I anticipated a nightmare. I thought I would find myself in a pleasant juice dream that would lull me into complacency, and just when I least expected it things would turn to terror as the banana in this juice took hold. The strange thing is that it never did. I've found myself in the endless joy that is a dream that is even better than I ever could ever have expected. This tastes like an apple-lemon juice that has a bit of ginger spicing it up. I was shocked at the level of spice in here, not in a “oh man it burns” way, but in an Autumnal dessert sort of way. There are some other flavors floating around, but none of them really stand out, they just provide nourishment and subtle flavor. I had really expected this to taste like greens and coconut water that had been slightly sweetened by the apple juice, but things went the opposite way.

Purity Organic has done the unthinkable and added banana and celery to a juice, and have those flavors be indistinguishable. Seriously, banana puree is the second ingredient and I can't taste even a hint of the only terrible fruit in existence. Face your fears people and you may just be rewarded with some of the best juice you've ever tasted.

Hey Jason, remember when you started Thirsty Dudes and you were kind of a lazy slob? Your diet mainly consisted of veggie dogs/sausage wrapped in tortilla shells and you are stale Oreos constantly. Seriosuly dude, remember the ridiculous amounts of Twizzlers you would consume, and the dumb amounts of pop you drank? I know you were younger and had a better metabolism, but seriously what were you thinking? Oh yeah and remember when companies would send you protein drinks and you would just drink them whenever?

Four years isn't really a long time in the grand scheme of things, but a lot has gone on in that time. Look at how much your diet has improved. You've lost weight and you feel a lot better, don't you? On top of all of that you get excited when protein drinks show up, because you now use them for their intended purpose; drinking after a workout. That's right man, you of all people started going to the gym, and you stuck with it. I never thought you would.

Oh look, there's a package of protein drinks waiting in the mail for you. Oh wow, they aren't chocolate or vanilla flavored. It's nice to have variety. Cool, this has coconut water in it as well as protein to help you rehydrate after a workout. On top of that it actually tastes like a mixture of berries and pomegranate. It tastes like a decent juice that is a little thicker (without being chalky) due to the protein. Sure it tastes a tad diet because of the erythritol, but it's not too noticeable. Overall go Body did a great job with this. You wouldn't have felt weird drinking this four years ago, just sitting around your apartment reading. Oh wait you're actually going to read now after your work out, you never change do you? Seriously though, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself, now if you can just stop writing yourself letters in the form of drink reviews the world will be a better place.

Hey man, what the heck are you doing? You're making a huge mess. Yes I can see that you're cutting up a mango, but you're doing it all wrong. Do you realize how much fruit meat you're throwing out by cutting the skin off like that? That's at least ¼ of the fruit right in the filth bin, since you're a savage that doesn't compost. The secret is to use a potato peeler. It takes that skin right off, with minimal fruit loss. Then you cut up the rest of that little guy and enjoy away. Yeah, I know it's still a bit messy, but it's not nearly as bad. Hey, if you're just going to complain why are you even bothering? Just grab yourself a Chiquita Tropicals Mango juice. It tastes pretty similar to eating a fresh mango, and there is zero mess unless you're a slob who drools and dribbles it all over yourself. It's just water, mango, apple and lemon juice. Sure they are all from concentrate, but you wouldn't notice it by drinking it. It has a nice thick consistency and it tastes pretty darn fresh. True, there is a buttload of sugar in it, but it's all from fruit, so it's not absolutely horrible for you. Actually it's pretty darn healthy. When you go to the store, pick me up a couple of bottles as well, would you?

I didn't realize it until now, but Mountain Holler is the Save-A-Lot store brand, specifically their store brand version of Mountain Dew. This can was given to me by fellow soda enthusiast Dakota Floyd on my last trip down to Atlanta. We always appreciate it when people keep us in the loop of beverage we have not come across/reviewed.

Just looking at this can/name I instantly knew this was going to be their take on Code Red Mountain Dew. It isn't an exact clone of the original, but it is fairly close. The citrus base falls somewhere between a classic Mountain Dew and our long lost favorite (at least when I was in my late teens) Surge. It's as if someone mixed equal parts of those two sodas and then dumped some cherry syrup in for good measure. Perhaps it was too much of a good measure as it has a borderline cough syrup taste.

To be honest I might like this a bit more than Code Red, as it does have that slight Surge-ness to it, but I'm sure I would be called a blasphemer by those loyal to the Church of Dew. On a side note, my friend Tony stated that he can't' drive past a Save-A-Lot without singing it to the tune of “We Care A lot” by Faith No More. I'm right there with him, as I can also only assure are thousands of others.

Listen, Diet Pepsi is no longer your only option for "great tasting" drinks which clock in at zero calories. Now there are two options, the second of which is Crystal Light. That's right. All your favorite lemonades are now zero calories which will get you looking great and feeling great. Now you can drink until your heart is content because at zero calories, the only think you are going to have to worry about is the copious amount of trips to the bathroom. Oh, and spilling drinks. It's a matter of ratio. You can't drink forever and not spill something. That's why at kid's parties there is always one person that spills a drink. It's just their time.

How does Crystal Light taste? It tastes like non-offensive, non-threatening, entry-level lemonade. Chunkless, pulpless and lightly tart lemonade. Perfect for those hot summer days but nothing that is going to win you any awards.

Wait, I'm sorry. This just in, I'm not reviewing Crystal Light. I'm reviewing Crystal Light. I'm reviewing Nawgan's Lemonade. Welp. Could have fooled me.

There's no other way to put this, Organic Gemini's strawberry horchata tastes like I through some strawberries in a blender with a bit of non-dairy milk to make it more of a liquid consistency. It's even got some seeds in it, just like when I juice at home. I expected it to taste like a variation of Strawberry Quik, but it really just tastes like juiced fruit, which is the key to my heart. . It's by far my favorite of their line, and I'm glad they sent us some advance samples to try. I have nothing bad to say about something that tastes so natural.

I have no idea what is up with me lately. Up until recently I have never had a problem with falling asleep. For my entire life, any place or time, I could just lay down my head and in a few minutes I would be out in blissful sleep. Things started to change when energy drinks hit the scene. I don't drink coffee, so my caffeine intake is pretty low, so these drinks affect me a lot. If it's in the evening when I drink one, I can kiss sleep goodbye. I'm aware of this issue though, so I know how to control it. Recently though, sleep tends to avoid me for no good reason. There are times when I haven't had any caffeine, or other stimulants, my mind isn't racing and I'm not worried about anything; I just can't sleep. I don't understand it at all. I'll be watching a movie late at night, feeling like I'm about to nod off, so I'll go to bed and as soon as I lay down, BAM I'm awake. Luckily it's not a constant, just once or twice every couple of weeks, but it's still bloody annoying. It's for times like these that I like to keep a bottle of Mellow Mood in my fridge.

Now, as you can see from our older reviews these drinks will make you feel all warm and cozy, while your will to stay awake washes away. They aren't as strong as they originally were, but they still get the job done. It confuses me when I'm on a decent hike and I find a bottle deep in the woods. Who thought that would be a good idea? You're trekking through the woods and you decide, shit I need to sleep right now and then leave my trash behind. Scumbag idiots roam this planet.

There are a handful of flavors of Mellow Mood on the market these days, some are teas and some are sparkling. I am more a fan of the tea varieties. I mean who wants to drink bubbly water before sleep? (Yes I know this is just meant to relax you and not actually put you to sleep, but everyone I know who has drunk them falls asleep quickly.) Marley's has done a great job making functional beverages that actually taste delicious. This is very clearly raspberry tea mixed with lemonade and it tastes natural. Sure it's sweetened erythritol as well as cane sugar, but it doesn't taste very diet and the other functional ingredients are completely hidden from your taste buds. I would drink this even if it didn't help cure my ailments. I'm just lucky it serves other functions as well as tasting nice.

Oh turmeric. We meet again. Back about four years ago when we had under 200 reviews, I reviewed a turmeric drink that was putrid which you can read here. Since then, we have reviewed multiple turmeric drinks with multiple different results. This, from a company that has been very good to us in both their generosity and their quality of drinks, is not that drink I drank many moons ago. This is something different.

This drink is a wonderful blend of the ingredients stated in the flavor list which I will refresh here; orange, carrot, turmeric and mango. Everything aside from the turmeric is a pretty basic fruit juice but that turmeric brings a pretty fantastic, light burn that is not at all reminiscent of Indian food and just a flavor, and a good one at that. It's also more of a puree than it is a straightforward juice because there are bits and grits in there.

Some people in the office did not like this, which isn't surprising, but it is something new that if I could find around here, I would most defiantly buy again.

I feel like "bee pollen" is something you could be wildly allergic to. I'm no doctor but just the thought of people being deadly allergic to bees and annoyingly allergic pollen doesn't sound like something that is going to push a lot of product.

Since I am not allergic to either of the aforementioned allergens I dove headfirst into the world of bee pollen. Now I love honey. I love it. Horchata, namely this brand of horchata has been a bit iffy because of its watery nature. All the same, I took a small, beginners sip and it wasn't half bad. You can taste the honey first followed by the strange, bland taste of the horchata. Now before you hit "Send" on the angry email you are writing to me, listen. This is what it is. If you're going to have a dairy-free, gluten free drink primarily based on something that, I'm pretty sure, is supposed to be gluten-full, you're going to have to make some changes. The change they made was adding a pretty fantastic, albeit short lived, honey flavor. Fine. I get it. It's healthy and there are no additional sugars or anything fake in. Credit where credit is due, this is a honey flavored, strangely viscous drink. I know Jay and I sound like broken records when we're reviewing these products but when you base product leaves a bit to be desired, you're going to have similar results in the end. You can also chalk this up to any of the following:

• Different Strokes for different folks
• It's not for everyone
• Every rose has it's thorn
• A rabbi and a nun walk into a bar
• I want to say "Mason"

I have a stern warning for those of you who are looking for a weak, fake peach candy tasting beverage; this is not for you. Sure there is added sugar and a couple of other added juices to round it out, but this is very accurate on the flavor. It's like someone skinned a peach and let it soak for an hour or so in sugar water. That actually is a terrible comparison, because in theory that sounds horrible, but in reality it is ridiculously tasty. It just happens that's an accurate description. It tastes like overly sweet peaches, and I will not apologize for wanting to drink a whole mess of it.

Why am I drinking this? I have fine hair? How do I have such wonderful hair? Well for one, I hardly ever wash it. Call it gross but look at my hair. It's just fine. It's never thirsty and doesn't have any product in it ever. I am drinking this to review and if it gives me even better hair I shall pass the benefits off to you so that we all may have glorious locks day in and day out.

What do I think of how it tastes, though? Well let's see. With every sip I feel like I'm drinking something I shouldn't be. Sure, it's lemon lime but you can get lemon lime Pledge and that's not edible at all. This is right on the cusp of being called "syrupy" so to have it have a strange viscosity and taste a bit like a mix between a kids lemon lime Huggy and a floor cleaner, that's a dangerous place. A dangerous place much like lying in bed with me with the fear of getting your hands caught in my impending more glorious “do”.

This is some reverse science at work. You take the common and separate the pieces into something new. I always thought that if you removed lime from the lemon-lime soda equation the result would be carbonated lemonade. This experiment in Crush proved that my hypothesis was wrong. Instead of something that resembles a bubbly summer drink it ended up tasting more like Sprite gone wrong. No, I don't mean that it's bad. I mean that it's like a happy accident. It's as if the machinery that made Sprite misfired and the lime was never added. It has that “major brand” sugar water soda base flavor, that a lot of the little guys just don't capture, but it just doesn't taste like lemonade. The reason for that may be that it contains artificial lemon flavoring. I feel sorry that the Crush corporation is doing so poorly. I mean they must be floundering if they can't afford to use real lemons, you know the cheapest of all fruits.

Lemon Crush is its own thing that fits in perfectly with their other flavors. It's enjoyable in its own way and who can argue with a cool glass bottle like this? I really miss when companies had their own distinct bottle shapes.

I have this weird thing with “greens” juice. I feel like it should be drunk right when you get up or not at all. I'm not exactly sure where this thought process came from, but I've stuck with it. Perhaps it's just that “greens” juice taste like the healthiest thing that has ever been consumed and what better way to start your day than with a nice bottle of liquid health?

The downfall of these types of juices is that sneaky son of a gun, celery. It's perfectly fine when you are eating a stalk of it, but as soon as chunks of it are used in cooking the flavor becomes overpowering. Somehow when it's juiced in juice it becomes even stronger, even when it's raw. There is a bit of that rascal in this juice, but Evolution has a good job of keeping it at bay. There are actually 6.75 stalks of celery in this tiny bottle, so I can't believe it's not punching me directly in the taste buds. The defenders of good taste are apple, cucumber, spinach, romaine, kale, lime, lemon, parsley, wheat grass, and clover sprouts. With a combined effort they were able to fight back the tyrant that is celery and turn this juice into something truly enjoyable. Yes, it tastes like liquid vegetables because that is exactly what it is. That is not a bad thing, and the apple sweetens it up just enough to make It seem like a familiar form of juice.

Well, well, look what we've got here: Juice. You're nothing juice. You used to be all that but now you've just turned in to a zero percent juice abomination. You offer nothing to people other than a lie to those who cannot or do not read your labels. Now you just sit there and suck all day and night. What do you have to say for yourself?

You what? No. I don't believe it. You can't be made from both fruits and vegetables. That's gross. What do you mean you can't taste the carrots, beets, or potatoes? Are you lying again? You're not? Alright, hand yourself over. I'm drinking some of you. Just unscrew your hat and I'll take a little sip.

You know what, man? You are pretty right. I should add that I can taste a little strangeness just from there being something not of fruit descent but you can get a lot of cherry and a bit of limeade. I suppose that I owe you a bit of an apology since I ragged on you pretty hard before about not being the genuine article. Sorry, dude. Can I get another sip of you before you put your little cap hat on? How do you expect me to drink it? I'm not waiting for you to pee. I know that's how juice is made but to me, that's still gross.

Marc, I feel bad saying this, but you need to lay off the sugar man. I love coming over her to hang out all the time, and I appreciate that you go out of your way to make iced green tea for me, since you know that I don't like coffee, but man you really go overboard with the sweetener. I swear if I let my glass settle there would be at least a half inch of solid sugar at the bottom. Are you trying to give me the diabetes Marc?

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but for the past two weeks I've been sneaking in my own tea, dumping your sugar mess into a plant and refilling the cup from my bottle. I would have kept going on like this forever to save your feelings, but it seems your plant has died, so now I have that to feel bad about as well. Anyways, I understand if you don't want to make me tea anymore, I mean I don't want you to feel obligated, I'm a grown man, I can fend for myself when it comes to beverages, but just in case you do, give this a try. See how it's just slightly sweet? There is seriously just the smallest tad of sugar in here so that the sweetness doesn't overpower the quasi floral taste of the tea. Sure it's a little bitter, but that's what I like about it. It tastes real, like you brewed some nice loose leaf tea and put it in the fridge to cool with less than a teaspoon of sugar in the entire batch.

What's that, I shouldn't feel bad? You've been lying to be the whole time and you haven't been making the tea? You just buy jugs at the gas station and put it in a different container so that I would like you more? Marc that's just weird and completely unnecessary. I mean who really needs their host to buy specialty drinks when they provide their guests with obscene amounts of soft pretzels like you do? I mean I could do just fine with water, but if you really want to buy me green tea, since you obviously will never make it yourself, grab me some Third Street.

Mark, do you think that humans, as a species, can grow used to anything? I read an article awhile back proving that happiness was not based on what you own. They took a normal person, someone who had just won the lottery for an obscene amount of money, and someone who had just lost their legs in some horrific accident and of course immediately their levels of happiness were very different, but then after six month (I believe) they all expressed a very similar level of happiness. The point was to show that for better or worse humans adapt to their situations and for the most part life goes back to normal (happiness-wise). I'm sure that's not the case for everyone on the planet, but I found it interesting.

My whole point here is that could a new flavor be introduced into the world, that tasted completely unnatural and not pleasant, but after years of pushing it on people they grow to enjoy and actually crave it? I think the answer is an astounding yes and the proof is in Red Bull. Who on this planet actually enjoyed the flavor of that energy drink when it first hit the scene? I know that everyone I've questioned thought it was chemical garbage, yet most of them can be seen sipping on a can at least on some occasions. It's like the collective brain was telling us, this tastes gross, but the effects are worth it, and then our taste buds evolved around the flavor. I know evolution takes time, but “mental evolution” apparently takes less than 20 years.

So here her are an it's 2014 and people are guzzling Red Bull and it's contemporaries like it's no big deal to be consuming all of that junk that we would never consider putting into our bodies if they were separate components. What if years ago we had been given an option, Red Bull or these Hi Ball energy drinks? Who would have won out; the one that tastes like poison bubble gum or the one that tastes like ingredients actually found in nature? I'd like to think I would go natural, but who knows I was a damn fool back in those days. Sure there is no taurine in here, which may not give you the exact same boost, but that could just be mental. I've grown so accustomed to Red Bull that the flavor tastes normal to me now, and that's my point exactly. This should have been the wave of the future back then. It's a soda that is flavored with juice, so it really tastes like (a light) version of pomegranate and acai. It's sweetened with a mixture of cane sugar and stevia, so it's faintly diet, but nothing too terrible. Also, as is proof through the experiments I mentioned earlier, people's tastes would have acclimated to the stevia and it wouldn't be a problem at all. Maybe it would have led to stevia being more widely accepted as a sweetener. Overall it's light, slightly dry, but flavorful enough beverage that I think people would have latched onto. It's too bad the other guy burst onto the scene first and became a staple in our culture. Man, this just really makes me feel like humanity is doomed by our own hand at some point.

Without fail, low calorie aka diet drinks always sit in my “to-drink” pile the longest. By pile I mean three cupboards and a drawer in the fridge, but it's much more entertaining to think of is as a giant pile of drinks next to my desk with bottle precariously placed, so that everyone is in constant fear of it crushing me to death. People would probably insist that I start wearing a Medic Alert bracelet. Alas, I am far too organized and they are in cupboards, organized by drink type.

This has been sitting around for probably 8-9 months now. It's just been hanging around like an old ghost trying to frighten me into drinking it. Finally I gave into the fear and today was the day of ingestion. It's not as bad as I had anticipated. The use of actual juice in here probably helps. This is supposed to be a cranberry and raspberry juice, but it also contains apple, black carrot, black currants and a whole mess of vitamins. The result is a fruity beverage that tastes vaguely like berries, that also has a bit of a cranberry dryness to it, but doesn't really taste like the suggested flavors. There's some sucralose in there, but it's not bad enough to ruin the drink. It's also borderline creamy, which is odd. I mean it's not like there is milk in it or anything, but it has that certain smoothness to it. For a company that makes mediocre teas, it's no wonder that they also make mediocre juice/vitamin drinks.

If I had a doppelganger, I assume he would live eternally on the other side of the world so we can never meet. Whenever I go to Australia, he comes to the states. We can never and will never be in the same place at once. If I moved to Argentina, my doppelganger would live in China. Why do I mention myself? Well I drink copious amounts of unsweetened black tea. Copious. I wouldn't be surprised if I drink a gallon a week. My Chinese counterpart would be drinking unsweetened green tea, naturally.

If I would be stuck on an island, this wouldn't be a bad iced tea to have. It's bitter and tastes like a nice, solid green tea but is still refreshing. The bitterness of a green tea is something special. It pulls out some sweetness from somewhere (magic) that makes it all come together.

If I drink that much black tea and it makes me as happy as it does, I'd like to think that there is a happy kid on the other side of the world that is just as happy drinking green tea buy the quarter gallon.

It doesn't matter, but you should know that I did my "hole through the center of the world" research on this site which is pretty cool.

Are you anti Purity Organic? If so then you have voted against good taste. Not in a “Screw good taste let's go have a John Waters marathon” kind of way either. I mean your taste buds have apparently just rotted out of your mouth. Those little guys must have just shriveled up and fallen right off your tongue onto your dirty, upswept floor.

The regular line of Purity Organic juices range from the better side of decent to wonderful. With their new Superjuice line, they have gone above and beyond. It's no secret that juicing is all the rage these days, and most of that attention is spent on cold pressed juices. Purity has taken the ingredients and flavor combos that have come into vogue with cold pressed juices, and made the juice the old fashion way. While a combination of beets, apples, ginger and lemons is nothing shocking these days, a mere five years ago and it would have been turning people's heads. I'm going to tell you, cold pressed or not this juice blows my socks off. It has a nice thicker consistency, and all of the apple pulp hasn't been strained out. That makes me feel like I'm getting more from the juice, like I made it at home.

Oh top of everything else the flavor is dead center perfect. They got the balance right, when these flavors could have easily been falling off the balancing beam. Any one of these flavors could have taken the helm of this drink if the ratios weren't just quite right, but Purity Organic blended them all together perfectly. You can pick out each individual flavor if you think about it, but if you aren't concentrating they are just one exceptional new fruit flavor. Normally I like my ginger to have more of a burn to it, but the fact that it's more reserved in this beverage makes it perfect. I can only hope these start showing up on shelves in Buffalo as soon as possible.

Perhaps this company chose its name because they felt a certain kinship with the Marquis de Sade. The term sadism was derived from the Marquis name, and if you don't know it's when you receive pleasure from causing others pain. Now this drink doesn't exactly dole out pain, but there is something about its initial taste that is uncomfortable. The thing is that it is similar to the Super Berry version in that although it is uncomfortable, you learn to enjoy it. Thus the drinker becomes the masochist. I blame the combination of the lemon juice and the erythritol for the oddness of the beverage. It's bitter, dry and naturally diet tasting. It's like you're getting the taste of the erythritol/stevia, but not the sweetness. The mango ginger flavor should combat that, but the flavor that is there doesn't really taste of mango or ginger. Nothing about this drink tastes right, but for some reason the more I drink, the more I enjoy it. With each sip I feel like I'm punishing myself, but I can't stop, and I want more. I no longer even know how I feel about myself. This is a strange world that I live in.