Rockstar - 28 Reviews

Two facts about me: I like sour things and I like energy drinks. Put them together and theoretically I will be very happy. Aside from the mash up flavor name of "Bubbleberry", this would have been one of the first drinks I would have proposed if I got a job at Rockstar.

Other things I will do in my first week at my less-than-ideal job at Rockstar include:

• Take the star out of the logo.


• Fire anyone who played "All Star" by Smash Mouth, "Rock Superstar" by Cypress Hill, or any other song that featured some play of "rock star" heavily in the lyrics.


• Make this drink not so gross by keeping the awesome sour taste but adding a good flavor to it that didn't taste like energy drink battery acid.


• Secure a deal with Rockstar Games to trade energy drinks for free video games for all employees.


• Ensure "Bubbleberry" is never on another Rockstar can ever again.


• Taco tuesdays.

Welcome back to another episode of “Board Room Shenanigans.” As always we are brought to you by the three lovely fellows at Thirsty Dudes. This series helps to fill in the gaps as to why certain drinks taste like they do. Sometimes you have to wonder how some drinks make it onto the shelves. Here at the show we like to think we shed some light on the subject. Now onto today's episode…€¦.

Gentlemen, the world of energy drinks is shifting and I will not see our empire crumble because we did not get with the times. Consumers are demanding more than just candy flavored sparkling drinks that will keep them up all night. As our competitors have proven the clients want real flavors and new styles. I thought we would be alright since we put that relaxation drink on the market, but people still want new energy drinks. What are everyone's ideas? Juice infused with whatever it is that gives our drinks energy? Well first off, as a member of this board you really should know what those ingredients are. We don't need a scandal on our hands. Secondly, do you think I want to hemorrhage money? Do you know how much fruit juice costs in comparison to the sugar water we put out now? There's no way we could do that and keep our profits high. Energy shots? Those are so last year. Energized iced tea? I think you may be onto something! That's something new and tea can be the cheapest thing ever. Let's take it up a notch though, so people think they are getting a little extra for their money. Let's make it peach iced tea.

In order to keep costs low we're going to need to use the ghettoest tea ever. You know those gallons of tea you can find in gas stations for 99 cents that are more sugar water than tea? Well, we need to use something like that, but make it even more peach flavored sugar water and less tea. We'll mix all of that up with our patented energy mix, which off the record I think tastes like toxic waste and we have a new product on our hands that the kids will eat up. Non-carbonated energy drinks are going to be the wave of the future and we're going to be riding the crest. Who cares if our product will taste like garbage? It's so new that people will eat it up and by the time they realize just how gross it is, we'll be sold out and have a new product on the market.

I think it's fair to say that the two hottest drink styles out there currently (besides the classic sodas) are energy drinks and coconut water. It seems like every time I go out drink shopping there is a new version of one of them just waiting to be ingested and half assed reviewed. To save me some time Rockstar decided to combine the two. Yes, that is the only reason they put this into production. Rockstar cares about me as an individual. I get cards from them on the holidays, gifts on my birthday and monthly calls just to see how I'm doing. To tell you the truth it's a bit creepy. I mean how did they know that I wanted a combination coconut water/energy drink? The only time I mentioned it was when my ladyfriend and I were in bed, about to drift off to sleep. The last card I got from them alluded to them being akin to Santa Claus. Remind me to sweep my house for bugs and cameras. Also, remind me to move and change my phone number. I don't want those creeps following me around anymore.

Even though they got the idea to make this drink by being a bunch of creeps, they did a good job with it. It really just tastes like a can of overly sweetened coconut water. It has a very strong coconut flavor, and a very weak energy drink flavor. It's a nice change of pace. It's also nice to have a non-carbonated energy drink. Rockstar is really going against the norm now. The downfall is that like all coconut waters it tastes its best when it is ice cold. The more the temperature of the fluid rises, the grosser it becomes. This is a fairly large can, so be prepared to either slam it, put it in the fridge for later, or deal with the gross warmness of it. Next thing I know Rockstar will read this and start making cans that keep drinks colder longer. Pray for Mojo.

Full disclosure: I am sick. It's been over a year since I've been sick so it's not that upsetting. I have a horrible cough and my nose is like a faucet. I woke up today feeling slightly better so I thought I'd come to the coffee shop to get some work done. I didn't think drinking coffee while being sick was the best idea, so for some stupid reason I thought an energy drink would be better.

In the past I have hated every Rockstar energy drink I've tried. Maybe it's because my nose is so stuffed that I can't smell a thing and it's throwing my taste buds off, but I actually don't mind this one. It has a less sweet Red Bull/melted candy taste. I'm not sure if this is the best thing for my body right now, but it definitely woke me up enough to realize that I'm still too sick to work.

The first time I ever had a Rockstar drink was also the first time that I had an energy drink. It was around 2003 and I was at the skate park hanging out and this dude who just got back from California and brought us back these tall drinks. It was a very generous and thoughtful gesture. We all took a sip and, like we have all said in most reviews, it tasted like a trillion Smarties crushed up in a crappy tea. From that point on, I didn't drink energy drinks until I started doing this site. A lot has happened to the world since my unsuccessful gateway drug into the downward spiral that is energy drinks has now pulled a switcheroo and started making relaxation drinks.

First sip of this knocked me off my seat. Not because it was good but because it was infinitely "diet." Sting and all. The flavor was quite the kick in the pants, too. I cannot argue that it is tropical guava flavor but it has been so candied and dieted that guavas worldwide should be insulted to be affiliated with this drink. It's just ramped up to eleven and doesn't let go to your mouth or throat.

Cut to an hour later and I could have taken a nice nap. I'm not a stressful man by any means and I actually hate naps. Do you know when the weather is just dreary and gray and it's like three in the afternoon, nothing is on TV, you don't want to play video games and you decide that you're going to just take a nap? That's what this drink was like. I felt quiet inside. I felt...not bored...but like my body was telling me that there is nothing better to do than take a nap. An hour after that, thankfully, it wore off and I was back to my normal self.

I'm drinking the other half that I didn't want to drink because I've got to do a bit of driving in the very near future and I don't want to be sleepy while doing so. We'll see what happens. If you don't hate diet drinks and need to calm down because you're a spazz of have self-diagnosed yourself with a sleeping disorder that could easily be fixed by you not drinking so many darn cups of coffee or energy drinks, compound your addictive nature and get this. If you just want to relax and care what you ingest, get a Marley's. I would choose it ninety-nine times to this.

You know when you have weird connections to things and no matter how hard you try to disassociate them? I have one with Rockstar energy drinks. Anytime I see one of their cans, "Rock Superstar" by Cypress Hill pops into my head. Not just a quirky "oh remember the 6 months that song was played everywhere?" type of thing. Nope, it starts playing in my head starting with the chorus. I can honestly say it's been over 7 years since I have heard that song. My brain is an iron trap for music and in cases like this, I hate it so much!

So when I grabbed this can from the gas station, the song started playing in my head as per usual. Luckily, "Till the World Ends" by Britney Spears was playing inside the store and I was able to drown out Cypress Hill. (Yes, I like catchy dance pop like Britney Spears, so what?). Upon opening it I remembered the other reason I don't like Rockstar energy drinks: they are gross. This is just generic citrus flavor with a really strong energy drink taste. I've lucked out and haven't had many gross energy drinks lately so I forgot how bad that energy drink taste can be. After a few sips, I could feel my throat swelling up a little. It's as if my throat is talking to my tongue and wants me to stop drinking it. Gladly!

You just rocked the pants off of Buffalo, NY. After playing in front of 30 people in the basement of 99 Custer, no one can dispute that you are now truly a rock star. All of the fame and riches are now yours for the taking. Now if only there was a drink out there marketed just for you that could bring your energy level back up to the top. Look no further my shredding friend because there is in fact an energy drink just for you and it's called Rockstar.

Like most "classic" energy drinks this tastes like liquefied candy. They all have their specific candy and this one falls under the category of Pixie Stix. That's right you too can have a drink that tastes like a bunch of chemicals that has 80 little paper straws of sugar dumped into it, and you don't have to worry about the fizz over. I always say that energy drinks taste like chemicals and they do, but after you have one or two, you develop a taste for them, which is very strange. Oh well, you better pack up your gear, tomorrow you're off to Lakewood, OH to play the Soggy Dog House!

On my vacation I'm working on keeping my normalish sleep schedule. It's six hours behind here, so I've been having at 5 or 6 in the morning and going to bed around 10 or 11. When you're in a tropical adventure zone, you want to make the most of the sunlight you have. It's been working out pretty well thus far, but after five nights of less than six hours sleep I needed a little pick me up.

I was hoping to find some sort of local energy drink, but when that turned out to be a bust I grabbed the next best thing; a guava flavored one. When I'm consuming energy drinks I prefer ones made with juice. I know they are still terrible for you, but I t makes me feel a little bit better that they aren't all garbage.

I don't think this really tastes like guava, but it does taste tropical, fruity and sugary as all hell. It also still has that chemical taste to it that nearly all energy drinks have. You learn to deal with that.