Smoothie - 50 Reviews

Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn
I don't understand what just happened. Every sip was different and every sip was strange. It was sour in some sips and just an explosion of some sort of mystery fruit in others. There were also glitter sprinkle sparkles on top.

I don't know what the flavor was. Was it strawberry? I think I read mango somewhere but if I put one next to the other, it wouldn't have been whatever I tasted in this. I mean, is "cotton candy" a fruit? It tasted like cotton candy at some points. Who is this for? Within the ten minutes that I was there, they sold a rather copious amount of them so they're doing something right. It won't last long but if it was up to me, I would have drank a dozen of that illusive Polar Unicorn Kiss that I/we never got to try before I would drink another one of these. Was it bad? I cannot even answer that question. It truly was made of the barf of unicorns.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Other/Weird and Smoothie
Company
StarbucksWebsite@starbucks
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Author
Mike Literman on 4/19/17, 10:47 AM
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Sprout Rise Morning Smoothie Apple Cinnamon

Sprout Rise Morning Smoothie Apple Cinnamon
Do you know me? Do you know what kind of being I am? Do you know what I like? What I crave? Do you know of my love for smoothies? Do you know that I also have a love for all things “apple cinnamon” flavored? Did you know that I could survive happily on smoothies for longer than your average person? Most importantly, did you know that I am not a horse? To be more specific, did you know that I am not a horse who has lost all of its teeth and needs to be fed a special paste? I think that you must not have been aware of that fact, sprout. Otherwise I can't imagine why you would feed me this. This tastes like the bins of grain that were in my aunt's barn for the horses to consume smelled. (There is definitely something not proper about that sentence). It's like someone took a scoop of those grains, put them in a blender with some water and added an apple and a dash of cinnamon. The grain flavor is way stronger than anything else and it's so very thick. I thought this would be something that I would really enjoy, but the ratios are off, or it needs a little something else to make me not feel like a sick horse. Maybe change who you're marketing this towards? Actually, I think horses get put down before they get that far along. I don't know who this is for anymore.
Rating
πŸ₯ƒπŸ₯ƒπŸ₯ƒπŸ₯ƒπŸ₯ƒ
Categories
Smoothie
Company
SproutWebsite@SproutFoods
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 11/30/15, 10:08 AM
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Jubali Smoothie Carrot Cake

Jubali Smoothie Carrot Cake
Happy birthday to me. Well, actually since I'm over 21 and this is not a decade birthday for me it really is meaningless, but let's pretend it does for the sake of this review. You see this beverage is my birthday cake. I didn't have a real one, because you're 36th birthday doesn't mean a goddamn thing, so I'll substitute a carrot cake smoothie in for a physical solid cake.

This is more intense than any real cake that would be served to me anyway. This beverage is basically what would happen if you made a vegan carrot cake, and took out all of the gluten elements of it. What you have left is a very thick concoction of carrots, banana (luckily it was invisible in the flavor), cinnamon, ginger and almond milk. It tastes exactly like carrot cake with double the amount of normal spices. The ginger and cinnamon in here are really intense. I'm not kidding it's to an extent that it's a challenge to drink the whole bottle, but it's the kind of challenge that I like…€¦okay I'm about 2/3 through the bottle and it's getting hard to keep going with drinking this. It tastes exactly like it should, but man those spices are intense. This smoothie certainly isn't for everyone, but if you love this specific type of spice and carrot cake is a passion of yours, by all means dive right in. I'm sitting here powering on, just regretting that I didn't put a candle on this thing and blow it out like a dumb idiot.
Rating
πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›
Categories
Ginger, Juice and Smoothie
Company
JubaliWebsite
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 7/19/15, 7:31 PM
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McDonalds McCafe Green Apple

McDonalds McCafe Green Apple
Happy Birthday, Morrissey. For your birthday I bought you a green apple smoothie from McDonald's. Yeah, it's the same McDonald's. Yeah, they still serve hamburgers. You know they do, man. Why would you ask that? Oh, you won't drink it? I doubt there is any hamburger in it. It was a joke. Come on. Here. I'll taste it first.

It's good. You would think it would be like a green apple Jolly Rancher but it actually tastes like real apples. You eat apples, don't you? Yeah. I thought so. Look, I'm not disrespecting your beliefs. I've seen you in concert twice and sang along to Meat Is Murder while you showed graphic videos of the mistreatment of animals. They're really enough to make people in PETA sick, honestly. It's got no extra sourness so you can enjoy the taste buds in your mouth the way that they were intended to be used.

What do you say? Do you want this drink that I managed to keep cold from Buffalo to jolly old England where I then had to hire a private investigator to find your rather nice and modest home? No? Cool. I'll just leave this here on your front porch. Happy birthday, Morrissey.
Rating
πŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒ
Categories
Smoothie
Company
McDonaldsWebsite@McDonalds
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Author
Mike Literman on 5/22/15, 9:53 AM
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Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple

Tim Horton's Smoothie Orange Pineapple
Pineapple and orange together is like a personal trip to the tropics. The Greek yogurt was a good, but different pick. Sure, we now eat it for breakfast but mixed in with a smoothie, it's a little gritty. I can't really pinpoint it. It's not smooth like a regional yogurt. A Mediterranean yogurt makes it a little less smooth. I'm not complaining. I'm reviewing. It was also thinner than a traditional smoothie. It was closer to a Slurpee than a smoothie.

That might be one of the most general, reviews Thirsty Dudes have ever written.
Rating
πŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒ
Categories
Smoothie
Company
Tim Horton'sWebsite@TimHortonsNews
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Author
Mike Literman on 4/2/15, 10:17 AM
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Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Banana

Nuwi Quinoa Smoothie Banana
Number one: Eww. Banana. Number two: this isn't bad. Even with dumb banana hanging around it's not bad. Banana plays the supporting role in this drink while the rest of the heavy lifting is accomplished by quinoa. Normally I think that quinoa smells like urinal cakes so it's nice to see that it's doing something a little differently today.

This is a smoothie but it might not be for the faint of heart. It's slightly, oh so very slightly gritty. If you don't know that it's coming, you might be turned off but if you've ever drank a smoothie before, or if you aren't a gigantic wimp, you will be fine. You're not drinking sand here. It's a proper drink. It's thinner than, say, lassi but thick enough to have some element of substance. I don't feel it lingering around in my gums so it's not sticking. I suppose, if I had to give banana credit: it does taste like banana. Everything is natural in here and you shouldn't worry about anything tasting like it shouldn't. There are no candied bananas in here. All natural, mushed up bananas. Look, bananas suck but if you've got to eat them, drink them instead. This is not bad.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Smoothie
Company
NuwiWebsite@nuwiquinoa
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave
Author
Mike Literman on 1/21/15, 2:40 PM
Buy It
Amazon.com
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Bolthouse Farms Berry Boost

Bolthouse Farms Berry Boost
Is it just me, or is 61 really a random number of berries to include in this juice/smoothie? I can only assume that testing was done to discover that this was the ideal amount, but it sounds completely arbitrary. Perhaps they had planned on using a nice even number, such as 60, and an executive said something along the lines of “people want more for their money, throw a single extra berry into each bottle.” I suppose it doesn't matter the quantity, all that matters is that the combination of blackberries, elderberries, raspberries, boysenberries, strawberries and blueberries makes this a delicious drink that is true to its name. Sure it has a base of apple juice and has 1/3 of a gross banana in it for texture/consistency, but neither of those flavors stood a chance against the wave of 61 berries that washes over your taste buds with each sip.

I could be crazy and imagining it, but I believe if I concentrate while I drink it that I can make out the individual flavors of the types of berries used. Blackberry and raspberry are the most at the forefront, but I'm pretty sure I can make out the others swimming around in there. To me that is a sign of a good beverage. I like it when there aren't many ingredients and you can taste them all…€¦ well except banana I never want to taste banana again as long as I live.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
Bolthouse FarmsWebsite@BolthouseFarms
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 1/11/15, 4:42 PM
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Innocent Pure Fruit Smoothie Kiwis, Apples & Limes

Innocent Pure Fruit Smoothie Kiwis, Apples & Limes
Of course after I spend a week and a half in the UK, and only have one day in Germany to grab all the drinks I can, I end up getting a juice that is produced not far from our home base back in England. Eh, I do what I do and who are you to judge me? Oh the people who read this site and make it worth doing? Okay, I'll accept your judgment.

This juice sounded very interesting and it sounded like reality? Did I just blow your minds? Let me restate that, It tastes exactly like you would expect it to from the flavor. It's mostly apple juice, with a little bit of kiwi added for a nice pleasant taste. It's calming. It's relaxing and it's delicious. Then the lime sneaks up behind you and punches you square in the mouth. Suddenly it's a whole new adventure. The lime is so strong and authentic tasting that it took me by surprise. I quickly grew to love it and before I could take a breath the bottle was gone. This is simply fruit juice that is thick and smooth and I loved every second of it.
Rating
πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
InnocentWebsite@innocentdrinks
Country
United Kingdom
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 5/13/14, 10:19 PM
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Suja Essentials Berry Goodness

Suja Essentials Berry Goodness
Suja has expanded their line of beverages past the world of juice cleanses. While I appreciate the juice cleanse, I have to admit that for a lot of people it's probably a fad, especially with the hefty price tag attached to it. There are also more and more companies popping up who are providing that service and sooner or later that bubble us bound to burst to some extent. Maybe it will blow up and some little bubbles will be left over, but one thing is for certain and that is that the market cannot sustain all of these companies. I'm glad Suja is spreading their wings into other avenues of juice.

With their Essentials line Suja is offering quality juices at a lower price point. I went for the Berry Goodness this time around, well because I'm a sucker berries. There's not big reveal. I just love the things. This is a mixture of blueberries, strawberries and blackberries amongst other fruits. Unfortunately for me, but probably welcomed by most is that one of the main ingredients in here is banana puree. Even though I have a complete disdain for bananas I did not let them ruin this smoothie for me. This has a wonderful mixed berry flavor that tastes like someone mushed up the fruit in front of your eyes. There is a banana aftertaste, but if I can look past it, anyone can. One good thing about that devil fruit is that it thickens up the beverage nicely (along with crushed up chia seeds). The apple juice that is the base of the drink sweetens up tings nicely, and naturally.

Once you get to the bottom portion of the bottle there is tartness from the orange and lemon juice involved. I shook this thing up pretty darn well, but it still just sat at the bottom. It was an interesting turn of flavor, but I strangely enjoyed it.

This is cold pressed and highly enjoyable for less than half of the price of their original line. Grab a hold people and don't let go. It would be a shame to see this company go down with the “juice cleanse” ship.
Rating
πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
SujaWebsite@SujaJuice
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 5/13/14, 8:24 PM
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Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry
You get that itch that says, "You need something else, man. Get it." and you know what you have to do. Your body arises from its seat, which has held the weight of your body for too long and you begin walking, as if asleep out the door. You get to your destination having no recollection of how you got there and before you know it, you are ordering a smoothie from the window. You shake your head to wake yourself out of the haze you are in and you wake up with a pineapple and blueberry smoothie sitting in a "leather" chair next to a "fire" inside of a fine new establishment filled with employees who want to be anywhere but there and patrons that want to be anywhere but home. As you take your first sip you realize that everything is fine and fades away like smoke from a freshly blown out candle. This is a cold, fruity smoothie that your body craved and didn't give you the opportunity to deny. The blueberry pokes his head out more than the shy pineapple even though it would have been better the other way around. The mix itself is thick and cold and comes out almost tubular through the straw until it melts on your tongue. The seeds and grit and grime of the natural fruit add to the pleasing texture of the drink.

As you take your final sips, the outside world comes into focus and you realize that no more than fifteen minutes have passed and you are a block from work. You just needed a break from the monotony of making other people money. You earned it. Now you have to get back to work.
Rating
πŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒπŸ§ƒ
Categories
Smoothie
Company
Cold StoneWebsite@coldstone
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Author
Mike Literman on 4/15/14, 4:04 PM
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B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana
Bananas. Jay and I abhor bananas. We cannot let it sway our vote but if we could it would be more 1's like you would find in a single's speed dating convention. Because we are professionals we cannot judge based on our hatred for the fruit. Let it be known, though, for the record, we hate bananas. Now off to the races and off to the review.

This will not stop being tangy. It's sharp and tangy. I suppose you'll get that with a yogurt smoothie drink. Yogurt is not really tangy but remember the first time you had Greek yogurt and you were like, "Man, did I just drink mini razors? This is sharp." and then you eat more of it and you say, "Oh, that's not too bad. Maybe I do like Greek yogurt." This is like that first taste of Greek yogurt again and again. It's a bit distracting if I can be honest which is what you're paying me for. The fruit flavor is shared pretty evenly. Good mango taste and, if you like banana, this tastes like bananas. You know what else? It tastes like someone crushed up Smarties and spiked this drink. Maybe that's where the tang and/or zip is coming from.

We've had a lot of fun here today, haven't we? We've learned about the cons of speed dating, how I hate bananas, and the review which you came to read. You know what? I'll expect my check in the mail.
Rating
πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›
Categories
Smoothie
Company
B'more OrganicWebsite@BmoreOrganic
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Author
Mike Literman on 4/10/14, 10:48 AM
Buy It
Amazon.com
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Love Grace Chocolate Superfood

Love Grace Chocolate Superfood
Dear Love Grace,
I am sorry, but this is completely vile. It's not just my hunger or my hatred of bananas either. I actually don't even think this tastes much like banana. I made my girlfriend try it as well, as she loves fancy juices and bananas. She said it was one of the worst things she's ever tasted and it reminded her of vomit.

One might think that a mixture of banana, goji berry, cacao, maca, vanilla bean, dates, coconut oil, flax seed and Himalayan sea salt might be tasty. One would most definitely be wrong. Cacao in its pure form and fruit is always a bad idea. The bitter and the sweet just never mix right. I've had goji berries and dark chocolate together before and I thought that was gross with 70% chocolate. This is nearly unbearable.

It's also so damn thick that it wouldn't pour out of the bottle. I had to shake it into my mouth. Once I made room in the bottle I added a bit of water to thin it out so I could chug it. I needed that flavor in my mouth for a short of time as possible, while still getting the nourishment. I instantly drank a glass of water to wash it all away. Unfortunately for the next 15 minutes I kept burping it back up. Ugh. This was enough to make me never want to do a cleanse that involved it again.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
Love GraceWebsite@LoveGraceFoods
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 3/12/14, 7:44 PM
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Love Grace Green Protein

Love Grace Green Protein
I'm now a day and a half into this juice cleanse and I shockingly feel fine energy-wise. By this point I really expected to just be curled up on the couch, miserable and not wanting to do anything. Instead I went for a couple hour walk to enjoy the brief stint of nice weather we're having. I have been experiencing some on and off again headaches, but apparently that is normal. It is getting to the time of day when I eat dinner, and I can feel that in my stomach. Luckily it's time for my protein smoothie of the day. Unlucky for me that smoothie contains banana, flax seed, kale, dates, spirulina, hempseed, chia seed, coconut oil, lemon, Himalayan sea salt and wheatgrass powder.

Now I eat a lot of kale in my day-to-day life and I love wheatgrass, but everything else in here are ingredients that I don't really have a taste for. I expected this to be all banana, but it's pretty bland and the majority of the flavor seems to come from the various seeds involved and the lemon. The banana is there more in scent than taste. It's also super, super thick, almost to the level that I feel like I should eat it with a spoon. It's thicker than applesauce, which I tend to drink for the record.

I got no pleasure from the taste of this smoothie, but I finished the whole bottle for the sake of my health and this cleanse. I would never in a million years drink this outside of a cleanse, but it's not really something that you would come across in day-to-day life. Besides that healthy doesn't always means it tastes good and sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Also note that our rating on Thirsty Dudes is based on flavor and not functionality. It's gets two for flavor, but it would get a five for health.

To this drinks benefit it definitely curbed my hunger a bit and for that I am grateful.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
Love GraceWebsite@LoveGraceFoods
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 3/11/14, 6:18 PM
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Love Grace Probiotic Smoothie

Love Grace Probiotic Smoothie
Bananas very well may be the bane of my existence. I don't understand how anyone gets even a smidge of enjoyment out of them. The flavor is gross, and the texture might be worse. When I opened my box of juices and saw this I knew I was in for an unpleasant experience. With banana, flaxseed, almond, lemon, dates, vegan probiotic, Himalayan sea salt and coconut oil all mixed up there was zero chance that I was going to enjoy this. As a result I decided I should get it out of the way on the first day, so that when I've reached my full “hangry” potential, at least the drink that is helping to fill me up won't be disgusting to me.

Was it gross? You betcha. I thought bananas were gross on their own, but mixed with lemon it's even worse. That being said, my ladyfriend who is a fan of the yellow devil forced me to give her a sip and absolutely loved it. I will not hold my banana prejudice against this smoothie. I'm going to assume that most people would think this was probably the best out of the bunch, so keep that in mind and ignore my complaints because they are all founded in my hatred of a fruit that goes from green to yellow to brown to black.

Besides the banana and the lemon mixing weirdly, this is somewhat salty, which I find weird in a juice, but I think with the proper fruits I could really enjoy. The rest of the ingredients kind of mix together to try and balance out the banana flavor a bit.

This is indeed a smoothie as it is pretty thick, which was unfortunate because it made it hard to chug the bottle just to get it over with. One good thing I will say about this juice is that I was getting to a point where I was beginning to get annoyed due to hunger. You know when you're hanging out with friends and you're all starving, but you can't agree where to eat, so hours pass and you just want to punch them in their collective throats for being indecisive, but then realize that you're also being indecisive so you then want to punch yourself. I was getting to the beginning stages of that point, and this get me through it without snapping at anyone.
Rating
πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
Love GraceWebsite@LoveGraceFoods
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 3/10/14, 7:54 PM
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Orange
Orange and gross. If you speed drink this, it might taste good. It does have a good initial orange juice taste but as soon as the orange goes down your gullet, it is promptly shoved, quite rudely out of the way, by a bitter taste. Do not for a split second think that this cacao has anything to do with chocolate because if it tasted like one of those fantastic orange chocolate balls, I would order a case of this. That is absolutely not the case and is actually the polar opposite.

You end up racing against that nondescript putrid taste by drinking and it's just an endless race. I checked the expiration date multiple times because I thought it had gone bad. Why wouldn't you just buy orange juice? That's all you want out of this drink is for it to taste like orange juice. The other stuff you can leave behind regardless of its healthy goodness. Eat a salad. Leave this on the shelf.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Smoothie
Company
SuavvaWebsite@Suavva
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Mike Literman on 8/20/13, 11:23 AM
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Naked Acai Machine

Naked Acai Machine
Is it possible the Naked is trying to usher in a new industrial age? They have too many drinks with the word machine in their names for it to be a coincidence. Oh I get it, the owner of the company is a Steampunk of sorts, or should I call him a “Juicepunk?” That's right the CEO of Naked has a vision of a world where everyone dresses like they did during the first Industrial Revolution, except all of the contraptions and machines will be powered by juice. It seems a bit excessive to me, also not very cost effective. I mean steam is at least basically free.

In this utopian future there will be different grades of juices for different qualities of power, hence the different flavors/names of his current juice line. Since acai is known as a superfruit, I can only assume that this is the premium line. This is the kind of juice that will power your new flying Model T cars, not your dumb low class floating K cars.

Since the technology has yet to be created to allow us to power machines with juice, I will simply drink this right on up. I mean stockpiling it is pointless, as it would just spoil, and you certainly don't want to pour spoiled juice into your engine, or it will get all sorts of junked up. Acai is known as being a pretty intense fruit. It has a very specific taste that a lot of people dislike. It's almost like when a friend in high school bought a bottle of Hawiian Punch and started to chug it before he realized it was a concentrate. Naked has taken the power of the acai and mixed it with other fruits to mellow it out a bit. The result is a juice that still has a little tartness from the 178 acai berries involved, but overall everyone could enjoy this. It's a bit on the thick side, but I enjoy it that way. I mean it's billed as a smoothie, and that is how those beverages should be.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
NakedWebsite@Naked_Juice
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 7/3/13, 12:01 PM
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McDonalds McCafe Blueberry Pomegranate

McDonalds McCafe Blueberry Pomegranate
What a garbage twenty-four hours. Last night, as many of you in the Northeast found out, it rained like nobody's business. It flooded the living daylights out of my basement promptly and I was bailing and checking the sump pump every thirty seconds to see if it was going to be a two-fer type of night. Later that night and into the early morning was a monsoon that woke me up multiple times. I had to go out and re-cover my motorcycle in my backyard at four in the morning. Lucky for me, my dog decided to help out. Moral support pup. This morning I was just beat and everyone was an awful driver and so on and so forth.

I needed to "do me" so I went and got one of these smoothies that look so good in both commercials and billboards. I made a good decision. This tastes wonderful and was a great thickness and consistency. It was perfectly fruity and actually tasted like pomegranates and blueberries. A novel idea, I know, but after reading the ingredients, it's all pretty natural which I commend McD's for.

This day has just begun and already blows but, like in the commercials, all was fine when I was drinking this smoothie. Now I've just got metal in my ear calming my nerves. I know it doesn't make sense. Neither does a thirty one year old listening to metal. Pick your battles, people.
Rating
πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›πŸ₯›
Categories
Smoothie
Company
McDonaldsWebsite@McDonalds
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 5/29/13, 12:13 PM
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango
We here at Thirsty Dudes have not been too stroked on the Suavva line. In fact both of the other flavors we have reviewed have gotten the lowest rating possible. As is to be expected, I have been very hesitant to try this third flavor, and it's been staring at me every time I open my fridge for the past month or so. Sometimes you need to just buckle down and power through an experience, and that is what I had prepared myself for today. I expected to make it 2-3 sips into this bottle, but to my surprise it actually tastes decent.

I guess cacao just needs a strong fruity flavor to combat its strong superfruit taste. I find it odd that most superfruits taste kind of similar. It's like they all use acai as a weird mutated grape tasting base. Due to that it's no surprise that this reminds me of mango and acai mixed, with a little something extra in there. Luckily that something extra is not the paint smell/taste that mike mentioned in his review of the original variety. The mango flavor takes center stage in this, and I am grateful because that means I will be able to make it through the entire bottle and gain the benefits of the antioxidants from the cacao.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Smoothie
Company
SuavvaWebsite@Suavva
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/18/13, 12:45 PM
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Naked Blue Machine

Naked Blue Machine
Did you ever wonder why Gargamel was always trying to get at the Smurfs? Some theories are that he wanted to turn them into gold, he thought they would be a delicious treat or that he just hated them and wanted to destroy them. Truth is that good ole Gargy just needed their blood to power his doomsday machine. He was actually quite upset about their eventual destruction. He spent many a late nights sitting up with Azrael, crying about how such innocent creatures needed to die just so he could completely destroy the rest of the human race. You see at school everyone picked on him for being bald and ugly. Oh, you didn't know that Gargamel was actually a high school student? Well he was. The entire Smurf world was really just a school shooting about to happen. It was sad really to see a boy so confused.

Eventually Gargy grew up and started a Fortune 500 company. He invested a lot and created this juice in homage to the creatures he once thought he had to destroy. All proceeds go to Smurfs all around the world. It's like reparations: reparations that are a mixture of blueberries, blackberries, apples and a banana. It mostly just tastes like blueberries though with some other flavors around the edges. Gargamel tried to list them as Smurfberries on the label, but the FDA wouldn't hear a word of it. If he had just reversed the percentages of blackberries to blueberries this would perhaps be the world's finest drink, but alas he did not and what we are left with is still delicious.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Juice and Smoothie
Company
NakedWebsite@Naked_Juice
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 4/18/13, 12:25 PM
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Chocolate

Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Chocolate
Mike gave the original version of this beverage a less than stellar review. The one line of his review that stuck with me, and also made me fear drinking the other flavors was, “It also smells like paint.” Nothing could make me want to taste something less than the smell of paint. Lucky for me when I finally gathered the courage to try this, the scent of paint was nowhere near my nostrils. They were only filled with the rich smell of chocolate.

Actually, maybe I wasn't so lucky that the paint smell wasn't there. Had it been I would have been more prepared for the way this tasted. I have never had cacao juice before, but I never would have expected it to taste like this. I mean it's the base of chocolate for crying out loud. This tastes like it's bitter, bitter dark chocolate mixed with acai or some such harsh fruit. It's sweet, but in all the wrong ways. I wanted to like this because it has a lot of health benefits and I love chocolate, especially dark chocolate. I couldn't bring myself to get further into this than three sips. I was hoping it would get better if I drank more, but nope it was still grosser than gross.
Rating
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Categories
Smoothie
Company
SuavvaWebsite@Suavva
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave Nectar
Author
Jason Draper on 4/16/13, 3:49 PM
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