someone crushed the watermelons with rubber." he says handing the bottle to me. I smell it, and it's putrid. I taste it...equally putrid. It tasted like you ate two day old, thrown out watermelon.

Think like you are a homeless person and you go through the garbage on a Monday after a back yard barbecue held the previous Saturday. You find what looks like a perfectly good slice of watermelon, but lo and behold, it is not. Put that in a bottle and sell it and that's what you've got.

This was probably out of the fridge for too long during transport so I might re-rate this at a later date. If someone else has had this with better luck than myself, please tell me otherwise. If this is how it tastes, share this link with your friends so that they stop making garbage watermelon juice.

Website
http://www.traderjoes.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 27th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Foco Pennywort Drink

Foco Pennywort Drink

First of all, let me explain the rating. I would not drink this again. It was quite an adventure. I know nothing of whatever pennywort is, and still don't. The image on the front looks like it would have been a drink made out of cilantro, which might have been good. This was better than I had thought it was going to be. The taste was very present. It’s full sugar, full flavor, and full color. This was a dark drab green. I put it in a clear, plastic cup and I couldn't see my hand on the other side. I think if I had a glass half as wide I still wouldn't have been able to see it. The taste was just like a sweet tea that some jokester put grass clippings in. If you've even been bored, picked up some grass and put it in your mouth and chewed it, you would have a non-sweetened version of this.

I've had wheat grass and I guess it's a little bit like that, but at least wheat grass has a natural sweet and not an applied sweet. Does that make sense?

I save "1's" for drinks I simply can't finish and this is one of them. I don't feel the need to torture myself since I've got a fridge filled with other stuff. If I was trapped on an island and a case of this washed up on short, I'd drink it, but until then, I'll let someone else do it.

Website
http://www.thaiagri.com
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 28th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

DeDe Basil Seed with Honey

DeDe Basil Seed with Honey

First of all, look at the large image of this. The flavor tells it all. Basil seeds. This didn't taste like what you would think and all I can use to describe it is if you took a banana Laffy Taffy and rolled it around in birdseed for texture. You know what I hate? Banana Laffy Taffy. If anyone has a good gag reflex and loved banana Laffy Taffy, this could potentially be the drink for you. Otherwise I might advise you stay clear.

This trip to the Asian market is slowly ending up in a bust. I've got to go back, but I might be less adventurous next time.

Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Chunky, Other/Weird, Water
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 29th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

White Cow Dairy Anise

White Cow Dairy Anise

What to say...where to start...alright.

I've been looking for an anise flavored drink for a while. Pop, juice, water, it didn't matter. I never see it and I want it. I put the feelers out and almost instantly I get the feedback that right in my backyard (if my backyard was 5 city blocks) there is a guy who sells anise flavored yogurt drink. Awesome, right? Well here's where it gets fishy.

I go, “Dude's awesome!” He's got cherry and anise and turmeric, all weird stuff. I buy two, one being the anise. It's settled. After all, it's primarily yogurt whey and yogurt solids so it's bound to be good. I see the red on the bottom so it's as if he's powderized anise and put it in this drink.

I uncap it and take a sip and it's alarming. Yes, I get anise, but there is a follow up taste of just soured milk. I know that it's the unpasteurized yogurt but it's got a certain sting that makes me feel like I've done something wrong, like drink soured milk.

I really wanted to like this and I give this guy all the credit in the world for putting this product out as well as very good yogurt. All locally done. This drink is simply not for me but many of my friends like it. I feel like it's either you do or your don't. I don't.

Website
http://www.whitecowdairy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Yogurt
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 2nd, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

White Cow Dairy Tumeric

White Cow Dairy Tumeric

I will review this drink simply by copying the conversation with the most adorable ~3 year old girl I know:

Me: Do you want to try this? You might not like it.
Her: What is it?
Me: It's like a yogurt drink with Indian spices in it.
Her: Is it orange juice?
Me: No. Do you still want to try it?
Her: Yes, I'll try it. {sips}.
Me: Do you like it?
Her: No. What is it? It's not orange juice.
Me: It's a strange drink with turmeric in it, which is a spice they put in Indian food.
Her: Why is there Indian food in that drink?

Website
http://www.whitecowdairy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Yogurt
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on October 2nd, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Chubby Cream Soda

Chubby Cream Soda

Absolutely gross. It smells like cream soda but tastes like cream soda soap. Gross. I shared half the 8.5 bottle and dumped the rest. Another waste of thirty-three cents. Can't wait for the finale....pineapple.

Website
http://www.chubbysd.com/chubby%20files/chubby.htm
Country
Caribbean
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 4th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment

Genesis Boost Inner Boost Noni

Genesis Boost Inner Boost Noni

Ugh. Look. I just had the gnarliest food poisoning of my life. Worst. It destroyed me. Annihilated, I threw up so hard I fell out of bed. No, I'm not exaggerating. So what do I remember I have in my fridge? This Genesis Inner Boost drink, which is supposed to support detoxification and internal cleansing. What better thing to drink after getting internally crushed by bad seafood? Uh, well, I'll tell you. Anything. I could not like this drink any less. Yes, any less. Took two sips and couldn't touch the stuff. Number 1 ingredient, pear juice, 2; strawberry juice; 3, raspberry juice; 4, grape juice. All good, right? Yeah? Could it be #5, the dreaded Noni berry? I don't know. I'm not a large fan of pears, they are like crappy apples, but this didn't really taste like it. It didn't really taste like anything and smelled even worse.

This drink might be for someone and I'm not looking for something special, too fruity, too dry, too thick, too thin, whatever, I don't care. This seemed borderline undrinkable, like I could give it to 100 people and 100 people would say, "No, not for me." I'm clearly and evidently one in 100.

Website
http://www.genesisboost.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 13th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
Buy Now
Inner Boost with Noni for Detoxification 1 Bottle

Baron Jeera

Baron Jeera

Firstly this made my girlfriend gag and nearly throw up. Not a good start. Me personally, I didn't gag but from scent to taste it was not good. It has a familiar but unidentifiable taste. It was like a salty and sweet, spiced juice. I wish that I could be more descriptive and if anyone else can point me in the right direction please do. It was a complex flavor that I just couldn't do but is a regular drink in India and Pakistan.

I apologize to our Middle Eastern friends but I did not like this drink. I hope to redeem myself with some of the other drinks I have in my possession and Jay in his.

Country
India
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Other/Weird
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 28th, 2010
Comments
View and Leave A Comment
<< previous | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |