Gatorade - 25 Reviews

Gatorade Flow Smooth Finish Watermelon Mist

Gatorade Flow Smooth Finish Watermelon Mist
Get the hell out of the way! The new, limited edition Gatorade's are here! What? What do you mean they're nothing special? What do you mean they just taste like regular Gatorade? What do you mean my fly is down? Man, why am I running then? When they say "Limited Edition" I feel the urgency in my bones and have to get it before it's too late. I guess they wouldn't take it away in less than a day so we can walk together. I'll buy you one.

So what do you think? Here's what I think and I'm not happy to say so. It just tastes like the same old Gatorade that's always existed. If they call it "Flow Smooth Finish," which is perhaps the most difficult phrase I've ever said, I might give them the benefit of the doubt and say that it might be smoother. Was I asking for a smoother Gatorade? No, but I suppose that it's always welcome. Why wouldn't you want the smoothest possible drink? Seems luxurious. As far as flavor goes, I know what a watermelon tastes like and this tastes like a candy watermelon just not as sweet. Maybe it falls between difference between a real watermelon and a fake watermelon. It's not bad and I am having no problem crushing this whole bottle.

When it's gone, it's gone. By the time it leaves, I'm sure there will be several other limited edition Gatorade's that come and go. It's not like they're hard to find. They sell them everywhere. We will watch the tides of Gatorade change like the seasons. Like toxic, watermelon and fruit punch flavored waves which shall bring upon the inevitable death of all mankind and organic life.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 3/20/18, 8:43 AM
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Gatorade Frost Arctic Blitz

Gatorade Frost Arctic Blitz
I seemingly only drink Gatorade when I'm sick. Everyone except me is getting over a gnarly case of the 2016 GI bug. If it hasn't gotten you, it's gotten someone you know and it's a real sonofabitch. I'm just suffering from massive fatigue which is miles better than what everyone else has dealt with.

What does this taste like, though? I don't know. Mystery fruit? Does any Gatorade taste like anything? There might be some arbitrary melon in there but as far as anything I can pinpoint? Nope. "Fruit flavored" and that's as far and as much as I can do. Is it bad? Nope. It's not the best Gatorade I've ever had but it's far from the worst. This went down smooth and I'd like to think it gave me what plants crave, electrolytes. My body is fighting whatever atrocious virus the Western New York region is currently plagued with and I need whatever help I can get. Soup and Gatorade. Help!
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 12/21/16, 2:05 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Low Calorie Citrus Mango

Gatorade Perform 02 Low Calorie Citrus Mango
I know that Gatorade is meant to be consumed after some sort of physical activity in order to quench your thirst and replace lost electrolytes, but I'd also like to think that the person doing the drinking had burned off enough calories during said activity to counteract the sugar in the drink. These low calorie versions of theirs are borderline undrinkable. The thing that confuses me is that it's not that they taste diet, they just taste gross. This is sweetened with erythritol and Reb A as well as some sucrose. Normally a match up like that is the best you can get with zero calorie sweeteners, but it just tastes wrong here. I blame one of the other ingredients, because it has an aftertaste like I've never experienced. The initial taste is a general citrus flavor that's a tad diet, but that aftertaste just taste the drink on a weird turn and all of the passengers are thrown from the vehicle. It's just ghastly.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Diet and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 6/27/14, 4:39 PM
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Gatorade Frost Riptide Rush

Gatorade Frost Riptide Rush
I'm melting. I swear it was so hot in the print shop today that my skin felt like it was just going to melt off. I drank a half-gallon of unsweetened iced tea, and it still wasn't cutting it. I needed refreshment and I needed it instantly. My drink bin is running dangerously low, but luckily I had a single bottle of Gatorade in there. Not only was it meant to refresh and rehydrate, it also cam in a large quantity (32oz). I cracked open this cap and chugged about half the bottle. It's not how I generally drink a beverage for review, but I knew I had a lot left, and I felt I ha sweat out a dangerous amount of life sustaining fluids.

The enigma of this beverage is that even though the flavor is very light, it has a stronger flavor than other varieties of Gatorade. It's a grape flavor, but the “Gatorade-ness” of it isn't as prominent as with other flavors. I personally think it's one of the best in the companies arsenal.

After I drank this the room was still scalding hot, and I was still sweating like a maniac, but I felt much better. As an added bonus it also has a great taste. I win all the way around.
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 8/22/13, 10:17 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Strawberry Lemonade

Gatorade Perform 02 Strawberry Lemonade
I want to hire a sweet MC and have him say, "This is a 7-11 exclusive" in that voice that they do on mixtapes. You know the one. The arbitrarily placed, out of time, over lyrics, poorly recorded, mostly yelled tagline that someone like Don Cannon would do so you know you can't get it anywhere else and more importantly, partially ruins it so you can't get a decent recording of it without some dude yelling over top of it.

Now that my mixtape fantasies are looming through my head, we can get down to brass tacks. You know what Gatorade tastes like, right? You know what lemonade tastes like, right? You know what strawberries taste like, right? Well, if you can draw a line through all of them, you get this. It's good, not too sweet, but no Gatorade is really too sweet now, is it? It didn't have a sting that one might expect either. It was actually, probably due to the Gatorade core, a pretty smooth drink that I will come to again and again until it's gone.

Since I can't drink for pleasure and I don't play sports, I probably won't get another bottle, but it will certainly make me wish that I could shoot some hoops, toss around the pigskin, slap some pucks, or play soccer. "You forgot Baseball, you stupid idiot!" you say? No. I did not. Most baseball players could smoke and drink and it wouldn't change the game one iota. Only the runners on base deserve Gatorade and since, at max, four people at a time can drink it, it's not really fair to the rest of the players so no one in baseball can drink Gatorade unless it's pre or post game.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Lemonade and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Mike Literman on 7/10/13, 10:06 PM
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Gatorade Fit 02 Mango Passion Fruit

Gatorade Fit 02 Mango Passion Fruit
Seriously, how many flavors does Gatorade have? Every time I think I know them all I turn around at a store and an unfamiliar face is staring up at me, just taunting. I think there were less than five varieties when I was a kid, and I was okay with that. Then they expanded their line and things got a little lighter, and I thought to myself, well that actually is much better. Now there are so many that I can't even keep track, and the thing is that unless I drink them side by side, a lot of them taste very similar.

A little research told me that as of now the Fit line is no longer in production, but that it should be back next year, after some reformulating/repackaging. With this line they were trying to ensnare gym rats into their empire. The entire line included a pre-workout protein bar, a fruit based protein drink for while you work out and these low calorie versions of their normal drinks for post gym time. For me that is far too much to worry about. I'll drink water when I work out, and occasionally a protein drink afterwards. Then again I'm not fanatical about the gym. I'm not trying to get ripped, just to stay in some moderate form of health.

So yeah, this line didn't quite catch on, but it tastes okay to me. It's low calorie, but they get there by mixing sucrose and stevia, so it doesn't have an overly diet taste. The stevia is there a little, but it's easily ignored. The beverage is clear, which is strange for Gatorade, but I understand they are trying to give the illusion of it being a better alternative to water while working out, and any sort of coloring in a drink would take away from that notion. The flavor is the lightest I've ever tasted in a Gatorade flavor. It's hard to distinguish the mango or passion fruit, since they are normally such prominent flavors. By dialing them back it gives the beverage a general tropical flavor that hints at each, but doesn't go overboard.

It's too bad that this line didn't catch on, well at least these post workout drinks. They make for a decent low calorie beverage that doesn't taste like poison.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 6/18/13, 12:36 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 A.M. Tropical Mango

Gatorade Perform 02 A.M. Tropical Mango
Who knows what one does in their sleep? Perhaps you are a werewolf and without even knowing you transform into a wild beast and cause havoc throughout your town. Maybe you sleep-mallwalk with a bunch of geriatrics that wake up at 3am. Some people have night terrors of game show blunders past that cause them to be restless. Or perhaps it's simply the time when you think you are a Viking. If any of those things are true of you, then you certainly wake up with a loss of fluids and a lack of electrolytes in your system.

The only rational solution to these problems is to grab an oversized bottle of sugary beverage and down it as soon as you wake up. I mean staying healthy is a must and you'll be damned if nighttime you is going to ruin the rest of your day. So chug my friend, chug!

Guess what this tastes like? That's right it has the same sodium base as every other flavor of Gatorade. Not a bad thing at all. I like when drinks have a specific taste through out their entire product line so that you can spot them in blind taste tests. It's a taste America has known and love for decades. This version they went a little tropical with the taste. There may not be any mango listed on the ingredients, but it tastes enough like the fruit that you don't feel cheated. It is way sweeter than anything I would typically want to drink in the morning, but I'm not an athlete, a werewolf or have grandeurs of sailing the seven seas plundering villages. I'm just a Thirsty Dude, who thinks this tastes just fine, but I wouldn't drink it in the morning…€¦.okay it's 9am right now, but I drank 90% of this yesterday. I'm just finishing it off to get a taste for the review.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 5/24/13, 9:47 AM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Fierce Melon

Gatorade Perform 02 Fierce Melon
Can someone look back at the Truman Show-esque tapes of my life and tell me exactly what happened to make me such a fool for melon? When I was younger I never disliked melon, but I always thought of it as just there. In fruit salad it was the filler. One of the greatest Simpsons' quotes is about how cantaloupe doesn't matter when it comes to honey dew. I don't think a good laugh is enough to change my taste buds though. It remains a mystery, but I love melon these days.

For years I have been talking about how all I want is a bottle of cantaloupe juice. Think of how amazing that would be. It would be so damn flavorful. The last place I expected to get a little fix for my urge would be in a bottle of Gatorade. While this is a far cry from a glass of actual melon juice, it does taste enough like a mix of cantaloupe and honey dew to satisfy me until science comes through for me. It mostly has that general Gatorade flavor, with notes of said melons. This is the kind of Gatorade I would drink at an early morning sports practice. Remember that dumb summer when I decided to join the school football team and had to waste my vacation getting up way to early? You don't? Well looks like you should rewind those tapes of my life a bit further. I forced a fumble once that won us a game. That play probably consisted of 75% of the game time I actually got. Go make some popcorn, you're in for a wild ride.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 2/25/13, 7:38 PM
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Gatorade Recover 03 Mixed Berry

Gatorade Recover 03 Mixed Berry
You've slurped down a bunch of packets of “Prime” Gatorade to get you pumped for the big game. You downed gallons of “Perform” on your breaks from the big plays to keep you going. It certainly was a big day all around. You're sports team scored big points and made big moves. Now it's time for the big celebration, but you want to take big precautions to ensure that you aren't big-time sore tomorrow. Now is the time to drink some “Recover' Gatorade.

The base of this is your general berry Gatorade flavor. Added to that is the weird thick/semi chalkiness of whey protein to help your muscles recover. It's thicker than the Perform line, but not as thick as the Prime. It's sweetened with sucralose, but it doesn't have an overly diet taste. It's not something I can't see anyone drinking this for enjoyment. It's a functional beverage and it tastes such in a big way.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Author
Jason Draper on 10/13/12, 11:12 AM
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Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Raspberry Melon

Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Raspberry Melon
Stephen was obsessed with looking like a troublemaker from the 1950s. He cuffed his jeans, wore Doc Martins (he knew it was more a modern adaptation of the greaser look, but he liked the way they looked), he wore his hair short with a slight wave to the side in front and always wore plain white shirts. In his mind he looked exactly like Kiefer Sutherland when he played Ace in Stand By Me. The only thing he needed to make his look complete was a leather motorcycle jacket. In his mind nothing would look cooler than him in his jacket. It was late July when he finally saved up enough money to buy the old broken in jacket he had been eyeing at the thrift store. His look was now complete and even though the weather was in the 90's every day he wouldn't take off his jacket. He felt he had to suffer for his image to prove how tough he was. He sure did sweat a lot though, and he felt dehydrated all of the time.

He decided he really needed to hydrate himself, so he went to the corner store and picked up a bottle of Gatorade. He decided that while raspberry melon didn't sound like the toughest flavor, it did sound like it would taste wonderful. He glared at the clerk and paid for his drink and a pack of smokes. He didn't really smoke, but he liked how the guys in Stand By Me rolled them up in their sleeves. Also, it gave him an excuse to take off the jacket for a few minutes and cool down. He went outside, through his coat over a railing and leaned against the building with one foot, all cool like. He cracked open his drink and took a big gulp. Man the drink was good. He hadn't realized that he had grabbed a low calorie drink, but it wasn't that bad. It was sweetened with sucralose as well as regular sucrose, but it didn't taste diet much at all. It had a nice subtle melon taste that was somewhere between a honeydew and a cantaloupe, just where a melon flavor should be. He didn't realize until he was drinking it how raspberry was an overlooked flavor in sports drinks. Sure it was around plenty in teas, but not in anything like this. This was one the best Gatorades that Stephen had ever tried. He was halfway through with the bottle and he decided it would look cool if he chugged the rest. Being the klutz that he was he spilled it all over his white shirt. He looked down in disgust at his once pristine white shirt that had instantly been dyed pink. He didn't look touch at all. He looked like the turd that he really was. Shamed he road his Huffy bike that was made to look like a motorcycle home. Life sure is hard for this 27 year old.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Diet and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 9/4/12, 10:00 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Strawberry Watermelon

Gatorade Perform 02 Strawberry Watermelon
This is little sister Gatorade. I don't mean that in a sexist, “everything that is pink is for little girls” way. I mean it in the “my little sister was obsessed with strawberry watermelon drinks when we were younger” kind of way. I guess I shouldn't really call her my little sister anymore as she's about to turn 30 and get married on the same day, but who cares? She loved drinks like this and because she was my younger sibling and there are always some sort of rivalries, I could never take the flavor seriously. Even now that we're both adults I see this as a kids drink.

In reality it tastes nothing like the result of juicing a bunch of strawberries and watermelons. It tastes pink, if pink were an actual flavor. There are the slightest hints at a strawberry-esque flavor, but it doesn't really taste like the fruit. To keep my theme going I will say it tastes the same way that Strawberry Shortcake's breath smelled. Even after all of that, and putting my childish rivalries aside, it's still a decent drink. Not all drinks should taste like fruit. I'm sure it does a fine job of hydrating and quenching thirst and isn't that all they ever really claimed to do at Gatorade HQ? It's sweet, it's watery and my sister would love it.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 6/29/12, 6:14 PM
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Gatorade Fit 02 Melon Pear

Gatorade Fit 02 Melon Pear
That sun man. What a jerk. Beaming down on you all of the day. You've got to put on thick layers of creams and salves just to go outside. Das Racist knows what I'm talking about. White man can't even go outside without getting a disease. I feel it. I spent my youth inside playing Ultima on the computer with my friends because I didn't want to squint anymore and it was too hot and his house was air-conditioned. My mom would call down and have my friend's parents kick us outside. My friends hated me because of it.

Max, my little dude, needed a pair of sunglasses. I feel so bad for him in the backseat because apparently they have outlawed tinted static clings. I can't find them anywhere and because of that I had to get him some glasses. I bought some for him, he liked them, liked to wear them for three seconds, take them off, eat them, and throw them on the ground. When I found those glasses, I also found this drink.

I like melon. Love it, really. Pear? We all know where I stand on pears. Whocaresville. I don't hate the taste of pears, though. This was good. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't terribly sweet and actually had a pretty strong melon flavor. Pear is there, but not as much as melon and for that, I thank you, Gatorade. I would buy this again and the whole bottle is only 20 calories.

Next time you go to the store to buy sunglasses, sunscreen, suntan lotion, or a giant sun hat, pick this up, too and you'll be sure to survive one more day out in the sun.
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Isomaltulose
Author
Mike Literman on 5/16/12, 2:08 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Fruit Punch

Gatorade Perform 02 Fruit Punch
I was about to say that his is where sports drinks began, but then a quick internet search and I discovered that Lemon Lime was the original Gatorade flavor in 1965. Can you believe that this stuff has been around for so long? I wonder how different the original drink was to the ones that are readily available today.

While this may not have been the original, it certainly was the first I ever had. I used to go with my cousin to his soccer games in some strange sports complex. The concession stand there sold Gatorade and that's all I ever got. It made me feel like an athlete even though I wasn't playing. I was also probably five at the time and an idiot. I should have just been playing instead of sitting in the stands like a fool. Whatever. This is the flavor I always got, fruit punch. I'm sure this is an altered version of it, but it still tastes like slightly watered down Hawiian Punch. I'm glad that the company has gotten back off of the HFCS sweetener and gone with sucrose. The drink is way less syrupy this way.

I think as a rule no one should ever need to drink fruit punch (unless it actually is just a bunch of different fruit juices mixed together with no sweetener added), but if you find yourself craving it, I would choose this over its competitors. It's not so overpoweringly strong.
Rating
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 5/5/12, 3:08 PM
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Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Grape

Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Grape
Woke up feeling 100%. Fed that kid I know, changed him, felt nauseous, half an hour later until now at almost three in the afternoon. Just spinning. I got enough sleep but feel like I could sleep for another five hours. Since I won't do that, I had to come up with another option. That option? Gatorade. I needed those harvested electrolytes wrangled up and put inside of my frail, crumbling frame.

Lucky for me, this wasn't some experimental flavor, but a simple, classic flavor. It tastes nothing like actual, real, physical grapes, but tastes like "faux" grapes, a taste I am more than familiar with. Look, grape pop plays a limited role in my mouth, but grape other things are more than welcome to play volleyball with my "hangy ball" any time they would like. This is an open invitation to most things grape. This was good and more importantly, safe. I will see how it works in my favor after the electrolytes, which plants do in fact crave, fight the dizzies in my head to regulate me back to where they should be. I will fully allow the fight to continue. It's a "greater good" scenario.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement and Diet
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Mike Literman on 4/27/12, 3:21 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Frost Glacier Freeze

Gatorade Perform 02 Frost Glacier Freeze
In the 25 years that I lived at home our fridge always had a jug of "blue juice" in it. Yes that's right I didn't move out of my mom's house until I was 25. Sure I could have gotten my own place much sooner, but I was on tour a lot and paying for an apartment when I was gone for a good chunk of time seemed stupid (I did pay my mom rent for the time I was in Buffalo). My living situation isn't the important aspect of this story, the “blue juice” is. That neon fluid was two packets of Kool Aid's Sharkleberry Fin (or whatever the name of that flavor was at the time) and way too much sugar. Our house was famous for this drink, and if we were ever out and my friends went to get a glass there was certainly a minor scene. This may seem like a pointless story, but it is relevant because this drink tastes like Gatorade's version of blue juice. Sure, it has a lot less sugar and that very specific Gatorade taste to it, but the base is all Sharkleberry Fin. I rarely drink Gatorade, but the flavor of this brings me back to a better time before rent and bills were an issue. A time where my friends and I had more of a claim to my family's house than my mom did. Strange times.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 1/25/12, 9:07 PM
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Gatorade Prime 01 Fruit Punch

Gatorade Prime 01 Fruit Punch
Let me get this straight. It's January 7th, I'm in Buffalo, NY and it's 45 degrees? Well that seems completely insane. Anyone who doesn't believe in global warming should check themselves, because it's hear and we're loving it (well until summer comes, and until ice caps melt and we all float away). To celebrate I took my old bike (my good one has a flat tire randomly) out for a ten mile ride. It wasn't too long, but when you haven't ridden in three months and it still feels pretty cold when you're riding fast and the wind is blasting you in the face. I still had a good time though. I like adventuring through random backstreets and seeing where I end up. For reference I have absolutely no sense of direction and I get lost easily, which is what makes this fun.

In order to prepare I layered up on clothes and realized it was time to give this Gatorade Prime 01 a test drive. When Mike drank one he said that it had an almost slimy texture. I couldn't agree more. "Almost slimy" is the perfect way to describe it. As your squeezing it into your mouth from the pouch it feels super slimy. Almost like quarter machine slime. Then when it's in your mouth for a second it seems just like a slightly thicker Gatorade. It's weird. I don't know why it feels like a different consistency, but it does and it's strange. The flavor of it falls pretty much dead center between regular fruit punch Gatorade and straight up Gatorade concentrate.

I was weary about drinking this, but the flavor and consistency was much better than anticipated. It also made me chock full of carbs and B vitamins.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 1/7/12, 4:24 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Rain Lime

Gatorade Perform 02 Rain Lime
When I feel myself getting sick, like if I wake up with a sore throat, cough, or the like, I have two "Go-To" fixes. One is to buy a small carton of orange juice and slam it in one day, spinning my body into a scurvy-free, urinating ball of vitamin C. The other one, which I use less, is to drink Gatorade. Any flavor would have been better than this, though, because it's rank, and no, not like The Smith's record.

Oh this is lime, but it's got a certain...undesirable viscosity. It is from the carbo-loading qualities of the "02 Perform" line. If I were training for a marathon and wanted to skip on my eleventh spaghetti and potato meal of the day, I would slam this as fast as my gullet would approve because even then, I wouldn't want it. I guess as far as carb drinks go, this is pretty good as it actually tastes like lime and your mouth is already used to the thickness of it. For people like me who don't work out and just skip meals while blaming it on my kid taking up all my time but really it's because a Subway foot-long sub the way I like it is upwards of the worst thing one can eat, I just want a simple Gatorade. This loses the superior drinkability that I like about Gatorade. Taste-wise though; consider the mark missed.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Mike Literman on 1/4/12, 1:46 PM
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Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Blueberry Pomegranate

Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Blueberry Pomegranate
I've got to get this off the docket immediately. Blueberries, although blue on the outside, are purple. If I had a handful of blueberries and threw them at Andrew WK's crisp white shirt, not only would I be a jerk, but his shirt would have purple on it, not blue. Why do I bring this up? Well friends, this Gatorade might be the most insincere color of all time. It's toxic blue. It's windshield/windscreen washer blue. To add insult to injury, pomegranates most certainly aren't blue. The color of this drink, to me, is unnecessary and brings me to another point; why do we need to color drinks anyhow? Color doesn't mean flavor. Plus, don't those dyes cost money? Save money and I'll drink clear drinks all day. I don't care about it. I will go as far to say that I don't need purple carrot to color my organic drinks. Let the cards fall as they may. If a drink is off white, I don't care. If a drink is brown, I don't care. I know it's a way to distinguish the different flavors and if I see a red drink, it's probably cherry or strawberry. You feel me, dogg?

Flavor is like any other Gatorade, which is surprising because this is low calories and I can't tell the difference. Kudos for that. I can't say that I taste really any distinguishable blueberry or pomegranate. Maybe, if I'm pushing it and Gatorade comes to my house and puts a gun to my head I would say that I might taste some blueberry. If Gatorade does come to my house, I hope they bring that purple "Rain" flavor because that is delicious.

Gatorade, why don't you come out with a clear line of sports drinks? You could market it like, "These colors don't run, but you do." or "We don't see color, we only see results." or the less popular "These drinks are color blind but they're help you train for the air force."
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Diet and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Mike Literman on 10/13/11, 12:02 PM
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Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Tropical Blend

Gatorade Low Calorie Perform 02 Tropical Blend
Have you heard, Ghostbusters has gone "green." For years they were able to get around all of the E.P.A. laws because they were the only company in the game of keeping NYC's ghosts (I wonder if they were in the inspiration for the
Sonic Youth record
) off the streets and in a containment unit where they belong. These days the laws have gotten stricter and they were forced to give in.

This one was Egon's brainchild. He teamed up with Gatorade and worked out a formula that would convert all of their leftover ectoplasm into a tropical tasting sports drink. He came up with the idea when he noticed that Louis Tully always got a second wind whenever he got "slimed." He's normally an accountant/lawyer and is not even close to being in good shape so dragging his proton pack around the city really put a drain on him. He would be dead on his feet and then without fail some ghost would slime him and within seconds he'd be up and running again. After a few quick tests Egon realized that ectoplasm was really 67% electrolytes. He isolated an isotope or two and before he knew it he had a tasty drink on his hands. The only downfall was that it remained a toxic looking green. Let's face it though a lot of the Gatorade flavors are fairly neon in color.

Egon, who is ever the health nut, sweetened the newly transformed ectoplasm with sucralose to try and keep the overweight citizens of New York in check. Gatorade put up a stink, claiming that it tasted too diet, so he ended up adding some sucrose to it as well. The result is a light fruit punch tasting drink that only has the faintest tinge of a diet flavor too it. Now hopefully the public won't freak out when they realize they are essentially drinking ghost poop.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Diet and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 10/10/11, 10:46 AM
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Gatorade Prime 01 Orange

Gatorade Prime 01 Orange
Slime? No. Not quite. Puree? No. Slime? Maybe now that I've ruled out puree. Oh, hello. I didn't see you standing there with that dumb hat on and creepy mustache. What am I doing? Trying to find the right way to describe the viscosity of this drink. It's thicker than a standard, run-of-the-mill liquid. It's meant for carb'n you up before a session of bulkin' out. Bulkin' out. I like that. This is not as sweet as you might expect. Flavor-wise, it's not terrible. It's a bit like a syrupy melted orange Freezepop. It doesn't have that gritty, protein taste. No, it's not a protein drink, but you know how those supplement drinks can be.

I know that some people go to work out and then come home and slam their weight in spaghetti to carb-o-load. Well now you can carb-o-load and think of Florida. Better? I thought so. Good luck in your endeavors as a rapist or child pornographer. That mustache is going to get you arrested within four hours. I guarantee it.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Mike Literman on 10/7/11, 3:58 PM
Buy It
Amazon.com
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