Muscle Milk - 2 Reviews

Whenever I think about Muscle Milk all I can envision is a bunch of cows hanging out at Muscle Beach in Santa Monica just getting ripped. They are doing reps, they are doing sets and it is all for the tourists who watch from the other side of the fence. Seriously think about a cow bench pressing it's own bodyweight whist wearing a neon torn up tank top with a rad bandana on. I hope they have spotters. I wouldn't want any of them getting seriously injured.

Since the bottle clearly states that this contains no milk, and it is lactose free I can only assume that Muscle Milk is what those cows sweat out while they power lift on the beach. Obviously this flavor is the sweat from a brown cow. I never knew that sweat could be so thick. This actually tastes like high quality chocolate milk. You know the kind that someone actually melted chocolate into, instead of just mixing in a powder. It does a good job at not being chalky like protein shakes are prone to be. Now please sit back and giggle as you think about cows working out in the California sun.

It's been a long day at the gym. I'm a sweaty mess and I'm also exhausted. What can I say sometimes you just need to juice your pecs. Did you see me in there though? I was benching so much that it could have been a beached whale. No not that one that blew up all over some Asian city when they were trying to transport it. That was insane and disgusting. Why would you bring that up? Seriously, you're the "bar tender" at the gym juice bar. Is that you're opening line to make conversation with patrons? If so you really need to work on it.

So what would you recommend that I drink at a time like this? Muscle Milk? Sounds disgusting. You know that milk is basically blood and pus right? Ugh. Seriously are you trying to make me sick here? Is that how you get people to lose weight in this establishment? Oh they have a water version that is raspberry flavored? I guess I'll take one of those. Hmmm it tastes like a diet Vitamin Water with a little milk mixed in. This is really weird. It's basically water, juice and whey protein. Flavor-wise they either need to ditch the sucralose or the whey. Both are needed for their formula, so I guess it's what we're stuck with. I don't hate this, but I can't see drinking it every time I come to this gym. Wait...what? This isn't a gym? This is just the basement of a construction site? Then why are you serving drinks? Stop looking at me like I'm insane!